Chapter 12 TONI ROC
Trill-Land, ’LoLux Estate
My’Love was twelve days old and I couldn’t get enough of her.
I still found myself lookin’ at her like I couldn’t believe she was really mine, like my body really carried her and brought her into this world, and now she was layin’ right here dependin’ on me and her daddy for every single thing.
It felt surreal in a way that hadn’t worn off yet, and I don’t think it ever would.
Not when every time she opened her eyes or made the smallest sound.
It just did somethin’ to me that I couldn’t even explain.
These past twelve days had been a blur, but not the type of blur that made things feel rushed or forgotten. It was the type that felt full, like every second had been packed with love, exhaustion, healin’, and moments that sat so deep in my heart that I knew I would carry them forever.
My body had been through it, I ain’t even gon’ lie about that, but Kay’Lo made sure I never felt like I had to handle any of it alone.
From the moment we had My’Love, he had been on me just as much as he had been on her, makin’ sure I was eatin’, takin’ my vitamins, restin’, and keepin’ up with every check up the doctor scheduled for me.
He stayed on top of it like it was his own recovery, sittin’ in every appointment, askin’ questions, listenin’ close, and then comin’ home and makin’ sure I followed through with everything they told me to do.
And I ain’t gon’ lie… I had been snappin’ back.
Not just physically, but mentally too, and a lot of that had to do with him.
He made sure I felt good about myself, even on the days I felt tired or sore or just overwhelmed, and it showed in the way he looked at me, the way his hands stayed on me, and the way he spoke to me like nothin’ about me had changed except the fact that I had just given him somethin’ even deeper to love.
Everybody came through the house at some point, and every single one of them fell in love with My’Love instantly, like it wasn’t even a question.
Pluto would come in and scoop her up with the softest smile on her face, talkin’ to her like she already understood everything, while Pressure stood right there watchin’ like he was tryna play it cool but couldn’t even hide it. He already loved my baby.
I remember one time he had her in his arms, lookin’ down at her like she was somethin’ precious, and then he glanced over at Pluto and smirked.
“I ain’t gon’ lie… I need me one of these,” he said, noddin’ toward My’Love like he was already claimin’ the idea.
Pluto rolled her eyes but she was smilin’. “Boy, you got two already.”
“Ain’t got no daughter though,” he shot back, lookin’ right back down at My’Love. “I need me a lil’ princess too.”
I just shook my head watchin’ them, ’cause the way he held her, the way his whole energy shifted around her, I already knew Pluto wasn’t safe from that conversation.
Sha’Nelle had been right here with us this whole time, movin’ around like she always do, loud, talkin’ her shit and bein’ herself…
but the second she picked My’Love up, her whole tone would drop.
She’d sit there with her like nothin’ else mattered, talkin’ to her soft and smilin’ down at her like she was her own.
“My baby so pretty,” she would say.
And Kwame…
That part right there had did somethin’ to me, ’cause I remembered how things used to be between us, and how he used to look at me like I wasn’t good enough for his son, and now… now he walked in my house, hugged me, and went straight to his granddaughter.
He’d sit with her in his arms, quiet, just watchin’ her like he was takin’ her all in, and sometimes I’d catch him smilin’ in a way that looked so genuine it made my heart feel warm.
Kwame had softened in a way I never thought I’d see, and it wasn’t just for My’Love, it was for us too, and that meant more to me than anything I could even explain. Him and Treasure had been comin’ over every single day, checkin’ on me, and the baby.
Even Kelli came around, but he stayed the same.
He’d stand off to the side with his hands in his pockets, noddin’ at My’Love with a light smile, and sometimes he’d reach out and let her hold his finger, but that was as far as it went.
He wasn’t the type to be all in it like everybody else, but you could tell he cared in his own way.
But Kay’Lo…
Couldn’t nobody love My’Love the way her daddy had, and it wasn’t even close.
That man was somethin’ else when it came to his baby. He didn’t play about her at all.
I’m talkin’ about makin’ everybody wash their hands before they even got near her, lookin’ at people crazy if they got too close to her face, tellin’ folks straight up they needed to have clean breath before they started talkin’ all in her space.
“Back up,” he told Renza one time when he leaned in too close. “You breathin’ all on her like that, you trippin’.”
Renza looked at him like he had lost his mind. “Nigga, shut the fuck up. I just brushed my teeth.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you did,” Kay’Lo shot back. “Go do it again if you gon’ be in her face like that.”
I was cryin’ laughin’, but Kay’Lo was dead serious, and when Renza made a comment about him kissin’ her too much, it was some more shit.
“Yo, chill with all that kissin’, you gon’ have her breakin’ out,” Renza said.
Kay’Lo looked at him like he had just said the dumbest shit alive.
“Man, shut the fuck up and mind your business,” he snapped. “This my baby.”
Didn’t nobody say nothin’ else after that, ’cause everybody already knew…
At night, it was the same thing.
He’d wake up before I even had the chance to move, already reachin’ for her, changin’ her diaper, even the shitty ones. He ain’t care.
He warmed her bottles up, fed her, burped her, talked to her like she could answer him back, and then laid her right back down like it was nothin’. And in the mornings, before he even thought about leavin’ for court, he’d wake up early just to spend time with her.
He’d feed her, change her, hold her, kiss on her, and then make sure I had everything I needed before he stepped out that door.
He’d have bottles warmed up, diapers laid out, wipes ready and extra clothes sittin’ right by the bed so I ain’t have to move too much.
He thought of everything, and that shit meant more to me than anything.
Right now, we was sittin’ out back with the sun hittin’ just right while My’Love laid across Kay’Lo’s lap, so small it still amazed me.
He started changin’ her right on his lap real careful, movin’ slow while talkin’ to her under his breath. I just sat there watchin’ them.
Then, all of a sudden, he froze.
His eyes went wide, and his whole body tensed up like he had just seen somethin’ crazy.
“What?” I asked, already sittin’ up a lil’.
He ain’t answer right away. He just stared down at My’Love’s diaper like he ain’t know what to do.
“Kay’Lo… what is it?”
“That shit…” he muttered, lookin’ at me. “Toni… her cord…”
I leaned forward and saw it.
Her umbilical cord had finally come off. It was sittin’ against the front of her diaper, and the look on his face had me tryin’ not to laugh.
He looked like he was about to pass out, and the way he jumped back just a lil’ startled My’Love so bad she let out the longest cry I had heard from her yet.
His whole face changed instantly.
“Aye, aye… it’s okay. Daddy ain’t mean to scare you,” he said quick, scoopin’ her up to his chest without even thinkin’, lettin’ the rest of the diaper fall off her tiny body.
The second she touched him, it was like her whole body recognized where she was supposed to be.
He held her close, rockin’ her slow with his hand cuppin’ the back of her head while her cheek pressed right against his chest. I watched the way she leaned into him without even thinkin’, like she already knew him, and had already made him her safe place.
“I got you… you good… you good,” he murmured low, pressin’ soft kisses to the top of her head while his hand moved up and down her back in that same rhythm he always used with her. And just like that, she started to calm down.
Her cry softened, then broke up into little whimpers. She was just layin’ against him, breathin’ different now, her tiny fingers curlin’ into his shirt while she settled into him like she had been waitin’ on him to fix it.
Kay’Lo had a way with her already. It ain’t matter what was goin’ on, how loud she got or how upset she was, the second he got her in his arms, she folded right into him like that was the only place she needed to be.
Then Kay’Lo paused for a second.
“Damn…”
I looked at him, already knowin’.
“She peed on you, didn’t she?”
He glanced down at his shirt, then back at her, and even with that wet spot spreadin’ across his chest, he ain’t move her, or even adjust her. He just kept holdin’ her right where she was.
“Yeah… she did,” he muttered, but his hand never stopped movin’ over her back.
I shook my head, laughin’. “That’s your life now.”
He smirked, lookin’ down at her like nothin’ else mattered. “I’on give a damn,” he said low. “This my baby.”
After a minute, she calmed completely down, suckin’ on her pacifier while he changed her again, more careful this time while still talkin’ to her like she understood every word.
And I just sat here watchin’ them, realizin’ that this was really my life now too.
And I wouldn’t trade it for nothin’.
One week later…
Another week rolled by and My’Love was two weeks old now, and I still found myself sittin’ back sometimes just lookin’ at her like I couldn’t believe she was really mine.
She had started stayin’ awake a lil’ longer, her eyes openin’ more now instead of just flutterin’ for a second before closin’ again.
Every time she looked up, I got stuck right there in it, starin’ right back at her, tryna take in every detail before it changed again. That hazel color in her eyes had already started showin’ itself more, soft and pretty, and shiftin’ brighter dependin’ on how the light hit it.