Chapter 11
A s she leaned back against the passenger seat, it occurred to Neve that she’d never let anyone drive her car before. It wasn’t that she was precious about the thing—a decade old with over a hundred and fifty thousand miles on it—but that people seldom ever went places with her driving. She hadn’t realized it before, but, as she thought about it, the afternoon sun shining through the windows and bouncing off the lake they were driving by, she finally realized she was never the default driver.
When she went out with Charlie and Alice, Charlie drove, Alice was in the passenger seat, and Neve was in the back. When she dated, her partners were somehow always the ones driving. She didn’t dislike doing it, she wasn’t bad at it, she just… never got asked. Nobody ever assumed she’d be the one driving. It bothered her now that she thought about it. One person always defaulting to being the driver was their choice, but how was it that every single person in her life assumed she wouldn’t be driving?
Alba hadn’t seemed remotely concerned about Neve’s driving. Once they’d managed to make it out of the house—quickly and with a cursory parting called in the direction of the kitchen once Alba was out of the apartment—Alba had very readily slipped into the passenger seat. She’d seemed perfectly at ease as they drove to the restaurant too. Although, she had been dropped off last night, so it wasn’t as though her own car happened to be an option.
Neve glanced over at Alba. She was concentrating on the road but bobbing along to the music emitting from the speakers. It was the first time Neve could remember someone happily listening along to her music without requesting a switch to something they preferred or simply defaulting to something they liked without asking Neve’s opinion. She’d never felt it appropriate to pass judgment on the car owner’s musical choices in their own cars so she’d never just spoken up like other people tended to.
Neve wasn’t sure she enjoyed personal revelations. Every single one she had seemed to illuminate all the ways she didn’t operate like the other people around her. How was that even possible? In a world of so, so many humans, it felt statistically impossible to feel so out of step with everyone.
The song changed and Alba knew the words, singing along as she drove.
Neve looked out of the front window again.
They’d left the restaurant knowing Alba needed to go home and shower and get some rest after so little sleep—Neve too, if she were honest—and Alba had simply asked. She hadn’t assumed Neve wouldn’t want to drive, she hadn’t implied Neve’s driving was terrible, she hadn’t done anything except ask. And, without even thinking, without realizing that the moment was actually pretty huge, Neve had agreed. She hadn’t felt pressured, she’d appreciated the offer, and she’d agreed. As naturally as breathing.
She’d tossed the keys to Alba as if she’d been doing it for years. And, even now, as she realized she was never the default driver, there was something nice about it. Perhaps it was the knowledge that if she’d declined, Alba wouldn’t have been offended or made a big deal out of it.
Her jaw tensed as she remembered asking Roxanne if she wanted Neve to drive them home one time. It was late, Roxanne had had a long day, and Neve genuinely wanted to do something to help. Roxanne had laughed lightly, kissed Neve’s nose, and said, “No, passenger princess. I’m perfectly capable of doing the driving.”
Neve had nothing against passenger princesses, but she didn’t think she was one. She liked driving. She’d never had an accident, never gotten a ticket, never done anything that suggested she should always be a passenger.
“Do you think I’m a bad driver?” she blurted at Alba without thinking it through.
Alba turned the music down slightly, her expression confused. “No. Do you?”
“Do I think I’m a bad driver?”
“Yeah.”
Neve sighed heavily. “No.”
Alba waited, sending multiple quick glances Neve’s way as she did.
“I just realized this is the first time anyone has ever driven my car besides me.”
Alba quirked a smile. “Thank you for the honor.”
Neve rolled her head on the headrest to look directly at her. “You’re welcome, I guess. But that’s not the point.”
“What is?”
“Everyone else is always the driver. Is it something about me that makes people think I’m incapable?”
Alba’s expression dropped. “Of course not. Do you want me to pull over right now and you can take over driving? Because I absolutely will.”
Neve smiled gratefully. “No. But you asked. You didn’t just assume.”
“Who assumes they’re going to be the driver in someone else’s car?”
“Fair point.”
Neve stewed for a moment, attempting to get her thoughts in order. “If your car had been at my place, would you have driven?”
She shrugged. “I mean, I’d probably just have asked if you wanted to drive and gone with whatever you wanted. We’d have had to go back there either way—to drop you off or to pick up my car, so what difference does it make?” She grinned. “I’d probably have been hoping you’d want to drive your car because you’ve seen mine and I hadn’t seen yours.”
Neve shot her a look. “I didn’t realize you were such a petrolhead.”
She laughed. “Very British term, darling.”
Neve blushed, looking down. She wasn’t even sure where she’d heard it before, but she wasn’t sure that mattered nearly as much as how Alba’s term of endearment made her insides twist, even if she had just said it as a joke.
Alba shook her head. “I’m not. I’m just incredibly nosey.”
“Ah.”
They turned into a parking lot and Alba parked them in an empty spot next to the car Neve was pretty certain was Alba’s. She hadn’t been in the best condition when she’d been in it to take in every detail, but the green and the shape felt familiar.
Alba shut the engine off and turned in her seat to better face Neve. “Would you rather I didn’t offer to drive?”
“No.” Neve grimaced. “I know I’m coming across as weird and indecisive.”
“You’re not, but even if you were, that would be okay.”
After all the time they’d now spent together, Neve was certain the thing she understood the most about Alba was that she was generous. With her time, her smiles, her energy, everything—she was just generous. It was nice to be around.
And, despite the slight crisis of confidence in her own driving that it had elicited, Neve found it was nice to sit in her own passenger seat with Alba driving.
Alba narrowed her eyes, the rest of her expression amused, and leaned in closer to Neve. “You can be as contradictory as you like. It’s not going to scare me away. I like things a little contradictory.”
Neve laughed. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”
“Oh, I’ll try harder to surprise you next time.”
“That’s really not necessary,” Neve replied quickly. “I wasn’t trying to challenge you.”
“Too late.” She laughed.
Alba was just so free and easygoing. It was everything Neve had spent a lifetime trying, and failing, to be. She had no idea how it came so easily to other people.
She shook her head, breaking the eye contact. “Whatever makes you happy, I suppose.”
Alba laughed again. “You’re very easygoing.”
Neve did a double take and laughed in surprise. “I don’t know if that’s true. But I was just thinking the same thing about you.”
She smirked and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, come now, darling,” she said in an old Hollywood accent. “I’m actually terribly difficult.”
“You just offered to pull over on the side of the road to let me drive…”
She hummed. “Which, clearly, makes me a menace to the roads and society.”
“How, exactly?”
Alba thought about it for a beat. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
“I see.” Neve nodded, letting her head fall back against the seat again. She liked it here. Part of her didn’t want to leave the moment. She liked how easy it was. She liked how normal it felt to have Alba driving her car and making jokes. Nothing ever felt easy, but, somehow, this did. It was a nice change, even if she didn’t totally understand it.
Alba copied her movements, settling back in her own seat, and Neve was glad of the few extra minutes she got of simply sitting there, looking up at Alba’s building. It was nice, modern; sleeker than the one Neve lived in with its Tudor-inspired exterior. She liked the character of her own building, but she liked this too.
Maybe Alba had a point about contradictions.
“What are you going to tell Charlie about Oluwatobi?” Alba asked softly after a few quiet moments.
Neve grimaced. “That I lied?”
Alba laughed. “Really? I support it.”
“Eh.” She sighed. “I don’t know. I should.”
She wondered whether she was being childish by not just telling Charlie the truth from the beginning. Perhaps that was why nobody let her drive. If she constantly acted childish, maybe that was why people treated her like one sometimes.
But it wasn’t just that. She wanted to have the conversation with Charlie—well, she knew she needed to, and the longer they waited, the more painful it became. So, she supposed she didn’t want to have it, but she did want to get it over with. No matter how badly it went.
Doing so while Alba was in her room was not the time. Thus, maybe lying hadn’t been all that childish. You did what you had to to protect yourself. And the people you were hiding in your bedroom.
Like a child…
Alba’s hand reached across the console and gripped Neve’s. “Whatever you decide, I know you’ll make the right decision.”
Neve looked down at their hands atop her thigh. Alba was so warm. She’d thought the same thing this morning when Alba was pretending to be a pool noodle.
She nodded, unable to figure out what to say but appreciating the support more than she could express. Maybe one day, she’d figure out this whole adulting thing and all the pieces would slot into place.
“Say,” Alba said, pulling her hand back but twisting forward to sit up and look directly at Neve again. “What are you doing Thursday night?”
Neve laughed, slightly embarrassed. “Uh, binging some random show in bed?”
“Is that a question?”
“No?”
Alba laughed. “Is that ?”
“Maybe?”
Alba laughed again. “Okay, well, how attached to those plans are you?”
It rather depended on what the alternative was, but that wasn’t a particularly appropriate thing to say to anyone. Besides, she’d had fun last night and today, so if Alba was the one making plans, they might not be so bad. “Uh, probably not very?”
Alba shot her an amused look, hearing the question again. “It’s Zainab’s birthday.”
“Happy Birthday.”
She smirked. “You could just tell her yourself. We’re going for dinner and dancing. Do you want to come?”
“Do all of your friends have birthdays in the same week?”
“No. Do yours?”
Neve narrowed her eyes. “They do not.”
“So, do you wanna come?”
She pursed her lips momentarily. “Won’t Zainab be upset with you randomly inviting people to her birthday party?”
“Firstly, you’re not random. Secondly, nah, she’ll love it.”
“She’ll have to call the restaurant to change the booking and everything?”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. It’s at our friend’s restaurant. We could bring the entire building and it would be fine.” She gestured out of the window at her apartment building.
“Do you know the whole building?”
“Not yet.”
“How long have you lived here?”
She laughed. “Long enough that you don’t have to worry I’m trying to make friends with them all and bring them along on Thursday night.”
“Good to know.”
“So, what do you think?”
“I think… you should check with Zainab that it’s okay, and, if she says yes… I’ll come.”
You only live once, right?
Alba’s face lit up and Neve was glad she’d said yes. It was the least she could do for someone who’d done so much for her lately.
It also gave her a deadline. She’d talk to Charlie before Thursday. Hopefully sooner, but at least before then. She didn’t want to keep making up lies every time she hung out with Alba.
“Well, I should get inside and ask her immediately then,” Alba said, nodding in the direction of her apartment.
“Yeah,” Neve agreed, sad the moment was about to be broken. So long as they stayed shut inside the car, the rest of the world felt slightly like it didn’t exist, like it couldn’t cause any problems so long as they stayed there.
“Don’t worry, Zainab’s going to say yes.”
Neve was going to point out that wasn’t what was worrying her, but, when she thought about it, she wondered whether it should be. Alba had said she was going to have to tell Zainab she was right about Neve thinking they were a couple. By Thursday, she’d probably know, and that was a little embarrassing.
Alba smiled at her before jumping out of the car. Neve followed suit, a little slower, and met Alba where she was waiting at the front of the car, the driver’s door standing open, waiting for Neve to reclaim it.
Neve felt especially short standing facing Alba in front of a car.
Alba’s eyes caught on Neve’s hair, blowing in the breeze, before she looked back at her. “Thanks for having me over last night, and for today. I had fun.”
“Me too,” Neve said, a smile breaking out on her face.
“I’m glad.” Almost the second the words were out, Alba lurched forward and pulled Neve into a hug.
It wasn’t as intimate as when they’d been in bed, but it felt similar—warm, safe.
Alba was incredibly touchy with her friends. Neve found she didn’t mind it. She wasn’t that way herself, but it was so naturally Alba that it didn’t feel weird or insincere at all, and she liked that.
Alba let her go, smiling as she walked backwards towards her apartment building, and it was only then that Neve’s eyes caught sight of someone dressed in vibrant orange, standing on a balcony halfway up the building, watching them.
It only took a second to place that it was Zainab, even with the distance.
“What is it?” Alba said, turning to follow Neve’s line of sight. “Ugh. Of course. Well, at least we know she’s home and can answer quickly.”
“Indeed,” Neve replied, moving back to her car and feeling oddly awkward about being watched. It wasn’t like they’d been doing anything wrong, but it still felt odd.
“I’ll text you in about five minutes.”
“I’ll be driving in about five minutes.”
“So? I’m still texting you. I know you’re not going to check it while you’re driving, but I’m still texting you because I want to.”
Neve smiled ruefully, climbing into the car. “Sounds good.”
And it did.
And she did.