Chapter 53
The biting cold of January cuts through all my layers of clothing. A frosty chill is in the air, and I can see my breath. The frozen ground crunches beneath my feet as I walk over to Kevin’s.
It’s so embarrassing that I have to do this. I shouldn’t have to do this. This shouldn’t be happening, and I don’t know why I keep putting myself through this.
The silence of the night makes me question if anyone is home. I expected there to be music blasting with people outside partying. One light shines through the apartment, making me wonder what’s going on even more.
I lightly knock on Kevin’s door. Is anyone even home? It’s Saturday night. Usually, he’s out partying.
Kevin’s eyes go wide when he sees me standing there alone. “Is everything okay? Where’s Amari?”
“She’s fine. She’s with Paige,” I say between my teeth, chattering with the cold.
“You left her with Paige?”
“I left her with you before. Why are you questioning her?”
He shakes his head. “Come in.”
The warm heat helps me relax my shoulders.
“So, what’s up?” He sits on the couch, grabs his beer, and takes a sip.
“Have you seen Kai? I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”
“No,” he says with a blank stare.
His expression tell me he knows, doesn’t want to say, or doesn’t care.
“He’s probably out.”
“No shit, Kevin. But where? He’s never done this before.
” It’s New Year’s Day—or night, I should say.
Kai went out on New Year’s Eve and never came home.
His phone has been dead, or off, since last night, and I haven’t heard from him in a whole day.
There wasn’t much hope left in me of him not going out for New Year's when he went out for Christmas. Still, though, he always comes home. This is the first time he’s never not come home.
His usual time to come home is four in the morning.
When that time passed last night, I was fuming even more than I was the second he left the apartment.
This worries me more knowing he always came home.
My anger subsided with each passing hour.
Now I’m praying nothing happened to him.
“He’s where he should be.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I ask.
He leans against the couch and spreads both of his arms out on both sides of the couch. “He’s eighteen years old. He should be out having fun.”
My mouth drops open. “And I’m supposed to be here taking care of Amari by myself?”
“No. Neither of you should be taking care of a baby. You guys are too young.”
“Too late for that.”
The creak of the bedroom door makes me focus my gaze on the hallway. Soft padding of footsteps as a girl emerges from the hallway.
“Who’s this, Kevin?” The girl looks from me over to Kevin.
Kevin sighs. “My brother’s girlfriend.”
“It better be.”
“Can you give us a minute?” He crushes his beer can in his hand.
She looks at us both again, turns around, and walks out of sight.
This is a weird sight to see. Kevin isn’t one to date. He’s probably trying to get laid. Which is also weird because he sleeps around at the parties he goes to. With the way Kai has been, it makes me question if he is cheating on me. Especially now that he’s pulling this.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair for me to say that,” he says rubbing his hand down his chin.
“You can be a real asshole sometimes.”
Ignoring my comment, he says, “Kai has been struggling. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he won’t say much.
He was closer to my dad than I was, and he’s taking it harder than he lets on.
” Kevin shakes his head. “He’s numbing his pain with alcohol.
I know that isn’t good for him since alcoholism runs in the family.
” He narrows his eyes at me. “He says that you’re fine with him going out. Is that not true?”
I let out a sigh. “No. Maybe every once in a while, but not as much as he has been.”
“When I ask him how you guys are, he says you guys are good. Is that also not true?”
My head shakes. He’s unbelievable. I wonder what other lies he’s told.
“So what’s really been going on?”
“Some months he’s good; he doesn’t party, and he helps me with Amari.
Then others, he’s out all weekend and during the weekday he’s not present with us at home.
” Kevin’s eyes widen as if he had no idea.
“He won’t talk to me. I don’t know how he feels or what he’s going through.
I don’t know how to help him.” I take a seat next to Kevin and hang my head.
“Have you guys not been partying together? I assumed you were together when he goes out.”
He shakes his head. “I haven’t partied with him in months. Like I said, he won’t talk to me.”
That makes no sense. If he’s not with Kevin, who does he party with?
He lets out a groan. “I might know where he is at.”
A few minutes later, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of Kevin’s Honda. “You just left that girl all alone?” I ask. I’m not sure what he said to her, but when we were walking out the front door, she came into the living room, yelling his name.
“Sure did,” he says.
“Yeah, but that’s kind of a dick move…”
He grips the steering wheel. “Do you want my help or not?”
I don’t get Kevin. He has such a split personality. One minute he is a total asshole, and the next he is nice. Like right now, he’s driving me to where he thinks Kai could be. Helping me.
How nice of him.
“So where is this place you think he is at?”
“Some frat house that people party all weekend at. Rarely does anyone leave until Monday morning.”
“So they party all weekend long without going home?”
“Pretty much.”
“What the fuck?” I whisper. That’s disgusting.
We pull up to a big brown brick house. It’s two stories high. It looks like the typical frat house you see in the movies. The closer we get, the more nauseated I feel.
What am I going to walk in on?
Is he with someone?
A girl?
I pray he’s not here, but I also pray he is so I can at least know he’s fine.
We walk into the bass-pounding, vibrating house. Or is it all the people that are in here shaking the house? I follow Kevin as we squeeze past people. Some stop and greet Kevin as we make our way through.
We round the corner and my whole body freezes at a sight I never wanted to witness. A sight I never thought I would see. A chill runs down my body in disbelief.
Kai and Allison.
Allison and Kai.
What the fuck?
They’re talking and laughing together.
Kevin walks right up to Kai and knocks his drink out of his hand. Kai looks at Kevin, confused. Allison jerks back.
“What the fuck?” Kai says.
“That’s right, Kai. What the fuck?”
They haven’t noticed me yet. I’m standing a little back behind Kevin. I bite my lip, fighting back the tears.
“Dude, what is your problem?”
“Get the fuck outside!” Kevin sternly says.
“Why?”
Kevin moves to the side, and I appear in Kai’s sight. He swallows the lump in his throat as his face falls from seeing me. Holding back my tears, I walk out. I’m not giving Allison the satisfaction of seeing us argue. I know her type. She’ll think she won. I'm sure she thinks she already won.
I lean against the car, watching Kevin storm out of the house with Kai right behind him.
“B,” Kai says softly.
“Don’t B me. Where the fuck have you been? Have you been with that slut all night and day?”
“No. It’s not like that—”
I cut him off. “Then what is it like, Kai? You leave me and your daughter at home on another holiday for what? So you can go fuck around. Are you fucking around on me?” I yell, seeing my hot breath with the cold of this night.
I’m so hurt and mad I don’t feel any cold.
My body’s been stiff since I saw those two talking to each other.
No warmth or cold is connecting with my body.
“No.” He furrows his brows. “I would never do that to you.”
“So you wouldn’t cheat on me but you think it’s okay to leave your family for a whole day with no word to them. I’ve been sitting up all night worried sick, and you’re over here just fucking around.”
He steps closer to me, and I move to the side to get away from him. Kevin comes closer to us. “Kai, you told me she was okay with you going out. Then I found out you’ve been going out more than I knew. What the hell is going on with you?”
Kai turns to Kevin with a clenched jaw. His eyes flash intensely at him with anger. “Why is it okay for you to go out but not me?”
“I don’t have the responsibilities that you have.”
“I take care of my responsibilities. I go to work. I pay our bills. I’m home every night.”
Kevin shakes his head with raised brows. “You think that’s all you have to do? You can’t do this bullshit when you have a family. You should know that after what we’ve been through. Look at how dad—”
Kai cuts Kevin off. “Don’t you dare bring him into this!” he yells.
“This has everything to do with him and you need to come to realize that and fix whatever it is you’re going through. Numbing whatever the hell you’re feeling isn’t going to help.”
Tears roll down my cheeks as I listen to how hurt he is. All he is doing is putting his pain on others and I can’t sit and be in the turmoil of his pain if he won’t find a way to deal with it better than partying.
“I’ll come home right now,” Kai says.
The sight of him and Allison replays in my head, sickening me with what could or may have happened. “I don’t want you to come home,” I say.
Kai’s mouth falls in disbelief. “Where am I going to go?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe your so-called friends will find a spot for you.”
“You can stay with me,” Kevin says as he gets in the car. Kai walks to the back door and starts opening it until Kevin stops him. “No. You found a way to get here, you can find a way to get home. Come on, Blakely. Let’s go.”
I slide into the passenger seat without looking at Kai. As we drive away, I glance back at him. He remains in the same spot, his expression frozen in shock.