Chapter 53
53
HOPE
Happiness fills every cell in my body, and I feel like I’ve been floating on clouds ever since seeing the two pink lines on the white stick this morning. I’ve been smiling so much my cheeks hurt. Deep down, I know Ben will be as thrilled as I am about having a baby, but there’s a minuscule niggle in the back of my mind that maybe it isn’t such a good idea.
We haven’t been together all that long. Is this too soon? His job is dangerous, and what if something happens to him? What would I do? I don’t think I could bring another child into the world and have them lose their father like Evan has. I understand the devastation that would cause and know it wouldn’t be fair to put another child through it.
I twist my rings around my finger, something I’ve been doing more often. I slide them along my finger to the tip, then push them back down. Rubbing the small diamond of my engagement ring, I sink to my butt on the edge of my bed. I drag both rings off my finger and study them. My heart stutters for a moment, then beats like a drum.
I never thought I’d take them off.
Tears well and slip over my lashes, and I let them fall. I held onto my promise to love only one man for the rest of my life, but it’s time to put the past where it belongs. Behind me. “You’ll always be my first love,” I murmur as I close my fist around the precious jewelry. “But Ben will be my last.”
Climbing to my feet, I dig around in my drawer for the box where I keep Wyatt’s dog tags and place the rings inside. Then I snap the lid closed and tuck it safely away, wiping away my tears. I blow out a long breath and push back my shoulders, feeling a weight lifted. A small smile touches my lips as I walk out of my bedroom.
My phone buzzes on the coffee table, and Evan’s smiling face lights up the screen. Placing my book down, I grab my phone to answer.
“Hey, Mom. Ben and Rex are on the news. Turn to A2Z News. That’s what Pop has on the TV.”
“Uh, okay.” I grab the remote and turn on the television, navigating to Wyatt’s dad’s favorite news station.
The news anchor wears a serious expression, instantly telling me it’s not a feel-good news story. “Can you tell us what’s happening on the ground, Paul?” she asks the reporter, taking up the other half of the screen.
My blood pounds in my ears as the reporter’s image fills the entire screen. Police cars, cruisers, and SUVs are haphazardly parked everywhere in the background, and police officers are crouched low behind their vehicles. As the camera pans the area, I spot Ben and Rex off to the side and my heart hammers like a maniac in my chest. My breaths grow shallow and my vision narrows to him.
Only him.
God. I instinctively place my hand over my stomach.
“A woman called authorities this afternoon, telling the operator her husband had been beating her and she was bleeding from several wounds. She said he’d gone out, so an ambulance was dispatched to the property. When paramedics arrived at the scene, it’s alleged the husband returned and fired shots, killing?—”
Gunshots ring out, and the reporter ducks with a wince, trying to remain professional in a terrifying situation. A scream— my scream—shatters the air, and my phone clatters to the floor. My knees give out, and I drop to the couch.
No. No. No. This can’t be happening.
“Mom!” Evan’s voice sounds far away, but I gather my wits, reaching down to search for the device on the floor without taking my eyes from the television screen.
“Evan,” I almost screech, then quickly calm myself. “Can you go ask Grandma what time I should come over tomorrow, please, and pass your phone to Pop? I need to talk to him for a sec.”
What is Graeme thinking, letting Evan watch this? What if something happens?
“Uh, sure. But it’s probably the usual time.”
I force a smile into my voice as I watch officers storm toward the dilapidated house and use a heavy-looking cylinder thing to bash the door. “Thanks, big guy.”
“Hey, are you watching the news?” Graeme asks, excitement in his voice.
“Yeah. But why would you let Evan watch that? What if something happens? We both know they’ll show anything on the news for shock value, and I don’t want him to see stuff like that,” I rush to say.
“Ah,” he growls. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” More shots ring out, and I snap my hand up to cover my mouth, trapping another scream. Oh, my god! Tears moisten my hand, and I jump to my feet to pace. “I-I’ll turn it off.”
Silence rings loud on the other end of the phone, and a relieved sigh puffs over my lips while my eyes stay glued to the screen in front of me.
“Shots are being fired as the police break through the front door of the house, Alison,” the reporter announces.
The image on the television changes to aerial footage of the property, and I scan it, frantically looking for Ben and Rex.
“A man has escaped out the rear of the property,” the reporter announces with excitement.
More gunshots are fired, and the drone zooms in on the man as he runs through his backyard and jumps the fence into the park next door.
I press my hand to my stomach and hope there aren’t any kids playing there.
“Our drone is capturing the alleged gunman as he escapes, Alison,” Paul announces, like we can’t see what’s happening for ourselves, even though the footage is fuzzy. “The police are hot on his heels.”
From the bottom right-hand corner, a dark blur races at speed toward the man. “Rex!”
“What’s happening?” Graeme calls out as Ben also comes into view, reminding me I’m still on the phone.
“Rex and Ben are chasing the guy, and he still has his gun! He’s still shooting!” I scream, horrified at what I’m seeing. It’s one thing watching them chase down a young guy who stole a backpack at the beach. It’s an entirely different experience watching them chase down a madman with a gun. I know he wouldn’t have thought twice about chasing after the gunman.
I can’t get enough oxygen in my lungs, and my vision darkens around the edges. I can’t watch. But it’s like driving past a car wreck—I can’t turn away. My legs shake uncontrollably, and I’m certain my heart is going to pound its way right out of my chest and fall into a bloody blob on the floor.
“Hope. Calm down. Everything will be all right,” Graeme calmly says.
The man disappears beneath a copse of trees, shielding him from the drone, but gunshots ring out again, followed by the unmistakable yelp of a dog echoing through the speakers and into my living room.
“Oh, my god! Graeme. I think Rex has been shot!” Hysteria builds inside me and I struggle to suck oxygen into my lungs.
Another gunshot rings out, and I scream.
“Hope. Stay calm. You don’t know that for sure. We’re coming over. We’ll stay on the phone with you until we get there.”
No. No. No. No . This can’t possibly be happening. I slide my fingers through my hair, gripping the strands tightly as I curl my body over.
The world can’t possibly be so cruel as send Ben to us, only to steal him away.
The reporter presses his finger against his ear. “We’ve just received news that an officer has been shot. Alison, we have …” He presses his ear again. “We have reports of at least one officer down. I repeat. There is an officer down. Shot in the line of duty.”
“Have they caught the perpetrator, Paul?” Alison asks. Her voice drips with sheer joy that they’re the team breaking this horrifying story. Reporters really are the scum of the earth. They don’t care about the lives of the people in the story, how this could change the lives of the people involved … only about the story.
He presses his ear again. “No word, Alison.”
The image changes to the newsroom. “Thanks, Paul. We’ll check back in with you for an update soon. In other news, a tire factory has exploded, sending plumes of black smoke billowing into the sky. Surrounding businesses and homes have been evacuated, and fire and emergency services are fighting the blaze.”
No!
I need to see what’s happening now ! I press the heel of my hand against my sternum in an attempt to keep my heart in place. Thump. Thump. Thump . The sound is deafening to my ears.
I stand to pace, walking a shaky circuit through my empty house as my heart threatens to cease beating one minute and escape my chest the next. Each time I loop through the living room, I study the screen like a crazy person looking for my next hit. My eyes fixate on the banner across the bottom of the frame, searching for some sort of update, but there’s nothing.
“Hope, we’re not far away. What’s happening?” Tracey’s voice breaches the buzzing in my ears.
I swallow the nausea that’s threatening to rise and press my hand tight to my stomach. “I-I don’t know. They’re not … they’re not showing anything. Don’t they know I need to know what’s happening? God, what if something’s happened to him? I don’t think I’d survive,” I sob brokenly, my knees finally giving out, leaving me in a puddle on the floor in front of the useless television.
“Hope. Everything will be fine. They’ll be home before you know it, and this will all be a terrible memory,” she cajoles.
I already have enough terrible memories. I don’t need to add another to the list. I don’t want to add another to the list. I won’t survive it. I know I won’t. My lunch threatens to make a reappearance as more tears track down my face.
I press my hand to my stomach, like I can somehow protect our baby from the loss of its father.
“Mom! Hold it together, we’re just around the corner,” Evan’s stern voice breaks through the haze of my despair, and I jolt upright. I can’t let him see me fall apart. He’s had enough of that and I promised to do better.
I clear my throat and try to push confidence instead of fear into my voice. “I’m okay, Ev,” I choke. “I’m just worried about Ben and Rex.”
The sound of a car pulling into my driveway and doors opening and closing has me wiping beneath my eyes and sniffing as I climb to my feet on unsteady legs. Footsteps sound on the porch, and the door swings open. Before I can brace, Evan barrels into me, wrapping his arms around me, holding me up.
“They’ll be okay, Mom. Rex is a badass, and so is Ben. You’ve seen how fast he runs. He doesn’t mess around. Stop crying. They’ll be okay.” He squeezes me tight. “They’ll be okay,” he murmurs the last part, as if he’s trying to convince himself as well as me.
Cupping the back of his head, I lean down and press a kiss to his short hair, soaking his scent into my lungs. “You’re r-right. They’re both badass, and they’ll be f-fine. Ben’s been doing this a long time, and he knows what he’s doing. He wouldn’t take unnecessary r-risks. He told us he doesn’t.”
Tracey and Graeme come to a stop in the doorway to the living room. Another car pulls up outside, and a car door slams. Clara barrels inside, bypassing her parents and coming straight for me and Evan. She wraps both of us in her embrace. “I saw the news and came straight here. Have you heard anything?”
I shake my head. “No, and I dou-doubt we will. If so-some-something ha-happens, no-nobody would know to call m-me,” I sob as my body quakes in Evan and Clara’s arms. Her hand comes up to my cheek, and the sympathy in her eyes undoes me. She knows. She knows if something happens to Ben, it would break me beyond repair.
There’d be no coming back this time.
Another engine sounds, and more doors open and slam shut. Footsteps thud on the porch, and Mom and Dad charge inside, worry etched into their faces when their eyes land on Evan and me. Mom’s eyes are red and wet with tears, while Dad holds himself stiffly. Tracey walks straight to her, offering comfort while I’m unable, and Graeme shakes Dad’s hand.
Clara guides Evan and me into the living room and onto the sofa. The men stand behind us, murmuring, while Mom and Tracey move about in the kitchen. My eyes land back on the TV, and I search for information.
They show the woman at the news desk again. “We have an update on the situation in Almond Creek. Paul, what do you have for us?”
The screen cuts back to the reporter standing in front of the house that looks more like a war zone. The camera zooms in on paramedics wheeling a woman on a gurney from the house. “Yes, Alison. The police have apprehended the perpetrator and currently have him in custody. Crime scene investigators have also arrived to collect evidence from the scene, as well as the medical examiner to collect the deceased paramedics who were shot in the line of duty when they arrived on scene.” God, those poor families. My heart breaks for them.
The screen splits, showing Alison nodding seriously—as if she’s truly concerned. “And, any news on the officer who’s been shot, Paul?”
He shakes his head. “I’m afraid we’ve been told we have to wait for an update on that, Alison.”
My stomach drops, and my body shakes violently.
“That sounds serious, Paul.”
I lose all sense of what’s happening around me as I fall apart. Sickness rises up my throat, and I sprint into the bathroom, collapsing to my knees as I slam into the cold tile and vomit. They have to wait for an update. If the police aren’t forthcoming with the information, that must mean … that must mean someone … someone died.
Rex’s yelp replays in my ears, and I press my hands over them to quiet the awful sound. It’s a sound I’ll never forget for as long as I live. Wherever Rex went, Ben went. They were inseparable. A package deal.
A sob falls from my lips, and my body shudders.
Strong hands on my shoulders pull me back, and I look up through bleary eyes to find Shane looking at me with sympathy … compassion. “Hey. C’mon, let’s get you up off the floor,” he says softly as he lifts me into his arms and carries me like a child back into the living room, placing me like I’m a piece of delicate porcelain on the sofa. Wrapping his arm around me, he tugs me in close. “Nix is on the phone with his contact in the police department to find out what’s going on.”
I nod hopelessly, aware of noises and that my living room seems full of people, but it’s like I’m falling through golden syrup. Everything feels slow. Colors and sounds, muted. Yet, inside me, everything feels like it’s moving too fast, and my blood rushing through my veins fills my ears. My limbs are heavy and sluggish, and I just want to sleep. Sleep through this nightmare and wake up to find it didn’t really happen. Is that too much to ask?
A weight lands on my thighs, and when I look up, Nix’s worried gaze traps mine. “Hope.”
I trace my eyes over his face, cataloging his stern features. They look softer today, not as harsh and intimidating. He reaches up and slides my hair behind my ear, tracing the back of his hand down my cheek and over my tears.
“Hope. I’ve spoken to a friend on the force. Ben’s okay. He’s shaken up, but he’s okay.” He squeezes my thigh, and my eyes drop to watch his rough hands. “Hope. Did you hear me?” He pauses and I lift my eyes back to his. He raises a single brow. “Ben’s okay.” He nods. “He’s okay, Hope.”
Hope sparks deep in my stomach, and Evan sits beside me, shaking my shoulders. “Ben’s okay, Mom. Did you hear Uncle Nix?” As if in slow motion, I turn toward him. He grins at me with pure happiness. “Ben wasn’t hurt!”
My breath gushes out on a whoosh, and a fresh stream of tears falls from my eyes. This time, they’re full of relief, releasing my premature devastation.
I snap my head up and look at everyone around me as we collectively sigh with relief. Shoulders drop and stress lines disappear from everyone’s faces. Ben hasn’t been part of our lives all that long, but as I look around my living room, all I see are people who have accepted him into our family with love. Something he desperately needed after being raised by two people who never showed him the love and support he deserves.
Nix squeezes my thighs again, and I focus on him. Even though he’s just delivered fantastic news, he still looks grim. His eyes skate between me and Evan, and I watch him swallow, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Ben’s okay, but Rex is the officer that was shot by the perpetrator.”
Evan shoots to his feet. “No!” he shouts. “He, he, can’t …”
Nix stands and Shane grabs Evan before I can, pulling him close and tucking him in tight to his body. He looks so small, wrapped in Shane’s thick arms, with his big hand cradling his head.
“Wh-What?” I stutter. Not Rex. No. No. No. His yelp replays in my mind on repeat. My relief that Ben’s okay is short-lived as renewed pain surges through my body. Poor Ben. “Is he going to be okay?”
Nix swallows. Shaking his head, he holds up his hands. “I don’t know Rex’s condition. My friend didn’t know any more than that.”