Chapter 16
If waking up with my naked ass tucked into my own bed like a toddler wasn’t enough of a reminder of my behavior last night, Liam asleep on my bedroom couch brought it all home. I was mortified by the way I had acted.
What would I have done if we had sex? What did I expect? For us to skip off happily into the sunset and live happily ever after with my family’s blessing? I was sure that was yet another delusion brought on by me constantly choosing the wrong men.
Thankfully, Liam was always a gentleman. It didn’t matter that I wanted him or how sexy I thought he was. He worked for Syre. The job description came with a death threat. Even if it didn’t, I wanted more than a few casual rolls in the hay.
My desire for a deeper connection was part of the reason for my six months of celibacy. At the rate I was going, it would probably be six years before I found someone worthy of welcoming into my bed. Liam was the only man I could deem worthy of my time. He was the only one who got me and really saw me for the real me and not the spoiled diva of the Dark Reign family dynasty. At least, I thought he did until he so vehemently turned my ass down.
I had humiliated myself by getting naked in front of him. Granted, I would never have done anything like that if I were sober. They say a drunk mind speaks of sober thoughts. Over time, Liam had become a friend and confidant. He was the only one who saw the nights I spent going on dates, hoping and wishing that I would find someone worth my time.
Every single time it didn’t work out, I found comfort in knowing that at least Liam would be there for me. Night after night, I found solace in his friendship and company. I couldn’t believe that I had almost ruined everything just because I was drunk and horny. Not that I didn’t see him as a man that any girl would be lucky to have. I just knew he wasn’t the man for me.
Liam had seen too much of my baggage to want to be with me. He knew how damaged I was. I couldn’t blame him for wanting nothing to do with me. I owed him an apology for what I could recall of my behavior. The least I could do was make him breakfast.
“I can’t believe you’re up already.” His smooth baritone cloaked me like a warm hug as I looked up from my task of adding honey butter to the biscuits I had made from scratch.
“It’s after ten, Lee Lee. In a few minutes, I was about to come in there and wake your snoring behind up.”
He chuckled. “Oh, I know we’re not talking about snoring.”
“Oh, yes we are,” I responded with a smile, grateful that he wasn’t making things awkward.
“Smells good in here. What you whipping up?”
“Classic breakfast. I figured I needed it after a night of heavy drinking. I’m making beef sausage, grits, eggs, and honey-buttered biscuits.”
“Aw shit. That hangover must be on your ass bad.”
I smirked at his comment. “That, and I figured the least I could do was feed you after making you put up with me last night.”
“It was nothing. You know I got you, my love.”
“No, it wasn’t nothing. I owe you an apology, Lee Lee. You do so much for me, making sure that I’m good, checking in on me even when you’re off duty, and I let a couple of drinks take me out of character. I put you in a fucked-up position, and I apologize.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Divine. I knew that wasn’t you. You were drinking, ma. We’ll blame it on the alcohol.”
“You’ve seen me drunk, Liam,” I said, looking down at the pan of biscuits as I spoke. “Honestly, I think I was jealous. I’m not used to seeing you entertain other women. You’ve been so attentive and present that I’ve gotten spoiled. I’m not used to sharing you, Lee.”
“You don’t think I know that? I like spoiling you. I love it actually. Why do you think I do all this shit for you? Like Stevie Wonder says, ‘I’m an all-day sucker for you.’”
I giggled, but his comment only made me feel worse.
“Don’t say that. I was wrong for trying to make you feel bad for doing something that should come naturally to you. Shawntae is a pretty girl. I shouldn’t have tripped on you for noticing that.”
His shoulders hiked. “Again, I don’t even know a fucking Shawntae.”
“Be serious, Lee.” I rolled my eyes and smiled.
“D, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you want me all to yourself. Shit, to be honest, I feel the same about you. You think I like seeing these clowns in your face, but it’s not my place to get in the way unless it’s necessary. I’m possessive when it comes to you too.”
“That’s because it’s your job. I have no business feeling that way, Liam.”
“Neither do I. My job is to protect you. We both know I go above and beyond about you without hesitation.”
“Yeah, you’re pretty amazing. You’re going to make some lucky girl really happy someday. I promise I won’t try to stand in the way,” I vowed.
“For the record, even when I’m entertaining other females, I’m always thinking about you. There’s never a time when you’re not on my mind. I’m not doing that shit because I want to, Divine. None of them can compare to you. I’m sure a lucky girl will come along someday. Until then, I can only fuck on these other females. I can’t offer them anything more than that because I love you.”
“Huh?” My eyes stretched as I looked at him.
As if he had just told me the sky was blue, Liam simply chuckled.
“Don’t overthink it, my love. I came to terms with it a long time ago. Nothing has changed. You hear me?”
What the hell did he mean nothing had changed? Everything had changed. I looked down, unsure of how to respond. The last thing I wanted to do was make things awkward between us. This was different than a whispered confession in the darkness.
Liam detonated a landmine that I never even realized was lodged in my chest. Now what the hell was I supposed to do? I was already undecided on what I should expect going forward. Now, Liam was telling me that he loved me. Was that what I had been feeling all this time?
“Don’t overthink it, Divine.”
“OK.” I nodded, keeping my attention on the food as I made our plates.
“Look at me,” he ordered. “Of course, I love you. Who wouldn’t? You and I are good, D. I can’t blame you for not being able to resist all of this either. I know I’m fine.”
The left corner of his mouth rose as one of those crooked smiles I loved to see played on his lips.
I rolled my eyes playfully. “Whatever.”
“Just know next time I might not be so strong.”
“Noted. Maybe next time I won’t want you to,” I suggested.
“I don’t need a maybe. Next time, you better know.”
What did that mean? Suddenly, my throat was dry. I swallowed before deciding to change the subject.
“Um, grab two bottles of water from the fridge. I’m taking our plates to the table.”
The smirk plastered on his face drove me crazy. What the hell was he thinking? Did he actually want to sleep with me? Because even in the light of day, I realized just how bad I wanted him. I had been so busy looking at Liam like one of the boys that I pushed my attraction to him to the background. Now, I was wondering if things were shifting between us.
“All right,” he said as he walked around the island and opened the refrigerator.
“Get that bottle of light blue stuff too. That’s a blueberry lemonade I want you to try.”
“I’m going to start giving you an invoice for my services.”
“Take it out of the bill for breakfast.”
“Touché.” He grinned.
“We’re not even going to mention your lunch tab,” I added.
“Like you don’t just love having me come by the store for lunch.”
“I do, but since we’re charging each other for stuff, I thought I would mention it.”
He shrugged. “You got me there.”
“Now, drink up. I need to know if I need to add more agave nectar.”
“I’m pretty sure you know I don’t even know what that is, but anything for you.” He winked, and it made my belly ache.
Liam was always saying things like that. Now, I was wondering how much merit there was to his words. He said he loved me, but did he mean it like a friend or in a romantic way? Did I love him back? As he said in reference to me, who wouldn’t?
Him not taking advantage of me when I was drunk only made me want him more. I had always seen him as my sexy guy friend that also happened to be on my security detail. Now, I was starting to see there was more to him—something deeper and intriguing that made me want to dig and get to know him even more.