Chapter Five Laney
CHAPTER FIVE
LANEY
I couldn’t get Connor’s idea out of my head.
Date him for the month, then he’d walk away if I asked him to.
He had been so reluctant to sign the divorce papers, and this seemed like an easy possibility.
The issue wasn’t waiting until New Year’s.
It was falling for him again. When Connor put his heart into something, he did it well.
But one month wasn’t a true test of what someone could be. This was so hard.
Sometimes, on late nights, I’d wear headphones while I worked to pass the time. I wore mine now and hoped no one would notice.
Plus the holiday party was in full swing.
A design firm in the city had hired me months ago to photograph their annual party. They’d gone all out with decorations on the top-floor bar. The place had floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Chicago, and it was stunning.
Connor helped me unload after I told him I’d give him an answer tomorrow. My focus should be on this event—which, ha! It sure wasn’t. He snuck off to grab a snack after his stomach had made some whale sounds in the car.
I needed advice, and that meant calling my best friend. I had her on the line within thirty seconds.
“Are you alive? Are you back?”
I snorted. “Hi, Soph. I’m at my event downtown.”
“Girl, come stay with me tonight. The weather is already getting pretty bad. You can’t drive back.”
Everyone in my life knew I hated driving in winter weather. When I was sixteen and a baby driver, I slid across four lanes of traffic, and it scared the hell out of me. No one had been hurt, but even a hint of ice made me nervous.
“About that… Connor drove me.”
“And this is the same man that you’re divorcing?” There was a hint of amusement in her voice.
“Yeah, so… he’s renting the house next to my parents for the whole month.”
“Hmm, that’s honestly better than I had assumed. Nice work, Connor.”
“Soph.” I laughed as I snapped a few pictures of some women, all dressed as elves.
They wore cute tights and pointed shoes.
The men were dressed as Santas, and it was honestly amusing as hell to see all the outfits.
There wasn’t one person not in costume. They were all holding glasses of champagne and all smiles.
The light was hitting just right, and I knew these would be the best photos I took.
I went vertical and got the city lights in the back, and, damn, I loved this job.
“So, Connor, your desperate, hot husband, offered to drive you because he knows you hate this weather. And he left his job in the midst of a huge crisis. You know it has been all over the news. It’s been endless, and there are even pieces questioning where the CEO is during this.”
“Wait, really?” Unease settled low in my gut. “What are they saying?”
“The usual bullshit. Probably started by his dad.”
Soph knew all the drama around Connor and his father. I rarely kept anything from her. We had no secrets, which was why I wanted to ask her about Connor’s deal.
“Hey, I don’t have long.”
“Okay, what’s going on?” she asked.
“Connor proposed that I don’t mention divorce for the entire month and that I date him until New Year’s. Then, if he couldn’t prove to me that we belong together, he’d sign the papers.”
I wanted a gasp or an oh no or a hell yeah from her, but she was annoyingly silent.
“Well, Soph, what do you think?”
“The question is more what do you think? How does that offer make you feel?”
“Are you therapist-ing me right now?”
“Laney, if you thought I’d judge or tell you it’s a terrible idea, I’m not going to.”
“I don’t know what to do. A part of me wants it. Even in the car today, it was like things used to be. We laughed and joked, and he was so thoughtful. I forgot that we were divorcing. If I date him for the month, what if I fall hard and he breaks my heart again?”
“I think that’s the hard part about love; you gotta take a chance.” She cleared her throat. “I’d never tell you what to do, but you gotta follow your gut, and I’ll support you and cheer you along the way.”
“I sense a but coming.”
“But… I think you should use this month to really share how you feel. You keep your thoughts to yourself more than you should. Tell him all the horrible nights, the questions, the tears you shed. Don’t shy away from anything because it’s hard or because you’re worried about disrupting his life. It’s already disrupted, girl.”
“You frighten me.” I almost laughed, but tears were right behind the amusement. “In the car, I told him how I actually felt about something. I didn’t brush it off.”
“And how did he take it?”
“He agreed with me and owned it.”
“Hmm. Have you already decided?”
“I told him I’d have an answer tomorrow.” The group of elves moved toward the Santas, and they lined up in pairs as the DJ turned up the holiday music. It was a spin on Mariah Carey’s classic. I snapped shot after shot, losing myself in the celebration.
A woman holding up her arms, her blond hair going everywhere, winked at me.
Wynona was the one who had hired me and knew that one of the Santas was going to propose tonight.
That’s why she brough me in—to capture the surprise.
The music shifted to a slower version of “Santa Baby,” which was the cue.
“One sec, Soph.”
“Take your time. I’m just nursing a glass of wine before figuring out what romance novel to get lost in.”
My favorite part about photography was the way people displayed feelings. They were subtle but so evident to me. One of the Santas got down on one knee and opened a box, and the elf dressed in purple spun and gasped in surprise.
I took a hundred photos of the scene, capturing the small moments that followed. The way her fiancé kissed her forehead, his lips moving, probably saying how much he loved her. The way the group jumped up and down and cheered.
“I love my job,” I said to myself more than Soph.
“You’re brilliant at it.” Connor joined me, his warm gaze on me. I loved his proud husband look, and it was all over him right now. “Look at what you did, staging this scene to have these memories live on forever.”
“Oh, he sounds smitten,” Sophia’s voice whispered in my ear. “I bet he’s staring right at you too, huh?”
“Yeah,” I said to both of them. This was too much. “Soph, I gotta go. Bye.”
I hung up on her and pointed to my ear. “Sorry, was catching up with her.”
“Sorry to intrude. You just had this huge smile on your face, and I couldn’t stop myself from joining you.” His hands were in his pockets, his tie a little crooked.
“Come here.” I slung my camera over my shoulder and smoothed out his tie. “It’s not quite right.”
“I loved when you knotted my tie for me.” His voice was pure gravel and lust. His hand landed on my hip, and he dug his fingers into my skin. “You smell divine, Laney.”
Heat spread to my core as I finished adjusting his tie.
“It’s the—”
“Dolce I bought you two years ago. I know.”
Our eyes locked, and a million memories clashed with the present. I loved this man so much. I loved that he remembered my perfume. His hand moved from my hip to my chin, where he dragged his thumb over my bottom lip. My body froze, goose bumps spreading head to toe at his touch.
“It’s taking everything in me not to kiss you, baby. Every ounce of my willpower.” His eyes darkened with heat as my tongue wet his thumb.
“Laney! Laney!”
I snapped out of the moment, completely rattled. His touch was magic. “Yes?”
“Get in here! This is the most beautiful setup I’ve ever seen. I want to tag you in my post!” Wynona waved me over and hugged me. “This is amazing. Thank you, thank you. She’s so happy. She had no idea!”
I beamed. This was the best part. The joy. She positioned me to stand in front of the backdrop, and I threw my hands up in the air, smiling. I felt Connor’s gaze on me, and when I glanced at him, he wore his infamous smirk. The one that often led to him getting me naked fast.
“Who is that fine man?” Wynona asked, wiggling her brows. “He is hot.”
“My husband.” The words flew out before I could stop them, and by the way Connor’s face lit up, he had heard. “That’s Connor.”
“Damn, girl. You two fit together well. Connor, your wife is the best!”
“I know.” He rocked back on his heels and winked.
Wynona and the group moved toward the bar, where they ordered shots. The party had another hour, and I’d stick around until the end, when things often got silly. Instead of going back to Connor though, I remained near the patio. The freezing air cooled off the feelings overheating me.
Connor staring at me like I was his world. The way he had touched my lip. The heat in his eyes and the way my body wanted him. Damn it. How could I resist him if we dated?
Was that the point? He knew he’d wear me down if he was around me? But then once January came, he’d be back at work all the time. I leaned against the railing, taking a deep breath as I felt him near me.
“I’m sorry, Laney.”
“Sorry? For what?” I snapped my attention toward him. I wasn’t expecting an apology.
“I shouldn’t have touched you like that.” His jaw tightened, and he looked regretful. “Having you fix my tie brought me back to years ago. I can tell it made you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable.” I bit the inside of my cheek, Soph’s advice hitting me hard. I needed to communicate more. Express my needs without worry.
“I’m still struggling with what to do. Attraction was never our issue. I don’t want to have my heart broken again, and I’m afraid if I agree to date you for the month, then come January, I’ll be devastated.”
“That won’t happen. I know I need to prove that to you, and I will. Please keep talking to me. Tell me what hurts. What you’re afraid of. How we miscommunicated the last few years. Not right now, but this month, can you?”
I nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Thank you.” He grabbed my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. Flutters exploded over my body as he dropped my hand and I set it on the railing. His chest heaved as he stepped a foot to the side, putting distance between us.
I hated the space. I hated how I needed space between us.
“You’re incredible when you work.” He cleared his throat. “You wear this smile, and whenever you’re taking photos or angling people, you get this look, and it kills me. I want you to have that look on your face every single day.”
I swallowed the ball of emotion in my throat. My chest ached because it wasn’t Connor who brought me that contented feeling anymore.
Soph’s encouragement to be more honest had me blurting out, “I might want to move to my hometown.”
“Permanently?” he asked, nothing but curiosity in his voice. “Or for a few months?”
I chewed my lip as I stared at the Chicago skyline. I had enjoyed my time here, but we moved here for Connor’s job. I loved the small-town life, the festivals, the friendliness, the silly gossip, and the feeling of comfort. Maybe this was a sign I needed to move back.
“I miss it. I never enjoyed being in the city much, minus…” I took a shaky breath. “I loved you when you used to feel like my home.”
“But I don’t feel like your home anymore?”
I couldn’t even look at him as I shook my head. I’d cry if I spoke. Now home felt like a call with Sophia, a coffee shop with upbeat hipster music, or watching a movie with my parents while we all cried. I hung my head as Connor’s warm hand squeezed my shoulder.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t say I like hearing it, but I love how honest you’re being. In our goal to be honest, I’ll say, if you want to move back to your hometown and want me, I’ll go with you.”
“Connor,” I chided and finally looked at him. His intense gray eyes stared holes in me. His jaw was flexed, and his nostrils flared. “You can’t possibly live outside the city.”
“Laney, you are my happy place. So yes. If you want to try again with me and want to move, I move with you.”
My eyes shut as more tears welled up. “I don’t actually believe you,” I whispered, my voice raspy from the hurt. He’d never step down from the role he had worked so hard for. Or if he did, he’d be miserable and resent me.
“I need to finish the party. Excuse me.”
He didn’t say anything as I forced myself to stay busy.
There weren’t many more shots to take, and the takedown was always easier than setup.
Connor didn’t need direction as I packed up and he loaded everything into the back of the SUV, not with how many events he’d helped with at the start of our relationship. We had a comfortable rhythm here.
So why did we lose that same rhythm at home?
I said goodbye to the crew and went to grab my jacket when I saw Connor holding it open for me. Without even thinking, I gave him my back, and he slid the coat on me, his fingers lingering on my neck as he lifted my hair. I shivered from his touch, from the differences between us now.
“Thanks for all the help.”
“You’re welcome. I wish I did this more often.” He waited as I buttoned my coat before he sighed. “I don’t know if you’ll like this idea, but I’m thinking we stay at our place tonight and drive back in the morning. I’ve been eyeing the weather, and it’s pretty bad.”
“Stay at home?” My voice squeaked.
His gaze warmed before he nodded. “It would be safer. We could wake up and drive back to your parents’ first thing.”
Spending the night in the same place as Connor. My mind spun. Driving on icy roads terrified me, but the thought of being with him did too. Obviously not in the same way, but what the hell should I do?
“Hon, I’ll sleep in the living room if you want. Please, I don’t want us to get in an accident and have you hurt.” He ran a hand over his jawline. “We could get a hotel instead.”
“Home is fine.” My throat felt like sandpaper. “I’d rather be safe.”
His shoulders sagged in obvious relief. “Me too. Come on, then. Let’s go before it gets worse.” He held out his hand, and I stared at it, nerves almost choking me.
He chuckled. “Baby, you’re wearing heels, and it’s nothing but ice. This isn’t a tactic to win you back. This is about keeping your limbs intact. Promise.”
When he said it like that… fine.
And that’s how I found myself with our fingers interlaced, walking toward our car to spend the night in our condo. It appeared that, the more I tried to distance myself from him, the closer we got.
I just had to survive this night. Because even if I agreed to date him all December—which I knew I’d say yes to—it wouldn’t undo the years of damage.