Chapter 16
Remy’s emotions were churning so hard the next day she felt physically ill.
She didn’t want to love Avery, but she did.
There was a strong chance that her relationship with him would end in heartache and disaster, and the idea of him crossing over and leaving her behind was agonizing.
Lucy still teared up at the mere thought of losing Jesse every time she spoke of the day he had almost crossed over.
And Remy would never, ever get over Avery O’Rorke if he crossed over. She was sure of it. She would love him for the rest of her life, even if he disappeared forever.
When the tour group stopped at Little Round Top, Remy didn’t even get off the bus. She was a complete emotional wreck, and she just couldn’t go see Avery. She needed time.
“Jesse,” Remy pleaded. “Go see Avery. Tell him… Oh, God, I don’t even know what you should tell him.”
“It’s okay, Remy,” Jesse said. “I’ll take good care of him.”
Remy let out a breath and nodded. She was grateful that the driver got off the bus to stretch his legs, giving her some time alone.
She looked out the window, trying to catch a glimpse of Avery through the woods, but the trees were too thick.
She felt horrible for not going to see him, but she was desperately trying to figure out what she should do.
Continuing to see Avery would just make it worse when he eventually had to leave her.
Remy put on a brave face for the rest of the tour, but it wasn’t easy. She tried to distract herself when they got to the Gettysburg Visitor’s Center, but it proved to be impossible. This had been a quiet, reserved group of people who didn’t ask many questions.
Remy couldn’t help but walk straight over to the wall of photos of Civil War soldiers.
Her heart jumped violently when she looked down at Avery’s picture.
She stared into those beautiful, soulful eyes of his and had a sudden, desperate urge to go see him.
She berated herself for refusing to see him that morning, and she cringed again when she recalled how she’d reacted when he told her he loved her.
She imagined how she’d feel if she’d been brave enough to say I love you, only to have Avery act upset instead of being happy.
She would have been devastated. A bolt of fear shot through her.
What if he crossed over before she had the chance to tell him how she felt?
Though she knew there was no reason to think Avery would suddenly make it to the other side now after all this time, the idea still terrified her.
She would never, ever forgive herself if he had to leave without her telling him that she loved him.
The wait to see him was excruciating. Remy literally white-knuckled the bus seat in front of her as they headed to Little Round Top that afternoon.
“You all right?” Jesse asked, alarmed.
“I have to see him,” Remy whispered.
Jesse nodded, looking relieved. The moment the bus stopped, Jesse jerked his head toward where they both knew Avery would be waiting and said, “Go. I got this.”
Remy nodded, and raced off the bus, leaving Jesse to handle the tourists. She lifted the skirts of her Jennie Wade costume so she could run faster.
“Avery!” Remy called as she ran.
Avery stood up, his face awash in hope and anticipation when he heard her voice. Then he looked a little worried when he saw her running toward him, as if he was afraid something was wrong.
“Avery!” Remy cried again, panting, face flushed as she reached him. She took a few seconds to catch her breath, then she looked up into those beautiful eyes of his and said quietly, “I love you, too.”
Avery smiled broadly, gazing down at her with joy and wonder. “Remy, me darling…thank ye for telling me.”
“I’m so sorry it took me so long. I just…I-I-”
“You don’t owe me any explanation, my love,” Avery said tenderly, filling Remy’s heart with warmth.
She didn’t have to explain because Avery knew her so well.
He understood this was all new to her, and he was content to give her all the space she needed, even when it caused him pain.
But she didn’t want space anymore. All she wanted was to be with him for however long they had to be together.
“I’ll come sit with you tonight. As soon as I get off work,” Remy said with a smile.
“Sounds wonderful,” Avery said.
Remy looked into his eyes again, reveling in the happiness she saw in them. At least now, whatever happened, Avery knew that she loved him.
“I better go help Jesse. I kind of abandoned him with the tour group the second the bus stopped.”
Avery laughed and said, “Okay, go do what you gotta do.”
Remy ran off to help with the tourists, who were a lot more inquisitive than the morning group. She happily took family photos for them, answered questions, and showed them where to get the best view from the top of the hill.
At one point, Jesse walked past her as he guided some of the tour members toward the popular 44th New York Infantry monument, which was near where Avery always hung out.
Jesse grinned knowingly as he glanced toward Avery in the distance. “What did you say to that boy to put such a smile on his face?”
Remy bit her lip and smiled, knowing she didn’t have to answer. Jesse knew.
Once Jesse showed the tourists how to climb up the monument, he stayed on the ground, talking to Avery.
It made Remy so happy to watch them together, talking and laughing.
Remy knew Avery had told him what she said, just as she had confided in Lucy when Avery first professed his love.
Avery looked so happy and excited that she could hardly believe she’d been the one to make him feel that way.
After work, she raced home and quickly ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner.
It was all she could afford to eat until her next paycheck hit, and she was far more interested in seeing Avery than in food right now.
She quickly changed her clothes and put on a simple blue dress that she knew would bring out her eyes.
She also grabbed a jacket since the air was getting chilly now, especially in the evening.
Remy arrived quietly, and Avery didn’t see her at first. Her heart clutched when she saw him sitting alone on the hill, looking out across the battlefield probably not far from where he had died. Tenderness overwhelmed her.
Avery stood when he heard her approach. He looked down at her dress and then back up at her face, taking all of her in. He seemed pleased by what he saw.
Remy gazed into his eyes and asked, “Will you say it to me again?”
Avery smiled. “I love you, Remy.”
“I love you, too, Avery.”
Avery gestured to her to sit down, and she did. He sat as close to her as possible. She longed to rest her head on his shoulder and let him wrap his arms around her.
“Tá grá agam duit,” Avery said. “That’s ‘I love you’ in Irish.”
“Really?” Remy asked, her eyes lighting up. “Teach me how to say it.”
Avery smiled and repeated the phrase slowly and phonetically. “Tah graw agam ditch.”
“Tah graw agam ditch,” Remy repeated slowly. “Tah graw agam ditch.” Then she said it faster and more naturally, “Tá grá agam duit, Avery!”
“Well done! You’ve got it!” Avery said proudly. “My God, it does sound even sexier in Irish.”
“Told ya,” Remy said. “But in your case, it’s not just the language. You’ve also got a wonderful, deep, manly voice.”
“Well, I’m glad you think so. It’s one of the few things I have to offer ya. Tá grá agam duit, a chuisle.”
“A keesh-la. What does that mean?” Remy asked.
“A chuisle is like ‘my darling’ or ‘my love.’ Literally, it means ‘my pulse.’ That’s a perfect name for you. I don’t have a pulse anymore, so you can be mine.” Avery looked into her eyes in a way that made her want to swoon and whispered softly, “You can be mine.”
Remy swallowed hard. “Avery, do you think you could come back? The way Jesse did?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“I mean, when Jesse’s time came, he was given a choice. It was up to him if he wanted to go or if…”
“I know,” Avery said, looking worried. “But when my time comes, I might not get that choice. According to Fillis and everybody else, Jesse is the only one who came back.”
“He might have been the only one with a reason to come back,” Remy said. She thought of Ellis and wondered why he wanted to stay if he had no one to live for.
“Well, now that I know you love me, I have good reason to come back.”
“Oh, Avery,” Remy said. “I want to touch you so much.”
“That alone would be reason enough to come back from the dead,” Avery said, a look of desire in his eyes.
“You know, ever since the day I first met you, I’ve had this fantasy about you.”
“Really?” Avery asked, fascinated. “What is it?”
“Well, I just always imagined how wonderful it would be to have you pick me up in your arms and carry me to the bedroom,” Remy confessed a bit shyly.
Avery moaned. It was a low, sexy sound that told her exactly how he felt about her fantasy. He sounded like he would make it come true right now if he could.
“Oh, God, I would love to do that.”
Remy drew in a breath and looked intently into his eyes. A tingling desire stirred between her legs. If he could touch her there, he would know how aroused he made her just by his words and that look of passion in his eyes.
“I would pick you up and hold you close, and then I’d lay you down on the bed.” Avery told her seductively.
“Then what would you do?” Remy asked, breathlessly.
“Anything you wanted,” Avery said in his deliciously masculine voice that sounded even more deep and sensual than usual.
Remy let out a soft, rueful sigh and said, “I’m so inexperienced I wouldn’t even know what to ask for.”
“Remy,” Avery asked her gently. “Have you ever been with a man?”
“Technically, I guess the answer is yes. Though he was more of a boy than a man. It was after prom.”
Avery furrowed his brow. “Prom. What’s prom?”