Chapter 8
Eight
Damien
Fuck, that was intense.
A lot more intense than I predicted, actually. I think I severed an entire part of my soul by trying to behave. But I managed—almost. I might have licked Jacob’s wrist more than I should have, and probably made a lot more noise too. But, hey, that’s all I did.
I deserve a reward for my good behavior.
Now who wants to drink human blood? I definitely don’t.
The thought of its metallic taste makes me want to gag.
It’s nothing compared to the sweet, burning ecstasy of vampire blood.
I wonder why motherfucking Ledger hid all of this from us.
Did he think we’d drain him? I’m not even sure if that can cause a vampire’s death.
He could have easily overpowered us too.
There’s no point in thinking about that now, though.
Jacob’s blood was, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever tasted.
I basically orgasmed on his blood alone, and that’s a lot to say.
Not literally, but it felt like it. I’m afraid it might have broken Killien, though.
The fire in his eyes after drinking was more intense than I’d ever seen before.
In the brief moment when our gazes met, I could swear he begged for my touch.
His soul did, involuntarily. And, although I was dying to jump across the sofa and claim what’s mine, I behaved.
I looked away, and it might be what I regret the most.
Maybe if I had stood my ground, he would have given in.
I wonder if Jacob would have let us get freaky.
Probably not. He showed the kind of man he is last night, seriously.
I thought I would lure him into doing something, but he acted cold as ice.
He even went after Killien first, when he ran away.
I tried to get off the sofa and go with them, but ended up stumbling on the damn coffee table.
I landed on top of it, adding more scuffs to the already battered wood. Now the legs are uneven too.
Curiosity killed the cat, right? I missed their conversation.
When Jacob returned, he helped me back onto the sofa and resisted all of my advances.
I was high as a fucking kite and had no shame whatsoever.
I tried touching him, forcing his hand on my crotch, biting his arm playfully, but nothing worked.
He just pushed me onto the sofa and kept telling me to calm down.
The fucker even avoided looking into my eyes.
I like that he’s such a gentleman, but I’d rather he’d have fucked me senseless. Not that I don’t understand why he didn’t do it, anyway. At least the teeny-tiny rational side of me does. Yes, it lives somewhere in the very back of my brain. I do have more than just impulses. Sometimes.
It seems like Killien was broken enough, if Jacob hadn’t contained himself, it would have been too much for him to take.
He’s acting weird now, even if nothing happened.
Avoiding my gaze is his newly discovered talent, apparently.
He sits at the discolored dining table, saying nothing and staring at his phone.
Not even Jacob can make him speak. My ginger angel looks stressed.
I need to do something because I’m about ready to crawl out of my skin, so I lean closer to Jacob and grab his hand. He looks at me tenderly and smiles. Fuck, he’s hot as hell. Even more now that I’ve tasted him.
“I love your tattoos,” I say, tracing the lines of the red roses on his hand. “Do these mean anything in particular?”
Jacob smiles widely enough to show off his dimples and I’m suddenly more enticed by him than ever.
“Well, I got these last year. They are my most recent tattoos. I think of them as a representation of balance, you know? The contrast between the soft petals and the sharp thorns reminds me of what life is like. Pleasure and pain, happiness and hardship.”
I wonder what kind of hardships Jacob’s been through. But instead of asking about that, I softly trace the lines of the bird on his neck with my index finger. He stops breathing, muscles tensing under my touch. I can’t help but smile as I imagine the things I wanna do to him.
“And what about this one?” I wrap my hand around his throat gently, feeling him swallow.
I seem to have forgotten that Killien is in the room, because I’m suddenly startled by the intensity of his stare.
His eyes are laser focused on what I’m doing, one of his feet tapping against the wooden floor nervously.
“That’s a phoenix.” Jacob grabs my wrist gently and pushes my hand away, placing it on his lap. “It wasn’t my first tattoo, but it was the first one I wanted. It took a while for me to settle on a design. It’s probably the most special piece I ever got.”
“Were you still human when you got it?”
“Oh, no,” he chuckles. “My interest in tattoos only started after I was turned.”
“Really?” I can’t imagine Jacob without any ink, it almost feels wrong.
“Yeah, getting into this art gave me a purpose after the hardest moments of my life. I was reborn, both as a vampire and in spirit, which is why I got a bird that can rise from its ashes.” He offers me a bitter smile, and although I’m dying to ask what he means by that, I don’t.
It feels like pushing too far, somehow, and I’m not sure he’s willing to talk about it.
We stay silent for a minute, until Jacob stands, squeezing my hand affectionately before letting it go.
His touch feels heavenly, and I find myself not wanting him to leave.
I stare as he walks towards the dining area, picking up his leather jacket, which was hanging on the back of one of the chairs.
That old set of furniture still brings back memories of our first time inside this house.
The many marks and scuffs on the orange wood tell stories that we’ll probably never know about.
“Well, guys, I guess I should get going,” Jacob says, placing a hand on Killien’s shoulder.
Don’t fucking touch him.
Who am I jealous of? Killien? Jacob? Both? I don’t even know anymore.
After drinking Jacob’s blood, I’m fixated on getting into his pants.
But I also can’t stop wondering what Killien’s blood tastes like.
I’ve unlocked a new kind of desire for intimacy with my brother, something even deeper than just sex and the overwhelming love I feel for him.
I want Killien to own me completely. What if he drained me and then filled me up again? Would we become one in blood?
Killien looks up at Jacob and smiles.
He fucking smiled. At Jacob, not at me.
Now I’m raging jealous.
“Thank you,” he says.
“Anytime, buddy.” Jacob pats his back.
What is this complicity between them? I want in!
I curse at my own legs for failing me when I was high, while I pull a bit too hard on the loose threads of the sofa’s fabric.
I really should have listened to their conversation.
There’s a strange kind of tension in the air, in the way they look at each other.
If they’re starting to get into something, I want to participate.
God, that would be such a wet dream come true.
“Can I go with you?” I jump off the sofa and rush to take Jacob’s hand in mine.
To my surprise, Jacob turns to face me and kisses me softly.
The knuckles of his free hand pull my chin up as he leans a little bit to reach my lips, his perfume invading my senses and making my knees weaken.
And we’re right in front of Killien, who looks away with a shocked expression as soon as my eyes find his.
“No, honey. I have work now.” Jacob caresses my cheek. Damn, he’s cute and way sweeter than I expected, and I’m horny again. “I stayed to make sure you both were safe. I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? Come to my apartment and I’ll introduce you to my friends.”
I pout like the little brat I am, getting a snort from him, followed by another kiss.
“We’ll chat later,” Jacob says, as he lets go of my hand and approaches the front door. He waves at Killien before leaving.
His musky perfume lingers around me, intoxicating my brain with all sorts of naughty ideas. Drinking his blood has only made me want him more. Fuck. Now I’m torn between pressing my brother to break for me, or making my way under Jacob’s skin until he can’t think of anyone else.
The old chair creaks when I sit facing Killien, crossing my arms and legs. Once again, my brother looks away as soon as my eyes find his.
Sneaky.
“Slept well in the car last night?” I ask.
“I didn’t sleep much.” He shrugs, tapping his fingers on the wooden table a few times in a frantic rhythm. Something he only does when bad shit happens.
I know I’m trying to break him, but I don’t want him to suffer like this. If he’s going to struggle, he should be doing so in my arms. But my ginger angel won’t open up.
“You didn’t have to leave,” I say, trying to meet his gaze, but failing. “Nothing happened with Jacob last night. He wouldn’t allow it.”
Killien presses his lips together and frowns. Is he jealous? Angry? Uncomfortable? Fuck, he’s hard to read lately. I used to get him instantly, but he’s put a lot of distance between us in a matter of days.
“I thought it was better that way,” he sighs, but the frown remains. After moving his eyes around the room for a while, they finally land on mine. My heart skips a beat when his expression softens. “I owe you an apology, I think.”
“What?”
“Something is happening to me, Damien.” He looks at his hands pressed against the orange wood for a few seconds, then returns to me. “I’ve been lashing out at you for no reason. I don’t do well with changes.”
“What changes?” Anxiety creeps up my throat, I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“You know—” Killien rubs the tips of his fingers against his temple. “I don’t feel like the same person anymore. It might be the blood, or not. Who knows? But I can’t—I struggle to come to terms with it. You took it all so . . . well.”
“I don’t understand.” My back straightens, and I can’t stop myself from reaching for his hand across the table.
Just like I did when we ran away from home and he needed my reassurance.
But this time it feels different. He flinches, though it’s almost imperceptible.
At least he doesn’t pull his hand away. I’m panicking, but keep my poker face up.
“Well, you don’t have a problem with how your life changed since Ledger turned us. You just accept things as they come. You go with the flow. I don’t know how to do that.”
“I guess I like to roll with the punches.” I shrug, but I still don’t understand where he’s going with this.
“You’re good at being spontaneous, always were . . .” He smiles for the first time in hours, and my heart melts in my chest. I love when he speaks like he’s proud of me, especially when his eyes glisten with affection. “I was always more structured, right? I’m not used to doubting myself.”
“Doubting yourself?” I lean forward on the table, making it wobble a little bit. “You? What’s wrong, Killi?”
“Nothing really.” He huffs out a small laugh. “It’s not wrong at all—I just don’t know what to do. I think . . .”
You think what? WHAT?
I’m going to strangle him if he doesn’t keep talking, I swear.
“Just say it, for fuck’s sake.” I can’t stop the words from rolling out of my mouth.
Killien shrugs. “I should start dating guys, I think.”
No, you fucking shouldn’t.
NO WAY IN HELL.
“What the fuck?” I snap, letting go of his hand to recline back on my seat. I want to jump and start pacing around the room, but I force my poker face back up.
“Yeah, it’s been fogging my mind for a while, apparently.
” He smiles nervously, running his hand down his ginger hair and pulling it away from his face.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so on edge. It was just my mind trying to tell me that I want to try something new.
Which is fine, but it took a while for my brain to process it, I guess. ”
Oh, hell no. No, no, no. Fuck me.
I have no words to say, really. I want to scream that I am the only guy he should be dating.
I’m head over heels for him, have been for years.
But will that help or only make things worse?
What am I supposed to do? Should I let him do his own thing until he comes back to me?
I really don’t want him with another man.
Not if I’m not gonna be involved, at least.
“I promise, I won’t make things weird again,” he says, looking down at his fingers as they tap the wood once more. “And I won’t get between you and Jacob—I overreacted, and it was wrong. I’m sorry.”
Fuck!
I do want him between me and Jacob. That was the whole point.
No, I want Jacob between us, that’s what I want! I’ll have to find a way to sway him back to me. But lashing out right now won’t get me anywhere, so I swallow my rage and smile like the good boy I’m not.