Chapter 29
CHAPTER
TWENTY-NINE
EMERSON
“Who?” Holden barked, but I ignored him, too lost in my memories.
I let myself lean into his touch, enjoying how warm and secure his hands felt.
Right now, I needed him.
Coming to the hospital had taken a lot out of me. So I let myself steal his strength for one minute, then I wrapped my hands around his arms and pushed them away. He swallowed but stood, his jaw ticking as he continued to stare.
He wanted answers. Answers I didn’t know how to give.
Especially when I wasn’t the only one.
I turned to Hope and searched her eyes—gone was the confidence and anger I typically saw anytime I dealt with her. In their place was the same feeling coursing through me. Fear .
How the hell was he here? How had I been so dumb? This whole time I’d believed it was Hope, and he’d been that close to me. I shook my head, stopping that line of thinking. It didn’t matter.
Now that I knew the truth, I had to move forward with the knowledge and not beat myself up. Hope gave me a subtle nod, and I stood.
“Someone better tell me, or I’m going to lose it,” Holden said. His body vibrated, and I knew he wouldn’t like this answer.
“Not here.”
“Emerson—”
“She’s right, Holden.”
He spun, his eyes shooting daggers at his sister. “Now you’re both on the same side? Unbelievable. I don’t fucking understand women.”
I wanted to smile at that. It was nice seeing the King of Hayward out of sorts.
“And you never will if you keep treating women as objects and pushing them away,” Hope said.
“What? I don’t?—”
“Yeah, yeah. They know the score, and all the other bullshit you tell yourself to make it okay.” Hope rolled her eyes. “I’m not saying the girls you’ve slept with in the past have been any better.” She cringed, flicking her eyes to me. “But that’s also the point. If you only drink bottom-shelf liquor, you’re always going to be left with a headache and upset stomach.”
“How did this get turned on me? I’m not trying to date anyone! My focus is football and football only.”
I knew that, but hearing it hurt more than I wanted to admit. But it was the reminder I needed. Holden might have claimed part of my heart, but he hadn’t earned it. I’d just been a warm body to fill his bed. Nothing more. Colter’s wishful thinking was only that—wishful.
“There’s one more thing before I go.” Hope and Holden stopped their bickering and looked at me. “Dean Adroit asked to meet with me today.”
“Shit,” Hope whispered, her eyes widening .
“So?” Holden looked between us, realizing he missed something. “I swear, someone better start talking!”
“There’s a zero-tolerance policy,” Hope whispered. Her uninjured hand clenched in the covers.
“She wants a name to expel that person and make an example out of them.”
“Refuse to tell her. You didn’t name anyone in the article, so it’s not like she knows,” Holden snapped. He crossed his arms and stared at me like I was dumb for not considering that option.
I knew he’d defend his sister, but hearing him stand up for her actions hurt.
A laugh expelled out of my lungs, the sound harsh and empty. “Sure, I’ll just do that. Oh, wait! If I don’t give her a name, then I’m expelled. Glad to know what side you’ll always be on,” I said bitterly. I turned to Hope and ignored Holden. “I don’t forgive you for what you did; you should be held accountable. I just don’t know if I could live with myself if you were expelled on top of this . It feels unnecessarily cruel. But I won’t be expelled.”
“There has to be another way. I know! Get your dad to buy your placement at another school,” Holden said.
I winced. Keeping my eyes on Hope, I pretended he wasn’t crushing my heart with each word he said.
“Add in the fact he’s back, and I don’t have the energy to deal with it all. It didn’t feel right to keep it from you, so I wanted to let you know.”
Hope nodded and swallowed. “You always were better than me. I’m sorry I wasn’t the friend you deserved, Emmy.”
I cringed. “Can we not use that?”
“Sorry. I really am shit. I’ve taken so much from you. I wouldn’t blame you for turning me in. I deserve it.”
Shrugging, I grabbed my bag and headed to the door, ignoring Holden. “It might make me weak, but I just want to be left alone to live my life. I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine. I’ll let you know what I decide.”
“You can have your room back.”
I shook my head. “No. It will be better for you now, and I’m not planning to be at the house much.” I met Holden’s eyes for a brief second and then dropped them. “If you still want to know, I’ll meet you at Colter’s in a few hours.”
I didn’t want to hear his answer. I’d already been pummeled by him too much in the past twenty-four hours, and I needed a reprieve.
With quick steps, I took the stairs and pushed open the door to exit the hospital. My lungs constricted, and it felt like something heavy sat on my chest. I made it to my car, did a quick check that there hadn’t been anything left on it, and climbed in. Leaning my head on the steering wheel, I forced myself to count and focus on the air moving in and out of my lungs. I lifted my head when it no longer felt like my lungs would pop like a balloon.
I just felt like a deflated one.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I drove home and replayed everything in my head. I didn’t know how to feel anymore.
Hope had apologized. Sorta.
It didn’t wipe clean the scars, though. Not even close. Hating her was easy, but I was so tired of it. There had to be a way for me to get justice without blowing up either of our lives.
Pulling into the house, I took the back stairs and reached my room without running into anyone. I grabbed a suitcase and filled it with a week’s worth of clothes, shoes, and anything else I might need. I tossed in my pillow, Kindle, and laptop before zipping it closed. Glancing around the room, I saw nothing else I couldn’t live without for a week. I returned to my car without seeing Rose or my dad and drove away from the house.
I made the turns to my next destination from memory, thankful I didn’t have to pay attention, considering my mind was overloaded. The lot was empty when I arrived, so I climbed out of my car and locked it. My steps were silent on the grass as I made my way on the worn footpath toward the tombstone. A set of fresh flowers sat at the base, and I knew my dad had been here recently. We used to come once a week, but it had been a few years since we’d made the visit together.
“Hey, Mom.” I sank down onto the grass and crossed my legs. I smoothed away the leaves and debris. The stone was warm from the sun and smooth against my hand. I ran it over the top a few times, wishing it was my mom and not just a chunk of granite. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get out here. Life’s been pretty shit lately, and I’m a little lost.”
Tears fell before I could stop them. I’d need to drink more water at the rate I’d been crying lately. Turning, I leaned against the stone and wrapped my arms around my legs, pretending it was my mom’s arms.
“I finally stood up to Hope, but now I have to make a decision. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be expelled, but I don’t like that it’s landed on me to make it. For so long, I just wanted someone to see the hurt I was going through and to step in and rescue me. Does that make me weak? I’ve been fighting every day to live my life and remind myself that I matter. There’s nothing left in me to do this, too. I can’t deal with more people hating me.”
I cried, letting it all out. I was so sick of this. I just wanted it to be over. Maybe if I withdrew, she wouldn’t be able to expel me. It would suck to take a year off, but I could work full-time and save money and go somewhere else next year. It felt cowardly and like Hope still won, but at least it was a decision I could live with.
I stayed sitting against the stone for a while longer, soaking in the warmth and wishing my mom was here to brush my hair back and tell me it would all be okay. I missed her zest for life and how she always had a new way of thinking about something. Dad and I could cook together and do puzzles, honoring her, but the stuff I missed the most about Mom weren’t things we could replicate.
Wiping away the last of my tears, I pulled out my phone and texted Colter that I was headed to his apartment and that Holden was coming. I ignored the rest of the messages and notifications and kept my phone on Do Not Disturb.
Being a hermit and living in the woods had never sounded so enticing before. Wait, was that a Hobbit? Either way, I got the appeal.
Standing, I stretched out my muscles and turned from side to side. I caught a silhouette a hundred yards away and froze. I blinked, and when I looked again, the shape was gone.
Just my imagination.
Chills ran over me, and I rubbed my arms as I returned to my car. There still weren’t any other cars parked in the lot, and I sighed in relief. I scanned my car, anyway, but didn’t find anything left for me. I visited the grocery store and grabbed food for a few meals at Colter’s. His offer to let me stay was the escape I needed, but I didn’t want to impose on him any more than I already was, so the least I could do was make him some food.
Knocking on the door, I gasped when Holden was the one to open it. He eyed my bags, his jaw hitching, and I worried for a second he might shut the door in my face. We stared at one another in a stare-off until he finally stepped aside, and I entered.
“Mer!” Colter greeted, coming out of his room. He instantly moved when he saw my bags and took the food from me. “What’s all this?”
“I thought I’d make you dinner.” I flushed at his awe, wanting to do this more than ever.
“You’re the sweetest.” He stepped into me and kissed my lips. When he pulled back, he had the biggest grin on his face. “You hear that, Holden. Mer’s gonna make me dinner. It’s okay if you’re jealous.”
I blinked, remembering then that Holden was behind me. I took the food out of the bags and unloaded them.
“Didn’t realize you two were so… cozy .”
“Don’t be a dick, Hol. There’s still room if you pull your head out of your ass.”
“Whatever, man. I’m just here to listen to what she has to say, and then I’m gone, and you two can get back to your little make-believe.”
I tensed, my body locking up at his disdain. How was this the same guy I felt heart-eyes for a few days ago? A loud thump made me jump, and I turned to find Colter with Holden pressed to the wall.
“I get that you’re struggling with your need to protect right now, but it doesn’t mean you get free rein to be a dick. You’re my best friend, but if you keep acting like an asshole, then I might have to rethink that connotation.”
My heart rate sped up, and guilt churned in my belly. How many relationships would I destroy?
Holden took a few deep breaths, his nostrils flaring wide with each one until he nodded, and Colter let him go. I busied myself with the food, prepping it in the casserole dish I found. The two of them spoke low in the living room the whole time, and I kept looking, despite telling myself not to. I’d just finished the casserole and placed it in the oven when Holden approached.
His hands were in his pockets, and he looked resigned. “I’ve made a right mess of things, Wildcat. I’m sorry. I owe you more than that, but I still wanted to say it.” I nodded, but didn’t say anything. He sighed and crossed his arms. “I don’t like feeling out of control. It’s not an excuse, and I need to do better. Can I have that chance?”
I searched his face. I wanted to say yes, but something held me back. Football was everything to Holden, and I didn’t want to mess that up. In the beginning, the tension between us had been because of Hope. I’d been able to overlook it because the connection between us was so intense.
The recent pain between us was because we hadn’t trusted one another. I’d sent that article despite his wishes, and he hadn’t trusted me to handle my problems. I still stood by my decision, but I could’ve done it differently. Better maybe. And Holden had said a lot of things, cutting me deeper than his sister ever had. I wasn’t sure how to get back to the hot passion we had.
“The only thing I can offer right now is friendship. There’s been too many wounds for me to trust you right now.”
Holden’s jaw twitched, and I knew he was holding himself back. His eyes seared into me, and I fought the urge to look away. I would not back down.
“Okay.”
“How long until dinner?” Colter asked, breaking the intense mood.
“At least thirty minutes. I can fill you in on what’s going on while it’s cooking.”
Colter took my hand and pulled me into the living room. He pulled me down onto the couch, and Holden took the chair. They both stared at me, waiting for me to explain.
“After I met with Dean Adroit, I found Wolfie on the hood of my car.”
“Shit,” Colter cursed. “What did you do with it?”
“I shoved it into the trunk. When I did, a note fell out. It said, ‘You’re welcome, Princess. It’s your time to shine.’ I think I knew then it wasn’t Hope, but I needed to confront her to know for sure.” I blew out a breath. “Hope and I met at Dance Expressions Dance Studio. We leveled up together, advancing from each class to the next. Once we reached Elites, we had a new dance instructor. He’d just come from Broadway and had worked with several big choreographers in music videos. Everyone was so excited to have him that the studio offered private lessons, in addition to the competitive dance group. When I turned sixteen, I decided to step back from competitions. The bullying had become too much, and being around Hope at school and dance was overwhelming. Monsieur Owen didn’t want to lose me, so he convinced me to take private lessons.”
Lifting my head, I met Holden and Colter’s eyes. They were both quiet, their gazes locked on me with an intensity I didn’t understand. Shifting, I ran my palms over my thighs and crossed my legs in the opposite direction.
“Roses and notes appeared in my junior year. At first, I naively believed I had a secret admirer. Someone who saw me past all the bullying. But then Princess’ started appearing on the cards, and I knew it was Hope. She called me Princess Muppet at the studio, or Muppet for short.” I shrugged, fighting to keep my eyes on theirs. I didn’t want to hide in shame.
“This went on for a year, and I was to the point of quitting from her torture. I often stayed late to practice, finding it easier to avoid Hope and the bullies. This one particular night, Monsieur Owen came into my studio. He gave me critiques, but when I didn’t get it, he stepped in behind me. It wasn’t the first time he’d moved my body to show me something, but this time… it felt different.” I blew out a breath. “He touched me in ways that were more sexual, and when I told him to stop, he didn’t. I tried to get away, but he pushed me against the mirror and told me he knew I wanted him to. That we could be together, we just had to be secretive. I kicked him in the balls and shoved him away just as Hope came into the studio. I’d never been so happy to see her, and that was saying something. For once, she didn’t look at me with disgust. She said something to him, giving me time to gather my stuff and leave. We walked out together, and neither of us said a word about it. I quit the studio and just da nced at home. A few weeks later, Monsieur Owen was let go after allegations that he was too touchy with the girls were made. I never asked Hope, but I always felt she’d been the one to tell the owners.”
“What happened to that asshole?” Holden asked, the words practically a snarl.
“Last I heard, he was arrested and charged. Other reports came out, some going back years. They had more than enough evidence to lock him up.”
“How’s he connected?” Colter asked.
“I asked Hope about the roses and notes, and she denied sending them. She said she didn’t have money to waste on roses, and now that I think about it, it was too subtle for her. She always wanted an audience. I had it all wrong. The person responsible for leaving me roses and hitting Hope is Monsieur Owens. He’s back and won’t stop until he gets what he wants. Me.”