Chapter Seventeen
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Finn
“Oh my God, look at you!” Chantelle screamed as she embraced me in an enormous hug, squeezing all the air from my lungs. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I said as she released me, and my internal organs resumed their normal arrangement. I hadn’t expected any less from her when I collected her and Kelsey at Grantham station on Saturday morning, even if a few people were now staring at us. Usually, I’d have been embarrassed by their looks, but my happiness at seeing one of my best friends overrode anything else I might feel.
Chantelle had stepped back and was now giving me a once-over while holding Kelsey’s hand. Kelsey was looking up at me with a shrewd expression, one I was sure I’d seen on her mother. She was the spitting image of Chantelle with long dark hair that fell in soft curls over her shoulders and large dark eyes. She was wearing a dark blue dress patterned with brightly coloured dinosaurs over very pink leggings and a puffy yellow coat over the top. At least we wouldn’t lose her if we went out for the day.
“Hi, Kelsey. How’re you?” I asked, giving her a little wave.
“I’m okay,” she said, still giving me a wary look. We’d chatted via video several times, but I knew it would be different seeing me in person. I wasn’t a face on a screen anymore, and I was considerably taller in real life. It made me realise how long it had been since I’d last been down to London for a visit. “What’s that on your shirt?”
I looked down, trying to remember what t-shirt I’d put on earlier. I had a coat and a hoodie on over the top, but I realised you could still see part of the design peeking out. I unzipped my coat and hoodie to show her the picture, which was of the droid BB-8 from the Star Wars sequel trilogy. I had varying opinions about the films, but BB-8 was adorable, and when I’d seen the t-shirt on sale, I hadn’t been able to resist.
“It’s BB-8 from Star Wars.”
She frowned and then sighed, and I’d never felt more judged in my entire life. “Why do all boys like Star Wars? It’s very silly.”
I fought the urge to laugh while Chantelle’s expression rotated between mild horror and hilarity. “It is kind of silly,” I said. “Dinosaurs are better.”
“They are.” She nodded. “You should get more t-shirts with dinosaurs. Pink ones.”
“I should.” I looked between her and Chantelle. “Shall we go back to mine? And then, I was thinking we could have some snacks and plan what we want to do next?”
“That sounds great,” Chantelle said, then she looked at Kelsey and frowned. “Shit. Car seat. I knew I was forgetting something.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got one.” I waved my hand. “I picked one up yesterday after I double-checked what she’d need. That’s why I asked you how tall she was.” It hadn’t been hard to nip into Halfords and grab a seat, and they’d even shown me how to fit it into the back of my car. I hadn’t thought about it at first, and it was only after I’d mentioned taking Kelsey out for the day to Gem that he’d suggested it.
Chantelle was giving me a look, and I knew what it meant—that I shouldn’t have spent the money—but she didn’t want to say anything in front of Kelsey. “I know,” I said as we headed back to where I’d parked. “But public transport here is rubbish, and it wasn’t expensive. Plus, I can keep it for next time you come and visit.”
“Fine,” Chantelle said. “But I owe you.”
“You can buy me a stick of rock later.” I laughed. “Or some candy floss.”
It took us a bit of time to get Kelsey strapped in, especially because she objected at first, but her dislike was soon forgotten as we drove and she chatted nonstop about everything she saw out the car window.
“I was thinking,” I said quietly, “we could go up to Skegness to the seal sanctuary. They’ve got seals, penguins, a tropical house, meerkats, and there’s a pets corner too. Plus, it’s right by the beach, and we can walk along to the pier. It’s only about an hour away.”
“That sounds amazing,” Chantelle said. “Kels will love that.”
“Cool. We can go in a bit. Maybe food first? I’ve got some bits for sandwiches and things. Gem gave me some pointers because I have no idea what kids eat.” Even with my eyes on the road, I felt Chantelle’s gaze boring into me as we drove. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Chantelle.”
“What? I’m saying nothing.” I heard the glee in her voice, and I grimaced. “Am I gonna get to meet him?”
“You might.” She smacked my thigh.
“Mummy, don’t hit people,” Kelsey said promptly from the back seat. “It’s mean.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Are you going to say sorry to me?” I asked quietly, trying not to smile.
“No. You deserved it,” Chantelle said. “I want to meet him.”
“Fine! You’re so demanding.” I let myself smile. “Good thing he’s coming with us. That is if you don’t mind.”
“Oh my God, I will murder you,” Chantelle hissed. I burst out laughing.
It was going to be a good day.
Gem arrived just as I’d finished making a mountain of sandwiches, and Chantelle gave me a knowing smile as we ate while Kelsey peppered Gem with questions ranging from whether seals could fart to whether penguins liked the chocolate biscuits named after them or not. Gem answered all the queries with a surprising amount of good humour and wasn’t bothered about sitting in the back next to Kelsey as we drove to Skegness. I was still partly surprised he’d wanted to come with us, but when I’d tentatively suggested the idea the other night— after we’d cleaned up and been stretched out on his bed, and Gem had insisted I stay, and I’d caved without question—he’d said he’d love to. And I wasn’t going to turn down spending more time with him.
The drive gave Chantelle and me a chance to catch up, but I kept getting distracted when I heard Gem telling Kelsey Scottish folk stories and answering her questions about fairies. He was so good with her, and it made something inside me twist and squirm.
“You like him,” Chantelle said, noticing I wasn’t paying attention to her.
“What?”
“You like him.”
“No, I…” I lowered my voice. “This isn’t the time or place.”
“Fine, but I’m getting an answer out of you,” Chantelle said. She would, and by the end of the day, I knew I’d have told her everything. Not that there was much she didn’t already know.
Considering it was a cold, blustery Saturday in March, Skegness was busier than I’d anticipated, but I managed to find somewhere to park, and the four of us headed to the Natureland Seal Sanctuary. I hadn’t been in years, but I remembered coming with Mimbles and Mum a couple of times when I’d been growing up. Kelsey had decided Gem was much more interesting than me or her mum, so she’d taken his hand, and the two of them had walked off towards the sanctuary, leaving Chantelle and me to follow.
As soon as we got inside, Kelsey let out a gasp and headed straight for the main pool where several large seals were gliding leisurely through the water or stretched out on rocks. They were very cute with their fat, speckled bodies and puppylike faces as they bobbed in the water, but the sweetest thing was watching Kelsey as she peered into the pool with a look of awe on her face.
There was something about the wonder of children that was utterly adorable.
It suddenly made me wonder if I’d ever have kids of my own. I had the sneaking suspicion that having biological children in the UK was quite difficult for LGBTQ parents, especially if you were a same sex couple, but I’d be very happy to adopt. And just thinking that made me realise I’d probably already made a decision about what I wanted for my future without consciously thinking about it. It was terrifying and freeing all at the same time.
I watched as a member of staff walked past and stopped to answer Kelsey’s questions as she pointed at one of the seals. The man knelt down and began talking to her, and from beside me, Chantelle let out a soft laugh.
“I wonder if he knows he’s never going to escape now. She’ll keep him there for hours.”
“At least she hasn’t asked to take one home yet,” I said, remembering the time that Lewis had very seriously asked Mimbles if he could have a seal pup for a pet and then tried to negotiate for a penguin when she’d said no.
“Easy answer to that one. Seals can’t go on the train. They haven’t got a ticket and there’s no water.”
“Penguin?”
“Hasn’t got a ticket either, Finn. Gotta have a ticket or a pass to get on the train.”
“That’s very true,” I said. “You could buy them a ticket?”
“Nah. Gotta book at least a week in advance for the big train, and we’re going home tomorrow.” She grinned at me. “Sometimes you have to have prepared lies for these questions. Not big ones but, like, little ones that get you out of trouble. Like last year when Kelsey kept asking why Father Christmas was everywhere instead of at the North Pole with the elves. So I said that some of them are actors, like you, who help him out and pretend to be Father Christmas when he’s busy, but they still tell him everything , so she has to be good.” She snorted and shook her head. “I think she’s now convinced there’s, like, a fucking Santa spy network, but she still thinks he’s real, so that’s something.”
I laughed. “I like that one.” As we watched, the keeper said something to Kelsey and then to Gem, who shook his head and pointed at us before getting up and leaving. I wondered what had just happened, but I had a sneaking suspicion we were about to be involved in something.
“Mummy,” Kelsey shouted, running up to Chantelle and practically bursting with excitement. “The man who looks after the seals said if we come back here later, he’ll feed them lots of fish, and we can watch, and he’ll tell us all their names! So we have to go look at everything else now so we can come back.”
“At three,” Gem said, strolling up behind her with a smile on his face. “They feed them at three.”
I looked at my watch. “That gives us about an hour and a half.”
“Let’s go,” Kelsey said, grabbing my hand and then reaching for Gem’s. “Come on.” She began pulling us towards the pool and the path that led around to the left with a surprising amount of force for someone so small. Then she turned around to make sure Chantelle was following us. “Come on, Mummy, don’t be so slow.”
“I’m coming. You’re just going too fast.”
Kelsey sighed in that way all small children did when they thought adults were being ridiculous. Then she looked up at me and Gem. “Finn?”
“Yes, Kelsey,” I said with a growing sense of trepidation.
“Is Gem your boyfriend?”
I stared at her, trying to find words while my face flamed. I was probably the colour of a fire engine, and it was definitely going to be noticeable to everyone within a hundred miles. “Er… my boyfriend?”
“Yeah. The man who knows about seals asked if Gem was my dad, but he’s not. He’s just your friend, so that makes him your boy friend? Karim at school, his daddy has a boyfriend called Rahul, and he makes Karim doughnuts on Sundays. Does Gem make you doughnuts?”
I looked helplessly at Gem, who gave me a smile, and that familiar warmth inside my chest blossomed. I knew I had to say no , even if the answer I really wanted to give was yes .
“No,” Gem said. “Finn is just my best friend. Do you have a best friend, Kelsey? Someone at school you like playing with?”
“Yes! Her name is Nadiya, and she has an ice cream truck we play with, and when we go to her house for tea, her mum makes us yummy chicken.”
“An ice cream truck?” Gem asked with the most gorgeous level of enthusiasm.
“It’s a Disney Princess one,” Chantelle added from beside me. “Isn’t it, bub? And her mum makes you curry, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah!” Kelsey began chatting away about Nadiya and her other friends from school, happily diverted from the subject of Gem and me.
We continued walking, and Gem steered Kelsey over to look at the family of meerkats. I watched the pair of them, my heart aching so much I thought it might burst. I wanted all this to be real and to be mine, not just a fantasy I was living for a weekend. I’d known going into my arrangement with Gem that I’d struggle to separate the sex from my feelings, but now it was virtually impossible.
I saw the crash coming, and I knew it was going to hurt. But I couldn’t stop myself from speeding into the welcome embrace of something I’d longed for my entire life.