Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
Finn
“How the fuck did we get through so much paint already? I didn’t think this place was that big?” Gem grumbled as he poured more grey slop into the paint tray. We were attempting to get the second coat on the downstairs today, but neither of us was in the mood for painting.
Gem was in a foul mood for reasons I couldn’t quite discern, and I felt just as bad. I was still vacillating between the hook-up thing being a good or bad idea, even though we hadn’t talked about it in the three days since it had happened. We probably should have, and maybe that was the reason we were both so grouchy. That and the fact it was freezing cold, blowing a gale, and pissing it down. I’d managed to get soaked to the skin just walking from my car to the shop. My poor umbrella had been useless in the wind, and my waterproof coat had been tested to its limit. I’d have been drier if I’d thrown myself into the sea.
“At least it doesn’t need to be a thick coat,” I said. “It’s just to even out the colour.”
“Huh, it’s not like anyone’s going to fucking see it. I doubt anyone will even come if I open this bloody place.” Gem snapped the lid back onto the tub with more force than necessary. “Feels like I’m just pissing money away. Might as well just invest my loan in bloody pyramid schemes.”
I snorted, remembering the time one of Richard’s previous girlfriends had attempted to recruit me into her MLM scheme. I’d tried to say no, but she’d been incredibly forceful, and that had just increased my anxiety. I knew I was quiet, but I hated not being listened to. The only problem was that if someone I didn’t know tried to force their opinion on me or refused to let me get a word in edgeways, I tended to shut down because I couldn’t cope with the situation. I still remembered the rising feeling of panic and the overwhelming urge to run.
But my family being, well, my family, hadn’t been impressed with the situation and the whole thing had ended with Oscar pouring pasta salad over Richard’s girlfriend’s head.
It was one of those stories that had since become a family legend, and for some reason, that made me feel better about the whole thing.
“Please don’t do that,” I said, picking up the tray Gem had just filled. “I’ve already had one person try to recruit me into one of those schemes, and it didn’t end well for them.”
Gem snorted. “Pasta salad lady?”
“Pasta salad lady.” I smiled, a feeling of warmth spreading across my chest as I watched Gem do the same. I loved the fact that I could make him smile, even on the days when he felt like shit. “That reminds me, I really must message Oscar. I haven’t spoken to him for ages.”
“Where is he right now?”
I thought for a second. Oscar was a travel writer who spent most of his life flitting from place to place and writing the most incredible stories about them. If I’d been the sort of person who wanted to travel, it would have made me wildly jealous, but since I was a home bird I was happy to look at his photos, read his articles, and listen to his stories about the places he’d been and the people he’d met. Since he’d started working for internationally renowned magazine The Traveller last summer, I’d bought two copies of every issue—one to read, and one to keep. “Singapore, I think. Then off to Sri Lanka.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Probably is,” I said. I looked down at the tray of paint and out the window at the rain. This whole thing was sucking the life out of me and not—as Eli would say—in a fun way. The temptation to suggest we abandon this endeavour for something more fun was growing stronger by the second, and despite my moaning to Chantelle about whether or not this was a good idea, I couldn’t deny that getting naked with Gem was far more interesting than painting a room while soaked to the skin. “What are your plans after this?”
Gem looked up at me from where he was fiddling with his paint roller. “Not much. Go home. Shower. Eat my weight in pasta. Maybe jerk off.”
“Would you like company?”
Gem raised an eyebrow. “For which part?”
“The shower and the jerking off,” I said. “Although I won’t say no to pasta. We might need it.”
“Are you propositioning me?” Gem asked teasingly, standing up and casting his eyes over me. I felt the heat in his gaze, and it made something possessive swirl in my stomach. I only ever wanted Gem to look at me like that, not anyone else. That heat was mine, that desire was mine, everything of his was mine. All I had to do was convince him to give it to me.
“Yes.” My mouth twisted into a smirk. “I am. All you have to do is say yes or no.”
Gem snorted. “I’m not going to say no.”
“Good. But thank you for answering me,” I said, watching as Gem’s lips twitched and he swallowed. I wondered if he realised he did that when I praised him. It was a button I wanted to push further, just to see what happened. Gem looked around at the paint trays and then back at me. I knew what he was thinking because I felt the same: should we just abandon our plans here for the evening and come back tomorrow, or should we be good and get it done?
I was tempted to be firm and say we should stay, but then a trickle of icy water dripped from my hair and ran down the back of my neck.
“Let’s put the paint back in the tub,” I said. “It won’t take long. We can come back tomorrow and finish it.”
“Thank fuck.” Gem reached for the paint tub and wrenched the lid off. “I thought for a second you were going to make me stay here and paint.”
“No, not today.”
“Is that because you’re horny?”
“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe it’s because you offered me a hot shower, and I’ve got cold water dripping down my neck. It’s hard to tell.”
Gem laughed as he scraped the paint back into the tub and then reached for my tray. “At least you’re honest about it.”
I stepped towards him, crouching down and running my finger along his jaw. “I’ll always be honest with you.”
That was a lie because I’d already withheld things from him. But this wasn’t the time to admit them. I was already keeping so many secrets about who I was and how I felt, it was easier just to keep lying rather than start to unpick the web that surrounded me.
The moment Gem’s front door closed behind us, I let out a breath and felt the tension start to leech from my muscles. This was what I’d needed ever since that first moment in the shop three days ago, and the wait had been an itch under my skin I just couldn’t shake. The first time had been fun, and there’d been something delicious about the desperate urge to have Gem then and there, but I couldn’t deny I preferred the comfort and privacy of a locked door where we couldn’t be caught or disturbed.
Gem dropped the chain across the lock, then looked at me expectantly like he was waiting for me to tell him what to do. The possessive monster in my chest hummed with delight.
“We should shower first,” I said, stepping close to him and drawing his mouth to mine because I couldn’t go one more moment without kissing him. I knew this was dangerous, that I was treading a path that might lead to heartache, but any resistance was futile. His lips were cold against mine as was his cheek under my fingers. “You’re cold.”
“It’s fine.” Gem shrugged. “I’ll warm up.”
“Shower.” The way I said it made it clear it wasn’t a suggestion.
“Are you going to join me?” Gem asked as I released him and gave him a gentle push towards his bathroom.
“Perhaps. It will depend.” Mostly on whether both of us would fit, but I wasn’t going to say that. “But I will definitely watch.”
There was a saunter in Gem’s step as he headed towards the shower, and I couldn’t resist walking up behind him and smacking his ass. Gem groaned, and I squeezed the firm muscle. “You’re not moving fast enough,” I said quietly, letting my breath ghost over his ear. “But your ass is lovely.”
“Do you want to fuck me?” Gem twisted his head so he could kiss me. It gave me time to think of an answer. In truth, I did want to fuck him. I wanted to spread him out and break him down into atoms until there was nothing left but the pleasure I’d given him, but I also wanted to take this slowly, to learn everything that made Gem tick so I could better use it against him.
The only problem was that if this was just supposed to be a series of fun hook-ups, taking it slowly would be the opposite of what Gem expected, and while he might be open to that, it might also annoy him and ruin whatever this was. I knew I was overthinking, but that was what I did. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t overthink the simplest question and turn it into an enormous mountain nobody could scale.
“I do,” I said. “But I’m not going to. Not today.” As predicted, Gem’s face fell. “I know this is just for fun, but I want to take my time with you. I want you to be so desperate for me that when I finally decide to fuck you, it will be everything you’ve ever needed, everything you’ve ever wanted…” And you’ll be mine .
The last words went unspoken, but Gem still gazed up at me with something that looked like understanding. It almost frightened me.
“Those are… those are bold claims,” he said finally. I chuckled because it was cute to see Gem trying to pretend he wasn’t affected by my words.
“They are, but they’re also true.” I brushed my lips against his, letting my tongue tease the seam of his mouth. Gem let out a muffled whine. “And we still haven’t discussed everything. I’m not fucking you until we do.”
“How about we do that in the shower?” Gem asked with a raised eyebrow and a devious smile. “I’ll tell you what I like, and you can lay out some ground rules while we get clean. Two birds, one stone and all that.”
I frowned. Usually I liked to have any form of conversation about limits, likes, and dislikes somewhere neutral because it meant both of us would have a clear head and there’d be less chance of getting distracted. I knew Gem and I weren’t heading for anything like a lifestyle arrangement, but I knew I’d feel more comfortable progressing our sexual relationship if I had a better idea of what he was comfortable with. I’d always been the sort of person who liked knowing where the boundaries were before I got started. It made things simpler and reduced my anxiety knowing all the parameters.
“You okay?” Gem prompted, and I realised I’d gotten lost in my head.
“Yes, sorry. I was just… overthinking. It’s a thing.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” Gem said, reaching down to take my hand and squeeze it. “Come on. We can shower and talk, and I promise to keep my hands to myself. We can even have separate showers if you want, but I still want to watch you because I’m desperate to see you naked.”
I chuckled and shook my head, but I let Gem lead me to his bathroom. “Okay, then.”
Gem left me standing in the doorway of the small room while he stripped off his clothes, keeping his eyes locked on me while he did. I’d gotten hints of his body over the year and a good look at his cock when I’d blown him, but seeing him completely naked was a different experience. If I’d ever thought I’d be able to shed my feelings for Gem, that ship had sailed. He had broader shoulders than I’d expected, and his chest was dusted with dark hair that was tinged with red. I knew Gem didn’t think he was attractive, but I didn’t understand where that came from because, to me, he was beautiful.
“Wow,” I said quietly. “You’re gorgeous.”
Gem rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I’m average.”
I frowned. “No, you’re not. I forbid you from saying that. You’re not allowed to be mean to yourself.”
“And if I am?” Gem raised an eyebrow, and I could see the challenge in his expression.
“Then we’ll have to talk about that,” I said. “Now, get in the shower.”
“Are you coming too?”
I looked at the bath, which had a shower head attached to the tiled wall at the end. The bath wasn’t tiny, and while it would be a squish, I could stand behind Gem. “In a minute. But first…” I walked over to the toilet, which had the lid closed, and sat down. It was as good a chair as any, and since it was right next to the shower, it would give me a good view of Gem through the glass screen. “Let’s talk.”
Gem climbed into the bath and turned the shower on, waiting until it was hot before he stepped under the spray. There was something about the way the water cascaded over his body that made my insides tighten. My cock throbbed, and the desire to rush through this conversation surged. Dammit, this was why I’d wanted us both to be dressed and sitting on the sofa or something.
“First,” I said as I tried to assemble my thoughts, “what are we doing? Is this just sex?”
Gem bit his lip, and if it wasn’t for the heat of the water, I’d have assumed he was blushing. But I didn’t know why. “That’s fine with me,” he said. “Still friends but with sex too.”
I wanted to ask him if that was really what he wanted, but it didn’t seem like the right time or place to ask. Depending on his answer, it could begin a far more complicated conversation than either of us anticipated. “Okay, that’s fine.” Or at least, it would have to be for now. “We can always re-evaluate if anything changes.”
“Er, yeah. That works.”
We left it unspoken what those changes might be. And I was fine with that. I didn’t need to hear Gem say our arrangement was only going to last until his next relationship. He only wanted a fuck buddy, and I had to live with that.
“Good. So, tell me, what sort of things do you like?”
Gem reached for a bottle of body wash and poured some of the orange liquid into his hand. “I like… when you… The other day when you took control, I liked that. Like I said, it gets me out of my head. But only during sex. I couldn’t do it outside of that.”
“That’s fine. That was my starting point anyway.”
“Cool. Okay, so… God, this is kinda weird.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I’m not used to talking things out like this.”
“Do you think it’s unsexy? Unnecessary?” I asked as my eyebrows knitted together in a frown and I folded my arms across my chest.
“No, it’s not that. Definitely not that.” He chuckled and reached down to grasp his cock between soapy fingers, and I watched as he stroked himself slowly to full hardness.
“You’re not supposed to be doing that.”
“Sorry.” He let go reluctantly and sighed. “It’s just I’m not used to someone caring enough to actually ask in advance.”
My heart pounded, and it took all my effort not to reach into the shower and pull him into my arms so I could show him how much I cared. I hated how little Gem seemed to think of himself, and I wondered if he’d been so beaten down by life and the behaviour of his exes that he couldn’t see how wonderful he was. It made the monster in my chest snarl with anger and jealousy because how could they have done this to him? Gem deserved so much more than their disregard.
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “You should never be sorry for the way you feel. But thank you for telling me and for helping me understand.”
“Sure. Although I feel like I’m kicking off some sort of fucking pity party.”
“No, you’re not.” I waved my hand at him to continue, hoping to get us back on track. “Now, please continue telling me about all your deepest desires.”
Gem laughed. “Okay, I like praise and dirty talk. I like being edged, even though I mostly do it to myself. I like getting fucked, but I also like fucking someone. I like being rimmed. I like being told what to do and being given the illusion of choice, but I also love giving someone pleasure, especially if they tell me what they want. I don’t mind having my orgasms restricted, but I’ve only ever done that to myself, so I’m not sure how I’d feel about it with a partner. I like toys too. Mostly, like, dildos and plugs and cock rings. In terms of things I don’t like… no bodily fluids except cum, no surprises, and I’m not great with pain. I’d prefer nothing more than gentle spanking, and I don’t think I’d ever be into being punished. I just want this to be fun.”
I listened to his list, making sure I filed away all the information for later. It all made sense and was perfectly fine with me, especially if we were just supposed to be doing this as friends for fun. “That’s all fine,” I said, giving him a smile. “If anything changes or something comes up that you’re not sure about, then tell me. Since we’re never going to do anything even vaguely non-consensual, a simple no is fine, and I’ll always listen to you.”
“That sounds good.” Gem grinned at me through the glass, which was starting to steam up. He drew a smiley face in the steam, then wiped it clean. Something fluttered in my chest as I watched him—a warm feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. I stood and started to pull off my wet hoodie, dumping it on the floor before tugging my jeans over my thighs. Since they were soaked through, they were a nightmare to remove, and I ended up hopping on one foot while trying to pull them off the other leg. How fucking dignified of me.
Luckily, Gem seemed to think it was funny rather than embarrassing.
I stepped into the bath, feeling the warm water swirl around my feet. Gem reached out and pulled me against him under the spray, his skin hot and slick against mine. I reached out and wrapped my hand around his neck, drawing him to me. Gem’s kiss was deliciously desperate. He ran his hands across my chest and around me until he was holding me against him. His tongue pressed into my mouth, and I moaned as he took what he needed. His cock was still hard, and it brushed against mine, causing both of us to groan.
“Can I touch you?” Gem asked, his mouth barely an inch away from mine.
“Yes. Touch me.” I hadn’t gotten off the last time we’d been together because I’d been too focused on bringing him pleasure. But now I wanted it all.
Gem reached down and wrapped a slick, soapy hand around our shafts, starting to jack them slowly as we exchanged more heated kisses. I was so tempted to take over, to take that control away from him, but the way he was stroking me made it impossible for me to do anything more than stand there and groan.
“Yes,” I said. “Just like that. That’s so good. Keep going, yes… just like that, fuck!” I gasped as Gem twisted his hand across the sensitive head of my cock. There was something about someone else’s hand around my shaft that made everything feel different, but in a delicious, heightened way. “Mmm. Fuck yes. Gem, keep going. You can do it harder,” I said, trying to keep my voice level and failing. Gem tightened his grip on my cock, and I let out a deep groan that seemed to echo off the tiles. “Fuck yes! Just like that. That’s perfect. You’re so fucking good at that. It feels amazing.” My hand tightened on the back of his neck, keeping him there so I could kiss him over and over as he worked our cocks in his fist.
“F-Finn,” Gem fumbled out. “I’m getting… Fuck, I’m close.”
“Can you hold on for me?” I tilted his head back so I could gaze into his eyes, watching as pleasure, need, and the desire to obey me warred within them. “Just a little longer. Can you do that for me?” Gem’s rhythm faltered, and I dropped my other hand to wrap it around both his fist and our dicks. Pleasure shot down my spine, and I felt my balls tighten. I knew I was close, but I needed a fraction more, and I intended to get what I needed. “Don’t stop. I’m nearly there. Be good for me and wait.”
“Please.” The word was laced with desperation, and the sound made something purr in my chest. I loved hearing that word. “I can’t…”
“Yes,” I said firmly, “you can.”
“I… I…”
I tightened my grip around his hand, squeezing our shafts as I made him pump them hard. Gem’s eyes widened, and I smiled hungrily at him, knowing I was there. “Come for me,” I whispered. “I’m right there with you. Come.”
Gem cried out, his body tensing as his cock shot ribbons of cum across our fists. I felt his dick pulsing against mine, and watching his face as he came was everything I needed to push me over the edge with him. I rested my forehead against his as my chest heaved, hot water still running across my skin.
It took both of us a minute to move again. Gem slowly released our softening cocks, and I let go of his hand. He tilted his head up to kiss me softly, and something inside me tried to say that it felt like more than a just-sex kiss, but I refused to listen.
I knew wherever this was going, it probably wasn’t going to end well because I wasn’t the right man for him. But this was giving me everything I’d ever wanted, and it was easy to slip into the fantasy.
The only problem would be when reality started to bleed in.