Chapter 15 #2
Remy chuckled, too. The idea of Lucy and Jesse breaking up was laughable. She had never seen two people more in love. Jesse came back from the dead to be with her, for heaven’s sake. The two were inseparable and would be together forever, in this life and beyond.
“I don’t blame him for not trusting anybody.
He’s been hurt too many times by too many people.
He told me some very personal things that I can’t tell anyone, not even you.
But believe me, Avery.” Remy gazed into Avery’s eyes, wanting to be sure he understood what she was saying.
“He’s been through hell, and I just want to help him find peace. ”
“Please be careful, Remy,” Avery said, his face full of fear and concern.
“I will.”
“You have such a good heart, Remy,” Avery said, regarding her with affection instead of anger at her confession. Remy felt calm and at peace with Avery. He understood her so well.
“Thank you for understanding, Avery. I should have known you would.”
Avery gazed down at her and smiled. He looked thoughtful for a moment. Nervous, even.
“Remy,” Avery began slowly.
“What?” Remy asked with concern.
“I just…I just want to tell you…that I love you.”
Remy was stunned. She knew Avery had strong feelings for her, and she shouldn’t have been surprised by his words, but she was. Remy dragged her gaze away from his and drew in a breath. She didn’t know what to do or how to respond. The silence was too much. Say something, you idiot. Say something!
“I-I…Avery…I…” she faltered.
“Hey,” Avery said, his voice gentle but firm. “Look at me.”
Remy turned to face him.
“Darling, I’m not lookin’ for you to say it back. I’m not pressuring you. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”
Remy nodded, but was still so overwhelmed she couldn’t speak. She drew in a shaky breath, but still no words came.
Avery looked concerned and bewildered by her response. “Remy… Please…don’t… Don’t be upset…”
Guilt tore through her when she saw his baffled expression.
“Oh, Avery, of course I’m not upset. I-I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry, it’s just that…” Remy looked into his gentle, loving eyes and whispered, “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
Avery’s expression relaxed into one of understanding and compassion. He nodded.
“I-I mean…not even my parents…ever said….” Remy said in a shaky voice.
“It’s all right, my love. Remy, you don’t have to say anything at all. All I want is for you to let me love you. Can you do that?”
Remy nodded, quickly wiping away the tears from her eyes. She struggled to get hold of herself.
“Avery, I know it’s a horribly inadequate thing to say to something so beautiful, but thank you.”
Avery nodded and touched her cheek like he always did when he wanted to express his emotions for her. His smile was kind and gentle, and she knew her response was enough for him. At least for now.
She stood up. “I’ll-I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Avery stood up, too, and nodded. He looked worried and a bit confused, but he let her go.
Remy desperately needed to talk to someone, and she knew exactly who she needed right now. As she drove away from Little Round Top, she put her phone in the car dock and hit speed dial.
“Hey, Remy!” Lucy answered cheerfully. “What’s up?”
“I’m having kind of a personal crisis,” Remy said with a nervous laugh. “Can you meet with me somewhere? Are you busy?”
“Of course I’m not too busy for you. We can meet for a drink or— Oh, sorry. Sorry!” Lucy said, obviously remembering that Remy didn’t drink.
“No, it’s fine,” Remy said, chuckling. “I can drink a virgin something or other. Let’s meet at O’Malley’s. Might as well be surrounded by all things Irish considering who I need to talk to you about.”
Lucy was waiting for her at a table for two by the time Remy arrived. Her warm smile put Remy at ease immediately, and she was grateful to have such a wonderful friend to lean on. And if anyone could understand what she was going through, it was Lucy.
The server came and took their orders, a fuzzy navel for Lucy and a virgin strawberry daiquiri for Remy.
“Now,” Lucy said. “What’s going on?”
“Avery told me he loved me,” Remy said simply.
“Awww,” Lucy said, putting her hand over her heart.
Remy laughed softly. “I know. It’s so sweet, but ugh. It totally freaked me out.”
“Well, it’s a big deal. I can understand that.” Lucy didn’t look all that surprised, which made Remy feel slightly less crazy.
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“It’s just that…nobody’s ever said that to me before,” Remy told her.
“Oh, Remy, I’m so sorry. Sometimes I forget how terrible your family really is,” Lucy said with a touch of anger in her voice.
“It just shocked me. I knew we cared about each other, but…” Remy said in amazement. The news was finally sinking in. Avery loved her.
Lucy smiled. “You’re the only one who’s surprised. We all knew he loved you, Remy.”
“Really?” Remy asked incredulously.
“Oh, yeah. That day Jesse introduced you to him? He was already in love with you. Before you even knew he existed.”
“How is that even possible?”
“Avery has been absolutely crazy for you since the day you first helped him. When he had just come back from vanishing for so many years and he was lost and terrified. He’s seen you helping all the tourists and knew how kind and smart and charming you are.
Fillis helped him, too, and told him how Jesse came back.
That’s how Avery and Jesse became friends.
Avery found out that Jesse loved a living woman while he was dead, too.
He talked to Jesse about it because he knew he would understand. ”
“That’s amazing,” Remy said in a whisper. “He fell in love with me, and I had no idea…”
“I know,” Lucy said. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Remy nodded. The server brought their drinks, and Remy sipped hers absently for a few moments.
“Oh, poor Avery,” Remy moaned, covering her face with her hands. “I was such an idiot when he told me. I-I didn’t even know what to do!”
“I’m sure he understands.”
“I think so, too,” Remy said with a sigh. “Because he’s sweet and perfect. He loves me. Now what do I do?”
“What do you mean, Remy? How do you feel? Do you love him, too?”
Remy took her time answering. When she finally spoke, she said, “And what if I do love him? He’s dead. What if…” Her voice shook as she struggled to finish her thought. “What if he’s the love of my life and he has to go away forever?”
Lucy’s soft brown eyes were filled with empathy and compassion.
She let out a long sigh. “Then Jesse has a huge ‘I told you so’ coming. I was worried this might happen if he introduced Avery to you. I knew how much Avery loved you, and he’s a wonderful man.
I knew there was a good chance you’d fall for him, too. ”
Remy nodded and smiled sadly. “He is wonderful.”
“I know. And I understand everything you’re going through.
It’s an amazing feeling to have an incredible man tell you he loves you, but I understand the fear and uncertainty that comes with loving a ghost.” Lucy’s voice quaked with emotion.
“You never know when he might cross over, and you don’t have any idea of how you’ll be able to go on if that happens. ”
Tears spilled from Lucy’s eyes. She wiped her tears and pulled herself together, still eager to help Remy through her struggle.
Lucy reached over and squeezed Remy’s hand, and the warmth of her touch was soothing.
“I was in denial for a long time about my feelings for Jesse. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was in love with him, because he was dead, and I thought there was no chance for us to be together.
At the time, I had absolutely no idea he felt the same way about me.
Did I ever tell you about the time I first told him I loved him? ”
“No,” Remy responded, eager to hear the tale.
Lucy laughed. “Well, Joel and Jesse and I became close friends, and I just couldn’t help falling for Jesse. And you know how shy I am—I wasn’t planning on ever telling him how I felt. Then Theresa got me drunk.”
“Oh, no,” Remy said, laughing.
“Well, to be fair, I asked her to take me out. I needed a few drinks because, well…that was the day Jesse, Joel, and I went to Devil’s Den and…”
“And that’s when you felt Jesse’s death,” Remy said gently. “Oh, Lucy that must have been so awful.”
“It was,” Lucy said, swallowing hard and grimacing at the memory.
“It was terrifying, and the pain was indescribable. When it was over, I remember Jesse looking down at me where I was lying on one of the rocks. He was so upset, so worried about me. I know he blamed himself for what happened to me. Still does,” Lucy said sadly.
“It really wasn’t his fault. Anyway, I remember looking up at him and realizing what I had just gone through was how he died.
And I just couldn’t…I couldn’t bear the thought of his suffering like that. ”
Remy nodded. She couldn’t help picturing Avery being shot to death on Little Round Top. She drew in a breath.
“Anyway,” Lucy said, shaking off the terrible memory. “I came home and slept for a few hours first. I swear, I’d never been so exhausted in my life! And then when Theresa came home—we were still roommates then—I was like, girl, we need to talk!”
Remy laughed and nodded. “Kinda like how I dragged you here.”
“You didn’t drag me, but yes,” Lucy said with her usual sweet smile. “So I told her about what happened at Devil’s Den. Good God, was she pissed.”
“Why?”
“Well, at the time, neither one of us had any idea there was such a thing as battlefield sympathy pains, but Joel and Jesse knew.”
“Really?” Remy asked. “But then why—”
“That’s why Jesse still blames himself. Look, you have to understand it’s an extremely rare phenomenon.
Even spirits like Jesse who have been around here since the year 1863 have only seen it a handful of times.
It just…they just didn’t think of it. Jesse would never, ever put me at risk on purpose. ”
“No,” Remy said confidently. “He wouldn’t.” Poor Jesse, she thought. He loved Lucy with all his heart, and he must have been devastated to see her suffering, especially if he thought it was his fault.
“So I spilled my guts to Theresa, getting drunker by the second. I felt like an idiot for falling in love with a ghost, but Theresa reminded me that Jesse wasn’t just a spirit.
He was an incredibly wonderful man, and she understood completely why I loved him so much.
So, when we left the bar, Joel and Jesse were out on the street.
Oh, God, Remy. I saw Jesse standing there and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I started crying, and I just blurted out that I loved him. ”
“Awww, that is so sad and so sweet at the same time,” Remy said.
“Yeah,” Lucy said with a laugh. “I was so humiliated the next morning when I woke up and realized what I had done. I didn’t know how I would ever be able to face Jesse again. But I did.”
“And he said it back,” Remy said happily.
“Yes,” Lucy said, affectionately remembering that special day. “I was stunned.”
“I know the feeling.”
“Yeah, I'm sure you do. You know I understand better than anybody what you’re going through. It’s okay to love him, Remy.”
Remy took a deep breath and said, “I do love him. I love him so much.”
Lucy smiled and nodded. “It’s up to you what you want to do.
But I just can’t stop thinking about how happy Avery would be if you told him how you feel about him.
When Jesse was still, you know, like Avery, we didn’t know what would happen or how long he would be around and, well, I was glad we said we loved each other while we had the chance. ”
“What if he crosses over?” Remy whispers, tears forming in her eyes.
“Then you’ll still have your family here to help you through it,” Lucy said, squeezing Remy’s hand.