Chapter 28
Evan
The snowball fight lasted hours. We were too evenly matched and, quite frankly, having too much fun to let the other side win.
It was only when Reid’s lips turned blue that I called a truce. I suspected the only reason Finlay quickly agreed was because he was similarly concerned about Chester.
After warm showers and a mug of Ma’s hot chocolate, we were back outside and walking towards the main house. “We don’t need to do this if you don’t want to.”
“I know. You’ve said that at least ten times now. I don’t mind.”
I was going to keep saying it, too. Reid hadn’t stopped fidgeting in the past hour, and none of it was due to excitement or hyperactivity. Even now as we walked, he was flapping his hands beside him.
‘This’ was dinner at the main house. Finlay had floated the invitation after the snowball fight, and to my surprise, Reid had accepted.
I frowned as he started tugging his zip up and down. “If you feel uncomfortable at all, just give me some kind of signal and we can leave.”
Reid’s lips twisted. “It’s dinner with your closest friends, I don’t think we need a safe word. But thank you for being so considerate. I appreciate it.”
“But it’s inside the clan house,” I pointed out. Either Reid couldn’t see that he was anxious about this, or he was refusing to acknowledge it. “I know you don’t like being in there.”
“I don’t, but you guys all keep telling me how different you are to the Clarksons, and you’re right. But I’m not going to be able to move past my fears if I don’t confront them.”
“There really is nothing to fear.” We made our way up onto the porch, with me gripping Reid’s arm firmly in case he slipped. I winked at him as I opened the door. “Unless Logan did the cooking…in which case, there’s a good chance we’ll get food poisoning.”
Reid inhaled shakily before squaring his shoulders and stepping over the threshold. The tense lines of his shoulders had both my wolf and me on edge.
“I heard that,” Logan bellowed from the depths of house. “Don’t make me humiliate you in front of Reid.”
Reid gave a tiny smirk. It was so small that the alarm bells began to ring louder. “Um, dare I ask how he’d do that?”
Logan popped out of the living room, putting his arm through Reid’s and dragging him away from me.
“Oh, just by demonstrating how my fighting skills are superior to Evan’s.
Don’t worry though, the council have us on a temporary ban on fighting inside the house.
Too many carpets have been ruined, apparently. ”
We rounded the corner into the dining room to find the rest of the inner circle, plus Hamish and Brodie, sat around the table.
“And I’m still not allowed my broadsword.” Finlay pouted. “Spoilsports.”
“Can’t you just overrule them?” Reid asked. Despite his nerves, he went around the table hugging each of them in greeting. My heart swelled. Reid might have been struggling with the aspects of clan life that reminded him of his past, but not with fitting in with my friends.
“Nah,” Finn said, accepting his hug and dropping back into his seat beside Chester. “It’s not worth the argument, to be honest. They don’t have any real say over anything after everything that happened with Danny and Riley, so I let them have this one.”
“Huh.” From Reid’s reaction, I guessed it wasn’t the same with the Clarksons. Given the little I’d witnessed from their council during their visits, I’d assume Clyde ruled with an iron fist.
“Anyway, you’re safe.” Logan carried a massive dish in. “Calan cooked. Beef stew.”
My mouth immediately started watering as everyone perked up. “Fuck yes. Calan, you’re a hero.”
“Saw the snow and figured we’d want warming up,” Calan grunted, lifting the lid and nudging the pot towards Reid. “You first. Don’t be shy. You need to load up.”
“Why?” Reid’s hand gripped his fork so hard his knuckles whitened. I shifted closer to him. Shit. I should’ve insisted we stayed home. “Because I’m so small and weak? Newsflash, Calan, I’m human. Eating isn’t going to make me one of you.”
Calan’s eyes widened as he shot me a panicked look. “What? No—”
“Chester’s human too,” Reid said, his cheeks reddening. “Why didn’t you offer it to him first? Or tell him he needs to ‘load up’? Is it because he’s bigger than me? A more acceptable size?”
Chester leaned forwards, his forehead creased in concern. “Reid, I’m sure that’s not what Calan meant.”
Several pairs of eyes turned to me. Hamish’s confused. Brodie’s worried. Logan’s and Finlay’s pitying.
And Calan’s full of apology.
“But he said it.” Reid’s fork fell to the table with a loud clatter, his hand shaking too much to hold it. “It came from somewhere.”
Fuck. I’d been right to worry about him being here. Trauma didn’t go away just because you wanted it to. Being here, eating with the clan, it was a step Reid wanted to take.
That didn’t mean he was ready to.
Not wanting to make Reid even more uncomfortable by having this conversation in front of everyone, I pushed my chair back and got to my feet. “Excuse us a minute.”
Reid was staring into space now, seemingly unaware that I’d spoken or moved. I pulled his chair back, scooped him into my arms, and carried him out of the room.
He startled when he realised how far from the floor he was. “Evan? What are you doing? Put me down.”
“In a minute.” I ran effortlessly up the stairs.
Nudging open the door to my bedroom, I carefully sat Reid on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of him.
Reid wrapped his arms around himself in a move that had my chest hurting. “Where are we?”
“My room,” I said. “Figured we could use a minute.”
He didn’t speak, just rocked back and forth slightly.
“Reid, that’s not what Calan meant,” I said quietly. “He offered food to you first because you’re our guest. Chester eats here regularly, which is why he deferred to you before him.”
His shoulders drew in. “Then why did he tell me I needed to load up?”
“Because you’ve spent several hours out in the snow,” I reminded him, resting my hands on his knees. “We played right through lunch. You would have burned hundreds of calories. We all have.”
“He thinks I’m weak.” A tear tracked down his cheek. “I’ll never be good enough.”
“No,” I said firmly, smoothing the tear away with my thumb.
“Calan’s a grumpy fucker, but he’s also a mother hen.
He could rival Ma with his desire to feed us all and take care of us.
That’s all of us, Reid, not just you. If you hadn’t challenged him, you would’ve seen him forcing fourth and fifth helpings on everyone. ”
His brow furrowed in confusion. “What about second and third?”
The ache in my chest eased at the question. At the sign that Reid was coming back to me. “Well, we take those ourselves. We’re shifters, and Calan’s a damn good cook.”
Reid’s throat bobbed. “So Calan wasn’t fussing because I’m human?”
I hesitated, not wanting to lie to him. “That’s part of it, but not in the way you’re thinking. We’re wolf shifters, Reid, and our instinct is to protect and care for you because you’re human. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“Because I’m weak.”
“Because you’re mortal.” I cupped his face.
“Not a single soul inside this house thinks you’re weak.
We think you’re brave. You survived the unimaginable, Reid.
You were failed by the people who were meant to defend you.
Not only were you able to break free, but you’ve built a life for yourself in a community you weren’t raised in.
None of us think you’re weak, Reid. You’re one of the bravest men we’ve ever met. ”
“Oh god.” Reid cringed as he finally heard what I’d been trying to tell him. “I’ve made a complete tit of myself, haven’t I?”
“No, Reid. Everyone knows why being here is hard for you.”
Reid was sobbing now. It was like a dam had been broken, the emotions of the past few days running free. Hell, maybe even the last couple of months. “But I was so rude to Calan. Everyone will hate me.”
I chuckled. “Sweetheart, Calan’s our enforcer. He deals with rudeness ten times worse on an hourly basis—and that’s just from Logan. I promise, he doesn’t hate you. He’s worried about you. We all are.”
Reid sniffed, using the sleeve of my hoody to wipe at his face. “If I was brave, I wouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“You can be brave and still struggle. No one could go through what you did and just walk away fine. Trauma leaves a wound. You need to treat it, or else it’ll become infected. You can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away.”
Reid gave a watery smile. “Is this your way of telling me I need therapy?”
“It can’t hurt,” I said honestly. “There are supe therapists, so you could see someone who you can be completely open with. Really though, I want you to be kind to yourself.”
“Easier said than done.”
“True.” I hesitated again, hating to ask this question, but knowing I had to. “Did I do the wrong thing in asking you to stay here? Because if this is too much, I’ll take you home right now. We can stay in your flat, or I can guard you from outside. Whatever makes you more comfortable.”
Reid pulled one of my hands from his face, lacing our fingers together with a sigh.
“No. This is where I want to be. Where I need to be, I think. You’re right—my past is going to continue dictating my future until I deal with it.
I think being here, seeing how you all interact…
I think I need that. I’m not saying I’ll always find it easy or that I won’t fuck up, but I need to try. ”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, you just need to tell me.” The floorboard outside my room creaked and I bit back a smile.
I should’ve known Calan wouldn’t be able to rest until he knew Reid was okay.
“None of us are expecting you to find this easy, Reid. We all fuck up constantly too, so don’t worry about that. You’ll fit right in.”
Reid gave a groan. “That’s assuming I’ll ever be able to face them. Talk about a monumental fuck-up. I’ve made a complete eejit of myself in front of everyone. How am I going to make things up to Calan?”
A footstep sounded behind me, then Calan spoke, his voice rough. “Ye don’t need to, Reid.”
Reid stiffened, his eyes going over my head. “I’m so sorry, Calan. You were just being kind and I was incredibly rude.”
Calan’s steps drew closer. Not wanting to be perched between them, I stood and took a seat beside Reid on the bed. Sliding my arm around his shoulders, I squeezed gently to let him know I was here. That he wasn’t alone.
“No, you weren’t,” Calan said, showing uncharacteristic gentleness. “I spoke without thinking. I knew what you’d been through and didn’t consider the impact my words would have. I don’t blame ye for reacting how ye did. Ye could’ve stabbed me with yer fork and I would’ve been okay with it.”
His joke didn’t make Reid smile. No, he was wringing his hands. “My trauma isn’t your problem, and I’m sorry I reacted that way. I won’t do it again.”
Calan crouched so that Reid was forced to meet his gaze. “Reid, that’s not a promise ye can make if you’re going to spend more time with us. I guarantee I’ll put my foot in it again, or one of the others will be a bellend. It’s what happens when you’re part of a family.”
I noted his use of ‘family’ instead of ‘clan’ and could’ve kissed him for it. Seeing as that’d probably earn me a punch, I’d buy him a new dagger instead.
Reid’s trembling eased. “But I’m not family.”
Calan winked at me as he stood. “Aye, yer right. Forgive me. But we’ll treat ye as such while yer here. It’s what we’d do with any guest.”
“Thank you,” Reid said quietly. “I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve your kindness, but I appreciate it all the same.”
The same pain that splintered my heart flickered over Calan’s face. “Everyone deserves kindness, Reid.”
He hummed noncommittally. “Maybe.”
Calan shot me a helpless look and I nodded. I appreciated his making the effort, but I had it from here.
“I hope ye come join us,” Calan said as he drifted towards the door. “For my sake, if nothing else. Logan threatened to castrate me if I didn’t make things right.”
He vanished back downstairs as Reid turned to me in alarm. “Logan wouldn’t actually castrate him, right?”
I chuckled, holding him close. “Aye, he might. He’s very protective of his friends. But don’t worry, balls grow back same as any other body part. Would suck for Calan for a while though.”
“We can’t have that.” Reid sighed. “Guess we better go down and eat.”
“We don’t have to. We can leave if ye like. They’ll all understand.”
Reid bit his lip for a second. “Nah, let’s go down. Can’t have Calan losing his balls over my meltdown.”
I kissed his temple. “It wasn’t a meltdown, and he’s lost his balls for less in the past. But if yer happy to stay then I’m happy.”
He studied me. “You really mean that, don’t you?”
I cocked my head. “Aye, Reid, I do. Why?”
“No reason.” He kissed my lips briefly. “Just thinking how lucky I am.”