Stalker Problems - Chapter 10 - Homeless Rutherford Strikes Again #2
Chastity hit pause and walked over to the TV screen.
“Exhibit A and B,” she said, pointing to the dancers’ crotches.
Their clingy body suits did little to hide the rather large outline of their dicks as they thrust at the air.
“Ash, back me up here. What would you do with these beautiful men if you got a backstage pass?”
Um… Sweat profusely? Try to unmask them to see if one of them was my stalker?
Wait! Was DJ Spaceboy my stalker? I squinted and tried to picture my stalker with DJ Spaceboy’s visor on.
Did they have the same chin? No. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t one of the two dancers.
Their faces were completely covered. And they were both about the same height as my stalker…
I pictured myself backstage, grabbing his huge cock through his spacesuit.
Just like I’d done to Dr. Lyons. Oh God.
Not that. If it was anything like that, he’d be limp.
And then he’d toss me out and call security.
I reached for my bottle, but it was empty.
My wine glass was empty too. Have my friends noticed that I’m double-fisting alcohol?
Whatever. After today, I needed it. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed another one of Madison's non-hidden bottles. As I passed the window on my way back, I glanced outside to see if the pizza guy had pulled up yet. Sure enough, the Nico’s delivery car was parked outside.
I expected to see the pizza guy get out with my steaming hot 'za, but instead the car pulled away.
"Hey guys," I said. "Want some pizza?"
"Sure," said Chastity.
Liz woke up and wiped some drool off her face. "Pizza? Yes please."
"If you want," said Madison. "Just hurry up and order it. I’m starving.”
"Alright, watch this." I snapped my fingers and then opened the front door.
My friends all looked shocked when they saw the pizza sitting on my welcome mat.
As I leaned into the hallway to grab it, I saw Homeless Rutherford sashaying down the hall.
Oh no. I had a horrible feeling that the cheese on my pizza had just been licked.
Damn it, pizza boy! Why didn't you knock like you were supposed to?
"How much do we owe you?" asked Liz.
"It was like $20." Is she really going to chip in?
She opened her purse and pulled out a crumpled-up bill. "This should cover it." She tossed it on the table and grabbed a slice.
I was about to stop her from eating the cheese that Rutherford had definitely just licked, but then I noticed that she had given me a single dollar.
Not a single bill . A single dollar. As in, a George Washington.
One hundred cents. "That's perfect," I said.
I choked back a gag as she bit into her slice.
Madison handed me a five. "How'd you summon this pizza?"
"Yeah," said Chastity. "It almost seemed like you wished for it and it just appeared."
"That reminds me of that weird letter that you got at your divorce party," said Madison.
"Ha, yeah," I said. "I forgot about that." Please let's not talk about it. I polished off my second wine cooler and then poured myself another glass of wine. I was so hungry, but I wasn't about to touch that infected pizza. A few Oreos would have to suffice.
“What do you guys think?” asked Chastity.
She was holding a ruler up to the screen and scribbling numbers in a notebook with her other hand.
“Is DJ Spaceboy 6’2? If you account for his distance from the camera…
” She shifted her ruler to the paused image of the dancer’s junk.
Her eyes got wide. “Wow, the dancer’s cocks are even bigger than I thought. ”
I swirled the wine around in my glass. It was almost empty. "No wonder Joe got so mad when I told him that Spaceboy was my celebrity hall pass.”
Chastity spun around. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold everything. You guys had celebrity hall passes? And by Spaceboy…do you mean DJ Spaceboy only? Or all three of them? Because that’s a pretty baller move to try to get a gangbang out of your celebrity hall pass."
"I never specified. But it wasn’t real.” Well, I mean…I fantasized about it. But that was beside the point. “I just said it to piss him off. He had come home late the night before and I was getting a little suspicious that he was cheating. Guess I was right.”
"God, I hate that asshole," muttered Madison.
"Fuck Joe," said Chastity.
"Yeah. Fuck Joe!" I drained my glass.
Chastity and Madison raised their glasses and drank them down. Liz would have too, but she had fallen asleep again. Or maybe Rutherford's germs had killed her. Oh well.
Madison slammed her empty bottle down on my coffee table. "We should take a selfie of us having fun to make him jealous."
Was it really necessary for her to ruin my coffee table? God, I hated house guests. "Jealous of what? Not being here? I don't think he hated anything more than getting stuck participating in girls' night."
"You have a better idea?" asked Madison.
"How about a picture of Ash on a sexy date?" suggested Chastity as she poured us all more wine.
I nodded. "It's a good idea, but such a picture would only exist if I had actually gone on a date. And you all know that I don’t date after the incident ." And Incident #2. Which no one needed to know about.
Chastity stared at me. It felt like her eyes were boring into my soul. Did she somehow know about what I’d done to Dr. Lyons? I could mentally hear her saying, “Single Girl Rule #6: Always kiss and tell.”
Oh God, she knows! "Okay, fine!" I yelled. "I admit it. I'm a rapist."