Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
Holden
Five years ago…
Normally, the sound of someone angrily pounding on your door at midnight would cause alarm.
But my life wasn’t normal.
And I knew this was coming.
I knew the exact time the email was sent to her from the bursar’s office—8:35 p.m.—at my request. The only unknown variable was that I didn’t know when she would open that email.
In fact, I was so prepared for this, that I’d planned on sleeping on the couch tonight so that she wouldn’t wake up my roommates if she came over in the middle of the night… or even early in the morning.
Unrelenting, she continued to pound on the front door while I crossed the living room to answer it.
I swung open the door, unsurprised to see Katherine standing there. I was however, surprised to see her clad only in her thin, little lavender cotton pajama pants and a cropped tank top so sheer that it should be fucking illegal.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Katherine,” I muttered and took her hand to tug her inside. “It’s fucking January. Did you come all the way here dressed like that?”
Yanking her hand away from mine, she stormed into my apartment, her eyes blazing with anger. She tossed a backpack I hadn’t seen initially onto my couch before whirling around and shoving her phone into my face.
"What the hell is this?" she demanded, shaking the phone at me.
I didn’t even need to look to know that it was the email from the bursar's office, informing her that her dorm fees for the rest of the year had been paid in full by an anonymous donor.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Look, let me explain ? —"
"Explain?!" Katherine shouted. "Explain how you went behind my back and paid for my dorm room when I explicitly asked you not to? I told you I didn't need your help, Holden. I’m not some Dorsey charity case.”
“Oh, please,” I insisted, my voice rising in frustration. “We both know you’re the farthest thing from a charity case. But it’s also okay to take help sometimes!”
Katherine's eyes flashed. "So you just decided to swoop in like a white knight and save the poor damsel in distress? Is that it?” She paused, stepping forward toward me. Even in her anger, I couldn’t help but notice the sexy sway of her hips. Or how the tips of her breasts tightened into two little peaks. “The real thing that pisses me off, Holden? If you had just minded your own business at my audition, I could have afforded my own tuition. I could be living my dream right now and not be stuck here at this school in a program I can’t afford with a professor who doesn’t even want me here.”
I took a deep breath, pausing to collect my thoughts. “I’m not saying I was right for how I barged in on your audition, but couldn’t you maybe try to see things from my perspective. There was a shirtless man holding an audition for you in your hotel room that he paid for. We both got played by McCay.”
She snorted a humorless laugh. “Yeah. Poor little rich senator’s son lost a lot that day.”
“I did,” I whispered, daring to step closer to her. “I lost you. Paying for your dorm was the least I could do to apologize for fucking up that audition.”
“And how am I supposed to pay you back, huh?” Katherine whispered with venom in her voice.
“I don’t want you to pay me back ? —”
“Oh, please, Holden. That’s not our game.”
“Our game?”
She grabbed her backpack, yanking on the zipper. “Oh don’t tell me you don’t remember our little game?” From inside the backpack, she pulls out a pair of panties and throws them in my face. “These were from last night in the bar. Nate tried to kiss me that night, you know.”
That blow landed like a punch to the gut and I inhaled sharply. “Katherine ? —”
“This pair?” She pinched the string of a black silky looking thong. “I wore these the night of our showcase. You remember, right? That simulated sex scene got them good and wet. You know how hot I get when people might catch us!”
Helplessly, I watched her outburst, wanting so badly to help her, to comfort her, but at a complete loss for how to do that.
So instead, I let her continue ranting at me.
She threw her hands wildly in the air. “That’s why you finger fucking me in an alley was so hot, wasn’t it? Maybe you’ll finally take my virginity if we can do it in front of an audience!” Again, she threw the second pair of panties in my face, but I didn’t bother trying to catch them. They fell to the floor at my feet.
“There’s nothing wrong with a little voyeurism, Katherine. It’s sexy as hell that you like that.”
“And these?” She pulled another pair from her bag, waving them around. Dread crawled up from my gut into my throat as I watched her spiral. “I wore these to my audition. The day you crushed my fucking dreams, Holden!”
“Katherine, stop!” I rushed forward, trying to take her into my arms, but she shoved me off of her. Her out-of-control frenzy rippled the air around us like the swirl of wind just before a tornado. Chaotic, destructive. Deadly.
“What? Panties not enough anymore? Do you need more videos? You want to see me finger myself in them?”
But I couldn’t let her push me away. Not this time. I was a pro at doing that to the people I loved and I wasn’t going to let Katherine turn into me. I rushed over to her and took her jaw gently in my hands. “I don’t want anything in return,” I said, my anguish mirroring hers.
She grew still, her eyes snapping wider to stare at me. “You don’t want anything?” She challenged me with a hissing tone to her voice that would rival a python’s.
“Nothing,” I whispered. “Just … just you.”
Her eyes hardened, blue orbs turning to stone right before my very eyes. “And I’m nothing.”
“That’s not what I meant, Katherine. Jesus. I love you, okay? I love you. And it fucking sucks to love you because it hurts so goddamn much. I want to stop loving you, but I can’t. I’ve quit so much shit in my life, but the one thing I can’t fucking quit is you .”
I barely had the words out of my mouth before Katherine took the two short strides toward me and crushed her mouth to mine with such force that I stumbled backwards, my back hitting the wall behind me. Her hands gripped my shirt, fisting the material as her mouth moved urgently against mine.
Shock paralyzed me for only a moment before I was kissing her back just as fiercely, the pent up longing and frustration fueling our passion.
Her kiss was consuming and fierce in a way it had never been with me before.
My hands found her waist, pulling her body flush against me. Katherine let out a soft moan, the sound sending heat racing through my veins. Her lips were soft yet demanding, her kiss like fire after an eternity of cold.
She bit my bottom lip, sucking it hard before I cupped her ass and hoisted her up on my hips. Her ankles latched at the small of my back and I carried her into my bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me.
Our mouths opened wider, tongues exploring and tasting. We clung to each other desperately, as if worried the other would slip away.
When we finally broke for air, both of us were panting. Katherine’s eyes were half-lidded, her lips swollen from our kissing. She looked utterly irresistible as she tugged at my shirt, her fingers working it roughly over my head.
Reaching down, she gripped me roughly through my pants and I grunted at the force with which she initiated. She was filled with the same intense hunger I was, yet, something deeper buzzed beneath the surface. Something raw, dark, and intense.
She wasn’t gentle and for once, I didn’t try to slow her down. I bathed in her newfound confidence, breathing it in like the drug she was. I tore the tank top from her body, my mouth feasting on her nipples just before I dove my hand into her pants and found her slick button of need. My movement was greeted with one long exhaled sigh and her legs turned to liquid.
I picked her up and carried her to the bed, our mouths fused together the entire time. Eyes on me, she wriggled out of her pants, then she laid back against my navy comforter, all creamy, flushed skin bathed in moonlight.
My lips parted as I watched her chest heave. Katherine licked her lips, her tongue sliding across them and leaving a sheen of desire in its wake. We stared at each other for a long moment, the only sound in the room being our heavy breathing.
Slowly, I moved down her body, kissing every inch of skin I touched as I made my way to her slick pussy. I looked up at her as my fingers traced the contours of her inner thighs before I slipped a finger between her folds. She gasped softly at the touch, arching into my fingers. I groaned against her skin as I shifted my thumb to circle her clit, feeling how desperate she was for release.
Lowering my mouth to her, I kissed her between her legs, gliding my tongue across her sweet, swollen button as I pushed a second finger inside her. Katherine cried out, bucking her hips against me.
It took barely any time before she was squeezing her thighs around my head, her inner walls clenching wildly around my fingers, causing me to groan into her skin.
Once her spasms slowed, she swiftly rolled me onto my back, shucking my pants from my body and straddling me. Her core was so slick that it would have taken no effort at all to slide inside of her.
I wanted to.
Fuck, I wanted to so badly.
I wanted to bury my cock deep inside her sweet heat and get lost there forever.
She gripped my shaft, teasing my head at her entrance in such a blindingly delicious way that I was nearly delirious with pleasure. “Katherine, no,” I croaked.
Her body stiffened over mine. “What?”
“Not now. Not tonight.”
“But… you… you said you loved me.”
“I do love you,” I reiterated. “Which is why I can’t have sex with you tonight.”
“But I love you too,” she breathed, her voice throaty with desire. “I've loved you for so long.”
Those words sent a spike of heat straight through me. I pushed up to my elbows, capturing her mouth eagerly.
When we finally broke apart, gasping for air, I rested my forehead against hers. Her eyes were still closed, lips kiss-swollen and cheeks flushed. “You love me,” I repeated, then felt her nod. “But,” I added, “you’re still mad at me.”
Silently, she pulled back like I’d burned her.
She also didn’t deny it.
“You’re still mad at me. And I don’t want our first time together and your first time ever to be when you’re mad. We can’t have any regrets about our first time, okay?”
Katherine nodded slowly, her expression softening as she took in my words. "You're right," she said after a moment.
I let out a breath, relieved she understood. And truthfully, I didn’t know how much more fight I had left in me.
"So we'll wait?" I asked after a while, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
Katherine nodded, turning her head to press her lips to my palm. "We'll wait," she confirmed. “But not for too long, right? I think I’m the only virgin left at this school.”
I chuckled and pulled her close, breathing in the sweet floral scent of her hair. “I don’t think I can last too much longer, Katherine.”
“Well, no one is asking you to be a martyr,” Katherine teased, her fingers skimming over my bare chest.
“Trust me. You’ll thank me someday. You don’t want to end up like me. Hating the person who took your virginity. The person who was supposed to love you.”
Katherine’s mouth twisted into a frown and I hated seeing that pitied expression.
My godmother’s face flashed into my memory.
History had a vicious way of repeating itself.
But not this time. Not if I could help it.