Chapter 17
Out of all the days to let myself in when I showed up for work early, I happened to pick the right day. Well, actually that depended on who you asked. I didn’t see Divine when I walked in the house, so I went to find her. Right when I was about to knock on her bedroom door, the distinct sound of moaning made me stop in my tracks.
Initially, I was pissed, wondering who the hell made my baby make that sound, but then I heard the buzzing. My hand was still in the air as I listened to the sweetest music I’d ever heard in my life.
“Fuck.” I cursed under my breath as I considered whether to stand there and listen or give her the privacy she deserved.
My head was swimming as I tore myself away from the door and went to the back yard. After checking on the flowers, I went back inside to water the plants in the house.
“You made my soul a burning fire. You’re getting to be my one desire. You’re getting to be all that matters to me,” I sang under my breath as I watered my baby’s plants.
There was a tree in every corner of her living room and a couple of plants strategically placed around the house just to boost the mood.
“Hey, Lee Lee! When did you get here?” Divine chimed as she bounced into the room like she was on top of the world.
I was slick jealous that a battery powered object was responsible for the unfamiliar glow of her face.
“What’s up? I only been here a few minutes. I think you were a little busy,” I teased.
Her eyes narrowed at my comment. “Why do you have that cheese-eating grin on your face?”
“Nothing. I almost broke in there to see if you were OK, but I see that you are.” Her mouth fell open, and before she could come up with whatever she was about to say, I spoke again. “You didn’t blow up the motor in that thing, did you?”
“Oh my God!” Both of her hands flew up to cover her face.
I don’t even know why I said that shit. Yes, I do. I was jealous. I was jealous of a fucking toy. Moving closer to her, I grabbed her wrists and removed her hands from her face.
“Cookie, there’s nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. I’d rather for you to do that than fuck a bunch of fuck boys.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re saying that like it’s so normal.”
“It is. You know how many of those things they sell? I’m probably in the wrong business actually.”
“Whatever. You think I’m a joke with your black ass,” she said, snatching her hands away from me. “I haven’t had sex in over six months. Trying to have some morals is leaving me sexually frustrated, but I refuse to give my body to another fool. Until then, I have to do what works for me. I know that’s too much information.”
Relief overcame me hearing her statement. I didn’t expect to feel so good to know that nobody was touching her. Still, I felt compelled to rectify that. I don’t know what came over me, but before I knew what I was doing, I was talking again.
“What if I do it?”
“Do what, Liam?” She rolled her eyes as if she was already annoyed with me, but now that I had put it out there, I doubled down.
“Please you,” I said, holding her eye contact and making sure she knew how serious I was.
“You really saying that like I’m some charity case. I’m abstaining by choice.”
“Because you can’t find somebody worth your time to give yourself to. Have I not proven that I am? I already do everything else for you. What’s one more thing?”
“You do not do everything for me.” She shook her head.
“If there’s something I’m not doing to make you happy, it’s because you never asked, and I’ve never saw it as a need. If there’s something you want all you have to do is ask. Tell me what you want from me, and I’ll do it.”
“Man, you're tripping.” She giggled.
I didn’t like her response, but it wasn’t unexpected. I just needed to get her to take me seriously.
“Nah. I’m not tripping just because I suggested you use me to scratch your kitty between dick appointments doesn’t mean that I’m not on you bad. Every time a new nigga comes smiling in your face, I’m praying that that shit don’t work out.”
“Wow, Lee. I expected better from you,” she said, rolling her eyes playfully.
“Why? You’re mine, Divine, and you know it. Stop fucking playing with me before I start turning all this shit you got going on over. You want niggas to start going missing?”
“It’s funny that you say that because I’ve never been ghosted so many times in my life.”
“There’s no reason for you to waste your time.”
“You’re telling me you’re behind that, Liam? What did you do?”
“Whatever was necessary to secure what’s mine.”
“What’s yours?”
“I don’t feel like I need to repeat myself, Divine. If you don’t want niggas going missing, I suggest you stop trying to give them my pussy.”
“Why do I feel like you’re serious?” she asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.
“Because I am. I would be a fool to not want to fuck you. You know I want you, Divine,” I said, stroking her cheek with my hand then letting the pad of my thumb brush her bottom lip.
Her breathing hitched as I slowly moved my hand from her face to the base of her throat. She was sober now. I was tired of pretending that the obvious wasn’t true. I was in love with her. There was no way I could let someone else have her. I needed to see where her heart and her head were.
My heart galloped in my chest as I leaned forward and touched her lips with mine. I felt a warm wave wash over me, causing me to close my eyes as I stole a second kiss. I opened my eyes as I backed up enough to look into her eyes before singing.
“Well, let me tell you, girl. Think of how exciting it would be if you should discover you feel like me. If you should discover this dream is for two…”
For what felt like forever I held her throat, feeling her heart slam against the palm of my hand as she stared up at me. Those pretty brown eyes kept me frozen in place. She didn’t have to worry about me going anywhere. As long as I could help it, I would be right there.
“You were singing that when I walked in,” was what she said when she finally spoke.
I chuckled. “Yeah.”
“What if we do this, Liam? How would it work?” she asked.
“However we want it to.” I shrugged.
“I know you have a life outside of me. I’m working on accepting that. Just know I won’t have any expectations, and we can’t tell anyone.”
I didn’t like the boundaries she set before we could even get used to the idea being on the table. Still, I wanted her so bad. We could work out the details later. I knew she was worried about her brothers finding out about us, so I couldn’t blame her for wanting to play it safe. At the same time, I didn’t give a damn about safe. I wanted to go all in. I was ready to risk it all. Instead of saying that, I nodded.
“OK.”
“So, do we do this now or?” she asked, widening her eyes expectantly. Her eagerness made my briefs tighten.
“Your little session didn’t satisfy you?” I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“See?” she said, rolling her eyes.
“I’m just messing with you, doll face. Listen, I want to give you time to think about this before you make a decision.”
“I’m not a virgin, Liam.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to be sure before we take that step. Like you said, we need to set some rules.”
“Liam, if you don’t want to have sex with me, just say that. I’m not that pressed.”
“I’m not saying that, Divine. I’m just saying that some doors are hard to close once you open them.”
“I get that, but as two consenting adults, I think we’ll manage,” she said, reaching out and touching her hand to my face.
“I want to give you time to think. I came to terms with my feelings a long time ago. It’s on you.”
“What if I’m ready now? I just told you how long it’s been. I know what I want, Liam,” she said, placing her hands on my chest and sliding them up to my neck.
I wanted to pick her up and throw her on the counter, but I knew I needed to pace myself.
“Slow down, Cookie. You know how long I been waiting and debating about this shit. I want you, but I want you to be absolutely sure about what you want. I’m not gon’ just fuck your brains out on a whim.” Her breathing hitched at my words. A goofy smile spread across my face. I couldn’t even see myself, but I could tell that I was looking silly as hell. “Is that what my pretty girl likes?” Those gorgeous brown eyes widened, and she nodded her head slowly. “I need you to say it, love. Is that what you want?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“I want to make it special for you, but I can do both,” I said finally able to release my hold on her neck. Not that I wanted to take my hands off her.
“OK, so we’re doing this,” she said, nodding her head.
“Don’t say it like that.” I laughed.
“Don’t laugh, Liam. I’m excited.”
“Me too,” I confessed. “As a matter of fact, I’m a little too keyed up.”
“You want something to drink?”
“How about you pour yourself a glass of wine and meet me in the bedroom? I need to get my mind together a little bit.”