Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jenna
“Miss Jenna, may I have a book about self-defense?”
“Of course,” I said to a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl who resembled a young me.
As I pulled the thick book off the shelf, cold, black eyes filled the void.
Snake Eyes.
“Run!” I yelled to the little girl.
A sinister smile slowly spread across his face.
“But, Miss Jenna, I know self-defense,” the girl said.
“No, run!”
Snake Eyes reached out and grabbed me. Pulled me through the shelves, through the library, where no one could see us or hear us. He tackled me to the ground. Held me down, his penis spearing into me.
I squeezed my eyes closed to escape his soulless stare.
“You’re all grown up now, Jenna. You owe me for waiting so patiently,” Brian’s voice said. My eyes popped open, and it was his blue eyes and his cocky, crooked grin smiling down at me. His penis on me.
“No!”
“Yes. I waited for you. Now you owe me a favor. You owe me.”
“No!”
“Yes, Firefly,” Liam said from on top of me. “You can do it. You’re so brave. So amazing. I know you can do it.”
“No, Liam. Please, no!”
He ground down, his penis hard on me. “Yes, it’s okay, Firefly.”
“No! No!”
“No, no,” I mumbled, thrashing against the body holding me down.
Thor whined and licked my face. “Oh God, Thor.” I wrapped my arms around him. My pajamas and his fur were stuck to my sweat-drenched body and tear-streaked face.
I curled deeper into my bed, pulling Thor with me. I tried to take a deep breath. Any breath actually, but I just gasped, air rasping through my too tight chest. “Thor,” I whimpered, and he whimpered back at me.
I had to get up. Out of bed. Away from the nightmare. But the bookshelves in my living room taunted me. If I pulled a book off the shelf…if Snake Eyes stared back at me. But that wasn’t real.
Liam though…he was real. And the image of Liam overlaying Brian overlaying Snake Eyes, all holding me down, their penises on me, that felt way too real.
“How do I make it go away, Thor?” I’d been doing so well. The self-defense class had been bad. But the day before that, at Liam’s house, it was so good. Now, though, the thought of doing any of that with Liam again….
Shivers took hold of me. What if I looked at Liam and saw them, like in my dream?
Hell no. That couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t allow it.
I pushed the covers off and got up. Drank a glass of water. Washed my face. Paced the apartment. Ripped a book off the shelves. Then another and another. I wasn’t afraid. Couldn’t let myself be afraid.
I worked in a library, for goodness sake.
I couldn’t be afraid to take a book off the shelf.
There were no boogeymen hiding behind the books.
No one was waiting to drag me off to a secret room.
And I really, really didn’t want to be afraid of Liam.
The feeling of him…them…on me still felt so real.
I needed to make it go away before I saw Liam again, which would be in just a few short hours.
I eyed my phone on the ottoman. I desperately did not want to talk to him like this, but how else could I face it? Maybe I could just look at his messages to remind myself how sweet and caring he was. I sat down with the phone.
Liam: I hope you’re doing alright.
Liam: I hated leaving you tonight.
Liam: Please call me if you need anything.
On autopilot, I wrote back. It was the middle of the night, but I knew he wouldn’t mind.
Me: Hi
My phone rang immediately, and warmth spread through my chest, chasing a little of the chill away. “Hi, Liam.”
“Jenna, what’s wrong?” He sounded wide awake, and the worry in his voice made my eyes fill with tears and my throat fill with a ball of emotion.
I had to swallow hard before I could croak out a response. “Nothing. I’m okay.”
“Are you hurt? Is someone there?”
“No. I just…I wanted to say hi.”
“Did you have a bad dream, Firefly?” His voice lowered, soft and gentle like a caress.
It was on the tip of my tongue to deny it, but I didn’t want to lie to him. “Yes,” I admitted.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No!” He’d lose his mind if he knew it included him.
“Can I come over? Just so you aren’t alone. We don’t have to talk about it.”
Nightmare Liam popped into my head. No way. I wasn’t ready to see him yet, and definitely not in the middle of the night. “No, I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Really. Can we just talk for a few minutes?”
“Of course. I was working on some plans earlier tonight. Want to hear them?”
“Sure.”
“Do you like rides? Would you like to go to Six Flags?”
I did a long time ago, before… “I love rides, and the carnival games too. I’d love to go.” It wasn’t a total lie. I did want to go with him.
“Good. We’ll go. What sports do you like? We just missed the last Spurs game of the season, so we can do that next year. We can go to a minor league baseball game locally, or we can drive to Houston if you want to see the Astros?”
Despite everything, I laughed. He was like Thor, eagerly trying to cheer me up. “I don’t really follow sports, but going to a game would be fun. Any sport, any team.”
“We can visit my parents and go to the beach?”
“Definitely. I’d love to meet them.”
“They want to meet you too.” Oh, wow. My parents didn’t even know Liam existed. The last time I’d talked to them, all they did was give me a hard time about not going to Tyler’s graduation. “We could go dolphin watching and jet skiing,” he continued, pulling me away from those thoughts.
“This all sounds great, but I don’t need anything so elaborate.”
“I have smaller things too. Axe throwing, bowling, mini golf, an escape room…”
My heart beat faster, in a good way now. “Those all sound great, but I still don’t need any of it. I had the best time just hanging out at your house.”
“I want to make you happy. You don’t ask for much, and I love how you appreciate the simple things, but I have a feeling you didn’t have nearly enough joy in your life. That’s going to change starting now.”
“Liam…” How could I put this feeling into words? No words were adequate to express how amazing he was. How much better he already made me feel. How happy he made me. How he made me feel more cared for and cherished than I ever had been in my life.
“Jenna, may I please come over? I’ll be there in a few hours anyway to walk with you and Thor before I take you to work. I’ll stay on the couch. If you can fall back to sleep, you can go to bed, and I’ll still stay on the couch, or if you can’t fall asleep, we’ll watch TV together. Please?”
I was exhausted, but there was no way I’d be able to go back to sleep, so I wouldn't actually be sleeping with him in the house. He thought he was coming to make me feel better, and I’d let him think that, but the truth was, right now, seeing Liam and making sure I saw only him was facing my fears.
Plus, he’d softened me up by being so sweet and thoughtful.
“Yes, I’d like that.”
“Thank you, Firefly,” he murmured, relief evident in his voice. “I’ll be there soon. I’ll text you before I buzz in, so you know it’s me. Call if you need anything before I get there.”
“I’m okay.”
“I know you are.” His voice was heavy. Definitive.
I changed into fresh pajamas, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and paced the apartment, and then he was there, quicker than he should’ve been.
“C’mere Firefly.” He tucked me under his arm and held me close, pressing a long kiss to my temple before he led me to the couch.
I stared at his strong jaw with his soft beard and softer lips and his caring eyes, and the cloud of fear hanging over me dissipated a little.
It was Liam. My Liam. And no one else, thank God.
I curled up, resting my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arm around me.
His heart beat steadily under my cheek and his hand smoothed over my hair, lulling me into a relaxation I didn’t think could be possible. “Thank you, Liam. I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’ll always be here when you need me. Thank you for calling and letting me come.” We sat in comfortable silence for a while before he gently asked, “Want to tell me about it?”
“No.”
“Sometimes talking about it helps take some of its power away.”
I looked up at him. “Do you have nightmares?”
“Sometimes.”
I squeezed him tight. I hated the thought of him being scared. “What about?”
He sighed, his breath blowing across my hair.
“It’s always the same. On our first mission, we were approaching the target.
We were a ways away still, but I sensed eyes on us.
I signaled to stop. I looked at my team leader, Bull, and he looked at me, and in a perfect, silent conversation we made a plan.
Just as silently, we communicated that plan to everyone.
There were more tangos than we expected, and we were under heavy fire, but we executed the plan perfectly and we all walked away to finish our mission without a scrape. ”
“You have nightmares about that?”
“Not exactly.” The pain in his voice tore at my heart.
I stroked his chest, trying to soothe him.
“In my nightmare, it’s the same, but I’m not there.
I watch them walk. Only Bull hesitates, like he thought maybe he felt something, and he looks at where I should’ve been.
Except no one’s there to confirm it. Then he glances back at the others, but they didn’t hear or see anything.
He looks back at where I should’ve been again.
I scream for them to stop, but no one hears me.
They keep walking. I scream and scream, but they keep walking straight into that trap, and I watch them get blown to bits. ”
His words hit like a fist to my chest, my heart clenching at his pain. I wrapped myself around him as if my embrace could stand between him and the memories to ease the crushing weight of his misplaced guilt. “Oh, Liam, I’m so sorry your friends were attacked, but it’s not your fault.”