Chapter 14 TONI ROC
Hours later…
After findin’ out that Kwame was shot, I left My’Love with Sha’Nelle and let Pressure come get me so we could go to the hospital. From the second I stepped outside and got in that car, nothin’ else in my life felt like it mattered the way it did before.
All the tension, the distance and all the silent arguments me and Kay’Lo had been livin’ in for months… that shit ain’t even sit on me no more. The only thing on my mind was gettin’ to my husband.
I sat in the passenger seat tryna keep myself together, but my hands wouldn’t stay still, and my chest felt so tight that it made it hard to breathe normal.
Kwame’s shooting was already all over the news, the same way everything always spread fast when it came to this family. Seein’ Kwame’s name scroll across that screen like that ain’t feel real.
That man had a lot of power. He was the one who always carried himself like nothin’ could touch him, and now they was sayin’ he got shot outside a courthouse like he was just anybody.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around that shit.
Pressure ain’t say much the whole drive, and that alone told me everything I needed to know about how serious this shit was.
He had both hands on the wheel, his jaw set tight, and a gun sittin’ in his lap, like he wasn’t even thinkin’ twice about it.
The silence in the car felt real heavy, but I ain’t try to break it ’cause I knew he was dealin’ with it his own way just like I was.
My thoughts kept runnin’ back to Kay’Lo, over and over again, and every time I pictured how he might’ve felt standin’ there watchin’ his father go down like that, my chest tightened even more.
I knew my husband, and I knew how he carried himself. I knew how he held everything in even when it was tearin’ him up inside, and the thought of him standin’ there in that moment made my stomach turn.
I ain’t even realize tears had started fallin’ until I wiped my face and felt how wet my skin was.
And then my mind went somewhere I ain’t even wanna go. It went back to Echo and that night, and what I did, and the weight of it all settled on me. I couldn’t ignore that shit no matter how hard I tried.
I swallowed hard and shook my head like I could push it away, but it ain’t leave me.
It sat right there, heavy, and for the first time since all of this shit happened, I let myself really think about it in a way I hadn’t before.
I had taken somebody’s life, and even though I told myself I did what I had to do, I couldn’t help but wonder if this right here was the price of that.
Was this my karma catchin’ up to me?
That thought alone made my heart feel like it was cavin’ in. I pressed my hand against my chest tryna ground myself, ’cause right now I couldn’t afford to fall apart, especially when my husband needed me.
By the time we pulled up to the hospital, there was already reporters outside, cameras pointed toward the entrance, people talkin’ and voices carryin’, but I ain’t pay none of that shit no attention.
I opened the door before the car even fully stopped and rushed inside, my heart beatin’ so fast it felt like it was in my throat.
The hospital was packed.
The whole Mensah family was there, fillin’ up the space with worry and tension that you could feel the second you stepped in. My eyes moved fast, searchin’ for one person.
When I ain’t see Kay’Lo, panic started creepin’ in quick, and my hands shook as I pulled my phone out and called him, pressin’ it to my ear while my eyes kept movin’ around like I could find him faster that way.
The phone kept ringin’ in my ear while my eyes searched the room, and before I could even think about lettin’ it go to voicemail, I looked up and saw him comin’ through those double doors. The second my eyes landed on him, everything in me shattered.
He had blood on him. His clothes was stained with it. It was dark and thick against the fabric, and for a second I couldn’t even move ’cause the sight of it hit me so hard.
That was his daddy’s blood…
My heart dropped straight to my stomach, and I hung the phone up without even thinkin’, my feet movin’ before my mind could catch up.
He looked up at me at the same time, and even though his expression was stoic, even though he stood there like he was holdin’ himself together the only way he knew how, I saw it in his eyes.
They was red and glossed over, and I could see everything he was tryin’ so hard to hold in sittin’ right there behind them. I ain’t think or hesitate before I ran straight to him.
I threw myself into him, my arms goin’ around his neck while his arms wrapped around me like he needed somethin’ to hold on to. The second we connected like that, I felt him break.
I felt it in the way his body gave in, and the way his hold on me tightened like he had been holdin’ that shit in all day and ain’t have to no more.
“I’m here,” I whispered against him, my voice shakier than I wanted it to be, but I ain’t care. “I got you… I got you, baby.”
I pulled back just enough to look at him, and the second I saw his face up close, it hurt me all over again ’cause my husband never looked like this.
He never let himself get to this point in front of anybody, and the fact that I was seein’ it right now meant he ain’t had nothin’ left to hold it together with.
I ain’t even think twice. I went right back to him, kissin’ his face, his cheeks, his jaw, his lips and everywhere I could reach. I was tryin’ my best to pour everything I hadn’t been givin’ him back into him all at once.
“I’m right here,” I kept sayin’, my hands movin’ over the back of his neck, his shoulders, his arms, holdin’ him like I wasn’t lettin’ go this time. “You hear me? I’m right here.”
He let out a deep sigh, and I felt it against me, and that alone made my eyes fill up again ’cause I knew what it meant for him to let that slip out.
I pulled back again, just enough to look into his eyes, and they was still red, still heavy while fightin’ to stay composed, and I hated seein’ him like this.
“It’s gon’ be okay,” I told him, even though I ain’t know that for sure. “He gon’ be okay.”
He ain’t say nothin’ right away, and that silence said more than words ever could ’cause I knew he was picturin’ the same thing I was picturin’.
I couldn’t leave him in that space, so I pulled him right back into me, holdin’ him tighter this time, my hand slidin’ up into his hair while my other arm stayed wrapped around him like I was shieldin’ him from everything outside of us.
From that moment on, I was done holdin’ back and lettin’ pride sit between us. Nothin’ we had been goin’ through mattered more than this right here. My husband needed me, and I wasn’t about to fail him again.
“I got you,” I whispered against him, softer this time, but more certain. “You ain’t by yourself in this.”
And I meant that shit with everything in me.
One week later…
A whole week had passed since Kwame got shot, and I still couldn’t shake how that day kept replayin’ in my head like it happened five minutes ago instead of days ago.
They said the bullet went through his lower stomach and missed anything that would’ve had him livin’ the rest of his life hooked up to machines, but that ain’t make it light.
He still had to be rushed into surgery so they could clean everything out and make sure nothin’ important was damaged or infected.
Now he was home, and even though he made it through, movin’ around still wasn’t easy for him, and every lil’ change in his body reminded everybody just how close that shit really was.
Treasure ain’t left that man’s side since he got home. She stayed on him and made it clear she wasn’t playin’ about his recovery. She had doctors comin’ in and out the house, made sure he had the best medication, and kept him on a schedule like nothin’ was gon’ slip through the cracks on her watch.
She made sure he ate, made sure he rested, and made sure he ain’t push himself too far. Watchin’ her move like that did somethin’ to me. It made me see what it looked like when a woman really stood behind her husband without hesitation.
As for the nigga that shot him, I ain’t ask questions, and I ain’t need to.
From the way Kay’Lo talked low with Renza and Kelli, it was clear that the nigga was tied to Echo’s side of the family.
I caught enough to know it was one of her cousins, and I caught enough to know this wasn’t over yet.
I kept my mouth shut though, ’cause I already knew better than to step into somethin’ that Kay’Lo was gon’ handle his own way.
Court had been pushed back until next week, and I wasn’t even mad at that. If anything, it gave us time we ain’t even know we needed, and I used every bit of that time to show up for my husband the way I should’ve been doin’ from the jump.
Okay… fuck it. I’ll admit that I had been distant before. I had been in my feelin’s and movin’ funny with him, actin’ like he was supposed to just understand me without me sayin’ shit, and I could see now how that had been wearin’ on him, especially with everything else he had goin’ on.
So, I stopped all that…
I started runnin’ his bath water when I knew he needed it, makin’ sure it was hot enough to loosen his body up.
I’d be waitin’ when he got out, oil already in my hands, rubbin’ him down slow and takin’ my time, not rushin’ through it.
Worked through his shoulders, his arms, his chest, and his back, feelin’ every bit of tension in him and stayin’ right there until I felt his body ease up under my hands.
When he sat down with My’Love, I’d drop down and rub his feet while he held her, pressin’ into them in a way that had him leanin’ back without even realizin’ it.
I cooked every day, and not just anything either, but the meals I knew he loved. They was the ones that made him actually sit and enjoy his food. I washed his clothes, folded them, and made sure everything around him was handled so he ain’t have to think about nothin’ when he came home.