Chapter 14
14
“ C an we talk?”
I glanced up from my position on the floor where I was stretching out my hamstrings to see JJ giving me a cautious look. We’d just completed an hour’s intensive dance training with the other members of our course. Everyone else had left apart from the two of us, and we were both tired out and in need of a shower. But from the way JJ was looking at me, the shower wouldn’t be happening just yet.
I nodded in reply to his question, and he sank down next to me, following my moves and beginning a series of leg stretches.
“It’s about Finn.”
“JJ…”
“Look, I’m not trying to interfere, but you’re my friend, and I want to make sure you’re okay. You told me about these dares with him, but when we were at the football night, it seemed like there was something more going on with you two. And it’s not my place to interfere with your love life, but I…I didn’t know. You—” He broke off with a huff of breath. “I’m not explaining myself properly. I guess it just came as a bit of a shock to me. I’ve known you for almost two years now, and although I don’t know Finn very well, you and me are friends.”
“You can stop worrying because me and Finn are friends, too.”
He stared at me. “Just friends?”
How did I begin to explain our relationship? “Very friendly friends?” I tried.
A tiny smile pulled at his lips. “Okay. Look, you know I’m tactile with a lot of my friends. I’ve never seen you like this before, though.”
“You’ve never seen me with friends, not that I have many,” I muttered, and he sighed.
“Leo. You have more friends than you think. Friends that care about you. Hence, me poking my nose into your business.”
I let his words sink in for a moment. My shoulders slumped, and I let it all spill out of me. All the things I couldn’t make sense of.
“I asked Finn to teach me how to kiss. Dared him, in fact. I, um, there was this girl who seemed interested in me, and I wasn’t really interested, but I thought I might be in the future, and I’ve never kissed anyone before, so I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself?—”
“Breathe, Leo.” JJ shifted closer to me until his shoulder pressed against mine. I looked at him in the mirror that ran from floor to ceiling along one wall of the studio and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
“He’s never pushed me for anything. We…we’re tactile with each other, but it feels nice. How can it be bad if it feels good?”
“It’s not bad.” JJ’s hand covered mine where it was resting on the floor, and he squeezed lightly. “No one’s saying that. You don’t owe anyone any explanations, and that includes me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m looking out for my friend, and that’s the only reason I brought it up.”
“I know.”
“The kissing, then. What happened there?” JJ’s voice was lighter, undeniable curiosity in his tone, and I relaxed.It was weird to be talking about this with him, but then, who else could I talk to? Connor wouldn’t understand, but maybe JJ would.
“We’ve kissed a few times. Just practising. It’s been…really nice. I like it. You know, I’ve never really been interested in kissing anyone before, other than feeling like I should be interested, but now I can’t help wondering if I’ve been missing out.”
“Do you want to kiss anyone else?”
“No,” I said immediately.
“But you want to keep kissing Finn.”
“Yes.” Leaning my head on JJ’s shoulder, I sighed. “Is that wrong?”
“It’s not wrong, babe. What does Finn think about it all?”
“We spoke about it a bit after the football night, and we agreed we’d tell each other if we wanted to stop anything. I…I think that included the kissing? He seems to be happy with it all.”
JJ hummed. “Just make sure you’re on the same page. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Okay. I will.”
He smiled at me then. “Now I’ve finished playing the overprotective friend, do you want to get a coffee?”
“Yes! Done!”
I glanced up from my laptop to see Finn staring at his own laptop, a triumphant grin on his face. My breath caught in my throat. The way his eyes were sparkling, the curve of his soft lips against his jaw that had just a hint of stubble darkening it, and his brown hair that was all tousled and messy from him running his hand through it as he worked through the difficult parts of his assignment… It was so nice, seeing him this happy.
When he caught me watching, he ducked his head, still smiling.“That was a bit loud for the library, wasn’t it?”
Looking around us, I couldn’t see anyone glaring, so he was in the clear. The part of the library we were studying in was quiet, anyway. We’d commandeered a large table next to the windows, and I was working on my group project with Connor and Niall, while Finn had been working on his engineering assignment alongside Bennett, a stack of textbooks piled high between their laptops.
I shook my head. “No one noticed. You finished your assignment?”
“Finished, proofread, and submitted a whole five hours before the deadline.”
“Same.” Bennett grinned at him triumphantly. “I’m impressed that we finished so early. Why can’t this happen every time?”
Next to me, Niall groaned. “I wish we were done with this. Whoever came up with the idea for us to design an entire booking system for a campsite was so deluded. I’m a city boy. I’ve never even seen a tent in real life.”
Connor snorted. “The camping bit isn’t the important part. It’s the programming and the databases and all that. We’re the tech guys. We make things work so other people can go camping.”
“Yeah, but I’m just saying, it would’ve been better to design a booking system for something we were familiar with…”
I tuned them out as they continued their bickering, my gaze returning to Finn, who was now frowning down at his phone.
“Finn?”
He blinked, and then he held out his phone to me, the screen angled so I could read the text.
CHARLIE:
Friday night. Student union. Bring Leo. There’s a DJ set and they’re doing BOGOF drinks. All the girls will be there
Friday. Crowds. Drinking. Girls.
I bit down on my lip.
Finn glanced at Bennett, who was engrossed in his own phone, before turning back to me. Shifting his chair closer to mine, he lowered his voice. “Don’t feel like you have to say yes. No one’s forcing you to go. We don’t have to do anything. I thought it might be a good way to celebrate after getting our assignments finished, but you know I’m just as happy doing our own thing.”
This wouldn’t be like the club, where there was a smaller group of us and we were anonymous in the crowd. Nor would it be like the casual atmosphere of the football night at Travis’ house—and even then, I’d ended up in my head, worried that I was ruining things for Finn. Despite the assurances he’d given me, there was still doubt in my mind that he really meant it.
Maybe the best thing to do was to persuade him to go alone. Then I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about holding him back, and I wouldn’t have to face my fear of going out and being surrounded by so many of my peers.
Dropping my gaze to my laptop, I hit a few random keys. “I… No. I can’t go. I have too much coursework to do. You should, though. It sounds like fun.”
“Leo. I want you to come. If you want to, that is.”
I couldn’t hold him back. I wouldn’t allow him to put me before himself. I needed to persuade him to go and that I’d be fine without him. Because I would . “It’s okay. I need to get my work finished. You can tell me all about it on Saturday. I-I’ll come over, and if you’re hungover, we can laze around in your bedroom and have a gaming day.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m sure. You should go.” If I said it enough times, I’d convince myself I meant it. And I didn’t want him to turn down invitations because of me, anyway. That was so wrong.
He sighed. “Okay. But if you want me to come over or anything instead, you know I will.”
“I won’t, but thanks. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.” Finally, his doubtful look was gone, and his bright smile was back. And really, that was all I wanted.