Chapter 18
18
The following day, when I went to visit Beth, I was totally gobsmacked when she told me what she’d been up to.
She’d only gone and booked a surprise holiday for me and Mum. The last time I went away with Mum was when I was fifteen. We couldn’t afford many holidays in those days but Mum had been working extra shifts and had saved up enough to go on a caravan holiday to Cornwall. It was lovely, apart from the fact that I was fifteen and hormonal and a bit bored, and to add to my dismay and disappointment that we weren’t spending a week in the Med, like most of the kids at school, the car broke down on the way there and we had to wait for four hours to get the rescue services out. Not the best start.
As it was a caravan holiday and I was a lazy teenager, I suppose all it really meant for Mum was that she got to cook and clean in a different place to home. I never realised this till years later and it was probably too late to apologise then. And the rain! It never stopped all week. Mum must have felt awful. Why hadn’t I seen it at the time?
Since I’d been working, I’d never again planned a UK holiday. I made sure that even if it meant scrimping and saving, I’d go abroad. I never wanted to go back to Cornwall and have a holiday like that again.
But the tickets, which Beth now handed me, showed that we were going somewhere way further than Cornwall. The tickets were for a Mediterranean cruise.
‘Bloody hell, Beth. I can’t accept this. This is a crazy present.’ I looked at the dates. It was in three days’ time. For a split second, I thought that I’d never have time to get work sorted to be ready for then. Then reality hit again. I didn’t work at Ronington’s any more. I could actually go on holiday not worrying about a thing, apart from having no work, no plans and wondering what the hell was going to happen in my life once Beth was better.
‘It’s not as generous as it looks,’ she said. ‘I’d booked those dates for myself and then obviously ended up having the op, so I’m not able to go. And to be honest, it was never going to work out, me not being around for the dogs. I’d miss them too much and Dad would never cope without me.’
‘But Beth, it must have cost you a small fortune.’
‘Actually, I haven’t told anyone this, but I won it in a competition. I’ve been entering lots of competitions recently and couldn’t believe my luck when I won this one. So it hasn’t cost me a penny. I’ve already checked and transferred it over into your names. You just need to ring the cruise line and confirm your passport numbers and Bob’s your uncle. I’m not taking no for an answer. I do hope your mum has got a passport.’
I supposed I’d better check with Mum as soon as I could.
‘But what about the kennels? And what about Baxter? I can’t go swanning off on a cruise.’
‘Yes, you can. Alex is going to be back here for a few days because I was going anyway, and young Russell has agreed to do extra hours too. Baxter can come and stay over here at the farm with me when he’s not over at the kennels. It’s only for a long weekend and it’s all already organised. It’s just something from us here to say thank you for all that you’ve done for us. We couldn’t have managed these last few weeks without you, and you’ll need to work your backside off when you come back too. Ring your mum now and tell her, Mads. Go on, I want to be with you when you tell her.’
‘Beth, this is just amazing. Are you absolutely sure?’
‘I couldn’t be surer, Mads.’
Maddy leaned across and gave her a hug.
‘Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is just amazing. Right, I’m going to ring Mum right now.’ I couldn’t stop smiling.
‘Hey, Mum, how are you?’
‘Oh, Madison, my darling, how lovely to hear from you. It does make my day when you call.’
I smiled then realised that she couldn’t see me. ‘Well, I might make your day even more now, Mum. What are you doing Friday onwards for the next few days?’
‘Mmm, that sounds mysterious. Now, let me check.’ I could hear Mum’s heels click-clacking across the tiled kitchen floor and could just imagine her checking the calendar which was – and has always been – pinned to the fridge door. ‘Well, it’s knit and natter tomorrow morning at the wool shop in the village, and book club on Wednesday evening at the library. Apart from that, from Thursday onwards I have no plans apart from dull stuff like food shopping. Why do you ask?’
‘Because, Mother, you and I are going on a cruise.’ I laughed as I heard Mum gasp.
‘Whatever do you mean, Madison? A cruise? Goodness me! I haven’t been on holiday for years. Ooh, hold on, dear, I think I need to sit down. I feel all discombobulated.’
I explained Beth’s plans and could hear the excitement in Mum’s voice. ‘Well I never. What do I need to take? Whatever do you wear on a cruise? Do I need some new clothes? Oh Lordy, imagine me on a cruise. What will my friends say! They’ll think I’m getting above my station. Oh bugger, where’s my passport?’
‘Ah well, that answers one of my questions. I didn’t know whether you had one.’
‘I do. I’ve never used it but I had one just in case I met a millionaire sugar daddy and he whisked me off somewhere exotic on his private jet.’ She giggled. ‘Can you imagine? “Oh, darling, I’d love to come to the Maldives for a passionate week away on a desert island, but I don’t have a passport.” Doesn’t sound very spontaneous, does it, if I’d have to ask him for a lift to the passport office in Liverpool first and queue all day to get one sorted out?’
I marvelled at her optimism.
‘Well, there’s nothing like wishful thinking. I like your style. Shall I come over later, Mum, and we can have a cuppa and a chat about what we need to do?’
‘Yes please, darling, how exciting. I can’t believe it! Come for dinner, I’ll cook us something nice. Goodness me, I need a lie down. I’m all of a dither. Whatever do I need to pack? Where’s my suitcase? What shoes should I take? Are my clothes glamorous enough for a cruise? Goodness me, what will my book club girls say when I tell them? They’ll think I’ve won the lottery and gone all posh on them. How funny! But what will I pack? Oh, Maddy, what will I do?’
At what stage of life, I wondered, did the tables turn? When did the parent become the child and vice versa? It seemed to happen seamlessly – no apparent signs but one day, it just flipped. Now Mum was the nervous one asking questions and I was the one who had all the answers.
I arrived just before lunch and she’d made my favourite dinner of minced beef suet crust pie and mash. A list of questions had been left on the kitchen table for me that she’d been working on since we’d spoken, and we started to work our way through them and get her the answers that she needed.
Her excitement was contagious.
In the last few years, Mum had driven me mad – always calling when I was just about to go into a meeting, or when I was with someone really important at work. I was always too busy to talk and found her calls a burden. But now it was as though she was a completely different person to me. She was still my mum, who I knew and loved, but also I was really enjoying spending time with her and discovering things about her that I either hadn’t known or had forgotten. I’d spent more time with her over the last few weeks than I had for years.
And the nice thing was that I felt that she needed me in her life. However, she was now looking at me nervously and I asked her what was wrong. She said that she’d already asked her friend’s daughter to go to the shops with her tomorrow.
‘I could take you shopping for some new stuff, Mum, if you’d like me to.’
‘Oh no, Maddy, don’t worry, dear. You’ll be far too busy to bother yourself with me. Julie said she’s really happy to come with me; she often helps me out when I need a younger person’s advice about something or a helping hand.’
‘But Mum, why didn’t you ask me? Am I really that awful that you couldn’t ask me something like that?’
‘Well… erm… I… Well, yes, actually if truth be told. I may as well say it. You always made me feel like you were too busy to even speak to me, like I was an inconvenience. So I’d never even think to ask for your time in coming shopping with me.’
Sitting down on the arm of the settee, I couldn’t believe that this horrible person that she was talking about was me. ‘God, Mum, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise.’
‘You were just so busy all the time, darling, I didn’t feel like I could bother you.’
Sometimes, we hurt others more than we realise. Sometimes we don’t notice a smile that fades in front of our eyes or realise that we are the reason for the sadness in someone’s heart or the tears in their eyes. I was so glad that I was getting the chance to put things right with Mum. I knew that Beth had real regrets over not telling her mum things, and when she was so quickly and cruelly snatched away, she never had the chance. I had the chance and was going to make damn sure to make the most of it.
‘Ring Julie, Mum, and tell her it’s OK but I’m taking you.’ The smile on Mum’s face said everything.
‘Will you stay tonight, Maddy? You could help me get my suitcase down from the loft.’ Mum’s face lit up again when I said, ‘I’d love to.’
* * *
Feeling totally stuffed after Mum’s fabulous suet crust meat pie, mash and veg, we fired up Mum’s old laptop and over a glass of wine, got on the internet and looked at dress codes for cruises and videos of what went on, on a cruise. By the end of the evening, we had two lists. One list was for things that Mum already had that she could take, and the other was for things that she needed to get. I went to bed with a smile on my face, knowing that we’d got plans to go shopping the next day to get all the stuff we needed. Maybe I might even splash some of my redundancy money and treat myself, I thought. I wasn’t sure my designer power suits would see me being cruise-ready. It would do me good to get away and not have to think about the future for a few days. I had some big decisions to make. I hadn’t got back to Geoff yet, and I needed to make a decision about Jamie too. Perhaps some time away from home would help me to see things a little more clearly and find some resolution.
* * *
We burst through the front door and flung our bags on the hall floor; the handles had left sore red marks on our palms. We’d got quite a stash.
‘Oooh, I’m gagging for a cuppa and bursting for the loo! Not sure what to do first. Put the kettle on, Madison, and we can have a look through all those bags at what we’ve got then, shall we?’ Mum was glowing with happiness. We’d had such a nice day out. Grabbing the train from the local station was the best way of heading into Birmingham and we’d been spoilt for choice with the new Grand Central shopping centre and the Bull Ring when we got there.
The last time I’d been shopping with Mum was when she’d had to get an outfit for Jen’s funeral, so that hadn’t been the most joyous of shopping trips. But today really had been such fun. Mum had laughed as she turned this way and that, checking herself out in the mirror while working her way through a massive pile of clothes that she’d somehow persuaded the shop assistant to take in with her even though you were only meant to have four at a time. It was more like a personal shopping event. And she’d even splashed out on new make-up when someone in a department store offered to give her a free make-over, and she’d loved her glamorous new look.
And for the first time in years, I’d bought some summery maxi dresses that I could wear with either a denim jacket if it was a bit nippy in the evenings, a little cardy or even a stole or wrap. Today had been lots of fun. It gave me immense pleasure to see Mum enjoying herself. We needed to do this more often. Perhaps this was what Beth was thinking of when she said I needed to have more fun. I was beginning to think that perhaps she knew exactly what she was talking about after all. I really did need to lighten up and get out more.
The next couple of days flew by, with endless phone calls between Mum and me, chatting about our forthcoming trip, and our day of travel soon came round. The ship was sailing from Venice, so we were booked on a plane out of Birmingham and Uncle Tom was going to take us to the airport. Thank goodness he was going to use Beth’s car and not his stinky old four-wheel drive.
Mum was so very excited; she’d never been on a plane before. There was me, who flew up to Scotland for work at least once a month, taking the experience for granted, and she was like a toddler, excited about this being her first time. She held my hand as we took off, and I could see the exhilaration in her face as the plane tore up the runway and lifted off the ground. She whooped with joy and the other passengers laughed kindly at her enthusiasm as she explained she was a flight virgin.
It was a really smooth flight, for which I was most grateful. I didn’t want a bit of bumpy old turbulence to put her off ever doing it again. Her smile was bigger than I’d ever seen as we landed. Her delight was contagious and I found myself being more excited about this cruise than I had felt about anything for a long time. A short coach journey brought us into Venice docks.
‘Bloody hell, would you look at the size of that!’ Mum yelled, much to the disgust of the lady in the seat behind who tutted loudly while the other coach passengers giggled. She winked at me, smiled at the lady behind and turned back to the ship. It was blooming massive. The sheer hugeness of it surprised even me. It had sixteen floors, and I had no idea how we were going to find our way around the ship, let alone find our cabin!
The luggage check-in line moved quickly and we got through security smoothly and very excitedly boarded the ship. The first things we noticed were the thick, plush carpet and polished stair rails as we went to find our room. We were in Suite 1404. We loved the fact that they called our cabin a ‘suite’, laughing at how posh it sounded as we made our way to our floor. All we could see ahead of us was one huge, long corridor as we tried to find door 1404.
But what greeted us when we opened the door with the key card left us totally stunned. It really was a suite, with a lounge area, a bathroom with a huge walk-in shower, an enormous bedroom and a balcony with two rattan sun loungers and matching deck chairs.
‘This can’t be right. This is amazing. I’ll ring down to reception and sort it out. There’s obviously been a mix up.’
‘No, Miss Young,’ said the receptionist when I rang. ‘Suite 1404 is definitely correct for you. The competition prize was for a luxury suite for Miss Beth Millington, all confirmed a few weeks ago and gifted to Miss Madison Young just a few days ago.’
I took a few quick snaps of our amazing suite on my phone and texted them to Beth with a huge thank you message. The text that came back was a smiley face emoticon and one word – ‘Enjoy!’
There was an itinerary on the bed. The ship set sail at 4.30p.m., a formal dinner would be served at 7p.m. in the dining room and then by the time we woke tomorrow, we would have arrived in Bari. We were free to leave the ship to explore during the day, then we set sail for Athens the following evening at 6p.m.
‘How do you fancy going to explore before we get ready for dinner, Mum?’
‘I could murder a G obviously the swaying of the boat had lulled me into the land of nod where I’d stayed till this time. I looked at my watch. How on earth had I slept till 8a.m.? And despite having had a little drinkie or two… OK, three – maybe four – last night, I was feeling relatively rejuvenated.
Mum read out the tours for the day, but they all sounded a bit energetic so we agreed that once we’d docked, we’d go into Athens and have a wander around on our own, then have a late lunch before heading back to the ship. We found a wonderful restaurant hidden up a side alley that the taxi driver had recommended after giving us a whistlestop tour. Tucking into chicken kebabs, pitta bread and tzatziki, while bouzouki music played in the background, we enjoyed a glass of chilled rosé as we watched the world go by. We were making such amazing memories on this trip and I took a quick photo on my phone and WhatsApped it to Beth. She replied with a smiley face. It was so nice to be sitting, whiling away some hours with Mum, and I was finally starting to relax, and Mum and I chatted more easily than we’d ever done before.
‘Can I ask you something, Mum?’
‘Of course, darling.’
‘How do you feel about Edward?’
‘Ah, Edward. He’s lovely.’
‘He is lovely, Mum. Do you see a future with him?’
‘Who knows what the future will hold, darling, who knows. We’ll just see what happens. What’s meant to be will be.’
I supposed it was better to be like that than worrying about the future. She was so wise and I felt that I had a lot to learn from her even after all these years.
* * *
Another delicious meal that evening saw us sat with a whole new group of people comprising of two married couples and a family. I’d always thought cruises were for the older age range, but clearly times had changed and now it was becoming a really popular holiday choice for families too.
Mum loved the fact that there was a full-sized theatre on board. She’d found out from the people beside her that there was what promised to be a ‘totally incredible illusion show, which will blow your mind’ – and it most certainly did. We were totally astonished by the trickery and magic that left us completely baffled. When they asked for some audience participation, I was so surprised when Mum raised her hand and yelled ‘Me, me!’ at the top of her voice. It was obviously loud enough to catch the attention of the show’s main illusionist who asked her to join him on stage. Mum had no inhibitions, and I started to remember that she had been like this before when I was younger and at an age where I found it embarrassing. I had told her so, in a huge row one day, so she had toned it all down for me. Now I was older and seeing her as a person in her own right, other than just my mum, I found it enchanting, and I stood and clapped her back to her seat when she’d done her part in the show.
‘You’re amazing, Mum. I do love you!’ She smiled and kissed me on the cheek as she sat back in her chair, her eyes sparkling and mischievous. How did I not know this side of her? How refreshing to get to know her properly after all this time.
‘Come on, darling, let’s hit the casino.’ Determined to make the most of every minute she was on board this floating hotel, she grabbed my hand and I laughed as she led me into yet another part of the ship that we hadn’t explored fully. It would appear that she’d been doing her homework. Satisfied when she ended the night a hundred euros up, we headed off to bed quite exhausted.
* * *
It was incredibly refreshing to wake up in a different place each day, and the following morning we opened the curtains to a view of mountains and cream houses with terracotta roofs clustered on the hillsides. The tannoy announced our arrival in Dubrovnik.
After breakfast was served on the decking overlooking the port, we took the shuttle bus into the Old Town. The streets of the centre looked as if someone had been up polishing them all night. It was the cleanest place I had ever seen. We spent a day wandering through the pedestrian-only streets, visiting Baroque churches and stunning palazzos, and sat people-watching in a little café where we drank freshly brewed coffee and ate pastries.
We were shattered by the time we returned to the ship and had a lie down for half an hour out on the balcony before getting ready for what turned out to be the most exquisite five-course evening meal. To be honest, I was ready for bed after that, but Mum insisted that we could sleep when we got home and should appreciate every single opportunity that we had on the cruise, so we ended up watching a cabaret singer in one of the larger bars on board. A saunter around the top deck before bed made us both really weary, but what a magical day we had had and what wonderful memories we had made.
* * *
The next day was a sailing day as we headed back to Venice, and Mum brought the itinerary out to the balcony as we drank our morning tea. She told me that she was going to pottery painting at ten thirty, and line dancing at three. She invited me to join her but I wasn’t totally sure she wanted me to, so I politely declined and said that I was going to lie on deck with a book and would meet up with her for lunch. I’d brought a book away with me that was all about making lists for the future. I felt that a bit of soul-searching was in order for me to move forward, and Beth’s words about what the future held for me had really hit home. I wanted to spend some time thinking about what my hopes and dreams actually were these days. Beth had given me some magazines to look through to give me some inspiration and told me that when I got back, we were going to spend some time making vision boards. I’d heard of them before but didn’t really know much about them, but when she explained in a little more detail, and I googled the definition once I’d gone home, it sounded like a fabulous idea. Beth never ceased to amaze me. I would never have imagined that she would know about things like this, but she told me that she’d been on a course and how she found that it had really helped her. She was going to order us both some cork boards and we were going to make a collage of words, pictures and affirmations of our dreams and desires. Apparently, when you put all these things together and applied the law of attraction, it would give you the motivation and inspiration to make all your wishes come true. It sounded too good to be true to me, and all a bit mumbo jumbo, but I was willing to give anything a go these days.
* * *
After breakfast, Mum went off to her class and I ordered a coffee from the bar and chose a sunbed overlooking the pool and jacuzzi areas. I sat and pondered life and what I was going to do with my future.
I allowed my mind to wander, and I must have drifted off to sleep as I felt a shake of my arm and woke to see Mum standing over me, saying that she had finished her pottery class and was starving. I couldn’t believe that after another mammoth sleep in, I’d then slept again. I was supposed to be filling my lists in. Although I supposed there would be plenty of time to do that over the next few weeks. We pottered off to the self-service buffet restaurant and surprised ourselves by filling our plates and scoffing the lot. Perhaps the sea air was giving us both an appetite.
People were wandering up to Mum while we were eating and chatting and laughing with her and I’d never seen her look so happy. I was now seeing Mum as Josie, a really kind, funny friend of mine who was incredibly good company, instead of just my mum.
After lunch we just sat around on deck, chatting. Being in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight, with a book in one hand and a cocktail in the other, made me feel incredibly at peace with the world. Nothing was required of me; food and drink were available at every moment of every day, and there was no worrying about the challenges and chores of work, which had taken over my life for so long. And more than anything, I was having a really lovely time with my mum. While she went off to her line-dancing session, I pondered life and realised that as we were heading back, there were some very important decisions I really needed to make my mind up about.
* * *
As we sailed back into Venice, we stood side by side on deck with our arms around each other, taking in the spectacular sights as we sailed past the Piazza San Marco and the entrance to the Grand Canal before docking in port. Sadly, we hadn’t seen much of Venice as we’d flown straight in and would fly straight back out again, but we made a pact there and then to come back for a weekend really soon together and properly see the sights.
After a short wait in one of the bars, we disembarked and were ushered to an awaiting coach where, after a swift journey back to the airport, we were whisked through all the airport necessities and back onto a plane returning to the heady heights of the West Midlands. Mum looked exhausted as she laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep before we’d even taken off.
As we flew over the clouds, my mind wandered off at a million miles an hour, and my dad popped into my head again. I found myself wondering again what he looked like, whether he was still alive, whether he’d ever had children – which meant that I might have brothers and sisters – and how Mum might feel if I ever decided I wanted to contact him. So many questions that I still wanted to ask were unfolding every time I allowed myself to think about him, but I was so grateful that I had more answers now than I’d ever had before.
When we sat in the taxi back to Giddywell from the airport, and spots of warm summer rain appeared on the window of the car, I wondered if that spectacular trip had really happened or if it was all a dream.