Chapter 40
Something wriggling next to me stirs me awake, and I’m greeted by big brown puppy eyes gazing at me. Dahlia’s nose is inches from my face, and when she sees I’m awake, she squirms a little closer and presses her wet nose against my cheek.
Jackson is passed out on the other side of her, his mouth slack as he snores softly. He must’ve let Dolly into the room in the middle of the night. I passed out after his third round of making me come on his cock as he whispered all manner of filth to me.
The bedroom is still dark, so it must be early. Too early for a little dog to be begging to be fed, but maybe Dahlia thinks I’ll fall for her charms.
“Hey, angel,” I whisper, smiling when her ears perk up at the sound of my voice and her tail thumps.
The movement reminds me I want to ask Jackson about the extent of her back injury, since she uses a wheelchair but can still wag her tail.
I don’t want to do anything to hurt her inadvertently or make things worse.
The sweet doxie has already stolen my heart.
I lift the edge of the thin blanket and pat the spot next to me. Dahlia takes the invitation, scooting her way up and under the blanket, where she settles in against my chest with a soft snuffle. I stroke her back, my heart expanding as her warm body snuggles against me.
She smells faintly of sunshine and corn chips, and oddly enough, my omega loves it. The newly awakened, instinctual side of me relaxes with the combined scents of Jackson and Dahlia, a potent balm for the tangled emotions that linger on the edges of my mind from last night.
“You’re not going to let me sneak out, are you?” I murmur as Dahlia repositions herself to get even more comfortable, turning into a toasty lump under the blanket beside me.
It’s for the best, even if the thought of interacting with River and Ambrose after what I heard last night makes my stomach clench.
I shouldn’t have been listening in. It was wrong on so many levels.
But I was languid and happy between my Jackson-induced orgasm, a hot shower, and finding out they got all my favorite toiletries to make me feel welcome as their guest. That, combined with the conversation we’d had before dinner, where we’d talked about boundaries and the eventuality of us all being intimate in the same space, made me weak.
The moment I heard a rough groan on the other side of the door, I was lured in. A siren song promising excitement and arousal.
Instead, what I got was a punch to the gut.
It’s my fault. It was a private conversation not meant for my ears. But knowing that doesn’t erase the impact it had. It was good that Jackson came back before I heard more.
When you explode and destroy this thing we’re building…
Don’t expect me to be there to console you.
Ambrose’s usually calm, kind voice filled with frustration. River’s cold dismissal that “it won’t happen.”
It makes me sick to know I’m the source of that strife. From the start, I told Ambrose I didn’t want to come between him and his mate, and hearing them talk about it with my own ears made it clear that’s impossible to avoid.
Ambrose is right. This is going to crash and burn if River tries to bottle up his feelings about me being a part of their pack and siphoning Ambrose’s attention away from him.
All of this makes me want to run. I’m overwhelmed enough by my new designation and worrying about my job. Attempting to join this pack where I’m jeopardizing relationships that have existed for far longer than any I’ve had in my life, and risking heartbreak in the process, is a recipe for disaster.
Yet, with Dahlia’s soft little body beside me and Jackson’s soothing earl gray scent permeating the air as he sleeps next to us, I know it’s too late. I’m already going to have my heart broken by this pack.
My omega tells me it’ll all work out. To lean into these warm, fuzzy feelings and let the others sort their shit out, because it’s their responsibility to make their pack a welcoming space for their omega. She thinks I’m worth the effort and emotional turmoil.
Maybe if I’d spent my life as an omega, it wouldn’t be terrifying to trust that this is where I’m meant to be, and that we belong together. But I didn’t. I’ve spent decades as a beta, being shown over and over that’s not how the world works.
I’m not someone who inspires devotion or even smaller changes to accommodate my needs. Being an omega doesn’t change that.
God, I wish it did.
I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to let any of this go. The lonely void inside me that’s ached for ages has stretched into the shape of this pack, and I fear no one else will ever be able to fill it.
My breathing speeds up as I fight not to cry, fingers sinking into Dahlia’s fur to soothe myself.
Jackson groans softly in his sleep and rolls over toward me, his arm wrapping across my waist and further trapping me here with him. Forcing away my dark thoughts with his calming presence.
As I drift back to sleep, I let myself choose temporary happiness over practicality. I’ll have to confront the tangled mess of my involvement with this pack soon, but for now, the lure of comfort is too much to resist.
After a very awkward breakfast, where River says maybe three full sentences to me and Ambrose keeps giving him these inscrutable looks like he’s checking in to make sure his mate isn’t about to have a mental breakdown, I head home.
Jackson wanted me to stay, but the agitated voice in my head telling me I needed to leave and remove myself from this uncomfortable situation before I made things worse were too loud to ignore.
Now, it’s Monday and I’m back at work, trying to focus on prepping for a client meeting instead of the alpha on the other side of the office.
The one who is jealous of me being with Ambrose.
The one who holds the power to destroy both my romantic prospects with his pack and my job if he decides he’s sick of me making him unhappy.
I’ve been staring at my screen, my mind looping the same worried thoughts again and again. This is untenable. My omega has me far too agitated to think straight.
Unsure what else to do, I grab my coffee mug and make my way over to Lauren’s office, hoping she’ll have a moment for a quick break to let me vent.
I want to check in with her anyway since she was nervous visiting with Rekha’s family this past weekend.
Ideally, everything went well with that and she’ll have some sage omega wisdom to lay on me, but even if she doesn’t, talking to my friend has got to be better than stewing in my emotions.
But apparently the universe is conspiring to stress me out today, because a bulky blonde alpha is in front of Lauren’s office when I approach.
Shit. Holden. He’s the last person I want to interact with right now.
The dickhead has made it his part-time job lately to stop by for “friendly” chats. While my omega has stopped completely panicking every time I’m in the odious alpha’s presence, being near him still makes my skin crawl.
I don’t know why the man gives a shit about me. I’ve continued to make it clear I’m not interested in him, and each time he acts like I’m being crazy and reading into things. Acting like he doesn’t want me, and I must be desperate to have assumed that.
Last time he stopped me as I was heading out of a conference room and escalated things. Said he had an offer to make me. Told me he’d seen how upset I’ve been after interacting with our boss and he might have a way to get rid of River, if I did him a favor.
Holden blatantly cupped his dick at the mention of the favor, and I almost vomited in my mouth. Then he reminded me he has connections with senior leadership, like I didn’t already know his uncle was the reason he got this job.
I said I didn’t have any interest in that. When Holden wouldn’t let it go, I told him I didn’t give a shit who his uncle was, and that I’d report him to HR if he didn’t stop harassing me.
It shut him up, but there was a dark look in his eyes as I walked away.
I haven’t seen him since. So of course he’s here right now, when I’m crawling out of my skin from stress.
I glance through the glass walls of Lauren’s office and see that she’s not inside. I can’t turn around now though, because it would be clear that I’m running away from Holden, and I refuse to give him that power over me.
With a steeling breath, I continue toward him, doing my best to avoid eye contact.
The asshole turns right as I move to walk past him and steps in my path. “Camille. I’ve been looking for you.” His voice sounds casual, and he smiles, but there’s something unpleasant in the twist of his lips that has my omega shrinking back.
He’s not going to do anything to me. We’re in the middle of the hall where people walk by all the time. I’m safe.
So why do I feel like I’m prey trapped by a predator?
“In Lauren’s office?” I ask, attempting to keep my tone light.
“Well, I know how close you’ve gotten with her lately.
” Holden gives me an obvious once over, his gaze clinging to areas where my skin is bare.
I wish I hadn’t left my cardigan in my office.
Though I could probably wear a long sleeve turtleneck muumuu and he’d still make me feel exposed with the way he leers.
“What did you need?” I ask, shifting in discomfort under his attention.
“Why is it that you’ve gotten so close to her?”
I blink back at him. “Uh, what?”
“I’m just curious. You’ve got to be, what, ten years older than Lauren? Surely you can’t have much in common. I’d think you’d have more in common with me, but every time I try to get closer to you, you’re rude.”
Fighting to not show how much I bristle at Holden thinking we have anything in common, I cock my head at him. “So you’re finally admitting we’re the same age?”
He laughs, but there’s no genuine humor behind it. “Is it that you’re into chicks? I never pegged you for a carpet muncher.”
My face heats at his gross comment. I’m sure I’ve turned bright red and hate that he can see my anger written so obviously on my skin. “My sexuality isn’t any of your business.”
Done with this conversation and needing to get away before he pushes me more and I have a meltdown, I move to step around him toward the break room.
Holden slides to the side to block me again. “It could be, if you stopped playing games. We both know you’re not getting any younger. I’m an alpha in his prime, offering you something most women in your position would cream their panties for.”
I grit my teeth and swallow down the bile rising inside me.
I can tell from the sick gleam in his eyes that he wants me to take the bait.
To curse him out so he can pretend that I misinterpreted his disgusting behavior.
Maybe tell me we have no witnesses, so who is HR going to believe—the conventionally attractive alpha or the chubby beta?
“Please move.” I know I should turn around and go back to the relative refuge of my office, but fuck that.
Holden scoffs. “Why are you in a hurry? Gotta get ready to suck DesigNation’s CEO’s cock? That’s why they moved me off that account, you know. They wanted someone who would get on their knees to please him, and you fit the bill.”
Don’t engage with him. Just go get your coffee, get ready for your call, and file a complaint with HR. Don’t…
“You lost that account because of your incompetence,” I snap. “Anyone else would’ve been fired for being so shitty at their job. Now, move. Unless you want my knee to end up in your balls.”
The slight rumble of a growl from this large alpha has my blood freezing.
Oh fuck, what if he barks at me? Jackson and I discussed learning to ignore an alpha’s command, but there hasn’t been time to practice yet.
I want to curl into a ball or run away, but I remind myself that he won’t bark because that doesn’t work on betas. My legs shake as I hold my ground.
The blonde alpha glares at me for a second before his slimy smile slides back into place as he holds his hands up in appeasement. “Damn, lighten up. No need to threaten violence.”
I almost laugh at how absurd it is for him to say that to me when he growled and his entire posture holds a violent intent that has my omega cowering inside me.
I don’t bother replying as he finally steps back to let me pass. Adrenaline courses through me, my skin prickling with worry that I shouldn’t turn my back on that predator.
He’s all talk. He can’t hurt me. I’m safe.
I repeat the words to myself over and over as I force myself to walk to the break room at a normal pace, even as my omega screams at me that he’s dangerous and I need to get away.