Chapter Fourteen
Landon
The outdoor lights of the cabin shine brightly as we pull into the driveway.
Allie hasn’t said a word since we left the mission. She didn’t move or react when Wesley called me to say he had the captor secured and was on his way to The Playhouse. She didn’t even react when Grayson called to say he was dropping Mrs. Tanner and Carter off at the hospital.
It’s almost like she completely shut her mind off to the world around her and all she is conscious of is the idea to be on guard in case she needs to defend herself.
I put the car in park in the driveway and glance over at Allie. Her eyes are closed and her head is leaning against the cool window. I don’t want to rush her, but I know we have been in the car for almost a week and I’m sure she is tired of being stuck so close to me.
And if I’m being honest, I am ready to be in the safety of my own home, where I don’t have to be on guard or responsible for anyone but myself. I am desperate to let everything go and just give into all the temptation and desire.
“Allie, we’re here,” I say, my voice in almost a whisper, so I don’t startle her.
I watch as she shifts in her seat and her hands that are wrapped around her body shake, but her eyes remain closed and she stays slumped against the door.
The obvious hits me and I feel stupid that it wasn’t the first thing I thought of. “Allie. I’m going to go inside and check everything. I’ll check the outside once it’s clear.”
I get out of the car and walk up to the front door, glancing over my shoulder to check on her. Her eyes are now locked on me as I move closer to the door.
Using the keypad, I unlock the door. I know Mom and Logan spent time while we were gone getting this place ready for Allie and got her everything she might need from groceries to clothing.
I make my way through every inch of the cabin. The living room and kitchen are all one big room, so it doesn’t take me long to get through the downstairs. It’s pretty much identical from when Logan stayed here before she moved in with Gray.
Grayson bought this place as a surprise for Logan after they got engaged as a way to get Lo to leave the house while we looked for Allie. Logan refused to accept it unless it could be a place for Allie to stay rent free for as long as she wants.
Mom and Lo have made some minor changes since Lo stayed here. Instead of the twin couches, there is one couch, a recliner, and a giant beanbag chair.
Room by room, I check every inch of the cabin and when I’m done, I go outside and do the same exact thing.
As I round to the front of the house, I see Allie is now standing outside of the car, leaning against the front. She stares straight ahead at the cabin, her arms crossed over her chest.
I move so that as I walk closer to her, she sees me approaching. Her wavy brown hair is up in a knot on top of her head. Her sweater hangs off her shoulder and I don’t think she notices because she usually has herself completely covered up.
And for the first time, I catch a glimpse of a tattoo, covering and coming up over her shoulder and down her arm. It’s dark, but as I get closer, I notice it’s a mix of flowers and vines, all black and white.
Allie doesn’t move as I stand next to her, leaning against the hood, a few feet separating us. For the first time, I allow myself to actually look at her. The light from the inside of the house and the lamp post shine bright enough I can catch a glimpse of her eyes. They are a unique shade of blue, almost like the color of a bluebird’s wings.
I look at her and I’m speechless. This girl is living proof that even when life slams the door in your face and tries to take you down, raw beauty and strength still shine brightest.
I have no idea what she went through or how she is still standing, but I can tell she has more strength in her pinky than I ever will in my entire body.
See Landon, she has survived the unthinkable and here you are letting a silly little liquid take you down. Fucking idiot.
My fist clenches at the stupid voices in my head and I push them away. Because they are right and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I am easily taken down by a silly little liquid. And at this moment, all I care about is making sure Allie is safe, the mission is wrapped up and everyone is taken care of, so I can finally go home and be alone.
Shifting my body, I lean against the side of the car, my ankles crossing over each other. I stare out at the forest and listen to the trees rustling in the wind and inhale the fresh Washington air. For the first time in almost a week, I can finally breathe again.
You can do this. Just a few more hours and you will be home.
Allie shifts and looks up at the sky. I am about to say the house is all clear when she says, “Do you ever think that there is a specific reason fate places people on certain paths?”
I don’t move from my spot and shrug my shoulders. “No. But if I did, I would have a lot of questions for the game maker that is in charge of this wild game of fate.”
Allie chuckles. “I would be in line behind you.”
I nod.
“But seriously, have you ever just sat down and thought about why we get dealt the hands we do? Like why some people are born into a family that is rich and they will never have anything to worry about, but there isn’t an ounce of love behind closed doors. But others are born into a family that barely makes it by, but their love and dedication to each other feels like they are millionaires.”
She pauses. This is the most she has spoken since I met her and lightning will have to strike right in front of us for me to interrupt her.
“Maybe they are just lucky. But what about the ones that are placed on a path that seems great at first, then quickly turns into a long, dark tunnel of one fucked up thing after another? Why is that even an option? Why is life so complicated yet simple?
“You are placed on a path and come to a fork in the road. You are forced to choose one, but you have no idea what each holds. If you pick correctly, you are down a path of sunshine and rainbows. But if you pick wrong, you are happy for a while and then suddenly the path turns rocky, and it’s a slippery slope to complete chaos and devastation. And just to mess with you, they give you a tiny ounce of hope by getting you out of the chaos. But now you’re left in pieces without tape or glue to put yourself back together.”
Her words hit hard like a punch in the gut and I’m left here standing in silence. She just summed up the meaning of this sick and twisted life in the most honest and raw way. And not once did she say a single thing I haven’t thought of a million times before.
Scrubbing my hand down my face and turning my hat backwards, I say, “If I’m being honest. I have stopped asking questions, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get out of bed the next day. And if I didn’t, then who would help those that aren’t given a chance to rewrite fate?”
I turn to look at her and see her gaze has shifted to staring at the ground, her head nodding as she takes everything in.
I feel the need to say something to take her out of her mind that I know is probably going a million miles an hour, but what do you say to that? There are no words in any language that would be the right ones to give her an ounce of hope that things will get better.
Fuck. I need a damn drink.
“Yeah. It just sucks that there is a reason why you have to exist in the first place.” Her head snaps to mine as she realizes what she just said, and I can see the guilt and worry on her face.
I know her words mean the opposite of what she is saying. But that doesn’t stop my mind from going into a tailspin.
Fire ignites all over my body and I don’t want to rush her, but now that I am miles from home, the pain is getting worse.
Not wanting her to think she upset me, I say, “Yep. If people were just fucking decent humans, no one would have to get their asses kicked for being giant pieces of shit.” A chuckle escapes me, and I watch as her shoulders relax.
Her attention shifts back to the cabin and I walk around to stand next to her, still giving her space. “The house is clear. There is a keypad on the door to unlock it, but there is also a key on the counter. The code is next to it with instructions on how to change it. My mom stocked the house with anything you could need. There is enough food in there to feed an army,” I chuckle and continue.
“There are security cameras that I will give you access to. You can change the password and everything tomorrow. You have my number in your phone. Call me if there is anything wrong. I live less than five minutes away. And tomorrow I will take you into the city so you can get a decent phone. They should be able to get you set up with one that can have all your old information on it. And if you are up for it, we can see about getting you a car, so you aren’t stuck here.”
I expect her to tell me no since we spent the past week together, but she nods. I think it has more to do with the fact that if it’s not me doing this…it would be Logan.
I watch as she grabs everything from the car and makes her way to the house. Just as she gets to the door, I say, “Allie?”
She turns and glances over her shoulder.
“Anything. I promise. No matter what time of day.”
She nods and continues to walk into the house. Just as her foot crosses the threshold, she turns, hesitates for a second, then says, “I—um–Thank you.”
I nod and wait for her to shut the door, but something stops her.
“Hey–um…”
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I wait for her to find the words she’s searching for.
“Uh…Why did you stay outside of my door that night in the hotel?”
Her question shocks me for a moment, especially after the night she just had. I would have thought that moment would be the last thing on her mind.
Going with the safest answer, I say, “To make sure he didn’t come back.”
Her eyes narrow at me. “After what I’ve seen tonight, I suspect that if someone messes up, they don’t just walk free. So how about the truth this time?”
Damn. This girl is fucking perceptive.
And because I promised to always tell the truth, I say, “Because I shouldn’t have let him get close enough to with you. This world is full of bad people, and my distractions convinced me I had missed someone else lurking. So I did the only thing I could. I used myself as a barrier, because if anyone wanted to get to you, they would have to go through me.”
Not having the capacity or strength to watch for her reaction, I back away, but pause as I get to my car.
Allie stands there for a few seconds before nodding and I wait for the sound of the lock engaging and feel a wave of relief rack my body.
I did it. I fucking did it. I got her here safely.
Not safely dumbass. Remember the hotels…
Rolling my eyes, I get in the car and make my way to The Hideout. Anger rises in my chest as the fire returns. My body cramps and my hand hits the steering wheel.
“Why can’t I just be fucking normal?” I yell to nothing and no one.
The drive is quick and as I pull into the driveway of The Hideout and see the lights shining inside, the bikes, trucks, and s parked outside, I want to turn around and go home.
But I can’t. So I park next to my truck, and get out. I have never been so happy to see a vehicle in my life. Driving for days, cramming my six foot one ass in that tiny car day after day has made me miss my truck and bike.
I know I just got back, but I need a damn vacation. One where no one will need anything from me and I can take my bike out for hours, then come home and drown out the voices.
I’m happy Allie is safe, but I’m fucking exhausted. And this night is far from over.
Pushing through the doors of The Hideout, all eyes turn to focus on me.
Logan is sitting on the couch in Gray’s lap with an ice pack pressed against her face. Noah is at the counter placing slices of pizza on plates. Wes is missing and I know he is probably having the time of his life in The Playhouse.
“Welcome back Lan. We missed you, bro,” Noah says, walking over, hugging me and handing me a plate.
I hug him back and move to take a seat on the recliner facing Lo and Gray. Noah finishes passing out food and drinks and takes the chaise, throwing his long legs over the side.
They all stare at me as I eat and I know they are all wanting to ask but don’t know how.
I know they mean well, but I am so on edge right now, I can feel myself seconds from snapping. The food is doing nothing to curb the aching need inside my veins. So instead of dragging this out, I decide to get it all on the table so I can go home.
Grayson rubs Lo’s back and, judging by the look on her face, I can tell she is in pain, probably in more ways than one. I swallow the anger and decide the last thing she needs is asshole Landon.
“How’s the head Lo?” I ask.
She shrugs and tears fill her eyes. Tossing her glasses on the cushion beside her, she turns and buries her face in Grayson’s neck and I look at him. Running his hand up and down her back, he takes his hat off, placing it on the back of the couch, and runs a tattooed hand down the side of her face. Since I’ve been gone, it looks like he has added wings to the cursive L on his ring finger.
This man is obsessed with his fiancée. Not that I blame him. Logan is exactly what he needed.
He whispers something else and Lo nods. He holds her tighter, then turns to lock his gaze with mine. “She’s okay. The hit triggered a nasty migraine and she refused to let me take her to the hospital, so we are waiting for her meds to kick in.”
Leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees, I scrub my hands down my face. I toss my hat on the table in front of me and the brim sends an echo through the living room. Logan jumps. “Shit. Sorry Lo.”
Logan turns and shakes her head. Tears stain her face and I feel like shit. “Not your fault. This night just has me on edge. And the migraine isn’t helping.” She pauses and I know exactly what she wants to say, but doesn’t.
Sitting back in the chair, I glance at Noah. He swipes sauce from his face and turns to sit right in the chair. “Everyone is good. Rowe is at the hospital with Carter. He has a broken leg, but the doctors will be releasing him soon. Mrs. Tanner is with her husband at the hospital. They have everything set up to go back to Portland after she gets checked out. They told me to tell you thank you and to call them when you have a chance so they can thank you properly. Wes has the dickhead downstairs and is doing his freaky voodoo shit. He said don’t bother him unless someone is dying.”
Typical Wes. The house must have been rough if he is refusing to come up to discuss everything.
“I’ll call them in the morning. I have to go into the city, so if they are still there, I will stop by.”
Everyone nods, and I can see the unasked questions begging to be answered.
Shifting my attention back to Lo and Gray. He pulls out his phone and types one handed, and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Gray : Be honest, but don’t be a dick.
Rolling my eyes, I drop my phone in my lap. Clearing my throat, Logan turns to look at me. All eyes are on me as I say, “She is safe. But she is far from okay. I have no idea what that asshole did to her, but she was silent most of the way here. Her mind isn’t in the right place to deal with anything, and tonight proved that.
“I know I haven’t known her for as long as you have Lo, but she needs space and time. She is trying really hard, but you need to give her time to separate whatever that monster did to her from you. None of what happened is your fault, but I don’t think her mind is seeing it that way right now. So I think the best thing for her right now is to let her come to you.”
Logan nods. “I feel so fucking bad. She wouldn’t be like this if I wasn’t her friend. I wish I could go back in time and never meet her, but the idea of never meeting her hurts just as bad. That girl saved me from my lowest moments and she had no idea she was even doing it. I just want to take all the pain away.” She pauses to wipe the tears off her face. “But you’re right. I need to give her space. I shouldn’t have said anything to her tonight, but I was just so happy to see her, I wasn’t thinking. And I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, Lo. I barely know her. I was just the person who got her back safely. I picked up on a few of her mannerisms along the way and in the few instances she said something. But she is still your best friend. You just have to give her a chance to see that.”
“I know. Thanks Lan. You did a great job.”
An odd sense of pride fills my chest at her words. I think I did more damage than anything, but she seems to think otherwise.
“Dang Lando. When did you become so philosophical and in touch with emotions and shit?” Noah says, not trying to hide his laugh.
We all laugh and the tension leaves the room. Logan flashes me a smile, and Gray sends me an appreciative nod.
I sit there for a little while longer while they catch me up on the missions that went down while I was gone. And when a yawn escapes me, I use that excuse to leave.
Hopping in my truck, I relax into the seat.
Finally.
Going faster than I should at this time of night, I’m home in minutes. I pull into the driveway and hit the garage button on the visor.
I bought this place from an older couple right after I signed my contract with Cliff Haven PD. It’s not some tiny cabin in the woods or big like my parents’ place. There’s just the right amount of space for me and a few extra rooms my brothers use if they ever need a place to stay.
Putting the car in park in the garage, I turn off the engine and hop out. Unlocking the door that connects to the kitchen, I don’t bother turning on any lights. There is a big window that looks out into the forest that surrounds most of the house. The moon is high in the sky, illuminating the living room and kitchen.
Kicking my shoes off under the coffee table, I sink down onto the corner of the gray sectional.
Finally.
My mind works on its own and I lean forward and I twist and reach behind the cushion. The neck of the bottle hits my hand and the fire inside me screams. Pulling the bottle into view, my hands shake.
I sit back, kick my legs up, and stare at the bottle resting on my leg. Part of me wants to throw it across the room and not let the voices and the fire win.
But I can’t. Because I will never be strong enough to defeat them.
Twisting the cap, I bring the bottle to my lips and the scent of cinnamon fills my nose. My entire body relaxes and my tongue darts out to taste the drop that is on the rim of the bottle. The flavor explodes on my tongue and my hand moves on its own. When I tilt the bottle up, the liquid flows down my throat.
The burn is only there for a second, and everything around me fades into the background. And soon my eyes close and the pain goes away.
Finally.