34. BODI
34
“ Y ou look like shit, buddy.” Jason clinks his shot against mine, and we both pour the burning contents down our throat. The taste is bitter, scrunching my eyebrows together, but fuck that. I need it.
“My dad’s dying. What’s your excuse?” I slam my shot glass on the wooden table we snatched in the back of the sports bar around the corner from my condo.
Jason arrived not long after I buried my grief inside my girl, and after she convinced me she was fine being on her own, I gave into my friend’s relentless whining to go for drinks.
Part of me just wanted to curl up against Kayla, with her skin tight yoga pants and hoodie, but now that I feel the alcohol surging through my veins after shot number three, I’m not regretting it.
“Damn, nice come back. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
I told Jason the short version of my mood when we descended in the elevator, right before I told him he wasn’t allowed any questions, and I felt no desire to sulk about it all night.
“Nope.” There is no use talking about it.
My dad's dying. I’ve got shit to take care off, but not fucking tonight.
Tonight I’m going to get shitfaced.
“Does Kayla know?” Jason’s dirty blonde brow lifts up in more of an accusation than a question and I return it with one that says don’t start.
“Since she’s my friend , she knows just as much as you.” Fuck, I’m so full of shit. The word friend tastes like acid in my fucking mouth, but what the hell am I going to call her if not that?
Jason snorts, bringing his lips to his beer before holding it still right before he takes a sip. “Yeah? Still got her firmly in the friend zone, huh?”
“I thought you dragged me out here to talk about Julie, not Kayla.”
“I dragged you out here because I need to get shitfaced.”
“Because of Julie,” I counter like a smartass, anything to deflect from my own fucked up life. “Does Hunter know about you two? Or Charlotte?”
He tosses a beer coaster to my head. “There’s nothing to know . Julie and I are friends.”
Now it’s my turn to snort. “But you want her.”
“No,” he huffs, indignant like a fucking toddler. “I just don’t want her to be with my fucking brother.”
“Because you want her.” I hold his intense gaze, challenging him more each passing second. Jason is picky with his women.
Sure, he picks up the occasional girl every couple of months, but he doesn’t invest unless he’s serious. In fact, that applies to all people in his life. He’s very protective of his circle, going in deep for the people he cares about and not giving a shit about those he doesn’t give a shit about.
Jason, Hunter, Charlotte and Julie have been friends since high school, but over the years I’ve known Jason, I’ve seen the way he looks at Julie.
It’s not the same look he’d give Hunter, frustrated and pissed because he was fucking up everything with Charlotte again and again.
Nor the affectionate glances he gives Charlotte like she’s his sister, fierce about protecting her, even from his best friend.
No, the way he looks at Julie is different.
Tormented when his brother touches her.
Angry when he talks to her like shit.
In awe when she smiles.
He might not be in love with her, but he sure as hell is feeling something.
And it ain’t nothing friendly.
“I don’t know, man.” Jason sets his glass back on the table, running a hand over his jaw. “I don’t want to ruin what we have, but it’s killing me to see her with Jacob. He treats her like shit. She doesn’t deserve it. She deserves someone to kiss the ground she walks on. Someone who makes her smile and takes care of her. Someone who supports her dreams instead of wanting to take her position in her family’s business.”
My brows shoot up. “You think he’s after Bradford Real Estate?”
“Pff,” he sputters, “I know it. He’s got his head all up her dad’s ass, and the old man is eating it up. Hell, he’s nicer to him than he is to her.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“My brother is fucked up. The more times she’s calling me to spit about what he’s done now, the more I start hating the guy. I can’t believe I share the same blood with him. But it fucks me up that she’s giving him chance after chance.”
“Maybe she wouldn’t if she knew how you felt.”
His gaze snaps to mine, a little feral. “We’re friends.”
“But you don’t want to be. You want her.”
His eyes fall to the top of the table, as if he’s carefully picking his words, then concedes with a sigh.
“What if I do and she goes back to him? I won’t be able to take that.” He shakes his head. “What if the roles get reversed the second we have an argument or a fight, and she calls Jacob to vent like she’s doing me?”
I frown. “Jacob was never her friend first . You are. Have been since you guys were eighteen.”
“I’m not sure I trust she feels the same.”
I look at my friend's pained expression. This is exactly why I don’t want to fucking fall in love. It messes with your head every fucking time. I’ve seen the pain Hunter went through. I’ve seen the women that threw themselves at Jensen because of his fame and fortune. Falling love is fully trusting someone, and I’m not sure I have it in me to let go of that amount of control.
“Would you take your shot if you’d be sure Julie wouldn’t go back to Jacob?”
Jason takes in my words, plucking one of the last two shots of the table. “I will deny this if you ever repeat it,” he sternly points his finger at me, “but yes. I’d take my fucking shot, and make her mine.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I chuckle, following his lead and grabbing the shot glass, and bringing it to my lips as I steal a little sip.
Fuck, I should’ve ordered a tray of something girly instead of straight up bottom shelf whiskey.
“What about you?” He holds up the shot to tap it against mine, but pulls it back when I don’t answer his question. “Nah-ah, I confessed. Your turn.”
The sigh that follows comes from my toes, my shoulders sagging.
“Come on, Bodi. Is this thing with you and Kayla going anywhere?”
Probably to shit like everything else. I don’t know if I want to know what my life will look like without her, but Jason just reminded me. Relationships are a fucking pain, and I have enough of that on my plate for the next fucking decade.
“Look, I like her. I really do. She does a good job, and I want to be her friend. But my life is a fucking mess. The last thing I need is to complicate shit with Kayla.”
Nausea swells in my stomach. Fuck, why does my chest hurt?
Maybe it’s the shots. I eye the tiny glass between my fingers, then bring it to my lips, pouring it down my throat like it’s the answer to my prayers.
“So what do you need?” He tilts his head, doing the same before we both bounce the glass back on the table with a toss.
To forget about my dad, forget about the glooming future that’s ahead, and forget about Kayla. I just need to fucking forget. Even if it’s just for a night.
“Shots. I need shots.”
I need a whole lot more fucking shots until I pass the fuck out.