Chapter 16
Cai
I found Rhen standing guard outside Elara’s room.
“Good evening, Your Majesty.” He bowed his head.
“Good evening, Rhen.” I could see the question in Rhen’s face, his uncertainty at my presence there. I couldn’t sleep, and I’d been wandering through the palace and somehow found myself at Elara’s bedroom. I didn’t know what I was doing there. It wasn’t like I was going inside. On the other side of the door, Elara was probably sound asleep.
“Couldn’t sleep, Your Majesty?” Rhen broke the silence.
“It would appear so.” I opened the nearest hallway window and looked out, my arms resting on the edge. The night air was cold, the gardens quiet and asleep along with the rest of the world.
“She doesn’t sleep much either.”
“What do you mean?” I turned to look at Rhen. His expression was blank, or maybe there was a hint of a smile.
“I can hear her pacing her room at night.” I could believe that. Elara often paced in Fairfrith as well.
“When do you retire for the evening, Rhen?” It was very late and he was still standing guard.
“I’m about to change shifts, Your Majesty.”
“Oh.” I turned to look out the window again. The moon hung low, as if watching us through the glass. “Well, goodnight, then.”
“Goodnight, Your Majesty.” The new guard on duty had yet to arrive but Rhen bowed and left me alone in the hallway outside her door.
I’d always thought him to be a good man. He’d saved my life, after all. It was clear that Rhen and Elara had grown much closer since her coronation. I could tell he cared about her wellbeing.
I stood alone in the quiet hallway for a while before I started heading back to my rooms. When I was about halfway down the hall, a scream erupted through the quiet of the night. Elara was screaming. My mind barely had time to register the thought before I burst through her chamber doors, half expecting to find someone in the bedroom, attempting to kill her. But Elara was alone in her bed, thrashing around with her eyes closed. She was having a nightmare.
I hadn’t realised how fast my heart was beating until I let out half a breath of relief. I stalked over to her bed, taking a seat next to her on the mattress.
“Elara?” I tried to keep my voice as calm and soft as possible. She didn’t wake.
Her hair was damp, her forehead sheened with sweat, and I didn’t even want to imagine the kind of dream she must have been having.
“Elara,” I said again, placing a hand on her shoulder. This time, her eyes flashed wide open and she sat upright with a start, immediately reaching around as if looking for a weapon of some kind.
“Cai,” she breathed out. “What are you—?”
“You were screaming.”
“Oh.” She looked down at her nightclothes in embarrassment, her fingers digging into the sheets.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just burst into your rooms, but I thought something had happened to you. Are you all right?”
“Yes.” Elara brushed the hair away from her face. “It was just a dream.” She said it dismissively, but based on her state, I knew some sort of hell must have visited her in her sleep.
“I still get nightmares too.” We’d had this conversation before, on our first night travelling together through Everness. I supposed some things didn’t change.
“What do you dream about?”
“The war with Argon.”
“The same ones you had before?”
I turned my face and looked towards the corner of the room, the light and darkness having a never-ending battle, as the flames from the candle rose and fell.
I nodded. “They’re always the same and they don’t get better with time.”
She took a deep breath, and I moved my hand towards her in comfort.
“Would you tell me about them?” she asked carefully, another question underlying it.
Would you trust me with your deepest, darkest, subconscious thoughts? With the things that you fear, that secretly haunt you?
I moved so that I could sit with my back against the headboard and Elara curled up next to me.
“Most of the time, I’m on the battlefield. My men are dying around me, crying for me to help them. I can never get to anyone fast enough. Never save anyone. It’s as though I’m stuck.”
“That must be terrifying.”
I nodded slightly. “It is. But it helps if there’s someone there when you wake up.”
“Oh.” She sounded disappointed and I realised what it sounded like. As though I had a string of lovers in my bed.
I should not be making conversation in the middle of the night when I’m not fully awake.
“No, that’s not... I mean it would be nice... if there was someone, or you know.” She seemed to grasp what I meant, and I stopped talking.
Elara was silent for a moment before she scooted closer to press her side into me. “Will you stay until I fall asleep again?”
“Of course I’ll stay.” I draped my arm over her shoulders, and she tucked her head into my neck. Her hair smelled sweet. Having her this close was magnetic. The more I got, the more I wanted. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head and then another to her forehead. She pressed closer to me in response.
I sat next to her until her breathing became even, and then long after.
* * *
“I heard you and Her Majesty were out for a picnic.” Thatcher placed his feet on one of the coffee tables and leaned back.
“I need the names of your spies in the palace.” I looked up from where I was sitting behind my desk.
“Just always looking out for you, Your Majesty.” He lazily picked up one of the books that someone seemed to have absentmindedly tossed there earlier. “So, no more strolls with Lady Meredette?”
I contemplated ignoring him, my eyes glued to my desk.
“If you remember correctly, you tricked me into that meeting.”
“Just not the woman for you, was she?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I responded, trying to focus on the papers in front of me.
“Don’t evade the question.”
“I’m not like you, Thatcher. I can’t fall in and out of love every day. And I don’t mean that offensively.” I signed a page, moving on to the next one. “Lady Meredette was polite and well-versed.”
“But?”
“But whomever I marry will become queen of Norrandale. She will be in charge or ruling my people alongside me. I do not consider the matter lightly.”
“Are you afraid Queen Elara’s not up to the task?”
I didn’t want to admit it aloud, much less have Elara know.
“She hasn’t been queen for very long. She’s still finding her feet.” My concentration was no longer on the pages in front of me. I could only think about our picnic yesterday and how much I enjoyed it. “She’s unpredictable and impulsive. I just... I don’t know. What if all of this breaks her somehow?”
“Are you afraid she won’t be a good queen or that Elara is going to change her mind and your matrimony will be nothing more than a piece of paper as each of you reside in your separate palaces?”
There could be no doubt that I was infatuated with Elara all those months ago. It was easy to make vows when you were free of responsibility and it seemed like the world was going to hell.
But everything had become shockingly real when my father died and suddenly I was in charge of running a kingdom. My choices had consequences now, not just for myself but for countless others.
“I think I’ve been spending too much time with you.” I signed another document.
His head tilted back with laughter. “For what it’s worth, I like her a lot.”
“I know,” I mumbled. “Me too.”