Chapter 46
Tilian
“A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. Why the fuck is that in my head?” I growled, dropping my pencil onto my notebook.
I was pretty sure Brooks sang it sometimes. Maybe a lot. That or my brain was just throwing annoying shit at me because it was a feisty bitch.
“Got any grapes?” Brooks sang as he came into the room.
“It is you.”
“I’m not a duck.”
“No, you’re a brain hijacker. I’m so tired of that song.”
“Sounds like you’re boring. Bet West would be all over it.”
“Because he’s psychotic.”
“Damn right, he is. Just like you. My little druggie boyfriend.”
I scoffed. “It’s not a drug.”
He pinched my chin to tilt my face up before he kissed me with sickening sweetness. Uncrossing my legs, I sat up on my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck. I resisted the urge to freak out when he lifted me off the bed. With my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands under my thighs, he carried me into the kitchen.
“Aw, that’s adorable,” Kai crooned.
Brooks set me on the counter and flashed him a smile. “Jealous?”
“Maybe I want to be carried.”
“You have too many pounds of muscle and a couple inches on me. Nobody can pick you up.”
“Want me to try?” Sen asked.
Kai chuckled and hopped up beside me. “When are you guys leaving?”
Brooks glanced at his phone. “A few minutes. We’re gonna stop for a sugar-filled breakfast, then make our way downtown, walking fast-”
He grunted when I kicked him in the stomach. Sen cackled and it made me laugh. I’d learned that he was all about stirring up trouble, which apparently hadn’t been the case when he first came to school. He’d been corrupted by their weird ass group of friends, plus he was learning who he was after all the shit he’d gone through his whole life.
“What are we supposed to do when your parents get here?” Sen asked, looking a little nervous.
Brooks shrugged. “Tell them I’m on vacation. You’re a smooth talker, Kai. Or be a dick. Doesn’t matter to me. Besides, I cleared it with the leasing office for you guys to be here for a week and my parents will just get pissed and leave. What else are they gonna do?”
“Kill us?”
“Eat us,” Kai added.
Sen grinned. “Sacrifice us.”
“Sell us on the black market.”
“Ooh. I bet they’d get a lot for you. You’re gorgeous.”
“I’m worried about you two,” Brooks noted. “You’ve become unhinged. You’re not gonna trash my place, right?”
Kai hummed thoughtfully. “We might just fuck on every surface.”
My nose wrinkled. “Can you not?”
Brooks pointed at him with a stern expression. “I’m offering you the privacy of this immaculate apartment so that you can make your boyfriend scream and not disturb your roommates. Don’t take advantage of my kindness.”
“Your kindness is noted,” Kai said as he tugged on a strand of Sen’s hair hard enough for him to punch him in the side. His fingers shifted so that he could grip it at his scalp and force Sen’s head back.
Brooks looked at me and rolled his eyes. “If you find my coke stash, leave it alone.”
Sen’s eyes widened and he looked around. “What?”
“I’m kidding. Jesus. Just… don’t bring any drug sniffing dogs around.”
He smiled and winked at me when it was clear Sen didn’t know whether to believe him.
“We should get going,” Brooks said.
He took the sides of my neck and kissed me, then pulled back and simply stared at me. Shaking his head, he came in to do it again. I clung to him tightly, even though we were about to spend an entire week together on a vacation . It was still kind of crazy we were already doing trips.
I swore when he lifted me again. He held onto the back of my head and bit down on the side of my neck. The way he laughed was goddamn beautiful and it was impossible not to do the same.
“You guys are gross,” Sen noted. “But adorable.”
“Want me to pick you up like that?” Kai asked.
“Once they’re gone, yes. Carry me everywhere. I want to be your koala for the foreseeable future.”
The sound of a door closing made my head snap up. Suddenly, I was on the counter and Brooks was a few steps away with his hands in his pockets. Just past the entryway, there was a woman who had hair shockingly similar to his, just a little darker. With her deep olive skin and the way her lips and cheekbones matched Brooks’, it wasn’t hard to guess who she was.
“Mom,” he said, all traces of amusement gone. “Why are you here?”
Her eyes took him in from top to bottom, then scanned me and the others. I shifted my fingers so they were under my legs, adding some pressure to them. It helped the flood of anxiety, but it would be a lot better if Brooks wasn’t so far away. He was distant, and I had to remind myself that it didn’t mean anything. We’d all been caught off guard.
“You knew I was coming,” she replied. Her voice was kind, but it didn’t feel genuine. I wasn’t sure how I determined that. It could’ve just been my pre-established opinion of her.
On more than one occasion, Brooks had implied that he struggled more with his mom than his dad. When he talked about them, it was the mention of her that made him tense. He often said ‘they’ expect certain things from him, but any time he mentioned specifics things, he’d recall conversations with his mom.
It definitely didn’t make me eager to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’d have to earn my respect.
Brooks shifted. “You were supposed to be here this afternoon.”
“I changed my flight.”
“Why?”
She raised a ridiculously perfect brow. “Is it a problem?”
“No,” he said quickly. “Of course not.”
“Good.” Her gaze went to me again, then Sen and Kai. I could tell he didn’t like the way she looked at us.
“Where’s Dad?” Brooks asked as his gaze traveled past her.
“He was held up on a case and kept the later flight. He’ll be here in a couple hours, but I thought me and you could get breakfast.”
“Oh.”
“You must be his boyfriend,” his mom said, coming closer. She looked at each of us. “Well, one of you.”
No pressure, Tilian. I just had to introduce myself to Brooks’ kind of scary mom who I already didn’t like. There was no doubt in my mind now that she wouldn’t approve of me.
I smiled at her the best I could. “That’s me. I’m Tilian.”
“I’m Ava.” She held out her hand.
When it came to people like her, I wasn’t into handshakes or other outdated traditions meant to convey nonverbal messages- confidence, superiority, dominance, et cetera. I’d asked Brooks about the claim that he was able to manipulate situations and figure people out. I learned that there were an unnerving number of ways someone could read a person through simple things like handshakes.
What they did with their eyes, how they moved, and how much they touched themselves or the things around them could reveal the way they felt about certain topics or the company they were with. It was a way to figure out their likes and dislikes and from there, possibly identify strengths and weaknesses by methodically steering conversations to gather information. It felt like simple dialogue between two people, but it was a game. Always a fucking game.
There was no doubt in my mind Ava would be playing that game, probably on a much higher level than Brooks did. He, at least, cared and didn’t seek to use information to hurt people. I didn’t believe that was the case with her.
My anxiety made my hands sweat sometimes and the last thing I needed was to appear weak here, but I couldn’t just not shake her hand.
When I did, her eyes snagged on my black nails. Brooks did them for me last night and I’d painted his toenails since he thought he couldn’t pull off the nail polish look.
“You have such an interesting name,” she said when she let go of my hand. “How long have you been together?”
I looked at him briefly, but I couldn’t read anything on his face. He had his hair wrapped around his hand tightly and was holding it off of his neck, but he let it go when he saw me looking.
“Um…”
“We should go,” he suggested.
“You’re right. I made a reservation and they won’t hold it forever. It was nice to meet you.” She started to turn, then stopped. “You know, since Noah won’t make it to breakfast, you should all come.”
Brooks looked like he’d be ill. I felt the same way.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because they’re your friends. You don’t tell us enough about what you do. And I only just learned about your boyfriend the last time we talked, but you didn’t tell me anything about him.”
“I said it’s not your business who I’m seeing.”
Ignoring him, she looked at us again. “Sorry, I didn’t get your names.”
Kai wrapped an arm around his boyfriend. “I’m Kai. Me and Brooks have been friends since the beginning of the school year. He’s an incredible, genuine person, but I’m sure you know that.”
“I’m Sen.” He lifted his fingers in a little wave. I expected him to seem awkward, but he held himself well. Sometimes, I forgot that he wasn’t quiet or timid. It was just that all of his friends were loud.
“Well, it’s up to you,” Ava said, “but you’re more than welcome to join us.”
Kai glanced at me, then at Brooks, clearly trying to assess the situation. The latter shrugged, keeping his eyes on the floor. I didn’t think either option was ideal at this point. If both ideas were trash, I’d go with the one that allowed me to keep an eye on my boyfriend and make sure he was okay. I could already see him being worn down.
“Breakfast sounds great,” I decided. “If it’s okay with Brooks.”
By the time Ava turned around, he was wearing a polite smile. “Of course. I’d love it if everyone got to know each other.”
“Perfect.”
She headed for the door and Brooks came up beside us. He passed me his keys, brushing my fingers as he did so.
“Take my car, all of you. I’ll ride with her.”
“Why don’t you come with us?”
“Because if I try to do that, she’ll insist we all go with her and I’d rather follow my phone off the balcony. Just… it’ll be fine.”
I took his arm and pulled him to a stop. “I’ll follow your lead here, but I have no idea what to expect. You haven’t told me a single thing about your parents aside from their jobs.”
Brooks’ nostrils flared. Before he could answer, Ava called his name. Without a word, he turned and followed her out the door.
I shared a worried look with Kai and Sen. Many times, I’d wondered how close he was to breaking. If there was anything that was going to do it, it might be this.
*****
I hated this place. Hated it.
The lights were bright and the employees were wearing suits. We hadn’t been given a chance to change, so I was in distressed jeans, Converse, and a sweatshirt that was just cropped enough to show an inch of skin above my waistband. Brooks had been wearing a casual black sweatshirt and nice jeans with a beanie when we left, but now he was sans beanie and his hair was tied back neatly. It was a direct affront to everything I held dear.
Kai was in a tight t-shirt that showed off his biceps and he looked more like a bodyguard than anything, especially with his keen eyes wandering the place. Sen was in a maroon hoodie, which might’ve stood out the least among us.
This wasn’t the kind of place with booths, which sucked. Me, Sen, and Kai sat on one side of the table, making it awkward. I was in front of Brooks, so I moved my foot forward to brush his calf. The corners of his lips pulled up as he took a drink of his water.
I looked at the appetizers on the table. Picking up something wrapped in bacon, I took a tentative bite and immediately regretted it. Brooks was staring at me, trying to hold in his amusement. He casually leaned his elbow on the table and covered his mouth with his fingers as I forced myself to swallow it.
“What is this?” I asked softly.
“Fig.”
“Why’d you let me try it?”
“Because I knew you’d hate it.”
I took a long drink of my mimosa to rid myself of that disgusting memory. Maybe I could run through these and get tipsy so that I could deal with this entire, uncomfortable situation. I definitely wouldn’t be eating anything I wasn’t familiar with.
“What are you studying, Kai?” Ava asked while she added a few pieces of fruit to her plate.
His head cocked and I wondered what was going through his brain. Was I offended she’d asked him first? I mean, yeah. It felt like it was purposeful, a slap to the face, probably because I didn’t like the fancy figs disguised inside of something as amazing as bacon.
“Business administration, ma’am.”
“Interesting. What do you plan to do after school?”
“I’m going to run my dad’s business.”
“How sweet. Construction or…”
Kai offered a smile that was just as underhanded as her comments. “No. It promotes gender diversity in the workforce and encourages young people to explore their dreams. And to be proud of what they choose to do, no matter what it is.”
Brooks’ foot was tapping incessantly against mine. I nudged his leg, but he didn’t look at me.
“And you, Sen?”
“I’m in a welding program.”
“Oh. Interesting. Blue collar work is so important for our society to function, you know.”
Kai looked like he was going to pounce. Her words were condescending- blatantly so. She clearly wasn’t trying to be subtle about her opinions of us.
“I love seeing diversity spread into all areas of our life,” she went on. “I think it’s brave that you want to work in a field that’s still dominated by heterosexual white men. It can’t be easy. As a woman in my field, I know how hard it can be to fight for respect and equal treatment, especially twenty years ago when I first started out. I’m sure most of them will be accepting, but there are always some, you know?”
Did she really just say some shit like that? It was so silent at the table that I started bouncing my leg more aggressively than Brooks had been.
Sen dropped a piece of apple onto his plate and it was loud enough to make me flinch.
“Excuse me,” he said before he got out of his seat and rushed toward the exit. Kai shot Brooks a glare before he followed.
“Fuck,” Brooks muttered. He got to his feet and took off after him.
“What about you?” Ava asked. “What are you studying?”
I didn’t want to answer. I’d rather chase after the others, but I felt frozen to the spot. If I opened my mouth, I might tell her she’s a bitch for daring to comment on the experiences of gay men, especially like that and for the reason she did. That wasn’t advice or support; it was a move- her third by my count.
“Uh, social work,” I managed to get out.
“You want to work with children? Any reason?”
“I had a friend in middle school who was in foster care. She was abused and went through hell with multiple families because she was trans. My brother is trans too and, obviously, I’m gay. People like us are even less safe than others in the system. I want to be a part of trying to make sure that kind of thing doesn’t happen if I can.”
The intense way she listened to me was unnerving, but I didn’t let myself cower under her stare. This was something I was passionate about and she didn’t get to be disrespectful. After a minute, she nodded.
“Tilian, I’m being completely honest when I tell you that I respect that. I know some people who could help you get places where you could do something really great someday.”
“Oh, I…”
“My son apparently hasn’t been forthcoming about his life here and, more importantly, his relationship with you, even though it’s clear that you’re in love with him. I find that concerning, if I’m being honest. You’re lovely and there’s nothing for him to be ashamed of. But this has nothing to do with him. I genuinely like your outlook.”
My mouth was incredibly dry, so I took a long drink of my water. I didn’t know if that was her fourth move. Was it two moves?
What was even happening anymore?