Chapter Six Connor
CHAPTER SIX
CONNOR
Why was I so fucking nervous?
It made zero sense to have my palms sweat and my heart beat so erratically.
Each pulse felt like a punch. I knew luck was on my side, that there was the weather and we’d have to stay here.
I needed to use this to my advantage since it was damn clear Laney and I wouldn’t spend another night together otherwise.
Focus on the road.
Yeah, the streets were all ice and sleet.
I’d driven in my fair share of bad weather, but thank fuck Laney had agreed to wait until tomorrow.
This was bad. I shuddered, thinking about her trying to navigate this alone.
She would have been terrified. I skidded to the right, then left, and then straightened after we hit a patch of black ice.
“Oh God,” Laney panted and hugged herself. “That was… Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” My tone was clipped. Ten minutes away from home. I could do ten minutes. “Distract me. Talk to me about anything.”
“Okay, yeah, uh, I’m thinking about redoing my business to focus more on local events near my parents.
Two people have told me the town is struggling, and I want to be a part of helping somehow.
I like knowing the people I take photos of.
Maybe I want to do more weddings than events or festivals.
Not sure. I even interviewed a college kid to see if I could hire an intern to help with marketing.
Did you know that? I don’t think you did.
Yeah, you never really asked about my days, so I didn’t share.
It started because it hurt, and I felt you didn’t deserve to hear about my days if you didn’t care to ask, but then it became a routine. ”
We jerked to the right from a gust of wind, and I cursed.
“Sorry! Sorry! My rambling isn’t helpful.”
“Tell me your favorite memory, something happy,” I demanded. If we were going to crash, I wanted to go out on something positive, not my wife reminding me of the ways I was a shitty husband.
“Our Silly Sundays,” she practically whispered. “Those days together will always be my favorite thing.”
My stomach swooped, not from the black ice but from her comment.
Silly Sundays had started as a joke after one ridiculous Sunday where everything went wrong.
We referred to that day as the Silliest Sunday and then tried re-creating it every chance we could.
We went to the same grocery store where a gallon of milk exploded on us.
We visited the bookshop where Laney set off the alarms because her planner’s barcode was weird.
We’d then grab lunch at the place where the waiter dropped soup all over us.
It had been the perfect storm of bad luck, and instead of being mad, we laughed.
“I loved Silly Sundays too,” I said, pulling onto our street. “Hey, almost there.”
“Good, that’s good.” She sighed.
Not sure if it was from our chat or the storm, but we were both panting by the time I pulled into our garage. Boxes lined the right wall, and it was a sobering reminder that all her stuff was packed.
“Connor.”
“Yes, baby?” I couldn’t stop myself.
She rested her hand on my forearm and dug her nails into my arm.
“Thank you for getting us here safely. Thank you for driving me. I-I would’ve…” She trailed off, closing her eyes as she paled. “I’m not sure what I would’ve done.”
“You’re welcome.” I wanted to say I’d always do this, every day, but she wouldn’t believe me. I had given her no reason to. The answering silence gripped us, and the urge to pull her toward me was so strong I couldn’t breathe.
“We should get inside. Start the fireplace.”
“Oh! Yes! I love that thing!”
I smiled. I had the fireplace installed in this place for her.
She sat in front of it all the time, working on her laptop or reading while I worked or took calls.
We even moved our recliner so close to it that it was amazing it never caught fire.
I have a lot of good memories in front of that fire, but we hadn’t used it this season yet.
We left the car and walked inside. Laney stopped near the kitchen island, staring at the anniversary gift she had given me, and paled.
The memory of that night hit me in the gut like someone had tackled me to the ground.
The sheer panic of her not being home the night she left me.
The wedding ring she left on the table. The note reading Don’t come after me.
My hand was shaking, so I shoved it in my pocket as Laney took a deep breath.
“Uh, my stuff isn’t here.”
“You can borrow anything of mine.” I hung up my coat and then took hers, trying not to let my touch linger. She felt so good. “Do you want an old hoodie?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded, her gaze remaining on the gift.
I had no idea if I should comment on it, on how amazing it was, or the fact I had forgotten our anniversary and didn’t buy her anything.
Guilt clawed at me, an aggressive, painful bastard that physically hurt my insides.
How could I forget our anniversary when I damn well knew it was on my calendar?
Work. That was always the answer.
“Want to grab us some drinks while I get you a sweatshirt?” I needed distance from this room, from the sad look in her eyes and from my mistakes.
“Sure.”
I bolted up the stairs and yanked my tie off.
It was suffocating me. I had avoided our bedroom since Laney left, and the lack of her items messed with me.
I couldn’t fucking sleep in here. If she left me, forever, I’d move.
It was wild how she was downstairs with me because of a blizzard, and I felt alone and terrified.
How do I fix this? How do I convince her I’m not the husband she knew? Was this all a lost cause?
I collapsed onto our bed, covering my face with my hands as I groaned. I had somehow blocked out all the what-ifs, not truly realizing until now that this could really be the end of our marriage. It took seeing our once-vibrant bedroom half empty for reality to take root.
Was it better to give Laney what she wanted and start healing? Hell, there wouldn’t be healing for me. There’d be work and no joy. The best parts of my life were whenever I was with her. Being around her for a month—if she agreed—might kill me.
But what choice did I have? I didn’t want to lose my wife.
“Connor?” Laney approached our bedroom with a frown.
“Hmm?”
“You’ve been up here awhile. Are you… okay?” She leaned against the doorframe, her stunning red dress clinging to her curves.
No, I’m not fucking okay.
“This is the first time I’ve been up here since you left me.” My voice was all coarse and heavy. “I wasn’t prepared to see… all your stuff gone. It hit me that this is real, that you want to end this.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” I pushed up from the bed, the moisture in my eyes unshed. “I can’t sleep up here though. You can take the bed. I’ll stay downstairs.”
“Connor, don’t be silly. You don’t fit on the couch.”
“I’m not sleeping in our bed alone,” I snapped. I rummaged through one of my drawers, then tossed her an old college hoodie and a pair of boxer shorts.
“Here, sleep in those.”
She caught them and chewed the side of her lip as her brows furrowed even more.
“I really think you should—” Laney started.
The power went out.
Awesome.
“Do we have a generator?” she asked, her voice nearing me. “Do you have your phone on you? I can’t see.”
“No generator.” Add it to the list of things I said I’d do and didn’t. “Come here.”
I reached for her hand and found it in the dark, then gently moved her toward the bed.
“Let me grab clothes and a toothbrush. Then we can head downstairs. We should sleep by the fire without heat running.”
She snorted. “That settled our argument pretty easily.”
“That wasn’t an argument, Laney.” I felt my way around the bathroom, grabbing what I needed before shoving sweatpants and a hoodie under my arm. “Hey, hold my hand when we go downstairs.”
“I can go down by myself, you know.”
“Sure, you’re an adult, but humor me.”
The answering silence lasted two seconds before she took my hand for the second time that night. The responding butterflies in my stomach would’ve been laughable if it weren’t for the turmoil in my love life. I guided us down the stairs with the light of my phone.
“We can set up a bunch of blankets near the fireplace.”
“We’ll be okay, right?”
We reached the bottom, and I tossed my stuff onto the counter before placing my hands on both her shoulders and looking at her. The shadows caused by my flashlight only made her worry stick out more. I wanted to remove any inkling of a doubt, make her smile, protect her, kiss her.
“We’ll be okay. I’ll make sure we’re okay, I promise.”
“How do you know?” She swallowed so loud her throat clicked.
“Because, baby, we have a gas fireplace, which means we have heat. The pantry is stocked. I have a ton of clothes for additional warmth too. We’ll be safe.”
Before I could stop myself, I kissed her forehead. Then I moved toward our living room. I could feel the cold seeping in with the absence of heat.
“When I get the fire going, want to grab some sheets and cover the bottom of the doorway?”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
We worked together in comfortable silence as she barricaded the two doorways, and I got the fire going. The warmth was immediate.
“Get over here, Laney. Put my clothes on before you freeze.”
“G-good call.” She shivered as she approached the fire. “I-I’ll go change in the bathroom.”
“Nonsense.” I waved her off. “You’re cold. Change here.”
She blinked. “This doesn’t… but you’ll…”
“See you?” I arched a brow. “I’ve licked every part of you. Bit, teased, sucked all of it too. I can turn around if it makes you more comfortable, but this is silly.”
“We’re not together though.”
“Have you made up your mind, then?” I tensed. I wasn’t prepared for her answer, and I didn’t mean to blurt out my question. I should be patient. Wait her out. Let her decide, but I couldn’t fathom not knowing. She didn’t want to put a sweatshirt on in front of me. That fucking hurt.
“Connor…” Her eyes watered. “I’m scared.”
My heart broke for her.
“Honey, I am too, okay? I’m barely hanging on right now at the thought of this being our last night in our place. I almost lost it upstairs not seeing your pile of books on the nightstand. I’m fucking terrified.”
Tears spilled from her eyes, and I cupped her face, wiping them away with my thumbs.
“I vowed to take care of you for the rest of my life, and I’m the reason you’re crying. So trust me when I say, I’m more scared about losing you than anything in my life.”
She shivered, her lips trembling as I ran my hands down her arms.
“Let’s get you warmed up. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’m still your husband. Let me take care of you a little longer.”
She nodded and turned around, lifting her hair and exposing the zipper on the back of her dress. I ran a finger over the seam, wishing like hell I could kiss her. She trusted me to take care of her, and I couldn’t blow it. Not when this felt like a win.
“My f-fingers are shaking too badly. Not sure I can undo it,” she said.
“That’s okay, I can.” My own fingers shook as I tried and failed to get the zipper to work. It took three tries before I pulled it down. The fabric fell, exposing her bare back. I clenched my teeth together, fighting the burst of lust at seeing her skin.
“There, it’s undone,” I barked out.
“Thank you.” She let the dress drop, leaving her in only a pair of red panties and a strapless bra that left nothing to the imagination.
They were outlined in lace, and my mouth fucking watered.
My wife was stunning. Everything about her was lovely, and it physically killed me to have her a foot away and not touch her.
She slid the hoodie on and pulled up the shorts I had given her earlier. My clothes engulfed her, and she looked so cute that I wished I could take a picture. But this moment wasn’t mine to steal.
“Thanks for the clothes.” She picked up the dress, avoiding my eyes as she set it on the couch. “Do you have socks I could borrow too?”
“Of course. Fuck, sorry.” I scolded myself. “Let me—”
“I can get them.”
“No, stay here.” I jogged toward the stairs, the emotions I had tamped down all evening threatening to burst. Laney always told me I needed a healthy outlet to deal with my emotions, but keeping busy was my outlet.
I didn’t think I needed more than that. But it was clear this put me at a disadvantage because I was seconds away from screaming.
Laney couldn’t even look at me, and it destroyed me.