Chapter 9 - Kay’lo Mensah
Drahma Town
I had been ridin’ around all fuckin’ day just to ease my mind, drivin’ with no real destination.
Every red light felt longer than it needed to be, and every street I turned down looked the same, like I was stuck in some loop I couldn’t break out of.
Part of me kept thinkin’ I should just go home and fix this shit with Toni, sit her down and say what I should have said the right way, but another part of me was tired as hell of always bein’ the one to bend first and explain myself like my feelin’s was some inconvenience.
I replayed the argument over and over in my head, and no matter how many times I ran it back, I still hated myself for sayin’ some of the shit I said.
I knew damn well I crossed a line, and I knew there was no takin’ certain shit back once it left my mouth.
But that ain’t change the fact that I was hurt though, and I was sick of feelin’ like every time I expressed that hurt, I got painted like I was doin’ too much just ‘cause I feel shit deep. That’s been my whole problem my whole life.
I ain’t half feel shit. When I love, I love all the fuckin’ way, and when I hurt, it sit in my chest like a weight I can’t shake.
I gripped the wheel tighter as I thought about how tired I was of not bein’ heard.
I had been talkin’ to Toni, or at least I thought I was, but somehow it always felt like she heard the parts she wanted to hear and ignored the rest. I was at the point where I ain’t even know how to talk without feelin’ like I needed to protect myself from what might come back at me.
So instead of speakin’, and blowin’ her up like I wanted to, I was startin’ to shut down, and that scared me more than anything else because that ain’t who I am with my wife.
I ain’t never felt like I wanted to break down and cry over no woman before.
Toni was the only one who ever broke me down to that level.
She was the only one who could have me sittin’ alone in my car with my jaw tight as fuck and my eyes burnin’, fightin’ the urge to just let that shit out.
That realization alone pissed me off ‘cause I hated how much power that gave her over me, and at the same time, it reminded me of why I loved her in the first place.
I thought about all the ways I tried to bend my own views of life just to adapt to hers, how I softened parts of myself I never thought I would soften just to make her feel safe and happy.
I thought about the nights we spent smokin’ together, just laid up talkin’ about everything and nothin’, laughin’ at dumb shit, and feelin’ like the world ain’t even exist outside the walls we built.
I thought about the way we made love, how it always felt like more than just sex, like we was connectin’ on some level that ain’t everybody get to touch.
We had been there for each other in our darkest hours, seen each other at our worst, and still chose each other every time.
That’s why this shit hurt so bad.
Now I was sittin’ here wonderin’ if I could even trust her, and that thought alone made my stomach turn.
The birth control pills kept poppin’ back up in my head no matter how hard I tried to push the thought away.
I couldn’t understand how she could keep somethin’ like that from me, and I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about the way she started pullin’ away from me during sex, like I was crossin’ some line I never even knew existed.
That shit fucked with me heavy ‘cause I would never force myself on her, and the fact that she had me feelin’ like I needed to question myself made a nigga feel some type of way.
I let out a long breath and realized I had been drivin’ with no music, just my thoughts, and that probably wasn’t doin’ me no favors.
Instead of turnin’ back toward the crib, I found myself pullin’ toward a spot I hadn’t been to in a minute.
It was a strip club me, Pressure, Renza, and Blaqson used to hit on the regular before life started changin’ and responsibilities got heavier.
It wasn’t even a plan. My body just moved that way like muscle memory took over.
The parkin’ lot was half full when I pulled up, and there was only one open space close enough to the door that didn’t feel like a mission.
I slid my whip into the spot clean, shut the engine off, and sat there for a second just starin’ out the windshield.
I grabbed my Glock from the console, checked it quick out of habit, and tucked it where I always kept it.
I also grabbed my papers ‘cause I already knew I was finna need to roll somethin’ to calm my nerves.
When I stepped out the car, the bass from inside the club was already thumpin’ through the walls, and the familiar noise hit me like a wave.
I walked toward the door with my shoulders relaxed but my mind still loud as hell.
Halo was at the entrance, big as hell, posted up like he owned the place, and when he saw me, his face lit up.
“Aye ‘Lo, where the hell you been at, boy?” he asked, pullin’ me in for a dap.
I ran my hand down my fade and shook my head with a half smirk. “Just livin’ a whole different life these days.”
He laughed and nodded like he understood exactly what I meant. “I respect that,” he said, glancin’ at me like he already knew what time it was. Even though he knew I had that thang on me, he ain’t even bother tryna check me.
Inside, the club was alive in that same chaotic way it always was.
Lights flashed over bodies movin’ to the music, and the smell of perfume, smoke, and liquor hung in the air.
It was niggas everywhere throwin’ money, bitches laughin’ loud, and strippers workin’ the room like it was second nature.
The women was fine as hell, thick in all the right places, skin glistenin’ under the lights, and confident in a way that only come from knowin’ you look good.
Heads turned when I walked through, and I felt eyes on me immediately. A nigga wasn’t even tryin’ and still stood out, and that part was automatic at this point. A pretty waitress made her way over, her smile smooth and practiced.
“You want a table?” she asked.
“VIP,” I said, keepin’ it short.
She nodded and led me over, and I followed her through the crowd, my mind still somewhere else. I was one deep tonight, and I wanted to keep it that way. I ain’t feel like explainin’ myself to nobody or pretendin’ I was in a better mood than I was.
Once I settled in the section, I pulled out my weed and started breakin’ it down, my hands movin’ on autopilot.
A few minutes later, the waitress came back with a bottle on ice and some juice, set it down in front of me, and gave me a look that said she already knew I wasn’t here to be bothered.
I nodded at her in thanks and leaned back, finally lightin’ up and lettin’ the smoke fill my lungs.
The music hit harder from where I was sittin’, and I closed my eyes for a second, lettin’ it drown out my thoughts. That relief ain’t last long though.
Two strippers slid into the section not long after, one on each side of me, both thick and fine, bodies movin’ to the beat. One had soft curves that pressed against my arm, and the other had thighs that brushed my knee every time she moved, both of ‘em smellin’ like money and temptation.
They started dancin’ on me without sayin’ much, lettin’ their bodies do the talkin’, and I let it happen ‘cause fightin’ it would’ve been pointless.
I knew damn well this wasn’t gon’ fix what was broken between me and Toni, and it wasn’t supposed to.
For tonight, it was just about quietin’ my head, even if only for a lil’ while.
I took another pull from my drink and watched the room, remindin’ myself that sometimes you gotta sit in the mess before you can figure out what to clean up.
The broads movin’ around me was fine, and the attention was easy, but my mind still drifted back to the same place no matter how hard I tried to push that shit away.
Toni was still there, sittin’ heavy in my heart, and I ain’t know if that was somethin’ I needed to fight or finally face.
For now, I just leaned back, smoke curlin’ in the air, strippers grindin’ on me, and let the night take me where it wanted, knowin’ damn well this was just a pause and not a solution.
I had only been at the club for two hours and a nigga was already faded than a bitch,
I was leaned back in the VIP with my shades on even though the lights in here was low, with my arms stretched across the leather.
The bottle sat on ice by my knee, smoke curled up slow from the blunt between my fingers, and the bass from the speakers had the floor vibratin’ under my feet in a way that made everything feel heavier and slower.
Money was already all over the place.
I had been throwin’ it without thinkin’, lettin’ the dancers snatch it out the air and off my lap while I watched ‘em move like gravity ain’t apply to they bodies.
It was thick bitches, slim ones, long hair, short hair and glossy skin catchin’ the lights every time they turned around.
These was the type of bad bitches that usually had niggas loud and actin’ stupid, but I was quiet tonight, sittin’ back and lettin’ ‘em come to me.
That always worked better.
One of ‘em stayed closer than the rest though. She had her leg draped across mine like it was natural, her body movin’ slow against me, like she knew I was already there and she ain’t have to sell me shit.
Her perfume mixed with the smoke and liquor in a way that hit low in my chest, and when she leaned in close, her lips brushed my ear just enough to feel it.
“You dangerous,” she murmured. “I can tell.”
I smirked to myself and took another pull from the blunt, exhalin’ slow while her hand slid up my chest and into my hair like she had permission.
She pressed closer, her voice droppin’ low when she spoke again, sayin’ slick shit that was meant to make a nigga react, tellin’ me I was sittin’ too calm for somebody built like me.
I glanced down at her for half a second while she rubbed my dick through my jeans.
My shit wasn’t even movin’, but I could tell by the look in her eyes, she felt all this pressure, and that thought made me grin behind the shades.
I leaned my head back against the seat and let her talk, lettin’ her think she was doin’ more than she was, lettin’ her enjoy the moment without me snatchin’ it away.
She traced her fingers along the back of my head, her nails light, and touch familiar even though she ain’t know me, and she whispered in my ear, askin’ if I wanted to link outside the club.
I shook my head once, slow.
“Nah, mama,” I said calm, my voice low and even. “I got somewhere else to be in a minute.”
She paused like she ain’t expect that, then smiled anyway, leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my neck like she was stampin’ herself there for later. “Come back soon then,” she said, already slidin’ off me.
I nodded once, still relaxed, still cool and stiff.
By the time I stood up, every head turned.
I felt it without lookin’. That weight followin’ me through the room like a shadow, like niggas knew not to stare too hard and women knew exactly why they was lookin’.
I walked out smooth, dapped Halo at the door, and stood outside with him for a minute while I lit another blunt.
We talked regular shit from the streets, money and how life switch up when you start livin’ different. He joked about how long it had been since he seen me, and I told him I been dealin’ with grown-man problems, the kind you don’t bring to the club unless you tryna drown ‘em.
He laughed and shook his head. “Go handle that shit,” he said.
I flicked the ash, nodded, and slid back into my whip.
The engine hummed low as I pulled off, my head buzzin’, and my chest heavy in a way liquor couldn’t touch. The whole ride, all I could think about was home, and about Toni. About how bad I wanted to walk through the door and pull her into me like none of this shit ever happened.
I ain’t call though.
Instead, I opened her contact and checked her location, tellin’ myself I wasn’t supposed to care.
She was home.
That knowledge hit me harder than the liquor did. I drove all the way there without even realizin’ it, slowed at the gate, and stopped short. I sat there with my hands on the wheel, breathin’ through it, knowin’ damn well if I went inside right now, I would either say too much or not enough.
And neither one was good.
I sighed, ran my hand down my face, and backed away from the gate.
My heart was heavy, but my pride was heavier.
I headed to Pressure’s instead and called him on the way, tellin’ him I was pullin’ up for the night. He ain’t ask questions. He never did. When I went through his gates and walked in the mansion, it felt familiar in a way that almost hurt.
My old room was still there.
I stepped inside and froze for half a second when Toni’s old scent hit me.
It was faint but still there, sittin’ in the walls like a memory that refused to leave.
I sat on the edge of the bed, looked around, and my chest tightened when I spotted her heels still in the corner like she might come back for ‘em any day now.
That shit tugged at me more than I wanted to admit.
Even after everything…
Even after the fight…
I missed my wife already.