CHAPTER 13
JORDAN
I jumped out of my jeep and ran up the front steps of the house, trying not to look down at the step at the top that sent me spiraling back into images of my brother bleeding out and way too close to death, every time I walked past it.
“Addy?” I yelled as I stormed into the house and straight into the family room.
I’d been doing interviews with people from the veteran charity, which Asher had connected me with, all day. I had some good potential candidates, but I wanted to go through their information with Addy to get her opinion on them before I made final decisions. That had been my plan – to get home and spend some time with my girl – when I finally got out of the last meeting a half hour ago.
I had been spending too much time at the center, crazy busy trying to get it all ready to open in a matter of weeks, and I had neglected Addy as a result. She had been with me at the center on and off, but I usually ended up sending her home with Kane. She was exhausted all of the time and her heart just didn’t seem to be in anything she was doing. She had been that way since we got her back, distant and not herself at all. It worried me, but whenever I tried to talk to her about it, she shut me down right away, and just looked even more broken that I’d even brought it up.
With Adam being a complete ass and ignoring her, and Kane obsessed with her location and movements at every second of every day, I had decided she needed some levity from me, and had tried to just be myself with her, even though I was worried sick about her.
Then I get out of my last interview and turn my cell on to find ten texts from Kane asking me where Addy is, and telling me to get home right away. I had missed calls too, from him and my brother, but when I tried to call them back, I got no fucking answer! I was pretty sure I had broken every traffic law going to get back home and find out what the hell was going on, and most importantly, where Addy was.
“ADDY?” I yelled again as I jogged to the kitchen. I paused when I walked in and found Adam sat on the floor, his back pressed to the cabinets and his head in his hands, and Kane sat at the counter, frantically typing on his laptop.
“What’s going on?” I asked in panic when neither of them looked up at me. “Where’s Addy?”
“Gone,” Adam muttered, not even looking up at me.
“What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“She stormed off like a petulant child this morning. Left her fucking phone in her room!” Kane snapped as he lifted his head and sent me a glare.
“What did you do now, asshole?” I hissed, knowing it had to be Kane that had upset her. Adam had barely said two words to her since he left the hospital, not that his behavior hadn’t been hurting her too.
“My fucking job!” Kane threw back as he rose to his full height. He was clearly pissed, but I saw the worry and panic all over his face too. He had fucked up and he knew it. Hell, we all had. I might not have treated her the way Kane had been, or ignored her like my brother, but I hadn’t been there for her when it was obvious she needed someone.
“You’re her boyfriend! Your job is to love her and make her feel safe! Not to bark orders at her, and make her feel so smothered in your protective bullshit that she can barely fucking breathe!” I raged, knowing that would be what he’d done. It was exactly what he had been doing for weeks now, and no matter what I said to him about backing off, he wouldn’t. “Do we have any idea where she is? Is she alone?” I asked more calmly, knowing the priority had to be making sure Addy was safe. The threat against her should be gone with Kline and most of the operation he and Joseph ran, shut down, but that wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. Not if Addy was out there alone.
“She’s with Asher and Eli. I spoke with Asher but he wouldn’t tell me where they were and he’s shut off his fucking phone. Eli left his here too. Fucking irresponsible assholes!” Kane grumbled as he got back to slamming the buttons on his laptop angrily.
“She’s with Ash and Eli?” I repeated, relief flooding me.
“She doesn’t want to see us. Ash told us to stay away,” Adam told me as he finally raised his head and met my eyes. He was pale and looked exhausted. The fear that had been plaguing me for days rushed through me and made my heart pound hard. The fear that the pain of his injury and the stress of his ridiculous guilt over what happened to Eli and Addy, had pushed him back to old habits.
“Well there’s no surprise there, is there?” I laughed bitterly as I folded my arms and glared between them. “I’d have fucking run off and hidden if I could too, the way the two of you have been behaving.”
“Why can’t anyone understand that I’m trying to protect her? She was kidnapped and could have been fucking killed! Do you even realize that? Those assholes could have raped her repeatedly, for hours, then murdered and buried her, twice over in the time it took us to get to her!” Kane roared as he shoved his laptop from the counter, smashing it to the floor.
“Don’t you fucking dare!” I spat as I moved across the kitchen at speed and had him by the collar of his leather jacket in a split second. “Of course I fucking know that, you dick! You think I wasn’t fucking terrified we’d lose her? You think I’m still not! I love her! I’d never survive losing her, so fuck you Kane! You’re not the only one who is losing his fucking mind after what happened!” I shoved him back so hard he barely stayed on his feet. I wanted to smash my fist into his face, but I forced myself to hold back, knowing it would upset Addy if she came back to the three of us beaten black and blue by each other. “I get it, but you have to see how much she’s hurting too. You have to realise the last thing she needs is you being a controlling bastard. She’s barely keeping her head above water as it is, and every time you yell at her, or make her feel small, you’re pushing her further down, Kane. You’re fucking drowning her when she needs you to pull her up!”
“And I suppose you’ve been the perfect boyfriend in all of this?” he hissed as he glared at me.
“No. I fucked up too. I knew she needed me and I wasn’t here for her like I should have been. I was so wrapped up in the center, and terrified of doing anything to make her struggle worse, that I stepped back, when I should have been at her side every fucking second that she needed me to be,” I confessed.
“It’s not your fault, Jord,” Adam said as he rose to his feet and leaned back against the counter, crossing his ankles, and not once looking up at us.
“It is!” I countered. “It’s my fault, his fault, and your fucking fault, Adam! What the fuck is going on with you? Are you using drugs again?”
“What?” Adam looked up then, meeting my eyes head on.
“Just tell me the truth. Are you using?” I demanded.
“No! Of course not. Why would you think…”
“You checked out, Ad!” I yelled, cutting him off. “Asher thinks your using too. You cut us all off – me, Ash, Eli, Kane, and even Addy. Have you even said more than two words to her in the last fortnight?”
“She’s better off without me,” he sighed as he dropped his gaze to the floor again.
“Fuck you, Adam!” I threw back. “I’m so sick of living with you and your ill placed fucking guilt. You let it ruin not just your life, but years of mine after mom and dad died. Now you’re doing it again and I’m not sticking around to let it happen this fucking time!”
“Jordan…” he began as he looked up to me sadly and clearly shocked.
“No, Adam! You left me. Our parents died and I needed you more than ever, and you fucking left me because you felt guilty! It was a car accident! It wasn’t your fault, but you chose to believe that, and turn to drugs over being there when I needed you!” I was breathing hard as I raged at my brother, hurling out truths I had spared him for years and years. “Now you’re going to lose the woman you love because you’re doing it all over again, and I won’t let you drag me down too. You need to drown in guilt, then on you go, brother. I can’t stand by and watch this time, and I will not allow you to take the woman I love from me because of it!” I turned and started to storm from the room, but I paused before exiting and half turned to look between the two of them. “You need to sort yourselves out because when Addy comes back, I’ll do whatever it takes to care for her, even if that means getting her away from you assholes and your messed up, selfish issues.”
***
I was laid on my bed, and had been for the past hour. I hated that I didn’t know where Addy was, and that I couldn’t reach out to her, but she was with her brothers so I at least knew she was safe. I had tried to call and text Ash, but Kane was right – he’d shut his phone off, and I didn’t blame him if Kane had spoken to him the way he had been speaking to me downstairs.
I needed to do something and I knew it. I could go back to the center and unpack the sports equipment that had been delivered the day before, but being there just made me think of Addy. It was as much hers as it was mine now. She had been a huge part of setting it up, and designing the space with me. It was as much her baby as it was mine and I wanted her there with me for the finishing touches I knew she would take pleasure in doing.
Instead I made myself get up and change into workout clothes. I’d hit the gym, then order something to eat. I was pissed with Kane and Adam, and definitely thought they were assholes, but I still worried about them. They needed to eat and sleep. Kane had looked almost feral when I walked in and I knew he’d be going wild with his fears and worries. I decided I’d check in with them after a workout to calm myself down. We were all to blame for Addy needing to get away, so it wasn’t fair of me to lay it all on the two of them.
I was just pulling on a tank top with my shorts and sneakers when my cell started to buzz where I had left it on the bed. I dived for it, seeing ‘no caller ID’ on the screen and answered hurriedly.
“Ash?” I gasped as I got it to my ear.
“No. It’s me,” Addy spoke, and the relief was inexplicable. Just to hear her voice soothed a wild beast that had been roaring within me.
“Addy,” I sighed as I sat up on the edge of my bed and took in a deep breath. “Are you okay, princess?”
“I’m good. I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“You did, but you have nothing to apologize for. I’m guessing you needed some space, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess I did. Kane…he just got to be too much, and seeing Adam, knowing he’s pissed with me. I just had to get away,” She explained.
“I’m so sorry. I’ve been a complete ass too. I should have been here for you.”
“You were busy, Jord. I get that. I was supposed to be helping you with The Light , and I let you down.”
”Nothing you could ever do would let me down, beautiful. I knew you were struggling. I should have stepped away from the center and been with you, where I belong. I’m as guilty of abandoning you as my bone head of a brother.”
“You didn’t abandon me, and neither did Adam. I understand why he’s avoiding me. He almost died because of me.”
“No, Addy, not because of you. He was shot by those fuckers, and they’re the only ones to blame for that. Adam isn’t avoiding you because he blames you. He’s avoiding you because he blames himself. He thinks he let you down when he allowed you to be taken and that guilt is eating him up inside,” I tried to explain.
“He didn’t let me be taken!” Addy snapped back.
“I know that, but this blame game is kind of Adam’s thing. He did it when out parents were killed and I didn’t get him back for years,” I sighed.
“I don’t want to lose him, Jordan. I don’t want to lose any of you, but it feels like we’re slipping apart,” she whimpered.
“Don’t cry, princess, please. It’s killing me when I can’t be there to hold you.”
“S-sorry,” she sniffled.
“I know things are kind of crazy right now, and I can’t say what will happen with Ad and Kane. I tried to give them a kick up the ass today, but I don’t know it’ll work,” I explained. “But no matter what those asses do, you have me, Addy. I love you, and I don’t plan on going anywhere except to wherever you are. You hear me?”
“I hear you,” she sniffled. “I love you too, Jordan.”
“I’ve let you down these last few weeks. I’m never going to let that happen again. No matter what’s going on in my life, you need to always know that you come first. I’m gonna need some practice at this whole relationship thing, but I can promise you that you will always be my top priority.”
“Stop making me cry,” she sniffled. “I only just made myself stop.”
“Can you tell me what happened earlier? Why did you leave?” I asked carefully.
“Kane, mainly. He called me, pissed off because I’d missed a call from him. I hadn’t even left the house, but he was so angry. I just…I felt like I couldn’t breathe, Jordan.”
“I know, princess. I understand. He’s been a complete jerk lately.”
“I had a flashback. Kane…he said…s-said I was his. It brought back a memory of Hilton saying the same thing and I just…I lost it. Eli found me running for the garage and I begged him to get me out of there. Asher came too. We’re safe.”
“I know you are. I’m not worried now that I know you’re with Ash and Eli. I just miss you, but I totally agree you need some space. Things around here are a mess right now,” I admitted, even if it killed me to think of not seeing her for any longer than we’d already been apart.
“Ash…he said we can take a break…stay here for a while, and I think that’s a good idea. I’m not ready to face Kane and Adam yet.”
“I think it’s a good idea too. Some time out of all of this will do you good. Might even make the two assholes pull themselves together too,” I suggested. I really fucking hoped so, for Addy’s sake. I meant what I said – I was going nowhere. She had me for as long as she’d keep me, but I also knew she loved and needed Kane and Adam, if they could sort themselves out. If they couldn’t, well then I’d just have to work harder to be everything she needed.
“Is Kane really mad?” she asked, nervous, which I didn’t like at all.
“Fuck Kane, right now, princess. He’s a big boy. Let him handle his own shit,” I told her firmly. “You just take the time you need and try to rest for me, okay? I’ll hold things down here.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “Can I call you again tomorrow? I miss you too and I…well, I like hearing your voice.”
“You can call me anytime you want or need to, beautiful. I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
“I love you, Jord,” she whispered and I hated that I could hear a hitch in her voice that meant she was crying.
“Love you too, Addy, so much.”
Addy hung up, and I just sat clutching my phone tightly, knowing it was the only line I had to her for the time being.
I was seething with Kane. That overbearing, controlling asshat had caused most of this by trying to tell Addy she belonged to him. How could he not understand what that would do to her? She had been sold like a possession for two fucking years and he thought he could claim her as his, all because he wanted her to follow his every command?
I didn’t even think as I got to my feet and pocketed my cell. I leapt down the stairs in four leaps and ran for the kitchen, taking Kane completely by surprise as I grabbed him by the back of his collar and threw him down backwards from the stool he sat on, to the floor.
“Mother fucker!” I roared as I dove on top of him and landed two blows to his face before he managed to flip us over and get me pinned to the ground.
“Fucking stop!” he yelled as he tried to contain my flying fists without fighting back.
“What the fuck!” I heard Adam, then he was before me, pulling Kane off of me. “What’s going on?” he asked as he reached a hand out to me. I bypassed it and jumped up, hitting my brother in the face before he even saw it coming.
“Fuck both of you!” I raged as I dropped my throbbing hand to my side and took a step back.
“Jordan! What the hell?” Adam demanded as he dabbed at his bleeding lip.
“She called me! She called me and she’s not fucking okay!” I snapped. “Your bullshit sent her into a flashback and anxiety attack!” I pointed a finger at Kane. “She’s yours? Really? You thought that was a good thing to tell her after two years of her being bought and sold like a fucking possession?”
“What?” Adam turned his glare from me to Kane. “You said that to her?”
“I was pissed. I just want her safe. I need her to do what I tell her to do!” Kane hissed angrily, but I saw the guilt in the way he slumped slightly and dropped his eyes.
“Have you heard yourself?” I asked incredulously. “She’s a grown woman. She doesn’t have to do what anyone tells her if she doesn’t want to! After all she’s been through I don’t even understand why you’d think it’s okay to try and control her in any way. She’s traumatized!”
“I’m trying to protect her!”
“Yeah? Well, great job, man. You terrified her so badly she tried to race out of here in the midst of a panic attack alone. Thank God for Eli and Ash, or she’d probably have ended up being pulled from a car wreck on the side of the road.”
“Don’t, Jord,” Adam pleaded.
“You can shut the fuck up too. Do you realize she thinks you’re pulling away from her because you blame her for you getting shot? She’s blaming herself for everything that happened because you’re too fucking selfish to get out of your own head and actually look at her!”
“What? Why would she think that?” Adam gasped.
“You’re cutting her out, Adam! What was she supposed to think?” I cried. “You two are such selfish fucks! You’re so busy drowning in your own pathetic shit, that you haven’t even noticed your drowning Addy too, dragging her down even quicker than the darkness inside of her can. She deserves better than all of us, but I’m not walking away from her. I think it’s time the two of you made up your minds too, and if you want her, you need to work out how the hell you will ever set things right with her. Either way, do it fucking fast! You’re tearing her apart even more, when she’s already in fucking pieces!”
With that I walked away, knowing if I didn’t I’d hit them both again and again until I didn’t have to look at their sorry faces any longer. They needed to come to a decision, and fast, but whatever they decided, it wouldn’t change my path. Addy was made for me, and whatever future lay ahead for me, I knew she was going to be the biggest and most important part of it, with or without Adam and Kane at my side.