Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
DREW
Me
Happy Halloween, Princess. What are you up to on this spookiest day?
Caitlin
Well, it started with me waking up alone, which was bullshit.
Me
Total bullshit. Every night I don’t get to go to sleep next to you is the worst night ever.
Caitlin
I think you’ve ruined me. I spent twenty-seven years being totally fine sleeping alone.
Me
And now?
Caitlin
Now I can’t sleep unless I’m sleeping on your million-dollar cloud mattress.
Me
Is it the million-dollar cloud mattress, or is it the man on the mattress with you?
Caitlin
I’m pretty sure it’s the mattress.
Me
Savage, Catie. Seriously savage.
Caitlin
You like it.
Me
I do. It makes me hard when you’re mean to me.
Caitlin
There’s probably something wrong with you.
Me
Catie, if being obsessed with you is wrong, then I really, really don’t want to be right.
And I am so obsessed with you.
Caitlin
Okay fine, it’s a little about you too. But also the mattress. I really like your mattress.
Me
Fair. It is a really good mattress. It’s an even better one when you’re on it with me.
Caitlin
You’re really on a roll today. You back?
Me
Just landed.
Caitlin
Sorry I fell asleep before we could talk last night. Congrats on the win.
Me
You watched the game?
Caitlin
I mean, if you count giving myself a pedicure, proofreading a memo, and shopping online for stuff I don’t need while the game was on in the background as watching, then sure, I totally watched.
Me
What color are your toes?
Caitlin
Orange with black sparkles so I can be all festive and shit. What’s your deal with my toes anyway?
Me
I love your toes. I’m obsessed with your toes. I love how the perfect, pantsuit wearing, never puts a wrong foot forward Caitlin Parker paints her toes the brightest, wackiest colors. It’s so fucking sexy.
So, did you wear my jersey while you watched the game?
Caitlin
[eyeroll emoji] When I told you I don’t wear men’s names on my back, I wasn’t fucking around. The only name I wear is my own.
So how was the flight?
Me
I see you avoiding talking more about wearing my name on your back, so I’ll let it go, but rest assured I’ll have you at a game in one of my jerseys before the season is over.
Caitlin
Don’t hold your breath, Pretty Boy. Wearing a man’s name is archaic, patriarchal bullshit. Couldn’t be me.
So, the flight? Now I’m really asking.
Me
I’ve never been happier to be off a plane in my life.
Caitlin
Tyler being insufferable again?
Me
You have no idea. Cam too. You would think a flight delay was the end of the world the way they were bitching about having to wait extra hours to see their girls.
I think Tyler was strategizing ways to literally bend the weather to his will to get home to Sophie. It was ridiculous.
Except…
Caitlin
Except what?
Me
Except for the first time, I totally understand him.
Caitlin
Did you try and do some weather mind control to get home to me?
Me
I might have.
Caitlin
Tell me more.
Me
Trying to mind control the weather to get to you isn’t patriarchal bullshit?
Caitlin
Nah, that’s just sexy and swoony.
Me
Anything for my girl.
Caitlin
Your girl?
Me
I’ve literally been inside you. I know how you taste and what sounds you make when you come and how you gasp when I suck on the spot behind your ear. My. Girl.
So much my girl that after I spent some time cursing the NFL schedule gods for giving us a Sunday night game on a night where there would be a massive storm in San Diego that prevented our plane from taking off until four this morning, making me lose a night with you, I started checking flights from every airport in southern California. Nevada too.
Caitlin
I don’t know, Drew. Sounds like Tyler was trying to get the weather to bend to his will while you only checked an app on your phone for flights. That doesn’t feel like the same thing to me.
Me
Are you doubting the magnitude of my feelings for you, Princess?
Caitlin
I mean, I’m just saying if you really liked me as much as you say you do, you would at least try to stop a storm for me. I’m pretty sure I deserve that.
Me
You deserve that and more. If you asked me to, I would pull the stars out of the fucking sky and put them directly in your hands. I would fly to the moon and name a crater after you and then tell the entire world about it so everyone would know you’re mine.
Caitlin
So…I guess that means you like me.
Me
It means I more than like you. As soon as I see you, I’ll show you exactly how much.
So other than missing me, what Halloween things are you up to today?
Caitlin
Does drinking three iced lattes, drafting two wills and a family limited partnership agreement, and eating twenty-seven mini-Snickers and a whole bag of Skittles minus the red ones count?
Me
Why didn’t you eat the red ones?
Caitlin
They’re Emmy’s favorite. She only eats the red and leaves the rest.
Me
Why doesn’t she just buy red? I’m pretty sure you can do that.
Caitlin
You can, she just doesn’t like to. She only likes the red, but she likes them when they’re all mixed up with the other colors first. Don’t ask. It’s a whole thing.
Me
Okay, well none of that sounds like Halloween fun.
Caitlin
I mean, you were in an airport for like five hours and then on a plane for five more. Have you had any Halloween fun?
Me
I haven’t yet, but I’m planning some epic fun later. You interested?
Caitlin
Are you asking me if I’ll spend Halloween with you?
Me
I am, in fact, asking you exactly that.
Caitlin
I don’t know…what’s in it for me?
Me
An unconventional date with a moderately attractive professional football player and then a night on the cloud mattress of your dreams?
Caitlin
Well, with a hard sell like that, how could I possibly say no?
Me
Fuck yeah. Can’t wait to kiss your face, Princess.