Chapter 15
Fifteen
LUCA
I don't like the way I left things with Marissa. When I dropped her off at her car, she gave me a wobbly smile. She told me that she was fine, but I could tell that she wasn’t. At that second in time, it felt like I should just leave things alone. Let some time pass, and maybe we could try again later to solve this mountainous problem. I don’t want to rub salt in the wound, so to speak, and make things any worse.
I hated seeing her reaction tonight, when I stupidly implied that maybe she was a part of some family conspiracy. I’m still kicking myself for saying such an idiotic thing! I know Marissa. Even though I made that comment about not really “knowing one another,” I don’t actually believe my own words. Though it’s technically true, we’ve spent time really getting to know each other, albeit fast and sudden, and there are moments I feel deep in my soul that we were made for each other… soul mates.
It’s never been easier to be with someone than it is with her. I’ve never felt so… at home with anyone I’ve ever known. It’s like we’ve always known one another, and our hearts were always meant to be together, and now they’re just finding their way to each other… but through a hell of a mess around us!
I make a decision without thinking much about it: I’m going to go over to Marissa’s house tonight. If she won’t answer my calls, I’ll throw pebbles at her window, or something, to get her attention. That isn’t ideal, of course, because we still don’t want either of our families to know about us. I have to see Marissa, though. I have to make things right. And frankly, I don’t care what the consequences may be!
The streets are quiet, as I drive across Cranberry Creek. Moonlight shines brightly through the trees, casting shadows on the road, nearly as light as day. There is a stillness that you don’t get at any other time of the day. I want to savor the beauty of the moment, but I am more focused on the fact that I want to get to Marissa. I can only imagine how upset she is. I let myself get caught up in the emotions of the moment. I wasn’t thinking clearly nor fairly about what we had communicated. Tonight has to go well.
I park a few blocks away. Just because I feel desperate to see Marissa doesn’t mean that I’m going to be stupid about it. The last thing either of us needs is for someone in Marissa’s family to catch us. Walking the few blocks to her house also helps me clear my head, and compose my apology, so it’s exactly what I need to say. I want her to know my heart… So she can truly decide if she wants it.
By the time I get there, I’m ready to apologize and then go into problem-solving mode, which is where I was supposed to be at dinner anyway. I feel like I’ve failed Marissa, and I hope that she can forgive me. I don’t care how early into our relationship this is. It’s time to tell her how I feel. There can be no doubt in her mind that I am in love with her, and that I’m willing to do whatever it takes for us to be together…no matter the cost.
When I get near to what I guess is her bedroom window, I text her that I’m outside. Despite hoping that this gesture would feel like high romance, I’m also aware of how creepy this could be perceived. If some neighbor calls the police, I wouldn’t blame them. Yet, I don’t leave. Instead I wait for her to answer my text.
Just when I’m afraid that Marissa is ignoring me, I see the light go on in her room. A moment later, she appears in the window. Once she registers me standing there, she smiles at me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. At least I know that we’re still on decent footing. I can fix this. I know I can.
“Luca,” she whispers loudly enough for me to hear, but softly enough that it doesn’t cut through the evening quiet. “What are you doing here?”
She glances over her shoulder, like she’s afraid that someone is going to come in and discover her talking to me. “Come outside,” I say. “I need to apologize to you.”
“Okay,” Marissa says. “I’ll be out in a second. Meet me down the block.”
I nod, and look around before I leave. Now that I’m sure that she’s coming, I care a little more about being caught. I don’t want to make any trouble for Marissa. That’s not the point. I want to make things better, not worse.
There’s a path that leads into one of the parks. I decide that this is the perfect place for us to meet. We can step into the park, so no one will see us, and we can even walk around. I know that it says that the park is closed, but I doubt anyone is actually going to check or call us in. I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself by the time Marissa comes along.
“You are crazy, you know that?” Marissa asks.
I grin at her. “Maybe, but I had to tell you that I’m sorry. I was out of sorts at the restaurant earlier. I don’t think that your family is involved with anything that’s going wrong at Venetian Dreams . My father got into my head and I reacted irrationally. Forgive me, Marissa? I don’t ever want to do anything to hurt you. And I should have helped to come up with a solution.”
Marissa takes a step toward me. In the yellow circle from the streetlight, I can see her eyes shining. I’m worried that I’m about to make her cry, but she’s smiling. “Thank you, Luca,” she says. “That means a lot to me.”
“I don’t know if we can come up with a solution that will actually work,” I say, “but I’d like to try.”
The two of us stand there, not saying anything. On my end, it’s because I honestly don’t know what to say. There are a million thoughts jumbled together in my head, but sorting them out is a lot more difficult than I realized. I got the apology out, and to me, that was the most important thing. Now I just want to be in her presence. Maybe she feels the same.
“I want to try, too,” she says at last, her eyes never leaving mine.
A car drives by us, and Marissa seems startled. “I shouldn’t be here right now,” she says. “What if someone sees us together?”
“I thought about that,” I say. “Do you want to head into the park?”
“Okay,” she says. “But I can’t stay out too late. I have an early shift tomorrow morning.”
That seems like the best it’s going to get tonight. I”ll take whatever time with Marissa that I can. I’m just thankful that Marissa has agreed to take the walk. Maybe the act of walking will help shake loose some of my thoughts. I really do have so much to tell her, to confess to.
“It’s funny,” Marissa says with a pensive tone. “My book club is reading Romeo and Juliet . I’m not trying to be over-dramatic, but it really feels like our relationship is mirroring that play.”
“Let’s not follow their ending,” I say in a mock serious tone. This has the effect that I am hoping for, and Marissa laughs.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Marissa says.
The path into the park is dark, shaded even from the street lights by the leaves on the trees. I want to reach over and take her hand, but something holds me back. I’m not sure if we are truly reconciled or not. I feel like we are, that we have put things right between us, but I don’t want to make any assumptions and make things worse.
The path winds into one of the bigger parks in Cranberry Creek. This is the park that summer concerts happen in every year. The band shell on the other side of the park is well lit. I wonder if we should stay away from it. Technically we aren’t supposed to be here. The playground and the gazebo are covered by shadows, so I head over there. Marissa doesn’t seem to have a problem with the decision, and soon she is basically leading the way.
We need to reconnect. That much is clear. We might have gotten back on solid footing, but that doesn’t mean that I feel confident about where we’re at to tell her yet that I love her. I’ve learned from my family that in some fights, sometimes people need more time to process their feelings. I’m not going to rush Marissa through anything. Maybe that’s something I should tell her. I don’t think that would upset her. And yet, I can’t make my mouth form the words.
The only thing that keeps running through my brain is that I love her. I keep stealing glances at her through the dim light, and there are just so many perfect moments. Something holds me back, though. We get to the gazebo and sit down on one of the benches. This would be the perfect spot.
“You know what we should do?” Marissa asks.
“What?” I say.
“We should go walk around Cranberry Creek,” she says.
“Okay. Anywhere in particular that you want to go?” I ask.
“Not really,” she says. “It’s just something that I really loved doing when I was in high school. Now I can’t really get anyone to go with me.”
“I’m game,” I say.
As we stand and leave the gazebo, Marissa reaches out and takes my hand. We twine our fingers together. This is the exact moment when I know everything is alright between us. I feel my whole body relax. Things are going to be okay.
We walk along the quiet, deserted streets. Periodically a car will drive past us and Marissa will tense up slightly. I know that she can’t help her reaction. I suppose if we were in Fox River Falls, I might react much the same way. Neither of us wants our families to find out about us. Not right now, as silly as it seems at times, when I step back and think about it. Here we are, two grown adults, sneaking around from our parents! I shake my head and inwardly chuckle over the absurdity. Marissa looks up at me quizzically. I don’t want to bring up the subject and ruin the moment, so I switch gears in my head and begin a new conversation.
“Do you think that you want to settle in Cranberry Creek?” I ask.
“I suppose so,” Marissa says with a shrug. “I guess I always just assumed I would get married and raise a family here. What about you? Do you want to leave or stay in the area?”
“I always assumed I would stay in the area, too,” I say. “And now, more than ever, I am convinced of that.”
Marissa looks up at me, and under a streetlight I can see that she is flushed. I hope it’s with pleasure at what I said. “Do you want a big family?” she asks.
“I’ll take as big a family as the good Lord provides me with,” I say, because coming from a family that holds family values and faith at the crux of everything, that has always been how I assumed it would be.
“I like that answer,” Marissa says. “My family and my faith have always been the most important things in my life. I always want that to be the case…” she says, with a subtle grin, staring up at me through her beautiful long lashes. It’s like she read and spoke my mind.
We’ve talked about some of the things we hope for in the future, but this is the first time either of us has brought up children. The thing about being with Marissa is that it makes me want to have a whole bunch of kids. Even if I wasn’t sure before, I am now.
“I just hope I don’t have any kids like my brother, Angelo,” I say.
Marissa bursts out laughing. “I wasn’t expecting that,” she says. “I’ll have to meet him soon.”
“I’d like for you to meet my whole family,” I say. “When we think they won’t kill each other, of course.”
“Agreed,” Marissa says. “Oh, let’s go sit in the reading garden.”
I look up and realize that we’ve made it to the library. This seems to be a truly special spot for Marissa. I gladly follow her through an arched entryway covered in vines into a secret garden. There are benches and a table with chairs. I can tell that in the daylight, this place is probably quite charming. In the dark, it actually feels quite romantic. I’m glad that Marissa brought us here.
We sit down on one of the benches, and Marissa leans her head against my shoulder. I feel a rush of warmth spread through my entire being. Despite the fact that we are in a truly strange situation, I feel like we’re united in the common goal of trying to get our families to get along. It shouldn’t seem like such an impossible thing to do.
“We’re pretty lucky, despite everything,” I say.
“We are,” Marissa agrees. “I think that all of these challenges are only going to make us stronger.”
“We have so much to figure out, still,” I say. “But I feel confident that we’ll come up with something.”
“I’m sure we will,” Marissa agrees.
We sit for a while longer, sometimes silent, sometimes chatting, but mostly just enjoying being next to one another. No matter what’s going on around us, when I am next to Marissa like this, the world seems right, and I have deep hope and faith that all will work out for us - even with our families. Someway, somehow.
Marissa lets out a gasp. “Oh my goodness,” she says. “It’s almost five in the morning! I’m sorry, Luca- I really need to get home!”
“Wow, I didn’t realize it was so late,” I say. “I’m sorry I kept you out so long.”
“Don’t worry about that,” she says. “I cherished every moment of it. I’m glad that we got to spend this special time together.”
“Me, too,” I say.
We head back through Cranberry Creek, hand in hand. Her hand in mine feels perfect, like one hand. I have a deep peace, thinking of how much stronger we are together - hand in hand, heart to heart. I don’t ever want this moment to end.
As the dark vanishes and the predawn light begins to wake the birds, I’m mindful of the fact that soon people will also be waking up to get ready for work. I don’t think that anyone will see us, but there’s a better chance that we will be seen now. I don’t mention this to Marissa, because I want her to be able to go home and get at least some sleep without worrying about all of this.
By the time we get near her house, I’m relieved that no cars have passed us the entire walk. I lean in to kiss her gently. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me closer. When we break apart, I whisper, “I love you, Marissa. With all my heart.”
“I love you, too, Luca, with all of mine,” she whispers back.
The moment, the profession of love, feels sacred and I don’t want it to end, but I give her another kiss on the forehead and let her go into the house. I walk backward, watching the light go on in her room, hoping that no one woke up when she came in. I don’t want her to have to face her family alone. At some point, the two of us are going to have to confront our families, but we will do it together.
As the first rays of light break across the sky, I make it back to my car, sure that I haven’t been seen. I feel like this lightness, both the literal break of dawn and the figurative lightness that I feel, symbolizes a new beginning for both of us.