Chapter 19
Alexander
I haven’t spoken a word to Tatum the whole flight. She pushed me too far and I had to escape before I said or did something I wouldn’t be able to take back. When we landed, I chose to ride alone with Carnage while Vat drove her, Omen, Pope and Halo back to our house.
I can’t even find it within myself to be grateful that Carnage got my men released from jail and put on the next flight out of Chicago. The guys tried to get me to talk on the plane but I just ignored them and got lost in my own head.
Admitting to Tatum how I got the scars opened old wounds.
She has no idea the history I share with these guys or Desire. In her head she probably thinks I’m still hung up on my ex, when in truth, she was never my girlfriend. Carnage thought I was in love with her, so did Pope and Vat, but I never was. Desire isn’t someone you fall for, she is just someone to pass the time with. Sort of like me. I’m not someone who can love or express emotions. I show how I feel by ripping motherfuckers apart slowly. I’m the guy to get down on one knee and offer you the heart of the person you hate most, not some fucking ring.
“She wants answers, you gonna give them to her?” I just grunt in answer. I have nothing else to say to him or anyone else right now. The second we hit my driveway, some of the tension eases from inside me, knowing we’re home and I’ll get some peace. I hate the fucking city, it’s not a place I even like to visit unless I have to. All the noise and how busy it is screws with my head and puts me on edge. “So this is where you have been hiding, huh?” I don’t bother replying. Carnage knew my family had a home out here, and why he never snitched to his sister about it, I have no fucking clue. He parks behind the other car. I spot a few of my guys I left behind as I get out. I nod to them, letting them know to fan out and keep an eye on our borders. I wouldn’t put it past that bitch to have someone tailing us. How I missed my tail for months, I have no fucking clue.
Maybe she really was a distraction.
I push that thought away when I see Tatum climb out of the back of the car. She looks directly at me. I see the war of emotions in her eyes and right now, I can’t process my own let alone dealing with hers, so I look away and make my way toward my cabin out the back. It’s late and I need to sleep. I’ll deal with the fall out of everything in the morning.
“Alex?” I pause but don’t turn back to face Pope. “Tomorrow morning, we want an explanation.” I nod my head, then carry on to my cabin to enjoy one last night of peace before I shatter the rest of our lives with the truth in the morning.
Desire is the only other person that knows why I killed Roberto De Santis.
“Wait, what the fuck?” I hear Carnage shout behind me, but I don’t stick around. I head to my house, needing some fucking time to process this shit.
The second I step foot inside my house the tension evaporates. I make my way to the bathroom, needing to shower and to get out of these damp fucking clothes, then sleep. I stand under the spray of the shower and allow it to wash away my stress. I force my mind to go blank and shut down all my thoughts. Me getting lost in my own head never ends well, it’s been years since I released all my pent up aggression. The other night interrogating those brothers was just an appetizer.
That reminds me, I need to make contact with that fucker Devon and see what he knows. I know that little shit won’t double cross me since I’m the one with the keys to his brother’s freedom. He’s currently under guard at the local hospital. I paid the doctors to keep him in an induced coma, Devon needs to prove his worth before I allow his brother to wake up. I haven’t made contact with him, I need him to get closer to her before he can be of any worth to me.
Stepping out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and use another to dry my hair before I tie it up. I’ve been debating chopping it all off but I can never bring myself to shave my beard or cut my hair because my sister always loved it. She said it made me look like a fucking lumberjack from one of the books she used to read. I still have all her books in boxes. I just couldn’t bring myself to allow my parents to take them when they packed her room up. I know people say there are stages to grief and the final step is letting go, but I can’t. To let her go would mean my purpose in life has been fulfilled and that shit makes me feel like I would be acting like she never existed.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and run my fingers over the tattoo across my heart.
Ellie.
I drop my gaze to the tattoo across my stomach, De Santis Cosa Nostra . At the time, I thought I would spend my life serving them and had no issues having that shit inked on me when Desire said it was something I had to do in order to prove myself to her family. How fucking wrong was I? The truth is, the only family I have is the Denver Kings. We aren’t a gang or some mafia fucking family, we’re just a family who is loyal and will go to fucking war for each other if need be. I turn away from the mirror and exit the bathroom only to come to a halt at the sight of Tatum sitting on the edge of my bed, holding a photo. I can tell from the frame that it's the picture of me and Ellie.
She slowly lifts her gaze to mine and I see the fire twirling in her blue eyes that has my abs constricting and bracing for a fight that I know is about to come.
“She was your world.” I work my jaw side to side as I clench my fists at my sides.
“I told you what my breaking point is, don’t fucking push me, Miss Lawson,” I caution her.
She scoffs. “You’ve made yourself at home between my legs, Alex, drop the whole Miss Lawson bullshit, would ya?” I narrow my eyes but remain silent. “You’ve based your life on revenge. Why?”
“That's all I have left.”
“That’s horse shit and you know it,” she snaps.
“How the fuck would you know? You think you know me because we fucked a couple of times?” I force a laugh as she flinches at my crass words. “You know nothing. You were never supposed to know who the fuck we are!” I shout as I storm across the room to grab some pants. If we’re going to have this argument, then I at least need fucking pants.
“And who’s fucking fault is that?” she shrieks as I pull some sweats on, then face her. She stands there glaring at me with her tiny hands clenched at her sides. “I never asked for any of this. I have a job that I love. Friends and people I watch out for and then you come along and ruin it all.”
I purse my lips and nod, keeping my face blank of all emotions. “There’s the door, Miss Lawson. Use it any time you like, just don’t expect me or my brothers to come save your ass when Desire comes for your head.”
“Fuck you and your cunt of an ex.”
“Watch your vulgar ass mouth, Tatum,” I seethe.
She rolls her eyes which has my hand twitching to strangle her perfect little neck. “What are you going to do, Alex? Kill me?” She snorts, then tosses the photo on the bed. I drop my gaze to the image and a pang of guilt hits me right in the chest at the sight of Ellie smiling at me like I hung the fucking moon. “Did she know who you really are?”
I flick my eyes to her and growl. “Watch it.”
“Screw you. I’ve done nothing to you or any of those guys in that house,” she screams as she throws her arms in the air. “Much like your Ellie.” I take a step forward in warning but she doesn’t stop. “I never got a say in who I share blood with. I never asked for the father and brother I wound up with. I’m not them, Alexander.”
“But you are!” I yell. “You are a weakness for him. He proved that by coming to you tonight and trying to get you to leave with him.”
Her face slackens as she stares at me, her brows drawing in and forming a deep V. “You used me.” Hurt laces her tone.
“I warned you, Miss Lawson.” My tone is cold and holds a harsh edge. I stalk toward her and don’t stop until there is a sliver of space between us, forcing her to crane her neck back to hold my stare. “You don’t respond to my methods of interrogation, you can take a fuck load of hurt and still keep your mouth shut.” I reach out and cup her cheek, hating myself for what I’m about to do. “I told you I would force your walls down and I did. I’m inside you, Tate, mentally and sometimes physically. You let me in without knowing it and gave me your brother willingly.” Her eyes widen, pain blooms in the depths of them as she realizes what’s happened.
She smacks my hand away, then shoves me backward. I can see the hysteria rising inside her. “You son of a bitch!” she screams.
“I told you not to call my mother that,” I clap back earning another shove from her. Tears glisten in her eyes and I fight my need to comfort her, it’s strange to feel this way about someone. I’m the man you call to inflict pain and destroy your enemies, I’m not the guy who tries to take the pain away and comfort you when you’re sad.
“I hate you!” she says quietly as she drops her arms back to her sides. Her eyes fill with moisture and I grind my teeth when the first tear falls. “Congratulations, Alexander, you got what you wanted from me. You not only ruined my life, you took the only family I had from me. I guess we finally have something in common huh?”
“What?”
Her eyes harden, then she swipes away her tears with the backs of her hands. “We’ve both lost a sibling now.” My breath hitches. “My brother took yours from you and now you’ll take mine from me. When will the cycle fucking end, Butcher ?” The way she says my name has me tensing, it’s filled with so much hatred and disgust. “You wear her name across your heart. I hope you find comfort in that because she is the only woman who will love you for the selfish son of a bitch that you are.”
“You think I’m selfish?” I hiss.
“I don’t think, I know you are. You proved that when you kidnapped the sister of your enemy, lulled her into thinking you might actually care and she stupidly believed you because you are fucking good at what you do. You may destroy the bodies of your enemies but I will be the masterpiece of your work.”
“How so?” I ask in a deathly calm tone.
“Because you destroyed my mind, my heart and my body. Congratulations, Alex, you won your war and got your man at the cost of breaking me.” She turns on her heel and storms out of my house. I wait to hear the door slam but it never comes, instead she leaves the fucking thing wide open so I have no choice but to act as the doorman and close it.
“Fuck!” I roar as I tug on the strands of my hair.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Halo. He answers on the second ring. “Yeah?”
“She took off, get the guys to watch the surrounding fences in case she makes it that far.” I bark.
“Alex, it’s fucking cold out and she is wearing a dress that is made for a toddler and she’s bare foot.” The apprehension in his tone grates on my already frail nerves. I take a deep breath and try to tamper my anger.
“Find her.”
“What the fuck!” I hear Halo snap, then Omen’s voice comes through the phone.
“I’ll go after her but this is the only time I’ll cover your fuck up with her.”
I snort. “Watch it, brother, I’m not in the mood,” I snarl.
“Good, you deserve to wallow in it, you fucker. I’m telling her,” he says, then ends the call. I throw my phone across the room. When the fucking thing doesn’t shatter it pisses me off more.
Was the reward really worth the loss of the woman who saw the real me?