11. “Normal is an illusion, what is normal for the spider is Chaos for the fly” Morticia Addams
Chapter 11
“Normal is an illusion, what is normal for the spider is Chaos for the fly” Morticia Addams
Dylan
“ I didn’t say what you were wearing was bad,” Natalie shouted through the dorm room door, “I just said it was a brave choice.”
“You said brave like I was a Make-A-Wish recipient,” I called back, rummaging through my wardrobe to find some clothes that didn’t make me look like I was a survivor of some horrible sartorial tragedy that had seen the demise of all well-fitting clothing in existence and left only rags to wear for warmth.
“You looked okay!” I heard her clearing her throat, making room for more lies. “I mean, was paring a black and white checkerboard shirt with a pair of canary yellow pants a choice? Yes it was, but you would have definitely stood out.”
I pulled out a heap of slacks and jeans from the chest of drawers and dumped them on the bed behind me.
“Why do you actually own those pants anyways?”
“I thought they might be suitable for going out to, like, a theatre show.” I plucked a pair of dark trousers from underneath a mound of blue denim.
“To wear?” Her shocked voice came through the door, as if I’d just told her I wanted to wear the tutu from the opening titles of Sex and the City to a funeral.
“No Nat, to wear on my head as a hat.” I grabbed a simple blue Oxford button-down from the hanger and dressed quickly, then opened the door wide and stood in the entryway for inspection.
“See now you look hot.” She smiled, coming into the room and closing the door behind her.
“But I won’t stand out,” I mumbled, my stare trained down to my shoes.
“Why would you need…” She trailed off before realization dawned on her face. She slipped her arms around my waist and pulled me tightly to her. “You don’t need to physically stand out for Austin to notice you, you idiot,” she admonished me gently.
“I just want to make sure his eyes stay on me, you know?” I hated admitting that to myself more than anyone. I knew though, if anyone would understand, it would be Natalie.
“Austin could spot you blindfolded across the other side of a crowded room silly.” She poked a finger against my forehead.
I started to respond, but a sharp knock on the door stopped me in my tracks. It couldn’t be Austin because he said he would be getting a ride to the frat house with his housemates. The plan had been to meet him there. I crossed my fingers, hoping that it wasn’t the RA telling us once again to keep the noise down. Hailey had been known to disturb the neighbors.
I pulled the door open mid-sentence. “I’m sorry we will totally keep it… Oh my god.”
“Well, god is a nice new name but let’s stick with Hailey.” Tears immediately sprang to my eyes as I walked into Hailey’s outstretched arms.
After about ten minutes of sobbing and bawling, I finally returned to some semblance of normality as I pulled Hailey down to sit next to me on the bed. I looked at her with a sort of wonder, as if someone had known what I needed, right when I needed her the most.
“So are you two going to make out or just go straight to fucking?”
Hailey barked out a harsh laugh, choking on a mouthful of water she had just sipped from the bottle between her fingers.
I rolled my eyes and gestured towards Natalie, “Hailey this is Natalie, she’s my New York Hailey.”
“Uh excuse me,” Natalie coughed, “I am very much my own person. I think you will find that she is High School Natalie, I assume you’re a high school friend. I’m his only friend in New York so I’m guessing you’re from back home.”
Hailey laughed, punching me lightly on the shoulder. “Oh my god you haven’t changed even a little bit, have you?”
“No?” I ventured, shrugging sheepishly.
“I’m so glad,” she gushed, pulling me back to her.
We spent the next half an hour catching up about Hailey’s life at college and the development of her relationship with Todd. It turned out they’d both gotten very drunk one night at a mixer and he’d thought it would be super romantic and movie-like to serenade her and propose. Unfortunately he’d sang Lady Marmalade from Moulin Rouge as that was the only song he knew all the way through, before getting down on one knee. Hailey had turned him down flat and said she’d spend each and every day torturing him for it. She was sure, however, that one day she would tell him yes.
Natalie didn’t take no for an answer as she dragged Hailey along us with the party with the Satan twins. We stood together in a line outside the four-story brownstone on W 120th street. Each of the houses on the block seemed fairly similar, with varying shades of the same color with stone steps and stoops outside. The only difference was that the frat house seemed to be vibrating with a deep heavy bass that emanated from somewhere inside. In any other neighborhood, the police would have already been called, I guess the megarich residents either didn’t mind or were too high on the Percocet to even care.
“So what’s the plan?” Hailey rested a hand on the small of my back.
“The plan is to get in there and locate Rina.” Natalie clasped her hands and rubbed them together like a supervillain.
“Who’s Rina?” Hailey asked.
I turned and pointed an accusing finger at Natalie. “Rina is in a sorority that’s co-sponsoring this party.” I glared at Natalie who visibly shrank. “This was never about getting me to come out, was it? This was about getting you into Rina’s pants.”
“Pants, bra, shirt or shorts.” She shrugged, winking at Hailey. “I’ll take whatever I can get. Rina is so fucking hot. She won’t give me the time of day in class. I’m hoping that I can work my charms at the party and convince her how much of a good lay I’ll be.”
“I think you mean ask her out on a date don’t you?” Hailey laughed.
“Sure?” Natalie pumped her eyebrows. “Now let’s get in there before that bitch Michelle Chlumsky makes a move on her.” She jogged up the few stairs and rang the bell.
“Unto the breach?” Hailey smirked, pulling me up the steps after her.
A few moments later the door was pulled open, and Kevin stood in the entryway in all his horrific gorgeous glory. His dark hair was perfectly styled, his eyes popping against his tan skin. A light blue t-shirt was stretched taut across his large chest muscles and was tucked into a dark pair of chinos. On his chest rested a thick gold chain that draped across his pecs. The smile on his face evaporated as he finally noticed me between the girls.
“Oh, Derek right?” His barely contained sneer was only just masked behind a thin, unfriendly smile.
“Dylan.” I bit through clenched teeth. It had already begun.
“How can I help you?” He pulls the door against himself, his whole frame blocking the entryway.
“I was invited.” Natalie stepped forward. “The sorority who is paying for this thing has been trying to get me to join for a while. Step aside, D-bag.”
“You’re more than welcome to come in,” he smiled, “but it’s invite only unfortunately.”
Natalie looked back helplessly at me. “I’m not leaving my friends.”
“Suit yourself,” Kevin drawled, throwing out a last comment before shutting the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after Austin for you.”
I slumped down on the stoop, my feet facing out into the street as I looked helplessly at the passing cabs and pedestrians. I felt a warm hand between my shoulder blades as Hailey sat next to me. “What an absolute dick.”
“We can’t just take that from him, right?” I looked back as Natalie waved her arm at the door. “I mean, he can’t just keep us out.”
I shook my head slowly, letting it dip. “It’s private housing, he can do what he wants.”
“Should we call Austin?” Hailey’s hand stilled.
“And say what, ‘your friend is being mean to me, come save me.’?” I honestly couldn’t believe I was here yet again, like high school had never ended. I noticed a small coffee shop about two blocks down with its lights on. “Come on, I might as well get you caffeinated since I’m keeping you from a party.”
We sat in a small booth near the back, a pendant light with a dim bulb hanging just overhead. The bubble-gum blue leather upholstery of the seats did not match the Formica tables at all, yet somehow the place still had a somewhat cozy and familiar feel.
“Still the same loser from high school you remember huh?” I passed the glass jar of sugar across to Hailey. “Nothing much has changed.”
“You’re not a loser Dylan.” She spooned out a heft amount of sugar and stirred it into her black coffee. “You just seem to end up mixing with a lot of dickheads is all.”
Natalie coughed, pointing her spoon at herself While giving Hailey a pointed look. “I think you will find I’m awesome, thank you very much.”
“Apart from you, girl.” Hailey smiled. “Thank you for looking after Dylan for me.”
“Anytime.” Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad anymore.
The next hour was spent in a sort of stasis, in that we were in this limbo of being annoyed that we weren’t at a party yet somehow relieved that we could be spending this time, just the three of us, shooting the breeze. Natalie and Hailey naturally adored each other and their favorite joint activity seemed to be making fun of me in any way they could, which I loved, but would never admit, even under torture and pain of death.
“Natalie?” A high-pitched voice sounded from behind out table.
Natalie turned around with a smile on her face. “Michelle!” she gasped, throwing herself out her chair to stand and almost tumbling onto the floor in the process.
“What are you doing here?” Michelle looked around the almost deserted coffee shop. “I thought you would be at the party tonight.” She looked away sheepishly and almost nervously between me and Hailey.
“Yeah we were supposed to.” Natalie leaned in closer to Michelle. “One of your D-bag brothers wouldn’t let us in.”
“For real?” Michelle whispered. Natalie walked with her to the cash register to get her coffee, at the same time filling her in on the events of the night no doubt. I saw Michelle look back towards me with that horrible pitying expression that made me want to pull my skin off.
They sidled back up to the table with cups in hand. “Listen, we are gonna go back to the party okay?”
I looked up at Natalie who nodded resolutely.
“What about…”
“I’m going to take you in as my guests,” Michelle beamed, “and since I paid for most of this fucking get-together, I dare him to try and kick me out.”
I wasn’t a hundred percent sure which was worse, being kicked out of a party or showing up to one where you were very much not wanted. I got the feeling that Austin’s housemates and Kevin would not be pleased to see me there. I took solace in the fact, though, that Austin would be pleased to see me. I smiled; Austin was always pleased to see me. That was what spurred me on out of the coffee shop and had me walking back down the block with the others towards the frat house.
We need not have worried about getting back into the frat as one of Michelle’s sorority sisters was puking over the side of the stoop, with another affectionately rubbing her back and telling her that ‘he wasn’t worth it’. Michelle gave them a nod as we headed into the brownstone.
College parties differed from high school parties in only a few subtle ways. Whereas in high school parties, beer and spirits were king, there was an effort in college parties to try and convey an element of class by the opening of bottles of wine. Saying that, the end result was the same, as evidenced by the sorority sister throwing her guts up just outside.
Also, frat boys were basically just the popular kids from high school that had organized and taken their douchebag natures national, rather than just local.
Michelle tipped her head towards a group of shirtless frat guys with their Greek letters painted on their chests as they tried to prove their masculinity with the time-honored tradition of beer pong. “Why even bother with the pretense? Wouldn’t it be easier to have an actual pissing contest and the winner tries to get the girl’s number? I’m so happy I’m only into women.”
“Amen sister,.” Natalie mumbled, but not without Michelle noticing and throwing her a lascivious wink. Natalie pressed close into my side, her lips near my ear as she bit out, “Let’s get your man and get out of here, I need to get that lady back to my bedroom quickly.”
“What happened to Michelle being a bitch? And what about Rina?” I mumbled under my breath.
“Pfft!” I guessed that was the only answer I was going to get from her on this subject.
Hailey barked out a laugh next to me, before patting her gently on the shoulder. “Remember that patience is a virtue.”
“So is fingering,” Hailey coughed on air, “so let’s get this show on the road so I can get to it.”
I laughed as I pushed through the masses of frat brothers and sorority sisters and their worshippers towards the kitchen. That was likely where the alcohol was at, and if I had to stand in the middle of this level of douchery any longer, I was going to need a slight buzz. I saw a nest of bottles on one of the countertops and closed the distance between me and my prize. I swiped a bourbon bottle off the table and poured myself a generous shot, topped it off with some diet soda from the fridge. I took a swig, letting the alcohol do its things as it heated my throat on the way down. My pleasure lasted only moments.
“Dylan?” I turned to find Kyle looking at me across the kitchen island, perplexed. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”
“What you mean, Kevin didn’t tell you that I was outside an hour ago and he refused to let me in?” I asked with mock surprise.
“I’m sure there must be some mistake.” He shrugged. “You know Kevin, always joking about.”
“Yeah, it was hilarious when he closed the door in our faces,” I deadpanned.
“Anyway, you’re here now.” His smile was too wide; he seemed too pleased to see me. I felt the sudden, urgent need to abort this interaction and go home. “Have you found Austin yet? He was definitely around here somewhere. Having a good time last I saw.”
“That’s good.” I regarded him like he was a coiled viper ready to strike. “I’ll go find him.”
“You do that, was on the back terrace I think.” He grinned, swiping his drink off the counter and turning to talk to a group of frat brothers. I’d already been forgotten.
I pushed my way back into the fray, stopping briefly to ask Michelle who had Natalie pressed up against the wall under a stairway where I might find the back terrace. She pointed in the vague direction of a large room and the area of the house that the music seems to be emanating from. I spotted a large double door leading off in the back garden at the back of the room, and after some careful negotiation of the cramped space I pushed the glass doors open and stepped back into the night air.