34. Matty
Chapter thirty-four
“ W here is he, Daddy?”
The airport buzzes around us—suitcases rolling, announcements crackling overhead.
Sitting on the edge of an uncomfortable bench with Hannah tucked against my side, she rests her head on my arm as she fiddles with the strap of her backpack.
Valerie lounges across from us, scrolling through her phone with a bored expression, one leg crossed over the other. Her sunglasses sit perched on her head, and every so often, she lets out a loud, exaggerated sigh, like being here is a tremendous inconvenience.
I check the time on my phone again, my stomach sinking with every passing minute. Xed said he’d be here. He promised.
Well, he promised Jenna. She told me when she’d stopped by to say goodbye last night. I haven’t actually heard from him since the camping trip. Every time he calls to talk to Hannah, it’s when she’s with my sister. Like he knows I’m not around. It’s killing me.
Hannah looks up at me again with big, sad brown eyes. “Is Uncle Fungus coming?”
I force a smile, the knot in my chest tightening. “He said he would. Let’s give him a little more time. ”
Valerie snorts, finally glancing up from her phone. “He’s not coming, Hannah.”
“Val,” I warn, but she’s already rolling her eyes, leaning back against the bench like she’s got nothing better to do than twist the knife.
“What? I’m just telling it like it is. Your little butt-buddy is pissed off he lost.”
Hannah looks between us, her little face scrunching. “What’s that?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly, glaring at Valerie.
But she doesn’t stop. “It means your Uncle Xed has better things to do than say goodbye.”
“Enough,” I snap, my voice louder than I intended. Hannah flinches, and guilt washes over me as I immediately soften. “Sorry, jelly bean. Let’s just wait a few more minutes, okay?”
Valerie scoffs, standing to adjust the new designer bag she just bought with my credit card. “Yeah, you do that. Waste everyone’s time, like always.”
Grinding my teeth, I watch as she walks a few feet away to make a phone call. Her voice rises above the noise as she complains to someone about having to drag me through the airport.
Hannah leans closer, her small hand squeezing mine. “Maybe he got lost?”
I glance at the clock on the wall, feeling hopeless. “Maybe. He might’ve gotten held up.”
But I know the truth. He’s not coming.
The first boarding call for our flight echoes through the speakers, and Valerie strides back toward us, her heels clicking against the tile. “Time’s up. Let’s go. ”
Hannah clings to my hand as we stand, her hopeful gaze darting toward the entrance one last time. “He can visit?”
The ache in my chest is nearly unbearable as I nod. “Yeah, he can visit.”
Valerie lets out a sharp laugh, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Sure he will. Right after he stops pretending you don’t exist.”
I bite back the words bubbling in my throat, knowing they’ll do more harm than good. Instead, I glance at the doors one last time, hoping for a miracle.
But he’s not there.
And as we walk toward the gate, it feels like I’m leaving behind more than just the city I’ve lived in my entire life.
I’m leaving the man I love, too.
“Seriously, can’t you do anything right?!”
The wrapping paper tube smacks against my temple, and I glare up at Valerie as I rub the sting away. “How many times do I need to ask you not to hit me?”
She scoffs, gesturing at the Great White remote control shark on the floor between us. “Who the hell taught you to wrap presents? A monkey could do better than that.”
“Go get one then,” I mutter, fiddling with the messy tape job on Hannah’s gift. It’s not pretty, but it’s wrapped. You’d think that would be enough, but nothing’s ever enough for Val .
She rolls her eyes, tossing the tube onto the couch before scanning the pile of presents stacked next to her. “You’re fucking embarrassing. Jesus, a grown man who can’t even work a tape gun.”
Biting my tongue, I force myself to stay quiet. She’s been like this all morning—nitpicking every little thing, throwing insults my way. First, it was the cake I bought, which apparently wasn’t right because she wanted whipped frosting instead of buttercream. What the hell’s the difference?
Then she was pissed that I hadn’t invited any of my teammates and their significant others like any of them would be interested in a five-year-old’s party. I think she just wants to show off.
After that, it was the wrapping paper because the cute tiger sharks printed on it look trashy . Val’s words, not mine, even though Hannah picked them out herself. Normally, I’d just shrug it off for the sake of Hannah, but today feels heavier than usual because this is the first birthday he’s missed.
Xed.
The thought of him rips through my chest, puncturing deep, and I duck my head to fix a ribbon so Val won’t see the tears in my eyes.
He used to laugh at my terrible wrapping skills, but it never mattered.
Now, he’s just…gone. A ghost I can’t stop chasing.
“Daddy, Mommy!” Hannah’s voice echoes down the stairs, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Come see!”
Valerie sighs dramatically, flicking a hand at me. “Go see what she wants. I’ve got presents to wrap since, apparently, you’re too stupid to help. ”
Ignoring her, I climb the stairs, my chest tightening as I follow the sound of Hannah’s giggles. She’s in her room, sitting cross-legged on her bed with her tablet propped against a pillow. Her face lights up when she sees me, covered heavily in makeup. Valerie’s cosmetic bag sits beside her, contents strewn all over the comforter. Very, very expensive contents.
Shit. I’ll never hear the end of this one, even though I paid for all of it.
“Do I look pretty?” Hannah asks, batting her lids, which are caked in glittery eyeshadow. “I’m doing makeup with Fungus.”
Fungus.
My heart stumbles at the nickname, my throat tightening as I slowly step forward. “Fungus?”
She nods excitedly, grinning wide enough to show teeth stained with lipstick. When she spins the tablet around, I drop my gaze and…
And there he is.
Xed’s face fills the screen, his hair longer than last I saw him. He’s sitting on a couch somewhere, a faint smile playing on his lips as he talks to Hannah.
For a moment, I can’t speak. My chest feels too tight, my stomach in knots. All I can do is stare at the man I’ve missed more than I ever thought possible. When he hadn’t shown up at the airport all those weeks ago to say goodbye, I never thought I’d see him again.
“Hi,” I rasp, my voice barely above a whisper.
His smile drops when he sees me, the warmth in his eyes immediately growing cold. “Hey.”
Hannah bounces on the bed, oblivious to the tension. “Fungus says he’s coming to visit! Right, Fungus? ”
Xed hesitates, his gaze flicking to mine before he answers. “We’ll see, Creature. I said maybe —"
Before he can finish his sentence, she squeals, “Wait, wait! I gotta show you something!”
Thrusting the tablet into my hands, she bolts from the room, her little feet pounding on the stairs as she disappears.
And just like that, I’m left staring at Xed’s face while he stares back. The silence stretches on, neither of us daring to speak first.
He finally clears his throat, looking away for a moment. “She looks healthy. Happy.”
“She is.” My fingers twitch against the screen when a stray strand falls over his brow, wishing I could brush it away. “She misses you, though. A lot.”
So do I.
His lips press into a thin line. “Yeah. I miss her too.”
I don’t miss the way his voice wavers or how he blinks rapidly like he’s fighting back tears. It twists something sharp inside me, and I find myself gripping the tablet tighter. “You, uh… you didn’t tell me you were talking to her.”
Xed’s eyes snap back to mine, his face tightening. “I didn’t think I needed your permission to talk to her.”
“You don’t,” I respond quickly. “It’s just… I didn’t know.”
“Jenna showed me how to call, and I wanted to say happy birthday. What was I supposed to do, Matty? Ignore her?”
Exhaling sharply, I reach up to tug at my hair, fingers shaking. “No. Of course not. I just…”
My words trail off, and he gazes at me, waiting for more.
“You just what? ”
“I just didn’t think you’d want to talk to us. After everything.” I force myself to meet his gaze, and it’s like staring into a storm—anger and hurt swirl beneath his gold-flecked irises.
“I don’t,” he says flatly, features smoothing out. “At least, not to you.”
Pain lances through my chest at those words, causing me to gasp. I open my mouth to respond, but Hannah’s footsteps thunder closer before I get a chance.
“Fungus, look what I did!”
And just like that, the moment’s gone.
Reluctantly, I return the tablet as she bursts into the room, clutching a picture she must have drawn at school.
“Look, Fungus! It’s you!” she grins, holding up a messy drawing of a purple shark with bright yellow eyes. “I made it for show-and-tell, but Mommy said it’s ugly.”
Xed’s snort fills the room, mixed with a laugh, making the ache in my chest worse. “Creature, that’s not ugly. It’s badass. You’re an artist like your Uncle Huckslee.”
Hannah plops onto the floor, a stuffie tucked under her arm as she babbles on about her drawing. Xed responds like he always does, showcasing that rare softness he only ever reserves for her.
And me. It used to be me.
I can’t stand there and watch anymore. My stomach churns as Valerie’s sharp voice comes from downstairs. “Matthew! Are you gonna come fix this shit or not?”
Of course. Because everything’s always my mess to fix.
Turning on my heel, I step out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind me as I make my way down the hall. I stop just before the stairs, leaning against the wall as Hannah’s voice filters through the crack in the door. She’s still talking to Xed, laughing so hard she hiccups, and it hurts so fucking much.
For a moment, I close my eyes and let their voices wash over me. In my mind, we’re back at our old townhome—Hannah sitting cross-legged on the couch with her coloring books while Xed sprawls out next to her, his legs on my lap. Our toes freshly painted and drying because Hannah wanted us all to have matching polish.
I can see it so clearly. Can almost believe that it’s real.
“Matthew!” Val’s shrill scream pulls me back to reality, and I push off the wall with a sigh, rubbing a hand over my face.
With one last glance at Hannah’s room, I force myself to walk away.
Because no matter how much I want to step back into that townhome, into that life, I know I can’t. Not anymore.
Clenching my teeth, I step into the living room, bracing myself for Val’s next verbal strike. She’s leaning over the table, ripping at a roll of wrapping paper like an angry toddler.
“Seriously, how long does it take to fix one simple thing? Or is tying a bow too complicated for you?”
“I was upstairs checking on Hannah,” I reply flatly, “like you told me to.”
She scoffs, gesturing at the half-wrapped shark toy in disgust. “I asked you to wrap one present, and you can’t even manage that. You’re a goddamn joke.”
“Shh, keep your voice down,” I say, glancing at the stairs to ensure Hannah is still in her room. “Val, it’s her birthday. Can’t we just—"
“Clean this shit up,” she interrupts, throwing a ball of crumpled wrapping paper at me. “And maybe try not to screw it up for once. ”
Rather than say something that’ll make things worse, I lower myself into a chair to pick up the scraps, anger and resentment burning in my gut. Her voice fades into the background as I hear Hannah’s sweet giggles upstairs, the only thing keeping me from driving off a cliff.
If Xed were here, he’d be rolling his eyes at the mess while Hannah played with the paper, scooping it up like a pile of leaves.
But that’s not my reality anymore.
My reality is this—a battlefield of harsh words and dead memories, the constant ache of missing the life I should’ve had trailing me like a ghost.
I gave up everything for this. And I’m not sure it’s even worth it.