Chapter 9
R en
Dear Mum
I miss you so much. I miss your kind smile and how you always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better.
I miss your warm hugs and our laughs. Lately, I’ve been craving your blueberry zucchini muffins.
There’s a bakery somewhere near this school that Myles goes to and gets me these incredible muffins, but they don’t compare to yours.
You’d like Myles, I mean, I hope you would.
He sees me. At least, that’s how it feels.
Did you feel like that with Dad at any point?
Did everything start great until it wasn’t?
That terrifies me. How do you know when you’re dating the right guy?
Are they never the right guy, but just the right time?
There are so many big questions floating around in my mind that I can’t answer, and you were always my person.
I know you must know that Dad has left me here at the school and has all but disappeared.
It's just another question I can’t answer, but I want the answers from him.
Why this school? Why so soon after you…well, just after?
Sometimes, it feels like I never knew him at all.
He raised me, but all that time, he was a stranger.
I’m sure you’d smile and tell me that it was all going to be alright, but it doesn’t feel that way, and I’m trying really hard not to let anyone or anything get to me.
I want to be strong…no, I want to be fierce, but it’s so hard when all you want to do is curl up in a ball, hide from the world, and cry.
Don’t worry, I won’t. You raised me never to give up, so I will keep fighting, but this is my time with you to vent.
When I get to bear all my fears and insecurities and not be judged for them.
Like tonight, for example. I had Ivy and Chantry over, and we were having a great time.
Then Ivy mentioned something, and she didn’t do it to be mean, but I can’t get it out of my head.
Now that Myles and I are dating, I sort of assume that everything he tells me is the truth, but how do I really know?
And if I really like him, should I ignore his past?
I want to think that I’d know if he was lying to me and feel if our relationship was in trouble, but that’s a sparkly little lie.
He went out with friends tonight, and I have no idea where he went or how long he’ll be gone.
Now I’m sitting here worried over something that could be nothing, and even though it’s most likely nothing, I don’t know how to find out the answers I’m after.
Aside from stalking him, there is no way to find out, and I have to take his word for it. But should I?
Do you see what I mean? I’m a mess. I hate second-guessing myself, and you were always good at setting me straight. So, any sign at all or anything you can do to help me, please, Mum, I could really use you.
I love you, and I miss you.
Ren
I leaped as my phone dinged and buzzed in the quiet room. Picking it up off the bed from beside me, I smiled at the text message from Myles.
M: Hey there, Snowflake. Are you still up?
I bit my lip. “Thanks, Mum,” I whispered.
R: Yeah, I’m awake.
M: Are the girls still over?
R: No, they went back to their room already.
M: And the QB?
I smirked at the initials. Myles preferred to call Vicky, Queen Bitch, over Bee. I had to agree that it suited her much better.
R: Nope, she has thankfully not come back. Not complaining.
M: LOL. Then maybe you won’t mind some company?
Knock, Knock
An instant surge of excitement and heat flooded my body as I looked up at the door. A smile spread across my face that made me feel like a little kid at Christmas. My heart pounded as I hid my journal and walked over.
R: I don’t know if I can. I’m expecting my boyfriend to call. He might get jealous.
M: Your boyfriend? One that ain’t me? Okay, who am I killing?
I opened the door and he was leaning against the jam looking entirely too sexy in his black leather jacket and jeans with the devil himself in his eyes.
“Hello, Snowflake,” he said, his voice soft and dangerous. I opened my mouth to respond, but an awkward squeak came out.
There was a charge in the air the moment he was near me, and tonight, as I stared at him with his arms crossed, it was off the charts.
His dark hair was messy, and his amber eyes were as alluring as always, but the thick silver rings and tattoos stood out tonight and my mouth watered.
The heat flooding my cheeks was instant, and so was the hot flash that had my tank top feeling too heavy.
Myles looked me up and down, and I squirmed under the intensity of his stare, which made it feel like his hands were already on my body.
Myles stepped into the room and then turned to close and lock the door.
I swallowed hard as his eyes swung back to me.
He removed the leather jacket and tossed it on the small table.
Underneath, he was wearing a black hoodie, and yet it did nothing to hide how sexy he was.
Unable to contain the excitement flooding my body any longer, I jumped on him like a crazy person, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
“Oh, sweet lord, yes. I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of a welcome, but I’ll do it again anytime.”
“Just shut up and kiss me,” I said, dropping my lips to his. My stomach tightened into knots as the butterflies revived in my system and flew around, making me a jittery mess as his lips moved against mine. I held him tighter and moaned as his hands holding my ass in place, gripped me harder.
Myles didn’t stop kissing me as we walked to the bed, and as he laid down and settled his weight on top of me, I was once again grounded but coming apart at the seams, wanting more. More of what, I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t get him close enough.
Myles broke the kiss with a gasp. My heart was beating so fast it was as if all the butterflies were trying to explode from my chest.
“We need to slow down,” Myles said, but I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to kiss him all night long and not come up for a breath of air.
“Why?” I panted, my chest heaving as I tightened my hold on him.
He groaned and pressed his hips into me, and I gasped as I felt how excited he was under his jeans. Pleasure rushed through my body, and my hips pushed up and rubbed against him, trying to get him to do it again.
Myles sucked in a sharp breath, and it looked like he was in pain. “Did I hurt you,” I asked, suddenly worried that I’d already done something wrong. My first little bit of more than PG stuff, and I was screwing it up.
“Naw, not like that. But yer gonna make me blow in my jeans,” he groaned, rubbing against me again.
“Ohh,” I moaned and shuddered. I pushed up to meet Myles as he moved, my body coaxing me for more, my mind spinning out of control. I slipped my hands into his back pockets and loved how he shivered.
“Fuck Snowflake, yer drivin’ me nuts. Let me make ya feel good.” I tensed. “I don’t mean sex. We don’t have to remove a single piece of clothin’,” he said, and I decided to take the leap and see what he meant.
“Alright.” I nodded, and he smiled before slipping off my body to lie beside me.
I started to roll to face him, but he shook his head and used his finger to press my shoulder down gently.
Not even laying in a pool of sunlight for too long could compete with the heat Myles emitted. My entire right side was burning.
Myles kissed my cheek, and as he nuzzled closer to my neck, I turned my head away and shivered as his lips touched my skin.
He had to be able to feel my pulse. It was pounding so hard that my head was as light as the fluttering in my chest. His finger drew a line from my shoulder across my bare collarbone, and goosebumps rose along my skin.
My breathing hitched and then stopped as his finger traveled down the middle of my chest before his hand cupped my breast. His thumb circled my nipple, and the sensation drove me insane.
“How’s that Snowflake,” he asked softly against my skin.
I nodded, not trusting my voice. He must have understood my inaudible answer as he rubbed over my nipple next, and a moan escaped my lips.
The feeling was completely different from when I touched myself, and little sparks seemed to be shooting around through my body.
I rubbed my legs together and gripped the blanket into my fist as his movements became bolder. Each roll of his fingers and squeeze of his hand had me breathing faster.
“I can feel yer heart, Snowflake,” he said and nipped at the sensitive spot on my neck, making me squirm. “I love that yer heart pounds like this for me.” Myles’s hand cupped my cheek, and as soon as my eyes met his, he kissed me again.
With each passing second, the world narrowed in on him a little more until there was nothing else in my mind but the taste of his lips, the sound of his groans, and the feel of his hands sliding down my body.
I tensed a little when he slipped over the waistband of my sleeping pants, but he never slowed or tried to undo the string and settled his fingers between my legs.
“Relax, Snowflake. I won’t hurt ya,” Myles whispered.
Taking a shuddering breath, I ordered my body to try and relax, but it was like I’d been pulled so tight that I was ready to snap.
“I’m not scared you’ll hurt me,” I said as he nipped at my bottom lip. He smirked and kissed me again. I gasped as his fingers rubbed circles, teasing me and pushing me higher in my desperation. My legs spread a little wider, and I gripped his neck like I was hanging on for dear life.