28. KAYLA
28
“ Y ou really did a great job, Keeks.” Rae gives me a proud smile, rubbing her hand over my arm in encouragement. We’ve cut our dancing session to take a break and we’re hanging at the bar with Charlotte and Julie.
“You did just as much, Rae. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even know it was his damn birthday.” I take a sip of my Coke, keeping my promise to Jensen to not drink tonight. The rent of the room is in his name, and I don’t want him to get into any trouble. Though, every time I let my blue eyes wander off to the sexy nerd I’m living with, I’m desperate for a shot of tequila to settle the million bugs in my stomach.
I can’t believe I’ve been able to pull it off. He had no clue until we entered this bar.
“Ugh, what is it with men and their birthdays?” Charlotte rolls her eyes.
“I can’t say shit. I did the same.” Rae stirs her cocktail.
“Hold up, you did what?” Julie runs her hand through her dirty blonde bob with a curious look.
“When she came home with Jensen and Bodi last summer?” I start, waiting until Julie hums in confirmation. “We threw her a surprise party.”
It was epic.
And not in the concert-big-event kinda way, but I’ll never forget Rae’s bewildered expression when she walked through the door, two hot men trailing her tail, and her entire family, plus half the town, yelling happy birthday. So much for her attempt to keep it small and under the radar for Jensen & Bodi. Jensen was pissed.
I still giggle over it whenever I get the chance to tease her about it.
“And that’s a bad thing?” Julie’s eyes swing back and forth between the three of us.
“No, not really.” I smile. “She just forgot to inform Bodi and Jensen it was her birthday. You can imagine who the bigger surprise was for.”
“No.” Julie’s eyes widen and her mouth forms a perfect O while Charlotte laughs.
“In my defense, I didn’t know you were going to throw me a surprise party!” Rae blurts, indignant.
“Oh, yeah. Can you imagine their faces when they were face to face with our entire family, banner and all? It was glorious. I wish someone filmed it, but Nana once again proved she sucks with technology.”
“It was horrifying!” Rae scoffs.
“For you, yeah. I had the time of my life. Not to mention, I got a better gift than you.” A smug grin sits on my face as I glance at Bodi on the couch.
“What’s going on between you two?” Charlotte gives me a friendly look like only she can. She’s stunning. She has dirty blonde hair, with highlights bringing out her eyes. But it’s her everlasting genuine smile that really makes you want to share your life story, begging for a hug.
Girls like her are rare, and as much as she’s more Rae’s friend than mine, I always enjoy having her around. It’s impossible to not feel comfortable around Charlotte Hansen.
“Pfft, I don’t know.” It comes out as a whine and, frankly, that’s how it feels when I actually have to talk about it. What can I tell my friends if I don’t even know what’s going on? Really going on?
“Sure you do,” Rae counters.
I shrug. “Friends with benefits is the quick explanation.”
Though that hardly cuts it. When I think of friends with benefits, I think of two people hooking up every now and then, sharing the same group of friends. Our group of friends is living in different states, and we fucking live together. There are couples who share less of their lives with each other than we do.
“And the long?” Julie presses.
I stare into my drink, wondering how much I want to share.
“I like him,” I confess. “A lot. Like a shit ton of a lot .”
I’m scared to use the other L word, but my heart keeps tumbling into that pool more vigorously every time I pull it out. She’s a cheeky little bitch.
“Yeah, that’s clear.” Charlotte smiles and I let out a desperate moan.
“Right. But he doesn’t want anything else.”
“Are you sure about that?”
I lock my eyes with Rae. Her brown eyes are filled with sympathy.
“He’s been adamant about it from the beginning. It took me a while for him to even give in to this thing we seem to have.” I pause to suck in a breath before pushing it back out. “We’re close. And it feels like we’re getting closer every day, but we both seem to be avoiding the question hanging above our heads.”
“What question is that?” Julie asks.
“If we’ll ever be serious? It’s kinda hard to not grow closer when you’re living together, but I’m scared to bring it up because he has a long list of why we shouldn’t be.”
“And why is that?” Rae questions.
“The short list? I’m too young or he’s too old, whatever way you want to put it, and he’s my boss.”
“Age is just a fucking number,” Julie chimes in. “And the boss thing can be fixed. Just get another job.”
“Right.” I thought about it. But the truth is, I’m scared that by leaving KPI, I’m also leaving Bodi. That he won’t be part of my daily life anymore and the thought alone suffocates me with fear. He’s completely intertwined himself in my life, and I’m loving that too much to let that go. It’ll be a void I won’t be able to handle. I know because I can feel the cracking of my heart just thinking about it.
“What’s the long list?” Rae asks curiously.
“He doesn’t like takeout. His closet is bigger than mine. He hates the carnival,” I tell them, before Julie interrupts.
“He hates the carnival?”
“Oh, yeah. Freaked out about it when I wanted to organize a carnival themed office party.”
“So what did you go for?”
“A carnival themed office party.” I shrug with a cocky grin, resulting in a full laugh from all three of them.
“And he let you?” Julie screeches.
I nod. “He actually fucked me in his office after.”
They all shriek, and I laugh, then quickly glance at him with a guilty look.
“Don’t tell him,” I hiss. “He’ll kill me.”
It takes them a moment to settle down, but when they do, Charlotte gives me a serious expression.
“This says it all. He likes you too, Kayla. Really like you.”
“I don’t know.”
“I know. If he lets you do all the things he hates, he likes you more than just a fuck buddy, girl,” Julie adds.
I move my gaze between all three girls, who are staring at me with the same knowing look. I want to believe them, take their words, and use it as a jolt of confidence to ask Bodi the questions I really want to ask. But I finally feel like I belong with someone. Like he’s my ride or die. What if I’m wrong?
“You know,” Rae finally adds, “when you first arrived, he called me, freaking out. Telling me you couldn’t live with him and I needed to find a different place for you to stay.”
Excuse me?
“He did?” My brows scrunch up, a little hurt. I know I caught him off guard, but I didn’t think he’d want to get rid of me as soon as possible.
“Mhmm,” she muses. “But when Jensen called him a couple weeks later, telling him he found a friend of Finn’s you could stay with, he declined.”
“What do you mean, he declined ?” I parrot, ridicule etching through my tone. I don’t like to be thought of as something you can accept or decline.
“He refused to let you stay with anyone else. He said you were going to stay with him until you found your own place. Jensen told me.”
I swallow roughly, my mouth turning dry by this new piece of information. For a moment, I’m speechless, not sure what to think. I could’ve stayed somewhere else, but Bodi didn’t want me to leave? Does this mean he doesn’t want me to leave at all?
“He never asked me to get my own place. Not even once.” All three of them look at me with expressions that speak volumes. “That first week I was meaning to ask him to help me find some places to check out, but I never did and he never brought it up. I let it go because I like living with him. I know it’s silly because he’s not my boyfriend, but it’s nice to pretend.” I avert my gaze, unable to look at their hopeful faces. “I feel safe with him around. Cherished.”
Julie snorts. “And you think that’s not mutual? Have you seen the way he looks at you? You can tell me anything you want, but I ain’t buying that.”
“Maybe you’re not the only one who wants a little more, Keeks,” Rae adds, leaving me dumbfounded and confused.
I want to believe them, but my fear is not letting me take the plunge, holding my heart back as much as I can. But that bitch is squirming in my hands, ready to dive in head first.
“Yeah, maybe.”