Chapter 33
CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE
ATOMIC
The day is beyond anything I’ve ever expected it could be.
Pineville does have an arcade, and while it’s nothing special, you would think I took this kid to Disneyland.
I watch as he runs around, playing any and every game he can.
I’ve loaded money on his game card at least five times, we’ve had a shitty lunch, and when it’s close to dinnertime, I can tell he’s running on complete fumes.
“Want to get a pizza and go home?” I ask as he weakly throws a basketball, trying to make the basket. He’s exhausted.
“Pizza?” he asks. “Can we get some desserts?”
I know what he’s asking. I should tell him no, because I’m sure Ryan is at the bakery, and I don’t know what the fuck it says about me, but I want her to come to me. I’m a dick. I know that. But she’s also stubborn as fuck.
“Sure, we can,” I mutter.
Adam takes my hand as we walk through the arcade, heading outside. I grip him, loving the way it feels when he holds my hand. He’s perfection. He’s my baby, and I didn’t think I ever wanted this, but now I can’t imagine living life without it—without him.
It doesn’t take us long to drive to the bakery. I choose to go there first, knowing that if I go to the pizza place, our food will just get cold. I’m honestly hoping that I can get Ryan to come back with us.
Where she fucking belongs.
Nash gave me unsolicited advice of sorts, but he wasn’t wrong. Ryan is special. She’s mine. Always has been, and I don’t want to let her go. I shouldn’t have to. I want to have a fulfilling life with her. I want to make more babies with her.
I need to let the bullshit with Ellen, the contract, and that pimp go. She was young, she was terrified, and I can’t say what I would have done if I were in her shoes. Maybe I would have signed some shit to get that pimp out of my hair, to buy my sister some more time.
Fuck if I know.
Downtown is starting to fizzle out traffic-wise because it’s late in the evening, but thankfully, I know the owner of the bakery, and she’ll stay open for me. Parking in front, I glance through the window, scanning the front counter to see if Ryan is there.
I don’t see her.
Sighing, I open the door and jump out of the seat before walking around the back of the pickup to open the passenger door to let Adam out. He jumps down, takes my hand, and together, we make our way toward the front door of the shop.
Tugging the front door open, I hear the bell ring above me as Adam runs straight for the bakery case. I watch him for a moment, taking in all that is a five-year-old. He’s got so much fucking energy.
I don’t know how he’s awake right now. I only played a quarter of the games he did, and I am absolutely ready to pass the fuck out.
“Mom,” Adam cries out.
Shifting my attention from him to the counter, I watch as Ryan takes a step forward. Her eyes are wide as she stares at me. I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her. I want to set her on the edge of that counter and fuck her.
Seeing her right now, I know I can’t just wash my hands of her. I don’t know why or how I thought I could. It’s fucking impossible because I’ve loved her for eleven fucking years. I don’t think I ever stopped, either.
“Atomic,” she exhales, and I fucking hate that.
I absolutely despise the sound of my road name on her lips. I only want her to call me Grover. Nothing else will fucking do any longer. I almost tell her that, but I decide it will make a bigger impact when I’m inside her and demand she only call me Grover.
I like the idea of that.
“Whatever he wants,” I murmur.
Ryan’s eyes widen, and she looks down at Adam, who is currently salivating over some swirly light-yellow frosted cupcakes. She frowns, then shifts her attention back to meet mine. I know she likely wants to tell him what he can and cannot have, but this is a whole new territory for both of us.
I fucking hate it.
“He hasn’t had any other sweets today,” I offer. “We had burgers for lunch with fries, not ketchup.”
Ryan lets out a sigh, her lips curving up into a smile. “How about half a dozen cupcakes and a dozen cookies, then? It’s almost closing time. We won’t bring any of this out tomorrow. Besides, I made the cookies.”
“You did?” I ask.
Ryan smiles, her eyes shifting from Adam’s to mine. Fuck me, but I love her smiles. This moment, seeing her behind that counter, a genuine smile on her face, the stress of that fucking bastard worn away, the evidence of what he did to her also nothing more than a few shadows.
Stunning.
I don’t know how I didn’t see what that man did to her. She wore it on her gorgeous face. I’m a fucking asshole for that. A complete fucking asshole. I see it now, though. She’s glowing in a way that I could never have imagined possible.
Freedom.
Maybe I shouldn’t say anything to her. Maybe I shouldn’t ask her to work on this, to make this relationship… a relationship. She seems to be happy without me. I watch as she moves around the small workspace, organizing the cookies and cupcakes into the bakery box, then sets it down on the counter.
Digging into my pocket, I take out a one-hundred-dollar bill and place it on the counter, then push it toward her. Ryan places her hand over mine. Her fingers are cool. Lifting my gaze to meet hers, I try to smile at her, but it doesn’t come to my lips.
“This is too much,” she whispers.
“Nah, legs. It’s really not.”
I watch as her teeth sink into her bottom lip, pulling at it before she releases that lip. I want nothing more than to kiss her there, to suck that lip between my lips and taste her. Fuck, my cock twitches at the thought. I want to be inside of her right fucking now.
“Are you heading home?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
I open my mouth to tell her that she doesn’t have to come with me, but she cuts me off. Her eyes widen, and she leans forward. I watch as her lips curve into a bright smile as she tilts her head to the side.
“I want to have that talk.”
Clearing my throat, I turn my hand over and wrap my fingers around her palm. “You’re sure?”
“I am,” she exhales.
Adam tugs on my cut, and I look down into his eyes. His nose is scrunched as he looks up at me. “Are we going home now?” he asks.
We.
It seems like such a small word. Two fucking letters, but it’s the biggest one I think I’ve ever heard. I wait for her to respond, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait. Every second feels like a lifetime, and I want to answer for her, but everything feels very unstable at the moment.
Ryan’s eyes don’t look away from mine. They’re transfixed, and then she finally speaks. “How about now?” she asks.
I release the breath that I didn’t know I was holding. I’ve never been this fucking nervous about a singular bitch before. And yet, it is exhilarating to be nervous about this one. Because this woman is fucking everything.
Every single thing.
“I like the sound of that.”
She smiles and tells me that she needs to close up. That she’ll meet me right outside the front door. Picking up the box, I take Adam’s hand with my free one, and the two of us make our way out to the downtown sidewalk.
I keep a firm grasp on his hand as my eyes scan the street. There shouldn’t be a threat, yet I inspect it like there is. Because it’s when you least expect it that shit goes down.
“Daddy,” Adam calls out from his position at my knees.
“Yeah?” I murmur, flicking my gaze to meet his before I lift it again and continue to scan.
“Are you and Mom going to live together finally?”
Shifting my attention back to his, I smirk. “Yeah, I think we are.”
“Good.” He nods his head once as if it’s final.
Everything is final.
I almost laugh at him but decide not to. It’s cute as fuck, and I can’t deny that I’m probably just as excited as he is to have my family. There’s something special about him, about this life. I want it, and I want it to work.
A few moments later, Ryan stands next to me, looking up into my eyes, her nose scrunched just like Adam’s.
Fuck me.
And just like that, without another word spoken, we’re back together. However, I never thought of her as anything but my woman, even at my angriest, so even though I was saying that I wanted nothing to do with her, I was a goddamn liar.
I am a liar.
I knew I was then, and I definitely know it now.
RYAN
Riding in the passenger seat, I can’t believe that I’m going back to the house with him. I don’t know why he showed up at the bakery if it was Adam’s doing or Grover’s idea, but I decided it was a fate-ish situation and to jump on it.
I know he’s the one for me, even if he isn’t perfect. God knows I’m not either. I’ve done a lot of things that I am not proud of, mostly in the name of protecting my sister, but I should have said no to her a long time ago.
Enabling Ellen did nothing but almost destroy my life.
I’m lucky I haven’t obliterated every part of me and my son.
I hope I am never in that situation again, although I don’t see myself enabling someone to the point of self-sabotage again.
I can’t put myself or my son in danger like that and live with myself. I was so incredibly stupid.