Chapter 16 #2
Remy smiled. “It’s a like a fancy ball, but for high schoolers. I was seventeen at the time. You get all dressed up and go to the dance with a guy, and lots of people lose their virginity afterwards. Ugh, I feel like such a cliché. It was in the back of his pickup truck.”
“Oh, darling, you deserve so much better,” Avery said sadly.
“That was the only time I’ve had sex,” Remy admitted. “It was a pretty miserable experience. All I really remember was that it hurt. A lot.”
“He hurt you?” Avery asked, his expression darkening.
“No, no. Not on purpose anyway. He was nice enough, but neither one of us really knew what we were doing. It usually hurts a girl the first time.”
Avery nodded grimly. “Yes. I didn’t enjoy hurting my wife on our wedding night, that’s for sure.”
Remy let out a sigh of longing as she thought about how much better it would have been if Avery had been her first. He would have been so sweet, so gentle.
“Well, it’s not like I’ve got so much experience either,” Avery admitted. “I’ve only been with one woman, and we didn’t do much, that’s for sure.”
“We could have learned together,” Remy said, her voice tinged with sadness.
Avery nodded. His brow furrowed for a moment.
“What?”
“I think I’ve got an idea. Come with me,” Avery said, standing up.
Remy stood up and followed him. He led her across the street and past where she had parked her car.
“Where are we going?” Remy asked.
Avery didn’t answer. He kept walking, looking around for something. He nodded to himself when he saw whatever it was he was looking for. He led her to a secluded spot in the woods, hidden from view.
He gestured for Remy to sit under the tree, and he sat down close to her.
“Okay,” Avery began, looking a bit unsure of how to express what he wanted to say. “Remy, I want you to know how much I love you, how much I desire you. How much I want you.”
Remy nodded, a tingle of excitement rippling through her. This was the first time a man had expressed sexual desire for her, and it was thrilling.
“I still have a sex drive, though not as strong as when I was alive. I guess that’s good since there’s nothing I could do about it anyway.”
“That’s true,” Remy said, feeling guilty that she hadn’t thought too much about the fact that Avery might be feeling sexually frustrated.
“But I want you to know that I’ve never wanted to please a woman more than I want to please you. Oh, Remy,” Avery said. Now he did sound frustrated. “I want so much to satisfy you and your needs, and it makes me crazy that I can’t.”
“I understand, Avery. It’s not your fault. I still love you even though we can’t be, you know, intimate together.”
“That’s just it, Remy,” Avery said, his eyes wide with intensity and desire. “Maybe we can. There’s a way…you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. If it makes you uncomfortable, but…Remy. I want you to lie down.”
Remy looked at him, confused.
“It’s all right. Just lie down. Please?”
Remy nodded. “Okay.” She lay down on the ground and looked up at him. He lay down on his side beside her, positioning his face close to hers. It was so easy to imagine what he would look like if he were on top of her. Inside her.
Avery glanced down at her hands, then down the rest of her body, and then back up at her face.
“You’re still able to feel pleasure even though I can’t,” he said.
Remy suddenly realized what he was going to ask her to do.
“A-Avery,” she said, her face flushing with embarrassment. “I-I can’t…”
“I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I just…oh, my love, I just want to take care of you. I can’t touch you myself, but you can, you know…as if it were me.”
Remy nodded, anxiety welling up in her. She couldn’t actually do this in front of him…could she?
“A chuisle,” he began, and she felt her resolve weakening.
“That’s not fair,” Remy said with a moan. “You know I can’t resist you when you speak Irish.”
Avery grinned a knowing, commanding smile that made the wetness pool between her legs.
“Tánn tú go hálainn, my love,” Avery said seductively. “My darling, let me take care of you. I want so much to make you feel good.”
Remy looked into his eyes, finding him impossible to resist. So many emotions stirred inside her. Bashfulness, anxiety, and intense desire. When she looked into his eyes, she knew desire was going to win out.
“Avery,” she said softly.
“Yes, a chuisle?” he said, leaning closer to her. He looked concerned now, like he feared that he might have upset her.
She locked eyes with him, feeling connected to his soul and even to his body. “I’m so wet,” she whispered.
Avery’s eyes flashed with excitement and desire. He understood that her admission of arousal was her way of telling him she was willing to go along with what he wanted to do.
“Put your fingers between your legs, Remy,” Avery said huskily. “Touch yourself and imagine it’s me.”
Remy nodded, nervous and excited. She looked around to make sure no one was around even though she knew they were alone in the forest. Hesitantly, she slid her hands down to the bottom of her dress and Avery’s eyes followed her movement.
She opened her mouth to plead with him not to watch, but then changed her mind.
He clearly loved what he was seeing, and she wanted to please him, too.
She pulled her dress up and slid her right hand into her panties.
A soft moan escaped Avery’s throat. He gazed into her eyes and said, “It’s me touching you, Remy.”
Remy nodded and began to move her fingers over her clit. She knew her expression betrayed her pleasure because Avery’s eyes opened slightly wider as he watched her.
“That’s it, a chuisle,” he murmured in her ear. Remy closed her eyes and listened to his deep, sexy voice. “We’re finally going to make love, Remy.”
“Yes,” she whispered, her pleasure growing as she circled her clit with her fingers.
Avery paused a moment, and then asked her, “Have you ever touched yourself while thinking of me?”
Remy’s entire body tensed at his highly personal question.
She felt her face get hot, and she knew her deep blush had already given her away.
She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and nodded.
Avery was her lover, or would be if it were at all possible, and she knew she shouldn’t be embarrassed, but she was.
“Oh, my darling, please don’t be ashamed. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but ask. I think that’s the sexiest thing in the world, Remy. To think that a beautiful woman like you would pleasure herself while thinking of me.”
Remy’s body relaxed slightly. She still didn’t open her eyes, and she stopped touching herself. She didn’t want to look at him.
“Remy,” Avery said tenderly, and Remy knew exactly what his expression looked like even with her eyes closed.
He had that worried look on his face because he knew he’d upset her.
“If I were alive, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off myself while thinkin' of you. I would stroke myself over and over again thinkin' of makin’ love to you. I’d rub meself raw, I would! ”
Remy laughed, eyes still closed. She felt better.
“But then again, if I were alive, I might be lucky enough to have the real thing, wouldn’t I?
We would make love all the time. Oh, I’d carry you to bed, all right.
I’d kiss you all over your beautiful, naked body.
I’d kiss your breasts,” he said, the huskiness back in his voice. “I’d stop to lick your nipples…”
Remy drew in a soft breath. Eyes still closed, she began rubbing her clit again.
“I would take my time with you, touch and stroke your body while I kiss your soft lips.”
Remy let out a cry of pleasure.
“What do you want me to do?” Avery murmured.
Remy opened her eyes and looked up at him. She was glad she did, because it seemed to make Avery happy. He smiled a wonderfully seductive smile at her.
“I want you inside me. Make love to me, Avery. I want to feel all of you.”
Avery nodded. Remy closed her eyes, eager to hear what he would say next. She rubbed herself faster, knowing it wouldn’t be long before she found the sweet release of the tension Avery had been building inside of her since the moment they met.
“I’m on top of you, Remy,” Avery said, his voice louder and more commanding.
“Oh!” Remy said, her soft cry of passion telling him to keep going.
“Open your legs for me, a chuisle,” Avery said, drawing another pleasured cry from her lips. “I’m so goddamned hard for you. Can you feel me?”
“Yes!” Remy cried, eyes shut. She rubbed herself faster and faster, the pleasurable sensation between her legs so strong that she forgot to worry about being self-conscious. She was to the point of not caring if anyone else heard or even saw her. She just needed to come.
“Are you close?” Avery whispered, probably already knowing the answer.
“Yes, Avery. Yes,” Remy panted. She opened her eyes and saw his handsome face filled with lust and desire. He leaned in close, and the powerful, tingling sensation between her legs was so erotic that it actually felt like she was having sex with him.
“I’m pounding you, Remy. As hard as I can. I want you to come, a chuisle. Tánn tú go hálainn!” Avery said, along with more Irish words that she didn’t understand, but the sexiness and pure urgency in his deep voice were enough to shove her over the edge.
“Avery!” she cried as she reached a powerful orgasm that seemed to go on forever.
The vibrations shook and convulsed her entire body.
Relief flooded through her as her body released all those wonderful post-orgasm hormones that left her feeling relaxed and satisfied.
When it was over, it took her quite a while to catch her breath.
A moment or two of silence passed as Avery allowed her to recover. Once the aftershocks of her climax subsided, doubt and self-consciousness began to creep in. She had just masturbated in front of Avery. Her face flushed red. She eventually opened her eyes, but didn’t turn to look at him.
“A chuisle,” Avery said in that tender voice that never failed to melt her heart. “Look at me.”
Remy turned to look into Avery’s eyes, which were full of gentle understanding. He knew she was feeling vulnerable, and that there was a fine line between this experience being intimately erotic or utterly humiliating for her.
“Thank you for doing that with me,” he said. “I would give anything in the world if I could touch you and satisfy you with my body, but this was the next best thing.”
Remy smiled, feeling relaxed all over again. Her anxiety evaporated when she looked into the eyes of the man she loved more than anything in the world. In this wonderful moment, it really felt like they had made love. She felt closer to him than ever before.
“It felt really good,” Remy admitted with a shy smile.
“I’m so glad,” Avery said. “And I’ll let you in on a little secret.
It’s always been a fantasy of mine to hear a woman scream out my name during sex.
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about making love to you and hearing you say my name.
And you did it! When you, you know,” Avery looked so delighted that it made the whole experience worthwhile.
That, and the fact that she’d had the most incredible, satisfying orgasm she’d ever had.
Remy bit her lip and said, “I couldn’t help it.”
Avery’s smile widened.
“I just wish I could do something like this for you,” Remy said wistfully.
“It’s all right. It’s different for me. I miss sex, but I don’t have the same urges as you do anymore.”
So I can get horny but you can’t. The thought embarrassed her, and she looked away.
As always, Avery sensed her discomfort. “Remy.” He waited until she looked at him before continuing.
“It’s not that I don’t desire you, because I do.
I want to make love to you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life and beyond.
Being with you like this is the closest I can get.
I love you so much, and I just wanted to be intimate with you in any way that I could. ”
“This was a wonderful idea, Avery,” Remy said, realizing how much she really meant it. “Thank you for being with me like this.”
Remy pulled her dress down and then sat up. He looked at her lovingly and touched her cheek. She shivered involuntarily. His touch was frigid, and the autumn night air was already chilling her.
“It’s cold out, isn’t it?” Avery asked with concern.
Remy nodded and pulled on her jacket.
“I wish so much I could hold you and keep you warm.”
“I know,” Remy said softly. She looked around at the darkening forest. “It gets dark so early now. We need to find another place to meet.”
Avery nodded. “Someplace inside would be best. Can’t have you freezin’ out here.”
“And you know, I’ll have lots of ghost tours now that it’s October. Gets really crowded here around Halloween. But I’ll always make time for you, Avery. I promise.”
“I know you will. But you must be careful not to overdo it. You work too much as it is.”
Remy sighed and nodded. She hugged the jacket around herself, aching for Avery’s warmth. She truly felt like they’d just had sex, and more than anything she just wanted to be held. She felt tears begin to prickle behind her eyes.
“Maybe you really can come back to life. Maybe Theresa could help counsel you. And Lucy. They’ve been able to help others,” Remy said, a glimmer of hope surfacing within her.
“Maybe,” Avery said. “Might be worth a try, but if I let them counsel me, I might be allowed to come back, but I also might…”
“I know,” Remy said, swallowing hard. “I understand the risks. But darling, you can’t just stay here forever.
I have to be strong…like Lucy was.” Remy choked back a sob.
“And help you. Do what’s right for you. I want you to be at peace, whether it’s here with me or.
..” She shook her head, unable to speak the words out loud.
“But that’s a worry for another day. Right now, I have you here with me. ”
Avery nodded, looking down at her with love and affection.
“It’ll be really dark soon. I better go before I can’t even see my way out of the forest.”
“Right,” Avery said firmly. He began to lead the way back toward the road.
When they got to her car, Remy turned to look at him. “Avery, about what we did tonight. You wouldn’t tell anyone, would you?” she asked nervously.
Avery’s eyes opened wide. “Of course not! I would never tell Jesse or anyone else. Our lovemaking is just between us.”
Remy smiled. Our lovemaking was such a wonderful way to describe what they had done.
“Tá grá agam duit, a chuisle mo chroi,” he said to her. “A chuisle mo chroi means ‘you are the pulse of my heart.’”
“I love when you call me a chuisle. And I love you, Avery.” Remy said, touching his right cheek the way he often did with her. Reluctantly, she got into her car and drove home.