Chapter 14
“You are a wonderful creation. You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know.”
Brooks
About to stress out a beautiful man
With my feet planted on one side of the bench, I leaned my elbows on my knees and took a bite of my hashbrown. There wasn’t anything very interesting on Reddit today, but I kept scrolling anyway. I was so goddamn bored since I’d gotten here a little early.
The courtyard was busy as students rushed to get to class. It was ten, which gave me an hour until I had to be in Mr. Pritchard’s room.
McDonald’s was one of those things I shouldn’t eat, but I said, ‘Fuck it,’ and had it nearly every day, or something similar. My mom would have a heart attack if she knew, which gave me a small sense of satisfaction. I had to dutifully work it off so that she wouldn’t notice a difference when we saw each other. Fit people were shown to have better success in the business world and were liked more during an initial meeting, according to her.
Someone appeared in front of the bench, drawing my attention away from my phone. I turned to Tilian, who looked a little more spooked than usual.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I motioned toward the bag on the bench. “Breakfast.”
He blinked a few times, then pursed his lips. “You said there was something important to deal with.”
“Yeah. Eating.”
“Oh my god.” I moved my feet and he dropped into the seat and swiped a hand down his face. “Don’t send a text like that to someone with anxiety. My brain went into crisis mode.”
“A sense of urgency gets the blood pumping.”
“Why’d you buy me food?”
“Because humans eat, so corporations like to make money off of it.”
He pinched his nose with two fingers. “Thanks for the economics lesson.”
“Any time.”
“Really, though,” he said after a minute. “Thanks for the food.
It was clear that he was still irritated, so I put my chin in my hand and angled myself to look at him. When I smiled sweetly, he rolled his eyes.
“Oh, come on,” I drawled. “I got you food. Be amicable.”
“I’m not.”
“Smile for me.
“Make me.”
“Tempting, but I don’t think you’ll approve of my methods.”
“You drive me mad.”
“A little madness never hurt anyone.”
“Tell that to Poe.”
“He was a visionary. If he wasn’t crazy, we’d miss out on a bunch of great literature.”
“Alright, I concede.”
He smiled in the fakest way I’d ever seen. With a dissatisfied grunt, I kicked my feet up again and rested my legs in his lap. He scooted a little closer to me and settled one hand on my knee while he ate.
“Where’d you grow up?” I asked.
“Eatonville.”
“Sounds quaint. Siblings?”
“It’s my turn. What’s your favorite color?”
“Depends on the day.”
“Today?”
I met his eyes and the corner of my lips lifted. “Blue.”
“Basic. I have two siblings. A brother and a sister, both younger.”
“You’re always giving me more than I ask for.”
“Maybe I like that you want to know me. I’m guessing you don’t feel that way.”
I pointed, then un-pointed my toes a couple of times. “That’s kind of a complicated question. I want to know you and I realize that has to be reciprocal. Facts are easy enough.”
“What’s wrong with the deeper stuff?”
“It’s not as pretty as the outside.”
“Why?”
“Are you gonna stay in Washington after you graduate?”
He huffed. “No idea. Answer mine now.”
“I don’t know why . We’d probably need a psychiatrist to answer that.”
“Oliver is a psych major.”
“Well, I have no interest in being analyzed, but he’d definitely come if called, as long as Dean is there.”
“What do you mean?”
I raised a brow. “He’s got a thing for him. Don’t you see him checking him out all the time?”
“No. I didn’t know he was gay.”
“Maybe he doesn’t know, either. I haven’t taken the time to figure it out. Dean is straight, but sexuality is a spectrum. Maybe he’ll discover he’s sort of, like, demisexual when it comes to guys.”
“I’d ship them, even though they’d be kind of scary together. Too many muscles for one relationship.”
“Damn, now I’m invested in this.”
“Let’s get to class, then we can make an assessment. I bet Melissa will trade places with Oliver if we ask.”
I laughed at the idea of pushing them together. Maybe we needed to trap them in an elevator until they gave in. That or they’d kill each other.
When I got to my feet, Tilian followed suit. I latched onto his hand and pulled him closer. His lips parted and his brow tightened.
“Want me to let go?” I asked.
“No, I just figured you wouldn’t want to be seen holding my hand.”
“That’s stupid. You act like I’d be ashamed of you.”
His nose wrinkled briefly. “More like you wouldn’t want people to think you’re with me or something. They might make assumptions.”
“I don’t care about what people think, Tilian. As long as we’re on the same page here, I’m open to anything.”
“Anything?” he repeated, almost too quietly for me to hear it.
My teeth dug into my tongue for a moment. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say to that or if he even meant it that way. Instead of answering, I threaded our fingers and started walking.
As soon as we got to class, I winked at Tilian, then arranged the seat switch. Melissa didn’t seem to mind and when I invited Oliver over, he came without hesitation.
Dean walked through the door, then blinked a few times when he saw the change. Without saying anything, he sat down and started flipping through the pages of his textbook.
“Hey,” Oliver said.
Dean gave him a chin up. “What’s up?”
“Same shit, different day.”
“How original.”
The professor stood, so I leaned back and pulled out my laptop and textbook. I’d already read the whole thing, but I’d take lecture notes, then consolidate them with the ones I took while reading. It’d be a better study guide than anything he might provide.
In other words, it would be perfect.
*****
Where I’ll have to change out my skin
For what was probably the hundredth time since I got in my car, I sighed. I didn’t give a shit about this. I should, but I didn’t.
The door in front of me had a name plate that read Whitlock . What a pretentious name. It no doubt fit her perfectly. I imagined chestnut hair in a high ponytail without a hint of frizz or anything out of place. She probably wore a pencil skirt- black of course- and expensive shoes that weren’t worth the price. Her makeup wouldn’t be drastic, just the perfect amount to highlight her best features and cater to the men she’d encounter in her career- CEOs, judges, other attorneys, etc.
I turned my hand inward and knocked twice with my knuckles before I hid them away in my pockets. Quickly, I removed them so that I wouldn’t look unprofessional. I flexed my fingers in, then out. Once the door began to open, I relaxed them at my sides.
“Good morning,” Ms. Whitlock greeted with a smile.
Black pencil skirt, black heels that looked simple but cost at least five hundred dollars and, shocker, brown hair in an ultra-sleek ponytail. Spot on.
I gave her my most perfect smile. “Good morning. I’m Brooks Elrod.”
“Yes, of course. I’ve spoken with your mother. We’ve actually had a couple of interactions over the years.”
“It’s such a small world. She spoke highly of you.”
She put a hand on her chest. “That’s very nice of her. Come in, we can chat.”
When she turned around, I stretched out my mouth a little. There was going to be a lot of smiling throughout this conversation and I’d probably need a whole night to recover from it. Holding that expression was a pain in the ass, especially when it was during one of countless six-hour events I was required to attend growing up. Every time my lips wavered, my mom would shoot me a venomous look, so what did I do? I got really fucking good at smiling.
Ms. Whitlock had a couch in her office along with two armchairs. I took one of them and she sat in the other. Smoothly, I crossed a leg over my knee and folded my hands in my lap.
“You’re a freshman, correct?” she asked.
“Actually, I’m at the junior level.”
“Oh, that’s right. You only have another year and a half until law school, then.”
“That’s correct.”
“And you’ll be studying corporate law.”
It wasn’t a question. I had no doubt that my mom told her everything she needed to know. This wasn’t a chance for her to learn anything about me. It was a schmooze session. Win her over and she’d put in a good word for me anywhere I needed to go. I’d already get into law school easily, but apparently, I still needed connections.
Correction: I needed to earn the respect of my parents’ connections.
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll be pursuing corporate law.”
“Please, just Holly.”
Check.
“Holly,” I repeated with a smile, making sure to add some bass to my voice. “It suits you.”
She knew how the game worked, but she looked pleased by the compliment. Honestly, it wasn’t that much different than if the roles were reversed. A woman could play on a man’s ego, but it was effective the other way around too. Humans as a whole were always starving for validation. It was the easiest way to get what you wanted from someone. If all else fails, get the blood pumping between their legs.
It was disgusting when I thought about it. If this was just about law school, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. My parents were important figures in their world, though. Getting in with the right people was of the utmost importance. I knew that if Holly insinuated that she wanted to fuck me, I’d do it to gain her favor.
In this world, all we did was sell parts of ourselves over and over again until we became powerful. It was all a game and the only acceptable outcome was to be the winner.
Not all attorneys were like this. Most of them weren’t, actually. Only some found their way into the most corrupt corners of the one percent. Even if given the opportunity, many were committed to justice and wouldn’t sell their metaphorical souls to gain something pointless like power.
My family and those I’d been around since birth were like this, though. I was used to the worst kinds of people, so this was easy for me. Natural. It barely fazed me. One might call me a spawn of fucking Satan. Or I was just a little dramatic.
Now, onto the next step, which was another thing people couldn’t get enough of: talking about themselves.
I leaned forward slightly. “My mom told me about a dinner you once had with Richard Montgomery. I’d do anything to hear that story.”
Her eyes lit up at the prospect of singing her praises.
I was already bored to tears.
*****
Working out my frustrations but not how I want to
“Hey, Tilian,” Sen greeted with a smile.
I didn’t miss the way Kai’s eyes narrowed slightly. As quickly as it appeared, the expression was gone, but he brought Sen a little closer.
“Glad you could make it,” Kai added sweetly.
I chuckled as I tugged Tilian over by the hand. He smiled at my friends, clearly trying to work through his nerves.
“Hey,” he said. “Thanks for letting me come.”
Sen grinned. “Of course. You’re cool. Don’t mind Kai. He’s being a bitch today.”
Kai scoffed. “That’s not true. I’m just tired.”
“Why?” I asked. “It’s Sen’s insatiable need for your body, huh?”
“If only. West hasn’t been sleeping, so he’s been a nightmare. If he can’t sleep, it becomes everybody else’s problem.”
“He got attacked by a roach,” Sen explained.
My nose wrinkled. “I’d set myself on fire. Is that why he’s not here?”
Kai nodded. “Yeah, he was at the gym last time I talked to him. He’s not answering now. Hopefully, he passed the fuck out.”
Sen’s eyes were locked on me and Tilian. More specifically, he was staring at our interlocked hands.
“Are you guys…”
“No,” Tilian replied immediately.
“Just friends,” I added coolly. “I’ve seen West kiss Kai, so let’s be chill.”
Sen held up his hands. “Not being weird about it. Just clarifying. You’re always a mystery.”
“People keep saying that.”
“Well, if the shoe fits,” Tilian chimed in.
“Okay. Are we throwing these fucking axes or what?”
The smile that lit up Kai’s face was a little maniacal. I had a feeling that he’d be an expert at this. Sure enough, when he threw his first one, it was just inches from the bullseye.
Sen shot me a look, probably thinking the same thing as me. He hit the target too, though. Not as close as Kai, but he was significantly better at this than he was at ice skating. I’d gone with them once just before winter break and while West and Brooks were putting on an Olympic show, poor Sen was barely staying on his feet.
Tilian weighed the ax in his hand for a few seconds, then shrugged and sent it flying. He hit the edge of the target and smiled. I brushed the back of his neck with my fingers before I took my turn. When it sunk into the middle, I winked at Kai.
Had I already been here a few times? Obviously. It was cathartic. Next on my list was a rage room, but I hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
“I’ll be right back,” I announced.
Tilian watched me for a second, but Sen started talking to him. They looked like they were getting comfortable with each other, which I was glad for.
Stopping at the bar, I offered the guy a smile. “Can I get a beer?”
He eyed me up and down. “ID.”
I slid it across the counter. He barely glanced at it before he started filling a glass.
“Hey, I have a question. If I wanted three more of those, would you question it?”
He set the beer on the counter and scowled. “For your friends over there, I assume. If they’ve got ID, they can have whatever they want.”
“But, like…” I leaned closer. “How much to make you say that you saw their IDs?”
“What?”
Rolling my eyes, I pulled out a few hundreds. “Cool?”
He considered it with his lip between his teeth. I added another hundred, then pushed it toward him.
“Same for a tip too.”
“Fuck,” he growled. “Fine, but if anyone starts acting crazy, I’m kicking you all out.”
“Deal.”
Carefully, I balanced the four glasses as I made my way back to our stall. Tilian was throwing the ax when I got there. I set the drinks on a tall table, then shook out my hands.
“How the fuck did you manage that?” Kai asked. He was already grabbing one of them.
“I’m a god. Maxed out my speech skill, you know.”
“More like you have money,” Sen chortled. “Thanks, though. Obviously, we’re extremely appreciative and consider you one of our closest friends.”
I laughed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Tone down the flattery. It won’t work on me.”
“Pretty sure that’s a lie,” Tilian said.
“Okay, fine, but it really only does the trick when it’s someone I’m fucking.”
Sen nearly spewed his beer. “You get whipped that easily?”
“Nah, I just like having my ego stroked after someone has seen me naked.”
“Must feel nice when they don’t comment on your tiny dick,” Kai teased.
“Yeah, I’m sensitive about it. Shoot me.”
I hopped up on one of the chairs and swung my feet while I nursed the drink. Tilian came up beside me. His fingers touched my thigh unexpectedly and I winced, pulling it away automatically. I probably shouldn’t have continued to create the moon on my leg, but after my meeting with Holly, I needed to wind down.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
I caught his arm before he could step away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Do you… want to hang out after this?”
My lips pulled to the side. “It’ll be late.”
“Yeah, but we don’t have classes tomorrow.”
“True. If I’m not in bed by midnight, though, I turn into a pumpkin.”
He smiled and ducked his head. “What if I, uh, made sure you were in bed by midnight?”
Movement behind him drew my gaze. Kai smirked as he raised and lowered his brows suggestively.
He was probably onto something. Tilian was expressing interest, which both surprised me and didn’t. Even though he was an anxious fucker, he wasn’t necessarily afraid of things. He just had to overthink them before he made his move.
Taking him up on this was tempting, but he was my friend. I didn’t want to change that dynamic irreparably. He was beginning to know me on a deeper level and adding sex to that risked him seeing more of me than I wanted him to. It would take away some of my control over what we had, which I didn’t like to lose in any of my relationships. If they saw too much of me, they could start to pick apart all of my masks, then they’d have a direct line of sight inside of me.
I wanted to flip off Kai since he was shooting me knowing glances. He’d even made a ‘fucking’ gesture with his hands. Thankfully, Sen smacked him in the chest. It made Kai laugh, but it also drew his attention back to his boyfriend.
“Sure,” I replied. Well, that wasn’t what I told my mouth to say. “We can go to my place. Maybe we can work on our project.” I flashed him a lopsided smile.
“Yeah, cool.”
The light expression on his face remained, which allowed me to draw in a full breath. I was going to convince myself that he really did just want to hang out. If I didn’t return his advances, we’d just keep this friendship rolling. I really needed his calming energy in my life right now.
“Anyone want another round?” I asked.
When everyone assented, I hopped off the stool and headed to the bar, taking every step slowly while I thought about everything yet nothing in particular.