Chapter 4 #2
Pluto had told me to come around back, so once I finally got out the car, I made my way through the mansion and onto the patio where she was already outside waitin’ on me.
The day was calm, and quiet in that rich people way, with the soft sound of the pool filter and the faint sound of music floatin’ from somewhere around the patio.
Pluto had on one of them loose dresses she always wore when she was tryna be comfortable but still look put together, and her hair was pulled back with a few curls fallin’ around her face.
“Hey,” she said when she saw me, her voice gentle like always, and she leaned in to hug me tight for a second longer than usual.
“Hey, girl,” I said back, squeezin’ her before I pulled away, already feelin’ a lil’ lighter just bein’ around somebody who knew too much to judge me.
She grabbed the bottle off the table and started pourin’ up while I sat down in one of the chairs and pulled out the wrap she had already handed me from Pressure’s stash.
As I broke down the weed and started rollin’ up, my mind wandered the way it always did, driftin’ back to all the shit me and Pluto had been through together.
I thought about all the nights she had called me cryin’ over Pressure, over the insensitive shit he did and the weight of bein’ married to a man who carried the whole world on his shoulders and expected himself to never crack.
I thought about the nights I had called her, my voice shakin’, and my heart hurtin’ over Kay’Lo and his explosions and the way lovin’ him sometimes felt like holdin’ onto somethin’ beautiful that could still cut you if you wasn’t careful.
Sha’Nelle was blood, and she had me in a way nobody else ever could, but Pluto had seen me at my lowest without tryna fix me or make me feel stupid for stayin’.
“You want juice or straight?” Pluto asked, breakin’ me out my thoughts while she tilted the bottle.
“Straight,” I said without even lookin’ up. “I need that shit to hit.”
She laughed soft and poured us both a good amount before settin’ the glasses down and finally sittin’ across from me. By the time I sparked the blunt and took the first hit, I could feel my shoulders droppin’ just a lil’, like my body knew I was somewhere safe enough to tell the truth.
We sat there for a minute passin’ the blunt back and forth, sippin’ and smokin’ in comfortable silence, until the words started pushin’ they way up my throat.
“So,” I said finally, exhalin’ slow. “I did some shit I ain’t told nobody yet.”
Pluto lifted her brows but didn’t rush me. “Okay,” she said calmly. “What you do?”
I took another hit, let it sit in my chest for a second, then passed it to her. “I went to the clinic,” I said. “I got on birth control.”
Her eyes widened just a lil’, but not in judgment but surprise, and she leaned back in her chair like she needed a second to process it. “Oh,” she said carefully. “How you feel about that?”
I shrugged, rubbin’ my thumb against the glass in my hand. “I don’t fuckin’ know,” I admitted. “That’s the problem. I feel relieved and guilty at the same damn time.”
She nodded like that made perfect sense. “You told Kay’Lo?”
I shook my head. “Nah, and that’s the part that really got me fucked up, ‘cause I wanna tell him, but I already know how that shit gon’ go.”
Pluto took a hit and passed it back to me, her eyes stayin’ on my face. “A fight?”
“A big one,” I said. “And I ain’t got the energy for it right now.”
She sighed quietly. “I get it.”
I looked at her like she ain’t even have to explain. “I know you do, bitch,” I said. “Pressure’s ass was nuttin’ in you like it was a sport for a minute.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I did call you about it,” she admitted. “More than once.”
“Bitch, I know,” I said, laughin’ too, and for a second the heaviness lifted just enough for us to smile.
Pluto grew serious again, though, her tone softenin’. “I can’t tell you if you wrong or right, Toni,” she said honestly. “I know how they wired. Pressure and Kay’Lo got that same thing in ‘em when it come to… you already know, chile.”
“I know,” I said. “And that’s why this shit hurt the way it do. ‘Cause I love that man, Pluto. I really do. But I also know what I been livin’ with.”
She nodded slowly. “I gave Pressure his kids because I wanted to, and because I felt like it was part of my role as his wife,” she said. “But I also understand wantin’ to protect yourself when you don’t feel ready.”
That hit me harder than I expected, and I swallowed thick. “That’s all I’m tryna do,” I said. “Protect myself before shit get worse.”
I stared out at the pool for a second, the water reflectin’ light back at me in slow ripples, then I sighed and changed the subject ‘cause my chest was startin’ to feel tight again.
“And another thing that got me fucked up,” I said. “That therapist.”
Pluto tilted her head. “What about her?”
“One minute she tellin’ us Kay’Lo schizophrenic,” I said, my voice risin’ just a lil’, “and the next minute she sayin’ ain’t nothin’ wrong with him at all. Like, how the fuck that work?”
Pluto frowned. “That don’t sound right.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’,” I said. “Ain’t no way you go from that to nothin’.”
She hesitated, then asked carefully, “You think it’s possible Kay’Lo reached out to her and had somethin’ changed?”
The question landed heavier than she probably meant it to, and my stomach twisted as soon as she asked it. I looked at her, my brows pullin’ together.
“You think he would do that?” I asked.
Pluto lifted her hands a lil’. “I’m not sayin’ he did,” she said. “I’m just askin’. Pressure done surprised me before in ways I ain’t think he was capable of, so I learned not to rule shit out.”
I leaned back in my chair, my mind replayin’ the therapist’s face from that day, the way she had avoided my eyes and the way her voice didn’t sound as confident as before.
“I don’t know,” I said slowly. “I don’t think Kay’Lo would go that far, but…” I trailed off, feelin’ uneasy.
“But you noticed somethin’,” Pluto finished.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “And that shit ain’t sittin’ right with me.”
We sat there in silence again, the smoke curlin’ around us while my thoughts started spiralin’ in a direction I wasn’t ready to face yet. ‘Cause no matter how I tried to slice it, one thing was clear…
Ain’t no way in hell Kay’Lo didn’t have somethin’ goin’ on, and whether he was ready to admit it or not was a whole other conversation I wasn’t sure either one of us was ready to have.