Chapter 18
Lily
Change
YUNGBLUD
I pace nervously back and forth in my kitchen. It’s a quarter to ten, and I have no doubt that Luc will be here right on time, if not early. It was quite clear he wanted to spend more time with me.
I googled him last night. I knew I probably shouldn’t. I didn’t want it to influence my own organic opinion of him. But after wondering about who the man in the photo was for so long, I had to know more about him.
The things I read weren’t pretty; bad boy, reckless behavior, hard drinking and drug use. Endless pictures of him, always with his arm slung over a different woman’s shoulder or with his band. Everything I read seemed in such contrast to the man I met yesterday.
I close my eyes, my head falling back on my shoulders as I say a silent prayer. What happens today is really going to change everything. I heave out a breath, open my eyes, and then almost shriek when there’s a knock on the door. Yep, he’s early. I knew he would be.
Here goes nothing. I inhale another breath for courage and stride over to the door, pulling it open. He’s stunning. It’s the first thing that enters my brain when my eyes land on him.
He’s dressed simply, in faded blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a pair of sneakers. No hat on this time, his sunglasses pushed up on his head instead. His hair is messy, but it’s in that way a guy that looks like him can get away with and have it look perfect.
“Hey.” His hand lands on the door frame above my head as he greets me. “You moved.”
“That’s right,” I recall from our conversation yesterday. “You came to my apartment.” I stand back from the open door and motion for him to come inside. “I needed more space.”
“This is nice.” He offers, as he steps inside and openly assesses my home. It’s really not anything special, but it is nicer than the apartment I had.
It’s a small house, with a couple bedrooms, a large open living space, and has a yard. And it’s in a gated community, which I love. It offers a little bit more security.
The settlement I got from the accident made it possible for me to buy the house almost outright, so the mortgage is actually less than my rent had been. And I still have my dad’s car, which meant no car payment.
I probably could afford to work a job less demanding than the one I have at Sapphire Resorts, but I really do love my job. And they were amazing to me when I was in the accident. I don’t think I cooked a meal for almost three months after I was home.
“Did you want to do something today?” He’s standing at the edge of my living room, one hand in his pocket as he asks the question.
“I actually have something else I want to talk to you about.”
“Oh, okay.” He nods, watching as I walk toward the kitchen, my bare feet pattering against the tile floor as I step into that space.
“Do you want something to drink?” I point to the counter. “I’ve got coffee, or water or juice?”
“Coffee actually sounds good.” He scrapes a hand over the brown beard lining his chin. “Only been up about an hour. Ended up being a later night than I expected.”
“Oh, how was the show?” I spit out, embarrassed I didn’t think to ask already. “Was playing at the Sphere cool?”
“So fucking cool.” A wide grin breaks across his face, pure joy shining from him. “We’ve played all sorts of venues, but that place is unreal.” He gives a small shake of his head. “In the best way.”
“You want cream or sugar?” I place a mug in the Keurig and press the button to start the brew, then switch gears back to his show. “I went to see the Eagles there back in March, and it was amazing.”
“The Eagles are amazing anywhere they play.” He concurs, glancing toward the mug of coffee. “Black is perfect.”
The coffee finishes and I carry the mug over to him. “You want to sit in the living room?” He nods as he takes it from me, his lips parting to blow a breath across the dark liquid before taking a sip as he follows me.
“Did you tell the guys in the band about me?” I’m curious what they must think. Especially after what he told me yesterday. I’m sure they’re worried what finding me might do to him.
We both sit on the couch, each choosing a corner.
“I told them.” He’s quiet a moment, his gaze darting around the room before landing on me again.
“It’s part of the reason I was up so late.
Didn’t get a chance to break the news until after the show.
” He shrugs. “They had questions.” He chuckles. “Lots of questions.”
“Hey!” He exclaims with a smile as Teddy appears out of nowhere, jumping up beside him on the couch. “I remember you.”
He scratches at the scruff under the cat’s neck, loud purrs beginning to rumble from Teddy. He only stays a second, departing as quickly as he came, tail wagging in the air as he does.
Luc takes another drink from the cup as he watches Teddy leave. “Dean wanted to come with me today. Make sure I would be okay.” One side of his mouth quirks up. “They have a right to be worried. I didn’t handle things well, when-” He clears his throat, “when I couldn’t find you.”
“I’m sorry if this is making things harder for you.” I shift on the couch so my body is facing him. “Harder with the band.”
“It’s not your fault, Lily.” He shakes his head. “For whatever reason, the universe had different plans for us two years ago, but it seems fate brought us back together anyway.”
His eyes narrow as he stares over at me. “I have to believe there’s a reason for that.”
Oh, there’s a reason alright, and I know I can’t put off telling him much longer. “So, you said we slept together a few times during the two nights we were together?”
“Yep.” The ‘p’ popping at his confirmation.
“Did we use protection?” I can feel my face heating and hate how my body always betrays me. It shouldn’t be a question that causes me to blush.
His brows draw together at my question, and I don’t think it’s in confusion, but rather maybe because he’s wondering why I would ask. “Actually, we didn’t.”
His eyes narrow as he analyzes me. “You were going to go and get the Plan B pill in the morning…” His frame tenses as he sits up straight. “Except you got hit by a car.”
“Yeah,” I repeat like a robot. “Except I got hit by a car.”
“Holy shit, Lily.” He stands abruptly, coffee splashing out of the mug as he does. “Are you trying to tell me what I think you are?”
I rise as well, but much slower, the words I’m about to say weighing me down. My heart is thundering under my rib cage, my nerves causing my hands to shake as I feel my head bob up and down as I begin to explain.
“I didn’t even realize until four months after the accident.
” The words come out in a rush, and I almost stop when he turns a ghostly shade of white, but I keep going, wanting to get this over with.
“I hadn’t gotten my period, but I thought it was because my body was broken and healing.
My boobs hurt, but my ribs were broken, so I just attributed it to that. ”
“You were pregnant.” He surmises, his eyes flicking to my stomach, like the baby is still inside me.
“When I realized my abdomen wasn’t swollen, but indeed growing, I went to my doctor and yes, they confirmed it.” I nod and say it again. “I was pregnant. Almost seventeen weeks by the time I realized.”
“I think I might throw up.” His hand moves over his stomach as he walks toward the kitchen, placing the coffee on the island as he heads to the sink. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
I watch as he places both hands on the edge of the sink, his head falling between his arms, his chest heaving up and down.
I understand how he feels. It’s about the same way I reacted. Worse because I didn’t even remember who I had sex with. Had no idea who the father of my baby was.
I walk up behind him and gently begin to rub small circles on his back with my fingers. “I’m sorry, Luc.” I whisper. I know I just changed his life forever, and I have absolutely no idea what this is going to do to him.
“I’m okay.” He murmurs, his back vibrating under my touch. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”
“Imagine how I felt when I found out.” I say softly. “At least you remember having sex with me.”
He whirls around, my balance thrown off by the quick action, and he grips me around the arm to steady me. “Jesus Christ, that’s true.” He closes his eyes for a second. “This is so fucked up.”
“Just a little.” I agree, our eyes locking when his lids open.
“Did you have the baby?” He asks, his voice low.
“I did.” I nod. “I had a little girl. On July 4th, last year. She’s almost a year old.”
He stares at me, with the very same eyes that our daughter has. The ones that have haunted me for the last eleven months. So very different from my light blue colored irises. She has his hair, his eyes, even his nose. It’s uncanny. And so strange after wondering for so long who her father might be.
“I have a daughter.” He repeats, as if saying the words will make it more real for him.
“Only if you want one.” I say, knowing that there is nothing normal about this situation.
He takes a step back as if slapped. “Wait, what?”
“Luc, you didn’t ask for this.” I throw my hands up.
“Neither did you.” He retorts, anger in his tone.
“I just mean that I don’t expect anything from you. I didn’t even know who you were until yesterday. I didn’t know if I’d ever find out who her father was. I assumed I’d always be her only parent.”
“But you’re not.” He takes a step closer to me. “I’m her father.” He shakes his head. “Even if I didn’t know it until five minutes ago. I would never not acknowledge a child that’s mine, let alone walk away.”
“I-” I turn, twisting to hide the tears that come unannounced, my shoulders beginning to shake at the emotions I’m trying to contain.
“Lily.” Luc pulls me to him, enveloping me in his arms, his breath warm against my ear. “Please don’t cry.”
I try to stop, I really do, but the more I try, the more I seem to leak tears. I let him hold me. It’s really, really nice to not feel so alone.
When I can finally speak, I peek up at him under my wet lashes. “I just never thought I would find her father. Or that when I did, he would want to be involved in her life.”
“Here I am.” He assures me, not an ounce of hesitation in his response.
“Here you are.” I say, disbelief still surging through me.
“Lily?” He peers down at me.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I could meet my daughter?”
“Of course.” I laugh, nodding through the tears still escaping in little bursts as I step out of his embrace. “Her name is Larkin, by the way. Larkin Marie. And she looks exactly like you.”
“Larkin.” He says the name out loud.
“It’s kind of after Larkspur. It’s the flower for the month of July.” I shrug. “I’m a Lily, so I figured another flower in my garden. And Marie is my mom’s name.”
“I like it. It’s pretty.” He offers me a smile. “Where is she?” He looks around. “Is she here?”
“She’s at my mom’s.” I explain. “I wasn’t sure how this was going to go, so I dropped Larkin off with her earlier.”
“Can we go see her?” He persists. “Is it far?”
“Let me call my mom. I’ll have her bring Larkin here.” I grab my phone off the counter. “She’s only a few miles away. She helps me a lot. It’s been good for her. It’s filled a big hole for her. With my dad gone.”
“God.” He clutches onto the back of his neck, the expression on his face one of disbelief. “I’m a dad.”
“You’re taking this much better than I thought you would.”
“I think I’m still in shock actually.” He admits. “I thought running into you yesterday, finding you after two years; I thought nothing could surprise me more.” He chuckles. “You sure blew that to hell.”
“There’s so much we still need to figure out.” I remind him.
“And we will.” He points to my phone. “Call your mom. I want to meet my daughter.”