Chapter 29 #2
Ben kicks my legs apart, and I moan when he sinks two lube-slicked fingers inside me. When he’s moving them easily, he adds a third. “Ready, Cutie?” he asks, voice rough. “I’m dying to be inside you. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
That makes two of us. I nod frantically, shamelessly pushing my ass toward him.
His fingers withdraw, and my hole clenches around nothing at the loss, but it doesn’t last long before he notches his cock against my hole, burying himself deep in one smooth motion.
A wild sound tears from my chest as my body nearly explodes. I’m gonna come so fucking fast.
He must feel the same, because with a low moan, he reaches around me, taking my cock in his hand. “Look at yourself. Look at how hot you are.”
My head whips up. I try to do as he asks, but I can’t. I’m too distracted by what he’s doing. He strokes me quickly as he starts fucking into me in long, slow strokes.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, my limbs starting to tingle as he drags his cock ruthlessly over my prostate.
“My Landon,” he groans, picking up his pace, his hips going sloppy and jerky. “Fuck, I’m gonna come, baby.”
He pulls out almost all the way, then slams back in at the same time as he twists his hand around the head of my cock.
I choke on a breath, my body going tight as my orgasm rushes through me.
My eyes fall shut, and Ben strokes me both from the inside and out until my legs are noodly and I can barely support my weight.
I cradle my head in my hands, trying to catch my breath. Ben’s warm lips land on my spine, and he kisses his way up my back.
When our breathing has finally returned to normal, he pulls his softened cock from my body, then tosses the condom in the trash can.
Standing up, I turn to face him. I can’t say why, but I basically collapse in his arms. He kisses me everywhere he can. My forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and my lips, before slowly pulling back and smiling at me. “Come on, baby. Let’s go try to get some more sleep.”
No one could say I’m well-rested, but curled around Parker’s warm body with Ben pressed against my back, I managed to get a few more hours of sleep before we had to leave.
I’m a nervous wreck, my fear nearly choking me as I walk in the front door of my mom’s house.
“Mom?” I call out, voice shaking.
Parker’s hand lands on my back, soothing and grounding, and they pull it away as soon as my mom rounds the corner.
“Oh, Landon, honey. I’ve missed you so much.”
Her dark hair is pulled back off her face, a light dusting of makeup on her skin. She’s dressed up, and I realize with a start that she must be going to a church function today. It’s one of the few things she gets dressed up for.
She pulls me into a hug, standing on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck. I try to soak it in. Commit it to memory. Especially since this might be the last hug I’ll get.
My stomach lurches violently. I need to get this out of the way. Now. I won’t be able to relax until I know, and maybe not even then, depending on how the conversation goes.
Pulling away, she greets Ben and Parker.
Parker tried to dress down, but when they walked out of their bedroom in a button-up and jeans, I sent them right back in to change.
I’m not ashamed of them, and I’m not Lincoln.
I will never, ever expect them to tamp down who they are for the approval of others.
Not even for my mother’s. Especially not for my mother’s.
“I’m Mary,” she says, smiling broadly even as her eyes keep darting to Parker.
They stand with their head held high, as they should, holding out a hand. “Hi. I’m Parker.”
Mom shakes their hand, then turns to Ben. “And I’m Ben.”
“It’s so nice to meet you both. Please come in and have a seat.”
I’m half-numb, so I barely even register my feet carrying me across the room. Barely notice the couch cushion under me. Hardly feel it dipping on either side as Ben and Parker sit down beside me.
“I’m so glad you decided to come visit. I’ve missed—”
“I’m not straight.” I blurt the words out in a rush, my throat aching with the weight of holding them back.
Her eyes widen, but she stops talking. Parker inhales sharply beside me, and Ben carefully angles himself to let his foot touch mine.
The silent support is more important than he could ever realize.
Mom and I stare at each other, her in shock, me in resignation. She clears her throat, then looks first at Ben, then at Parker. “I’m so sorry, boys. Can you please give me a moment with my son?”
I open my mouth to correct her when Parker places a hand on my arm. “Only if Landon wants us to go.”
I don’t. Not at all. But I also don’t want her to make them feel bad. The things I heard growing up in church were bad enough. I don’t need either of them to hear her repeat that hateful rhetoric. Turning to Parker, I nod. “I’ll be okay, Park.”
They eye me like they don’t quite believe that. But I do. Because no matter what happens here today, I’ll still have both of them. I’ll have West and Darcy. I’ll have Devon and Levi. And that’s more than enough. “Really. I’ll come get you soon.”
Ben stands first, holding his hand out to Parker. For a few seconds, Parker just stares at me. “I’m sorry, Mary,” they finally say, turning to look at her. “Can you give me a moment with your son?”
She sputters but nods, too polite to do anything else.
Getting up, I follow both of them outside in somewhat of a trance. The second we step onto the porch, Parker slams hard against my chest, and Ben wraps himself around me from behind.
I let myself be held up between them for a moment before sighing.
Parker tilts their head back, staring up at me. “I love you.” The words knock the air right out of my lungs. “I’m in love with you, and no matter what happens in there with your mom, I’ll still love you.”
Ben’s arms tighten around me, and he ducks his head to nuzzle my throat. “I feel the same way. Fuck, Lan. Even if things go sideways, I love you. Nothing will change that.”
I inhale raggedly, trying to keep myself from breaking down. “God, I love you both too. So much. More than I thought it was possible to love anyone.”
“I love you too, Ben,” Parker whispers. “Ugh. I can’t believe I’m confessing my love to you guys on a damn porch, but I do.
I’m so in love with you. Thank you both for being patient with me.
And I’m sorry I made this so unromantic.
I just…” They blink, eyes welling with tears. “I just needed you both to know.”
Ben hums. “My sweet Cotton Candy. I love you too. Thank you for giving us a chance to show you.”
Parker lets out an annoyed groan. “This is the worst. Okay…” They square their shoulders, staring at me yet again. “Your mom’s words can’t hurt me. Don’t worry about correcting her. It’s a bridge we can cross later, okay? Right now is about you.”
I nod. “I don’t like it, but okay.”
“We’ll be right here,” Ben says softly.
I can tell that neither of them wants to let me go. Not really, but they both do, and only when they’re sitting side by side, Parker resting their head on Ben’s shoulder, do I turn and go back into the house.
Mom’s still sitting on the couch, and as soon as she sees me, she stands. “I need you to explain, Landon.”
I sit down, taking a deep breath. “I’m in love with Ben and Parker.
” She sinks slowly into her seat, eyes trained on me, face giving nothing away.
“I can’t…” I swallow hard, throat convulsing.
“Hide… anymore. I can’t hide who I am. Or what I want.
I don’t go to church meetings because all I hear about is how much God hates people like me. How much you hate people like me.”
Her brows furrow. “Are you telling me you’re gay, Landon?” Her voice is soft—soothing. The same tone she’d use when I was young and scared after a nightmare.
I nod, then shake my head. “No. I don’t really know.
I don’t really have a label for it. I just know I love Parker and Ben, but I don’t know outside of that.
” Although maybe I should. Maybe it would make this conversation easier.
Probably not. “I’ve been so worried,” I choke out.
“About telling you. I’m so afraid you won’t love me anymore. ”
She gets up, sitting beside me quickly. “Landon,” she whispers, tear-filled brown eyes searching my face. “You’re my son. My baby. There is nothing in this entire world that could make me stop loving you.”
My brain goes offline. “What?”
“Did you really think…”
She seems so distraught. So hurt. I don’t really know how to reconcile this with how I thought it would go.
I nod. “You raised me in church, Mom. You… I heard all the things people said. What else was I supposed to think? God is everything to you.” The last part comes out in a choked whisper, tears burning my eyes.
“What else was I supposed to think?” I ask again, wishing I hadn’t sent Ben and Parker away. I need them.
Mom sniffles. “You’re wrong, Landon. You’re wrong.” She reaches out for me, her hand shaking so hard it almost shocks me. I slip mine into hers, and she gives it a squeeze. “I love you. Do you remember when I was sick?”
I nod, heart clenching painfully in my chest.
“I was terrified. Terrified that I’d die. And I wouldn’t get to be your mom anymore.”
My throat closes up, the tears filling my vision finally spilling over and pouring down my cheeks.
“I used to pray…” She closes her eyes, squeezing them tightly before opening them again.
“I used to pray that God would save me. For you. Because of you. Maybe that’s selfish.
But I did. You’d fall asleep in my bed, curled into me, all long limbs and messy hair, and I’d just hold you and beg God to let me stay another day.
Just one. I’d swear if He gave me just one more day, I’d be happy.
And then every single night, I’d pray for one more. ”
I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how to react. She goes blurry as more tears fill my eyes and spill over, my throat aching so badly it feels like it’s wrapped in barbed wire.
“God isn’t my everything, Landon. You are.”
A sob breaks free of my chest, and Mom wraps her arms around me, holding me as I break down fully. Her chest shudders, and she sniffles. “It’s okay, Lan. It’s okay. I love you. I love you so much.”
I can barely breathe. I sob into her shoulder, the tears coming faster than I can stop them, until it feels like I’m scooped out and raw. It takes forever for me to calm down, but when I finally do, I sit back on the couch, wiping at my face.
“I’m so sorry. That you felt you couldn’t tell me. That you were worried I’d… I’m sorry,” she repeats.
I nod, not trusting my voice to speak at all.
“Go get them, please,” she whispers. “I want to meet them properly.”