Chapter 10
10
HOPE
He’s so happy. How can I say no?
Especially if it means keeping that smile on his face.
It’s such a rare occurrence. I’d do anything.
I should feel uncomfortable accepting Ben’s invitation. He’s a virtual stranger, and he’s inviting us to his home. Under normal circumstances, I would say no, but accepting his invitation doesn’t feel like the wrong thing to do. He seems safe, and I feel at ease in his company.
I also can’t ignore the fact that I’ve shared more with him in fifteen minutes than I have with anyone else in a long time. He’s familiar somehow, and he seems to understand my grief. Ben’s given Evan an amazing opportunity, and while he spends time with Rex, his smile is permanently etched on his cute little face.
What could it hurt?
Maybe if Evan plays with Rex, his desire for a pet will be satisfied and he won’t ask me to get a dog of our own … again . It’s getting harder and harder to say no, especially when I know how desperately he wants one. With both of us gone most of the day, I can’t, in good conscience, agree; it wouldn’t be fair to a puppy. But I still feel bad. I want to give Evan everything.
I grin at my son as he patiently peers up at me, waiting for my answer, a hopeful expression painting his face. “Okay,” I tell him as I look up at Ben. “Only if you’re sure we’re not imposing.” His shoulders seem to drop, and he releases a breath like he was as desperate for my answer as Evan was.
“No imposition.” Ben claps his hands together as his cheeks rise, making deep crinkles at the corners of his eyes appear, telling me this man smiles a lot. “Great. You can follow me.”
Suddenly unsure, I glance down at Evan. His grin is so broad, his eyes so hopeful. I’m many things, but I’m not a monster. With resignation, I gesture toward my car. “Uhm, is there anything we can bring? If you give me your address, I can stop at the store and we can meet at your place.” I fidget with my keys. “It’s bad manners to turn up empty-handed.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels. The muscles beneath his tattooed forearms tense with the action and the denim of his jeans pulls tighter around his firm thighs. He’s in great shape, but I guess that’s to be expected since he has to be in top condition for his job.
With muddled thoughts, I snatch my eyes away.
Why am I noticing his arms and thighs?
My cheeks burn with shame, and I shuffle on my feet. I fix my gaze just beyond his shoulder while I wait for his response—with a racing heart and suddenly clammy hands. I let the high of playing with the puppies and Evan’s desire to play with Rex cloud my judgment, and I could kick myself for agreeing to spend the afternoon with Ben and Rex. From the corner of my eye, I watch him studying me, his smile diminishing the slightest touch.
“I need to pick up a couple of things at the store. You can follow me.” He pats his thigh, and Rex sits beside him obediently. He’s such a good dog.
I force a nod. “All right. Come on, Ev.”
We make our way to my car and climb inside. “Thanks, Mom,” Evan says from the back seat. “You’re the best.”
My eyebrows shoot up as I start the car to follow Ben out of the parking lot. “I don’t know about that,” I mumble underneath my breath. Who goes to a stranger’s home for a meal after knowing him for what … a couple of hours tops?
And just because he’s an officer of the law, that doesn’t make him completely safe.
My breaths grow choppy as we pull into the store’s parking lot. I tighten my hands on the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white as I park the car. After I turn off the engine, I twist in my seat to face Evan. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea, Ev. We don’t really know Ben, and we’re going to his home.”
He scoots forward and rests his hand on my shoulder. “We don’t have to go, Mom. It’s just … I-I-I really like him. He’s never once spoken to me like I’m a problem. Not like some of the teachers do. He didn’t give me that sad look when he found out about Dad. You know the one … like I’m broken because he’s gone. Not like Shane and everyone else does,” he murmurs the last part, and fissures spread across my already shattered heart. “I feel like a normal kid with him.”
He feels like a normal kid.
I can’t take that away from him. He’s had so many years of grief in his young life, and I promised things would be different. That I’d try harder. He needs this … and maybe I do too, because Ben doesn’t look at me like I’m broken either.
He makes me feel normal, too.
He didn’t give me platitudes when I told him how I felt. He looked at me as though I’m strong—not like I’ll shatter at any moment.
I glance out the windshield and spot Ben waiting patiently with Rex on a leash by his car. Drawing in a deep breath, I decide to do this—for Evan … and maybe for me, too. “C’mon, then. Ben’s waiting.” We climb out of the car, and Ben leads us inside. “Are you allowed to bring Rex into the store?” I know some stores allow pets, and I guess Rex isn’t technically a pet since he’s a working dog, but he’s not working now.
“Oh, yeah. They love Rex here. They get upset when I come without him. He’s a local celebrity.” Ben chuckles and leans down to rub the scruff of Rex’s neck. “Hey, Rex. They love you, don’t they?”
Rex looks up at Ben with pure adoration for his … owner … boss … dad ? I don’t know. They seem more like friends and equals than dog and master.
When we step inside, the staff call out their hellos to Rex like he is an actual celebrity. Ben tells Evan to grab a cart, and we make our way through the store. He adds more to the cart than I would have expected for a simple lunch of burgers. Suspicion grows when he asks Evan what some of his favorite snacks are and adds them to the cart as we go. “Were you really having burgers?” I wave my hand out toward the cart.
He looks down and shrugs. “Yeah. I need to get groceries for a few days because I’m back on days this week and won’t have time to shop. Hope you don’t mind.” That still doesn’t explain why he’s grabbing some of Evan’s favorite foods.
“Of course not. Do what you need to do. If we’re in the way, let us know.”
“You’re not in the way. I’m almost finished,” he says smoothly.
“What should I grab for dessert?”
Evan’s eyes light up. “Can we get apple pie, Mom?”
I glance up at Ben, about to ask him if he likes apple pie, when he freezes on the spot. “You like apple pie?” he asks Evan with wide eyes.
“Uh, duh. Who doesn’t?” Evan responds.
“Exactly. Let’s go get apple pie.”
“It won’t be as good as Mom’s homemade apple pie, but it’ll have to do this time.” I hear Evan gush over my apple pie to Ben as they walk away, and I smirk to myself. My kid is a fiend for sweets. Completely my fault since I love to bake.
“Really? Do you think your mom will make me an apple pie?” Ben asks.
“I don’t see why she wouldn’t, if you ask nicely.” He looks up at Ben. “Mom bakes all kinds of things. She’s really good at it.” I should feel annoyed that Evan’s volunteering my baking services. Instead, I feel warmth filling my chest that he loves my baking.
We grab the apple pie and ice cream, and Ben pays for everything, even though I try my best to keep the dessert items separate. So now we’re still turning up at his house empty-handed.