10. “The definition of the word nerd has changed. It’s now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.” - Gary Gulman
Chapter 10
“The definition of the word nerd has changed. It’s now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.” - Gary Gulman
Dylan
H igh school never really prepares you for the realities of college. In high school you sometimes have the constant presence of parents to be your unpaid but ever-present cheerleaders when you mess up, who keep the fridge stocked, the lights on and the heat going. When you get to college you not only have to feed yourself, make your own money and remember to do your own laundry, but crazily enough they expect you to go to class, study and do well. It’s a god-damned conspiracy I tell you.
I’d been at NYU now for about six month and in that time you could say I’d settled in. My roommate had arrived and lasted for maybe three months before the pressure got too much and the next thing I knew his parents were packing his stuff back into boxes and getting him the hell out of there. I’d asked the RA if I was being assigned another roommate but as it turned out there was no scope for placing anyone into housing this late into the year. So I had this big ass room to myself, which was handy for whenever Austin wanted to crash at my place, which he tended to do a few nights a week. He technically wasn’t allowed to do so, but the RA was charmed by his ruggedly handsome charm and, let’s be honest, hotness.
A knock at my door jolted me awake, and I snapped my head up from where it had been resting on a textbook flat on the desk in front of me. I groaned as I stared into the mirror above my desk to see an indent line molded perfectly on my cheek.
“Come in,” I yelled through the door. The only person considerate enough to knock was my boyfriend. Natalie seemed to believe it was her god-given right to just walk into my room whenever the mood took her. She had taken to calling me in advance of late, ever since she had walked in as I was jacking off with a finger up my butt. I’d had headphones in so had only realized she was there after a deathly scream had alerted me to her presence.
The sight of my studly boyfriend had me breathing a sigh of relief. I hadn’t seen him for a few days thanks to excessive studying and overlapping midterms and classes. He dropped his bag at the end of my bed and swooped down to press a deep kiss against my lips. “Hey baby,” his lips mumbled against my own before resuming kissing.
I pulled back, thoroughly kissed and slightly dizzy. “Hi,” I sighed. I love that he can still do this to me.
“Still grinding those gears huh?” he smiled, reaching down to thumb through my textbook. “Surely you have done enough without all this extra studying you’re doing.”
“Always be prepared,” I smiled, holding my two fingers up in a salute.
“You were never a boy scout,” he guffawed.
“No I was not,” I scoffed, “far too gay.”
“But the idea of you in short shorts and a tight matching shirt is definitely doing it for me.” He leaned down to kiss me again. His hands came up to grip my bicep as he pulled back from the kiss. “You need to stop tempting me with those devil lips, this is not what I’m here for.”
“It isn’t?” I could feel the frown marring my forehead.
“I thought I’d take you out on a date.” A shy smile played on his lips.
My eyes flitted back to my laptop and open textbook on the desk in front of me. He must have caught my eyeline as his big palm slammed across the page and closed the book shut tight. “Uh no, you have studied and studied. I need an evening uninterrupted with my boyfriend.” He pulled me from my chair and into his arms. I didn’t put up much of a fight because, who the hell would? My arms immediately wrapped around his waist.
“I guess I could be persuaded to give it a rest for the evening.” I tightened my arms around him, my chin pressed into his chest as I peered up at him. The way he looked at me, the affection and possessiveness etched into his features made my heart flutter every time.
“Good, because I wasn’t taking no for an answer.”
“So where did you want to take me?”
An hour and a half later I was bouncing on my heels on the sidewalk of 200 W 45th street, outside of the Minskoff Theatre. “Seriously, how did you even get us tickets for the The ?”
He stood behind me, his hand around my waist, his palm splayed across my stomach, almost tethering me to the ground to stop me from vibrating away. “Kyle hooked me up,” Austin beamed, “he knows a guy.”
His smile fell slowly from his face, likely in response to my grimace at the mention of Satan’s human form, Kyle LeBeau. Kyle was one of Austin’s roommates, and While he was not the only douche nozzle to reside within the house, he did hold the title for biggest dickwad. Kyle had made it abundantly clear on several occasions his opinion on Austin still dating his high school boyfriend. He would call it ‘quaint’, or ‘darling’. He would say things like, It’s so nice to see a couple making it after high school when every study says that they are doomed to fail and end up hindering growth in college. It’s nice to see someone buck that trend, and my personal favorite, You must feel so lucky to have landed someone like Austin.
I didn’t need Kyle or anyone telling me how out of Austin’s league I truly was. I had nightmares every now and again where the blinkers were suddenly removed from his eyes and he saw me as the geek I truly was, and left me for someone like Kyle or one of the other classically handsome men he chose to spend half his time with.
Kyle amongst all of them, save Austin, was truly amongst the most drop-dead gorgeous person I’d ever had the unfortunate luck to lay eyes upon. He was tall and broad, with light, almost powder blue eyes set against his Italian olive skin. His dark hair seemed to fall in place almost effortlessly with a loose strand dangling over one eye like some fucking James Dean wannabe. I hated him passionately and I knew the feeling was mutual.
“Don’t give me that face,” Austin frowned.
“I’m not giving you any face.” I shrugged, turning my attention to the front of the line.
“You have Kyle all wrong you know.” Austin pulled me tighter against himself. “He is a good guy, and he really likes you.”
“Sure he does.” I have had this argument with Austin too many times. I’m also now well-versed in Austin’s defense of his roommate buddies and the passionate way in which he extolls their virtues. “Anyway I don’t want to talk about Kyle,” I turned in his arms and tried my best for a sultry look, biting my bottom lip between my teeth, “I want to think about us, and I also want you think about how well I am going to thank you later.”
“Be still my heart.” He smiled, dipping down to run his tongue gently against my own.
I caught a glimpse out the corner of my eye of a girl with two other friends. They were staring at me with a confused expression. That’s when I hear it, He must be rich. Of course, how could a guy like me land Austin? He must be a gold digger and I must have a cheque book like Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates.
“You know that I know that I’m lucky right?” I hate how shaky my voice was in that moment.
His forehead creased. “What do you mean?”
“You know,” I gestured between the two of us, “that I know how lucky I am that you chose to be with me. I know that in nearly every other world you don’t fall for someone like me. You fall for a Kyle, or a Chad or Todd.”
“That’s not their names,” he chuckled.
“Anyway, I just want you to know that I know.” I punched him gently in the chest with the bottom of my fist.
The line began to move forward. I attempted to join the line, but Austin seemed rooted to the ground. I turned to find him stock still on the sidewalk, looking at me, with an almost hurt expression on his face. “Austin?”
“Is that what you think?” he whispered.
“Well yeah.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Look at you.”
“Baby please tell me this is some sort of joke?”
“Austin,” I sighed but paired it with a smile, “I’m not looking for some affirmation here. I just worry that other people see you with me and it doesn’t make sense. I know people stare and I want you not to worry. I want you to know that it’s okay.” I tried to pull him along with the queue to no avail. “Austin, we should…”
“No!” he suddenly roared, dropping to his knees right there on the sidewalk outside the theatre. People around us started to stare at the unfolding drama. “Dylan baby, I need you to hear me, now more than ever, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know you’re wicked smart and everything, but you have to know something.” He started, “you’re an idiot.”
“Huh?”
“Dylan, you’re standing here worried that you’re not good enough for me, when baby I’m the one that’s not good enough for you. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how much I love how clever you are? How funny you are? How you can make me laugh with just a look or a roll of the eyes at something someone has said? I love how you take care of me. I love how when I’m sick you will always still want to curl up next to me, even if it makes you sick as well.” He stood, towering over me and grabbing my trembling hands, placing them over his racing heart. “I love how you love your dad and even your sister, though I know you sometimes plot her demise for fun.”
“Only when she has been extra annoying,” I protested.
“Baby, I love how even when you sleep and I have you in my arms, your smile gets wider and wider when I hold you close. I love how when you wake up it looks like a raccoon has nested in your hair. I love how you believe in me, every second of every day, even when I don’t believe in myself. I love how unbearably sexy you are, it’s a struggle keeping my hands to myself sometimes, and finally the thing I love the most about you is how much you love me.”
“Austin…”
“Tell me you believe me,” he begs. “Tell me you know how much I love you.”
“I do, love.” I reached for his waist and pulled him into a hug. “I do.”
Later that night after we returned home he showed me exactly how much he loved me, three times.
***
“Okay so next week we are going to be looking at theatre traditions around the world. Please read both Meineck, The Neuroscience of the Tragic Mask and Csapo, Riding the Phallus . Please do not bother coming to class if you haven’t done the assigned reading.” Professor Cook was what one might call a prize bitch, but a damned good teacher.
“How can she assign more reading,” Natalie grumbled, “I’m fairly sure that she has had us read all the words that have ever been written.”
“Certain feels that way,” I said while shoving my laptop into my backpack.
“Hey, listen,” Natalie patted me on the shoulder, “I need you to come with me to a party tomorrow night.”
“Natalie!” I groaned.
“Don’t ‘Natalie’ me.” She pinched the skin where she’d patted. “You need to take a real break and enjoy college. Parties are one of the core traditions of a truly well-rounded college experience. What are you going to tell your kids in the future, Daddy spent his time chained to his desk and blowing Other Daddy.”
“I think they take kids away from you if you tell them that.”
“You know what I mean.” Her face soured. “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realized you missed going to college. I mean the important bits anyways.”
I had to give her her dues, Natalie had barely pestered me to go to any college parties over the last month. I had almost completely withdrawn from all social life and had immersed myself in books. She had made an excellent point when she asked me how was I supposed to grow to write about people’s lives if I never really experienced it for myself.
Austin had very clear ambitions for his life. We had spent hours lying in bed after some truly heroic sex sessions talking about our futures and were we saw our lives heading. It warmed the coldest reaches of my heart to hear him talk about his future with me in it as a given, as if there was never any other plan without me there by his side. Austin wanted to conquer the theatre world on Broadway before eventually branching out into movie acting. He had the face of someone who belonged on the big screen, to break hearts and wow the crowds. I, however, had very different ambitions for my future. I dreamed of the writers’ room, of maybe writing for a sitcom or stage show. To have that thinktank of minds working together to produce something powerful and amazing. I wanted to be like Madelyn Pugh-Davis and Bob Carroll Jnr, who’d teamed together to write all the seasons of I Love Lucy.
“Maybe I could take a break for a night and get a little messy,” I mused, mostly to myself.
“Or a lot messy?” Natalie pumped her eyebrows before giving me something of a wink but which turned out to be one giant blink. “I never could wink.” She scrunched her nose up and pulled out a small compact from her bag.
“So where’s this party?” I slung my backpack over my shoulder, linking her arm as we headed for the doors.
“See that’s the thing.” She tugged my arm to a stop. “It’s at the Delta Lambda Phi house.”
“Oh fuck no!” I pulled away from her and walked out of the room into the packed hallways.
“Dylan!” she whined as she fell into step next to me.
“Why would you even ask, when he is there?” I rounded on her.
In my opinion, the only thing worse than Kyle LeBeau was his twin brother Kevin LeBeau. Kevin had pledged Delta Lambda Phi during the fall rush and was a shoo in due to his flawless looks and ability to reduce a guy to a quivering heap with a few cutting words and a withering look. I’d been introduced to Kevin at a house party that Austin and his house mates had thrown to celebrate something or other, possibly the release of a new extra tight t-shirt from Abercrombie maybe? Who knew? That was beside the point. The point was that Kevin LeBeau sucked. I’d been standing quite innocently inspecting the punch bowl for signs of tampering, my boyfriend standing close behind me, his hands wandering under my t-shirt, caressing my stomach as he whispered in my ear about how I should just relax and try to have fun when Kyle had sidled up next to us.
“Hey Austin, I want you to meet my brother Kevin.”
I turned around only to be confronted by my worst nightmare.
“Oh my god, there’s two of them.” My jaw hung open as I looked between the two Roman gods standing in front of me, each with their own look of derision and distain.
“Oh, and this is his friend Dylan.” I looked up towards Austin only to see him roll his eyes at Kyle and punch him lightly in the arm.
“Boyfriend,” Austin laughed.
It was one of the attributes of Austin that I really did not appreciate. He would always assume that negative comments aimed my way from Kyle and his housemates were just good-natured banter or misunderstandings, rather than the outright asshole behavior that it was.
“Boyfriend huh?” Kevin smiled, reaching out to shake Austin’s hand. “That’s nice, for now.”
“What’s the supposed to mean?” I instinctively positioned my body slightly in front of Austin’s.
“I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it, baby.” Austin smiled, leaning down to nuzzle my neck. “You know you’re the only one I have eyes for anyway.”
That was how each subsequent meeting with Kevin had gone. He would make some half-hidden comment which basically told me that he was just biding his time to make a move on my boyfriend, and infuriatingly enough, Austin either couldn’t see it or refused to see it.
“Nat, my idea of a good time isn’t to watch some beefed-up jock overtly hit on my boyfriend While simultaneously letting me know I’m not good enough for him. It just doesn’t scream good time for me you know?”
“Dylan, wouldn’t you rather be there to watch Kevin put the moves on your man, than be at home While Kevin puts the moves on your man where you can’t keep your eye on the fucker?” She had flawless logic. “Also, shouldn’t you just tell Austin to cut the shit and to put his friends in their place? You’re his boyfriend for god’s sake. You shouldn’t be feeling like this.”
“Austin is good to me.”
She nodded in agreement. “But his friends aren’t.”
“I have to go meet Austin for lunch.” I gave her a small wave before heading towards the exit.
“Tomorrow?” she yelled.
“Count me in.” I didn’t turn to see but I could almost sense the fist pumps in the air.
A little while later I found myself standing in the middle of Times Square, the hordes of tourists coursing through the city like waves. If you stood still long enough you could get carried along by the surging crowds. I spotted Austin sitting amongst the people, staring at me from the red stairs above the TKTS booth. His wide smile made me quicken my approach towards him. I got fifteen feet before I gave up on any kind of restraint, running the remaining distance and flinging myself into his open arms as he stood.
“That’s better,” he breathed against my lips, “I feel like I can’t settle until you’re in my arms.”
“Well luckily you can have me in your arms whenever you want.” I returned his smile, kissing his lips softly.
“I know we said we would meet for lunch, but I kinda want to do something different today?”
My ears perked up as I pulled back to give him a confused glare. “I’m not a fan of sudden surprises.” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I know,” he chuckled. “Now you have to put all your trust in me, mwa ha ha ha.”
“The evil laugh doesn’t fill me with confidence you know.”
He smiled and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Come on.” He tugged me along behind him as he made his way out of the center of hell. “I wanna do something special and unique with you today.”
An hour later I found myself glaring at him from the upper deck of a New York Ferry as we rounded the Statue of Liberty en route to Ellis Island. “Special and unique?”
He schooled his face into a serious stare, failing every few seconds as a grin broke free. “Well, we have been here for a while and we never get to do this stuff.” He gestured around the boat. “This is New York, and we are spending all of our time locked in our rooms.”
“I thought you liked being locked in my bedroom.” I chuckled as he dug his fingers playfully between my ribs.
“I just don’t want you missing out on experiences you know.” He nuzzled close and warm into the soft skin of my neck. “I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I’ll always worry about you baby,” I felt his smile against me, “it comes with loving someone.”
He stayed close behind me as the ferry meandered its way across the Hudson towards the dockside of the island. My grumbles slowly fell by the wayside as I took in the histories of New York and the immigrants who’d landed on these shores. It was easy to forget when looking around the sprawling metropolis, footfalls heavy on the sidewalks of people going about their business with their four dollar lattes, that people from all over the world had arrived in New York with nothing, and yet here I stood, with the man of my dreams, getting everything I could have ever wanted and all it took was me reaching out to grab it.
I was not letting this man go.