34. Chapter 34
Chapter thirty-four
Ozzy
He didn’t know who to expect when Ev opened the door, but Mason certainly wasn’t top of mind. Yet Mason stepped up into the trailer, glancing around. “Okay. What’s the story here? Because we’re getting a whole lot of freaking out and not a whole lot of work done out there while everyone’s wondering about this.”
“My mom and dad aren’t worried, are they?” Jamie shook his head. “I wasn’t trying to freak them out.”
Ozzy put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “You’re fine.” He locked eyes with Mason, trying to communicate all the context necessary without taking away Jamie’s agency. “Kid needed to talk with someone who would get what he was saying. I might have been a little…gruff with Corinne and them. I’ll apologize.”
Mason nodded. “Got it.” He shifted his gaze to Jamie. “Probably want to go make an appearance. Your parents aren’t worried worried, just hoping everything’s all right. They’d probably like to hear from you.”
Jamie nodded, then looked back at Ozzy, eyes wide, but looking a lot less…horrified than he had been before. “Thanks.”
That word stung at Ozzy’s middle and he started getting that stupid prickling behind his eyes. He nodded and gave Jamie’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Any time.”
He nodded to Evander one more time, then walked past everyone and out of the trailer.
Mason plopped down into one of the chairs, blowing out a big, long breath. “Coming out?”
“If he wants to.” Ev took his chair back, moving it a little closer to Ozzy before fully settling back down. “He wanted some advice from someone who’s been there. What he does with that is up to him.”
Mason nodded. “Well, I hope everything goes well.”
“Me too.” Ozzy hated the stupid catch in his voice. When Evander put a hand on his knee, he hated that way less than he knew he probably should. He didn’t bother to push Ev off or move away. “I’ve been there.” He still remembered the immediate cold that filled his house when he came out as bi…and the fire when he came out again as gay. It was only because he was quick enough that he avoided getting decked by his dad. When he’d eventually come back home from Ev’s place— his parents didn’t mind any of it—half his shit had been broken and left on his floor. They eventually reached something resembling calm, but it still burned the inside of his skull to even remember that moment, walking through the immaculate house only to open his bedroom door and see it absolutely ravaged.
He didn’t talk to either of his parents for days after that, and neither of them seemed particularly eager to open up conversation either.
Mason leaned back with a grunt. “Jesus. Not what anyone was looking for right now, is it?”
“I don’t think any of this is what we were looking for.” Ozzy tried so hard to bite his tongue, but the criticisms flew out anyway. “So sorry Ev and I tried to help a kid out instead of worrying about this stupid fucking surprise these rich fucks have in mind for their parents.” He couldn’t believe they were focusing on the job like it mattered . “Maybe if they were better parents, he wouldn’t have to be so worried.”
“Whoa, Ozzy.” Evander pulled his hand away from Ozzy’s knee. “He didn’t say his parents were going to be a problem.”
“Yeah, well maybe they should have raised him knowing it didn’t matter.” Ozzy pushed up out of the chair and brushed past. He couldn’t breathe in that damn trailer. He couldn’t look at any of them anymore. He needed space and he needed people who weren’t prioritizing this bullshit job and he needed to not have a total fucking breakdown around company.
“Ozzy!” Evander’s voice almost caught him as he opened the door, but it wasn’t enough. He pushed past, headed down, and marched to the opposite end of the yard, where they’d apparently sufficiently piled up the soil to make it look like it had been put there purposefully. He didn’t know or care what the story was supposed to be if they got close enough to see there was no hole. It didn’t matter. None of this stuff mattered.
A few glances shot his way, but Ozzy ignored them. He went straight for the dirt pile and stuck his hands in. Immediately, the slightly chill, damp soil calmed him. He would have preferred something to actually do . Plants to arrange, weeds to pull, anything. But he would take the comfort of the dirt for the moment. He pushed in deeper, all the way to his elbows.
As it worked on him, the tension leaching away into the ground, his head cleared. As always seemed to be the case, he saw his asshole behavior in hindsight, never in time to stop himself.
Ozzy curled his buried fingers through the dirt and inhaled the scent of earth. The calm continued to spread the longer he stayed there, the deeper he sank his arms and hands into the soil. If he thought he could have gotten away with it, he would have gone shoulder deep. He couldn’t remember where he heard about it, but there was apparently some kind of evidence that touching earth was good to help you calm down. Or it was a bunch of horse shit and he was just able to enjoy the placebo effect.
“Ozzy?”
He didn’t recognize that voice, and it wouldn’t honestly have mattered if he did. “Kind of occupied.”
In his periphery, he saw Melanie. His heart rammed up into his throat and the good vibes from the big pile of soil were no longer cutting it.
She wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you.”
The world flipped and turned. Slowly, Ozzy pulled his hands free, wiping them off on his thighs, then taking a step back from the hug. “Thanks for what?”
“Jamie just spilled out his little heart to us.” She kept her voice low. “Once he got done talking, he said you helped explain stuff to him.” She smiled at Ozzy, big and wide, pushing her cheeks up into full circles. “So thank you.”
That was fast. Or I’ve been standing here buried in dirt for a long time . The words from Melanie didn’t really sink in, just sort of hovered on the outside of his thoughts. He’d heard them, understood them, but they felt somehow distant. Fake. Like a movie he’d seen instead of something that had actually been spoken to him.
“We really need to get on and make sure everything’s ready for your parents. Don’t want to ruin the surprise.” He heard it like it was someone else speaking. Someone stilted and a little bit too cold. So he forced a little more excitement into his voice, even though it felt like dragging a horse up out of the mud by hand. “You’re welcome. Just kind of took up some time doing that and want to make sure all this effort doesn’t go to waste, right?”
“Right.” She backed away, still grinning. “I know where to find you when this is done. Really. Truly. Thank you.” She only made it a couple steps before jogging back and hugging him again. Tight.
Then she actually went inside and Ozzy stood, trying and failing to process anything.
“Hey.” Evander. When had Evander gotten to him? When had Evander grabbed his hand?
Ozzy looked over at him and saw his forehead creased with worry as they went into the out building and closed the door.