Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
AMbrOS
The taste of Citi is something that will sear itself into my memory for years to come.
I try to hold myself back, but I feel like an addict craving more.
I deepen the kiss, reveling in the feel of her pressed against me.
When her tongue slides against mine tentatively, I have to swallow a moan so I don’t distract her innocent curiosity.
My cock throbs, and it takes everything I have not to strip her bare and slip inside her. I’ve never felt so close to losing control before, and sure as shit not from just a kiss.
At the sound of something being dropped just outside the room, she jolts and pulls away. She licks her swollen lips and stares up at me in wonder, and goddamn if that expression alone doesn’t make me feel like a fucking king.
“Thank you.”
I grin. “It should be me thanking you. Best fucking gift I ever received.”
She grins back shyly at me. I get to my feet and offer her my hand, pulling her up. She collides with my chest, but neither of us moves away.
“You want to grab something to eat? We can pick up Star if you want, or we can go out on our own. I’m easily pleased.”
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
“That depends. Would you say yes?”
She hesitates, chewing her lip as she tries to figure out what she wants to do. “I want to. I won’t lie and say I’m not shit scared over the whole thing though.”
“You don’t need to be scared, not with me. I’m never going to make you do something you don’t want to. Anything that happens between us happens at your pace. You have all the power here.”
“Okay. Then I’d like to go for something to eat—just me and you. Nevaeh wanted to spend some time with Star when Havoc was done with her lessons anyway.”
“Perfect. You in the mood for anything in particular?”
She shakes her head. “Surprise me.”
Knowing she won’t be up for anything fancy or overly crowded, I decide to take her somewhere I know she’ll feel comfortable. Once I have her on my bike, I head to The Book Nook, grinning like an idiot when I feel her arms tighten around me. I don’t know if she’s even consciously doing it.
When we pull up, I help her off the bike and tug her helmet off, leaving it on the handlebars along with mine.
I take her hand and lead her inside, the bell above the door signaling our arrival.
I don’t see Delphi around, but I’m sure she’ll turn up at some point.
I order a coffee and a hot chocolate and snag a menu before ushering Citi to one of the corner tables with the oversized armchairs.
She smiles when she sits, kicking off her sneakers before curling her feet underneath her. “I love it here. I don’t feel like I’m missing some social cue. I can just be me. I wonder if Delphi would let me wear my PJs next time?”
I laugh, sliding her drink closer to her. “I don’t think Delphi would object to anything if it meant you felt more comfortable.”
“That’s sweet. The first time that I properly met her, I found her a little intimidating, but it didn’t take long to realize it’s a shell she wears.”
“Ah, yes, her prickly shell. That’s why Kruger calls her Chestnut.”
She chuckles. “It works. She’s always been really nice to me and Star. In the beginning, I think Havoc and Nevaeh brought me around to see her because we both had a traumatic story that might bond us.”
“I sense a but coming on…”
“They mean well. And like I said, I really like Delphi. But we went through something similar and yet something worlds apart. Delphi pushes people away to keep herself from getting hurt. I don’t want to keep people away.
I just don’t know how to let them in. I don’t understand people all that well.
Hell, I don’t even understand myself. It’s a lot to figure out, and it makes me feel like I’m doggy paddling in the deep end with no way of getting out.
” She blows out a frustrated breath. “I get that trauma is trauma. It’s not more or less than someone else’s, even if on the surface it seems like some people have experienced it worse.
Because in the end, it’s all subjective.
It’s how people process it, how they deal with it, and ultimately how they heal from it.
That’s where the differences occur—not in the event, but in the aftermath. ”
I tilt my head, letting her words seep in. She’s right.
“Don’t get me wrong, I think we’ll be friends once we get to know each other better, but that’s more to do with having friends and likes in common—like books and pastries—than the fact that men abused us.”
“So basically, you want us to back off?”
She huffs out a laugh, part humorously, part exasperation. “Just let things be. I might have been locked away for half my life, but even I know women have a tendency to work things out when men don’t interfere.”
I hold my hands up in capitulation. “Yes, ma’am.”
She grins, scanning the menu before she settles on what she wants. “I think I’ll have the mozzarella and pesto panini.”
“I’m going to have the tuna melt. I’ll go place our orders and be right back.”
“Okay.”
“Why don’t you go take a look around, see if anything catches your eye?” She glances around at all the books before nodding. I walk to the counter, keeping an eye on her.
The door opens, and King walks in with a man at least a decade older than me, who looks vaguely familiar, and a woman around Citi’s age.
King spots me, and I take in the newcomers.
The guy looks out of place in his navy-blue suit and violet shirt.
The woman has an almost ethereal look to her.
She’s wearing a floor-length white summer dress and a pair of cowboy boots, along with a soft-looking cashmere cardigan over the top.
She looks up at the man in the suit with a soft smile, and I know in an instant they’re an item.
But if you’d asked me beforehand, I’d have never placed them together.
He screams control, while she has a quiet wildness about her.
“Ambros. Good to see you. How are things going?” King asks.
“They’re going. Some days are easier than others.”
“I get that. I’ve lost more than my fair share of people. It never gets easier. I’m really sorry about your sister, though. She was a spitfire.”
The familiar ache of her loss spreads through my limbs. “She was the best.”
“Hi,” the woman says, waving at me.
“Shit, where are my manners? Ambros, this is my daughter, Six, and her husband, Will.”
“Ah, the infamous Six. I was starting to think he made you up.”
Six giggles as her husband pulls her close, tucking her under his arm. My lips twitch at the claiming move, but the guy has nothing to worry about from me.
“Wait, I know you. You’re Ambros Deveraux. I won a lot of money on your last fight.” Will offers me his hand with a grin. I take it and shake it before I feel Citi’s presence behind me.
I turn and see Citi worrying her lip, looking unsure if she should approach. I hold my hand out to her. A look of relief moves over her face as she moves closer. “Citi, you’ve met King, right?”
She nods, moving in close to me. “Yeah, hi.”
He offers her a soft look in response.
“This is Six, King’s daughter, and Will.”
“Her husband,” Will adds.
“Hi.” Six waves excitedly. Citi offers her a nervous smile.
“Nice to meet you. I didn’t know King had a daughter.”
“Neither did he for a while.” Six grins.
Citi looks confused but doesn’t ask. Six tilts her head, her eyes moving over Citi. “I met Nevaeh. I didn’t know she had a twin. That’s so cool.”
“Um…yeah.” Citi twists her hands together, a sure-fire sign she’s nervous.
I’m about to step in when Six shrugs off her husband and moves in closer. “Do you think you could show me where the good books are? I love my husband and dad, but we definitely don’t read the same things.”
Citi chuckles, loosening up a little. “Sure.” She looks at me. “I’ll be right back.” She voices it as a question, making me grin. I press my lips to her forehead and watch her as she walks off with Six beside her.
Will moves closer. “She reminds me of what my wife was like when we first met.”
Knowing the basics of Six’s history, I nod. “King tell you about Citi?”
“No. But he mentioned coming up for a visit, which is unusual, as we normally drop by Carnage because it’s closer. Now, I’ve known King a long time. That man doesn’t do anything by accident.”
“Standing right here,” King grunts.
“Am I lying?” Will asks him, folding his arms across his chest.
King sniffs and looks away, his eyes moving to the list of drinks on the wall behind the counter.
“Citi was abducted when she was ten. She was held captive for fifteen years.”
“Shit,” Will curses. “No wonder I recognized my wife in her. Put a pretty bird in a cage long enough they can’t see when the door has been left open.”
“They can, it’s just after a while, freedom becomes an illusion,” King mutters, not looking away from the board. “What do you two want?”
“Black coffee for me. You know what Six likes,” Will answers. I give him my lunch order and turn back to Will.
“Want to join us?” I figure he might have an insight into how to help Citi, and I’ll take all the help I can get right now.
“Lead the way.”
I take him over to where we are sitting, pulling a couple of chairs from the neighboring table to accommodate us all.
“How long has she been free?” he asks as he sits.
“A little under a year.”
“The first couple of years are the worst.” He opens the button of his jacket before he sits. “The guy who took her?”
“Dead. He got off way too fucking easy if you ask me.”
“I feel you on that one.”
“I won’t lie. I’m worried half the time I’ll do more harm than good. She was a fucking child when she was taken. What she’s learned in the interim has been through watching TV and reading books.”
“Could be worse. She could have had no means to learn at all.”
I let out a rough sigh. He’s right. “Neveah told me she was an exceptional reader, well beyond most fifth-graders, which is where she was when she was taken. She taught herself further, reading everything she could get her hands on, and by using the closed captions on TV. She taught her daughter the same way.”
He jerks back, his eyes wide. “Daughter?”
I swallow. “Star. She’s five, soon to be six.”
“That motherfucker.”
I grit my teeth and nod. “She’s all her mother, though. Never seen a bond tighter in my life.”
“And I doubt you ever will. They’re not just tied by the bonds of mother and daughter—they’re tied by their will to survive. That’s pretty fucking powerful.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that for a second. I like to think I’m pretty fucking tough, Will. Hell, I spent half my life beating people unconscious for a living. But I’m man enough to admit, I wouldn’t have survived what she did, what they did. No way.”
“You never know what you can survive until you’re forced to claw your way out of it.”
“No. Not this.” I look around and lean closer so I’m not overheard. “Star wasn’t her first child. Every one before her was a boy, so he killed them. Jasper wasn’t interested in a son. He wanted a—”
“Replacement,” Will hisses.
I nod. “.The guy was a pedophile. He took a ten-year-old girl because his preference lies between ten and eighteen. The second she became an adult, his interest waned, Citi admitted as much herself. I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just kill her and find a replacement until I realized he intended to create a replacement from scratch that he could mold into the perfect victim. ”
“This world is full of sick motherfuckers.”
“If we hadn’t found her when we did…” My voice drifts off as I think back to that fateful day, watching from afar as she sat among the wildflowers where her children were buried, saying her goodbyes.
If we hadn’t found her when we did, I do not doubt that eventually she would have ended up lying right beside them.
And if it wasn’t for Star, I hate the fact it might have been something she would have welcomed.
“But you did. The thing is, however bad you think it was, it was worse. The fact that she’s still standing, still functioning, is a testament to her strength. But that doesn’t mean she has it in her to be strong every day. Be her shield. That’s what I am for Six.
“I try not to put limits on her. This world may seem dark to us, but Six has found a way to always find the brightness in every dark space. It’s an almost childlike innocence that I see in Citi, too.
Maybe it’s because they never experienced the same things that shaped most teenagers and young adults.
They’re a mix of soft spots and sharp edges, wariness and wonder, courage and caution.
It’s a lot. If you don’t think you’re up for the ride, back off.
Because if there is one thing she needs right now, it’s consistency.
She needs someone to be her strength when hers fails, because it will.
None of it will be easy, my friend. The nightmares, flashbacks, and triggers are a bitch to navigate.
But Six is it for me. You have to decide if Citi is it for you.
Because if the answer is anything other than yes, you’re more of a risk to her now than the guy that took her. ”
“What the fuck?”
“I’m not saying you’d hurt her like that.
I’m saying right now she is clearly smart enough to know that men like him are not the norm.
She’s seeing healthy relationships around her, largely in part to your club.
But if you fuck her over, and then the next guy does too…
and I have no idea if there may be underlying daddy issues already…
Then the exception to the rule becomes the norm, and that’s when girls like that stop trying to escape the abusive cycle.
They start believing this is their lot in life.
And instead of reaching for better, they settle.
And trust me when I say there are plenty of men who will come along and scoop her up, not because she’s pretty and sweet but because she’s docile and pliable.
And then she’ll find herself right back in a cage of a different making. ”