Chapter 27 #2
She sat back in the chair. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted. “I’m so freaked out right now.” The smell of her fear came off her in waves. “Why is your father, along with all your friends, against us being together?”
I sat back in my chair. “My dad is the alpha of our pack. I’m the next alpha. I need to marry a full-blooded shifter so my firstborn carries a strong alpha gene for future generations.”
Her hands covered her face, and a cry escaped from her. Her shoulders started shaking. I sat there listening to her cry, my heart shriveling at the sound. I wanted to comfort her but couldn’t. I had to sever the bond between us in order to keep her alive.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I know it’s a lot to take in.”
Her hands fell from her face, and she looked over at me, her eyes red. “Where do we go from here?”
Now for the part I’d been dreading. “I made a deal with my dad.” I sighed, needing to be honest with her so she’d understand. “He will welcome you into our pack and protect you. We have a strong pack.” The first chink of my heart broke off.
The fire crackled, but Laney didn’t even look that way. She kept her focus on me. “What price did you pay?”
My soul. “I have to break up and sever all contact with you. I am required to marry someone strong from the pack in order to carry on the alpha line.” Another chink in my heart fell away.
“You agreed to all of this to keep me safe?”
I nodded. “Otherwise, you’ll die. Either my dad or one of the enforcers will kill you. This way, my dad will protect you and keep you safe from the enforcers.”
She stood and walked a few feet away, her back to me. “You didn’t think to talk to me about this first?”
I hated not being able to see her face. “There was nothing to talk about. I had no choice. It was either you live or die. I chose for you to live.”
She turned to face me, her cheeks red and blotchy from crying. “I have no choice in this.” It wasn’t a question.
I shook my head.
“Why would your dad kill me?” Her voice cracked as she spoke.
“To keep us apart.” The thought of being away from her seemed incomprehensible. Impossible.
“That seems a bit extreme.” She wiped her tears.
“It is,” I replied. “But it’s the way things are done in our world.
An alpha’s order has to be obeyed.” The fact that I’d been able to see Laney against his order hadn’t really been acknowledged.
Either it meant I was now stronger than my dad and able to challenge him for leadership, or it meant Laney was my true mate.
“I can’t just run away like my mother did?”
“Now that the enforcers know about you, they’ll hunt you down.”
“And you’re sure they’ll kill me?”
I was surprised she was still alive. “If you’re on your own and unprotected, yes.”
She covered her face again. “It’s not fair.”
No it wasn’t. Her only option was to join our pack for protection, but we could never be together since she was a half-breed.
“If I was human…”
We still wouldn’t be able to be together. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” she cried. “You never should have pursued me. You shouldn’t have made me fall in love with you.”
I knew all of those things but hadn’t been able to stay away from her. “I was drawn to you the first moment I saw you. You called to me.”
She folded her arms as if holding herself together. Pacing, she asked, “You knew I was a half-breed. What did you think would happen between us? Where did you see this going?”
I shook my head. I’d known we couldn’t go anywhere. Rubbing a hand over my face, I felt like shit. Maybe I should have left her alone and saved her this heartache. “I’m sorry,” I said for the millionth time, not knowing what else to say.
“When you drive me back to my dorm, that’s it? We’re done?”
My body screamed against the idea of us being done. I stood and faced her. “Yes.” My voice cracked, and the word felt like sand in my mouth. “Adan has been assigned to keep an eye on you. The rest of us will try to keep our distance. I’m not to be near you ever again.”
She started crying even louder, and another chink of my heart broke away seeing her like this. I did this to her. This was my fault.
“How can I be part of your pack when everyone hates me and you can’t even be around me?”
“There are ways.” I didn’t want to discuss any of it right now. “We’ll worry about that later.”
“How do I say goodbye to you? I can’t just shut off my feelings.” She gazed intently into my eyes, as if begging for an answer.
I didn’t know what to tell her. I’d been agonizing over the same thing all week. “Just know that I’ll always love you. No matter what happens, you’ll always have my heart. And know that I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep you safe.”
She stepped closer to me, placing her palm on my chest, against my heart. She looked up at me with her stunning blue eyes. “I love you, Rowan Ward. All of you.” She reached up, kissing my cheek. “Never forget that.”
Unable to control myself any longer, I leaned down, my lips devouring hers, demanding one last taste. As I kissed her, I realized I needed her like I needed air. Living without her seemed impossible.
Her hands roamed up to my neck and into my hair.
I wanted to rip her clothes off but forced myself not to. This was supposed to be goodbye. I couldn’t keep taking what I wanted from her. I had to let her go so she could live.
She stepped back, looking up at me with swollen lips. “Tonight’s our last night together?”
I nodded.
“And you brought me camping?”
“It seemed like you wanted to go.” I shrugged. “Plus I knew we could talk without anyone overhearing. And I could shift and show you what I am.”
“Thank you for bringing me here and the s’mores. Oh, and my tea.” She smiled.
“Tonight, I just want to hold you,” I said, my voice hoarse.
Technically, I wanted a lot more from her, but we couldn’t.
We needed to start separating now. If we had sex again, it would only make it even harder in the morning when I dropped her off for the last time.
Our mating bond was already forming, so we needed to be careful.
At first, I’d wondered if the mating bond solidified, if that would be a way around my dad’s ultimatum. But I knew it wasn’t. He would kill Laney to sever the bond. This, breaking up and living apart, was the only way to keep Laney alive and safe.
Laney went over to the tent, crawling inside. I entered after her. After opening one of the sleeping bags, I laid it on the floor. Then we used the other one as a blanket. Laney and I lay facing one another.
“I want you to know that I love you, Laney Lake.” I leaned toward her, kissing her tears. “I’m sorry it’s come to this.”
She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. “And I love you, Rowan Ward.”
I lay there, holding her in my arms. Her breathing became steady as she fell asleep. I kissed the top of her head. I knew I’d never have this with anyone else. Another chink of my heart broke off.
I must have dozed off because I jerked awake.
Darkness surrounded us. Laney was at my side, shivering, so I pulled the blanket up higher and tucked her against me.
The wolf part of me wanted to go outside and shift, then do a quick perimeter run to make sure we were safe.
The human part of me couldn’t bear to be away from Laney for even five minutes.
For the rest of the night, I lay there listening to Laney breathe. Instead of sleeping, I watched over her, memorizing every line of her face.
When the sky started to lighten, my heart shredded into pieces. It was time to pack up, take Laney back to the dorm, and say goodbye.
Laney stirred and stretched, her eyes opening. She blinked a few times. “I thought maybe I’d dreamed it all,” she murmured more to herself than to me.
“Morning, gorgeous.” I kissed her forehead and sat up. “We need to get going.” I’d already spent more time with her than my dad would approve of. It was time for me to hold up my end of the deal.
Once Laney crawled out of the tent, I slowly rolled up the sleeping bags. Then I methodically took the tent down, packing everything in my backpack, in no hurry to end my last time with Laney.
The two of us made our way back to my truck, neither of us speaking, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
When we reached my truck, I tossed my bag in the back, then came around to open the door for Laney.
“Do you have any other questions?” I asked as she climbed in.
“How many are in your pack?”
“A couple hundred. We’re the largest pack in North America.”
“How many other packs are there?”
I tapped the hood of my truck. “There are five in the U.S. and an additional twelve all over the world, for a grand total of seventeen.”
“I thought your pack would be smaller and there would be a lot more packs.”
There used to be more, but they’d declined over the years. “I don’t want you to do any internet searches,” I told her, leveling her with a stare so she’d know how serious I was. “Don’t do anything that gives the enforcers cause for concern.”
“Okay.”
I rounded the front of the truck and got in on the driver’s side. After putting my seat belt on, I did a u-turn and headed back toward campus.
“If you ever have any questions or need to know something, ask Adan in person. Never put anything in a text or in writing. When you talk to Adan, make sure no one is around. Our kind has excellent hearing, so be careful. If you have any problems or concerns, my dad is the one to talk to. You can get his contact info from Adan.”
“Why can’t we be friends?”
Because the mating bond was there. Even once I married another, my pull to Laney would be strong.
The best way around it was to not have any contact with her.
“My dad doesn’t want me to slip up.” A watered down, limited version of the truth.
I’d already hurt her so much, I didn’t have the heart to tell her any more.
Besides, us not having contact would be best. I couldn’t be around her and not be with her. “I’m sorry.”
“None of this is your fault.”
Even if I hadn’t fallen for her, she’d still be in this fucked up situation. She’d gotten the enforcers attention the night she crossed paths with one at the gas station. A total fluke.
I drove her to her dorm going under the speed limit the entire way.
I breathed in her smell, knowing this was the last time I’d be able to.
When we reached her dorm, I pulled up outside the building and put my truck into park.
Getting out, I came around and opened the door for her.
She got out and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly.
I let my arms curl around her one last time.
The last chink of my heart broke off, making me feel dead inside.