Chapter 13 KAY’LO MENSAH
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Two weeks later…
I ain’t have to be up right now but I always got up an hour or two early just to make sure Toni and my baby was straight.
Even with everything goin’ on in my life, that part never changed.
It ain’t change for court, not for this trial, or for nothin’, ’cause before anything else, I was a father and a husband whether shit between us was right or not.
I sat up on the edge of the bed for a second, rubbin’ my hands over my face while I let my mind catch up with my body. I already knew what type of day this was about to be before my feet even touched the floor.
Every day for the past couple months had been the same shit, me walkin’ into the courtroom listenin’ to people who don’t know shit about me speak on my life like they was there when everything went down.
That shit got old fast.
I was sick as fuck of sittin’ in suits while the prosecution tried to twist every detail, tryna make it seem like I hunted them niggas down and shot ’em in the back like they was runnin’ from me, knowin’ damn well that ain’t how that shit happened.
But my legal team was fightin’ they ass off to keep the truth in front of the court even with all the bullshit bein’ thrown around.
They had been bringin’ in witnesses, breakin’ down the forensic evidence piece by piece, showin’ angles and trajectories that ain’t line up with the story the prosecution was tryna sell.
It had been holdin’ up, but at the same time, that one piece of footage from my shop would shut all this shit down for real.
It was the one thing that would show exactly what led up to everything. It would show the part where I was provoked by them bitch ass niggas. That was the fuckin’ part they keep actin’ like ain’t exist, and we all knew that shit ain’t just disappear on its own.
At this point, I knew how Roderick Lennox moved. I knew that mad ass nigga wasn’t above playin’ dirty when it came to his kids, and after everything that happened, I wouldn’t expect nothin’ less from him.
My uncle Kojo had been diggin’ into it his own way, sendin’ them tiny drones through that nigga’s whereabouts, tryna see if they could pull somethin’ up from inside that nigga house, but even that ain’t get us nowhere yet. That’s what made this whole shit drag longer than it needed to.
Meanwhile, my name was gettin’ dragged through the mud like a muthafucka.
Everywhere I went, every headline…it was always the same shit, like I was the devil walkin’ around in broad daylight.
On top of that, these muthafuckas had me tied to Echo too, like I had somethin’ to do with that shit, and I had to sit here and take it, knowin’ what really happened and still keepin’ my mouth shut.
At the end of the day, Toni was my wife, and no matter what we had goin’ on between us or how heavy everything felt right now, I wasn’t foldin’ on her and I never would. She was the mother of my child.
I let out a slow breath and pushed myself up from the bed, walkin’ over to the bassinet.
When I looked down and saw My’Love layin’ there with her eyes wide open, just starin’ up like she was in her own lil’ world, my brows lifted, ’cause she wasn’t that tiny newborn no more.
She was a whole month now, and I had been right here watchin’ every change in her, from the way her eyes stayed open longer to how she started lookin’ at me like she knew exactly who I was.
“Aye… what you doin’ up, mama?” I murmured, reachin’ down to pick her up. The second I had her in my arms, I couldn’t help but look at her a lil’ longer, takin’ in how she had been growin’ right in front of me every day, like she was turnin’ into her own person and I ain’t miss a second of it.
The second I had her in my arms, everything else quieted down just a lil’. It wasn’t all the way, but it was enough for me to breathe different.
“Yeah… you just be up thinkin’, huh?” I said low, smirkin’ before I leaned in and kissed her.
I shifted her in my arms and felt her diaper, already knowin’ what it was when I felt that weight.
“A’ight… you out here soaked,” I muttered, layin’ her down so I could change her.
I handled her quick but careful, cleanin’ her up and gettin’ her into a fresh diaper while she kicked her legs, and I couldn’t even lie, that small shit right there kept me grounded more than anything else right now.
Once she was good, I picked her back up and walked over to the mini fridge, grabbin’ one of her bottles and settin’ it in the warmer while I held her against my chest.
That’s when I heard Toni.
“I’m breastfeedin’ her.”
Her tone already had that edge on it, like she woke up with an attitude ready. I paused for half a second before cuttin’ the warmer off and puttin’ the bottle back where it came from.
I wasn’t doin’ this shit with her this early.
I turned and handed My’Love to her without sayin’ nothin’, and she took her with that same look on her face, already irritated about somethin’ she wasn’t even speakin’ on, and I ain’t even bother askin’ ’cause I was tired of playin’ that game with her.
I moved past her and went into the bathroom, brushin’ my teeth and washin’ my face, then stepped in the shower and let the water run over me while my mind kept goin’ in circles.
To be honest, it wasn’t just the trial. It was Toni too. This shit between me and her been off for too fuckin’ long now. It felt like it was some shit that couldn’t fix itself no matter how much I tried to ignore it or push through it.
Yeah, I took care of her while she was in labor, and yeah, I had been makin’ sure she was good since she had my baby, but that ain’t mean everything between us just fixed itself. ’Cause the second shit calmed down, that distance slid right back in like it never left.
She say I don’t give her what she need, but from where I’m standin’, it feel like she don’t give me shit either.
I be comin’ home from sittin’ in court all day, hearin’ my name get dragged, listenin’ to bullshit ass lies, and when I walk through the door, I don’t get shit but attitude and silence, like I’m supposed to just keep pourin’ into her without her ever givin’ me nothin’ back.
And I ain’t sayin’ I need her to beg me or some shit like that, but damn… meet a nigga halfway or somethin’.
Show me you still fuck with me the way I fuck with you.
But nah…she act like she ain’t capable of that.
She always held that shit in, then get slick on a nigga whenever she get mad, doin’ lil’ shit like snatchin’ my baby out my arms like I did somethin’ wrong, and never sayin’ a word about what the real issue is. After a while that shit got old too and wore on me more than I even wanted to admit.
By the time I got out the shower and got dressed, I already felt that weight sittin’ back on me, the one I carry every day now.
When I walked back over to Toni, she was sittin’ up feedin’ My’Love. She was quiet but still lookin’ like she had somethin’ to say.
I bent down and kissed my baby, lettin’ my lips linger on her soft skin for a second.
That’s when Toni spoke.
“How long you gon’ keep this shit up?”
I exhaled low, not even lookin’ at her right away. “I ain’t doin’ this shit with you right now, Toni.”
“That’s the problem,” she shot back. “You never do.”
I straightened up, finally lookin’ at her. “Toni…”
“No, ’Lo, you always got an excuse,” she cut in, her eyes already glassy. “You always tired, always got somethin’ on your mind, always got a reason not to deal with me like I get on yo’ nerves that fuckin’ bad.”
I shook my head, tryna keep it together. “And you always act like I’m supposed to read your mind instead of just sayin’ what the fuck you feelin’, Toni. You shut down, then get mad when I don’t chase behind that silence.”
“I shouldn’t have to beg you to love me,” she shot back, her voice crackin’ now. “I shouldn’t have to keep reachin’ for you just to feel like you still here with me.”
“Ain’t nobody said you had to beg me,” I replied. “But damn, meet me halfway or somethin’. I come home from court dealin’ with all that bullshit, and it’s like I walk into another problem instead of comin’ home to my wife. This shit between us don’t even feel the same no more.”
Her lips parted like she was about to say somethin’, but whatever was sittin’ on her mind changed, and I saw it hit her all at once.
“So what are you sayin’ then?” she asked lower this time. “That you don’t want me no more? That you just… done tryin’?”
I looked at her, and for a second I ain’t answer, ’cause I knew whatever came out my mouth next was gon’ stick.
“I’m sayin’ I’m tired, Toni. I’m tired of feelin’ like I’m fightin’ the world all day, then comin’ home and still feelin’ like I gotta fight you too.”
I saw her face change before she even spoke again.
“So you don’t love me no more?” she asked, and her voice was softer now but heavier than anything she had said yet.
I exhaled slow and looked at her for a second before answerin’, keepin’ it real even though I knew it was gon’ hurt.
“A nigga gon’ always love you,” I said.
She swallowed, her eyes searchin’ mine. “But you not in love?”
She stared at me like she was searchin’ for somethin’ deeper than that. “But you not in love?”
I paused.
And for a second, I wished I hadn’t even said shit, but I wasn’t about to lie to her either.
“I’on know…”
I saw that look hit her face right away like I had just broken somethin’ in her that she couldn’t put back together.
Tears filled her eyes and started fallin’ down her face while she held my baby, and I hated that shit instantly. I hated that I even put that look on her face, but at the same time, I couldn’t fake somethin’ I wasn’t feelin’ right now.
I loved her, I really did. I loved her for givin’ me my baby and standin’ beside me through everything we built, but right now, I was just tired mentally and emotionally. It just felt like I ain’t even have it left in me to sort through none of it the way I should’ve.