Chapter Fifteen
Allie
I jolt awake to the sound of my phone vibrating on the coffee table.
Moving my neck from side to side, I try to alleviate the ache. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to sleep in one of the recliners.
After Landon left, I stared out at the night sky through the wall of windows in the cabin. Even though this isn’t my first pick of where I would be right now, I have to admit, this place is beautiful. I can understand why Logan picked to hide away here.
I spent what felt like hours checking every crevice, as well as changing the codes and passwords to the security system and locks. By the time I was done, I didn’t have the energy to drag myself up the stairs.
My phone vibrates on the table again, bringing me out of my head. I let out a small sigh of relief at Landon’s name.
I could see the look on Logan’s face after I asked her for space. She looked hurt, but she understood. Still, I’m shocked she hasn’t sent over a single check in.
Did Landon say something to her after he left?
Picking up the phone, I swipe up to see a text from Landon.
Landon Hayes: On my way.
Landon Hayes : I’m here. Come out when you’re ready to go. We are going to Seattle to grab you a new phone and pick up a car.
I stare at this text and for the first time in days, it hits me. How am I going to pay for all of this? Did the asshole drain all my accounts? Do I even have a penny to my name?
My job. My perfect job where I helped the most beautiful humans in the world. Did he call them and tell them I left them high and dry? Or did I just disappear into thin air, leaving them thinking I just abandoned them?
Panic starts to rise in my chest. How am I going to do all of this? I can barely make it five minutes without feeling like the world is closing in around me. How the hell am I going to go out and get a job in a place I barely know and function like a normal human being while hiding that I am shattered into tiny pieces on the inside?
My chest rises and falls at rapid speed and my knees come up to my chest. I wrap my arms around them and bury my face in my legs. My body shakes so badly that I feel it in the chair.
Get it together Allie.
The chair shakes again and then I realize it’s not me shaking, it’s my phone. I glance down and see Landon’s name lighting up the screen. Absentmindedly, I swipe to answer the call and bury my face back in my legs.
You are safe. You are okay. You can do this. I repeat this to myself over and over.
Landon’s worried voice comes through the speaker, interrupting my never ending rambling mind. “Allie. Is everything okay?”
I don’t answer and just nod like he can see me.
Smart Allie.
“I can hear you breathing rapidly.” Robot Landon is back in play, but I hear him mutter something under his breath.
I try to calm myself down, but the never ending panic of how I’m going to just move on and live life like nothing happened is weighing down on me. My mind drifts to the dark place that tells me why even try? I shake my head to clear those thoughts.
Minutes tick by, and I focus on the rumbling of Landon’s truck and his breathing. I have no idea why but latching onto something that is real and not just a dream or figment of my imagination is taking me out of that grimy basement, and seems to be the only thing that allows my breathing to slow.
“Allie. Are you okay?” Landon’s voice is much softer this time.
I nod once again like he can see me and I force myself to say, “Yeah.” It comes out void of emotion, but it’s all I have.
I hear rustling before he says, “So uh..do you still want to go or–”
Cutting off his rambling, I say, “I don’t have money for any of this Landon. I don’t remember the last time I saw my damn debit card, let alone if he left me anything in my accounts. That man was on a warpath, and I have no idea how much destruction he left in his wake.” Taking a breath, I continue, the words flying out before I can stop them. “I don’t have a job. I left them high and dry. They probably fired my ass and I will never be able to work with kids again. Not that I will ever be able to go back to work because—”
“Allie!” Landon says abruptly, cutting off my words.
My chest rises and falls rapidly and I stare down at the phone.
“Can I come inside, please?” He asks, his voice soft.
My head darts to the door and then down my body. After I checked everything, I changed into one of the outfits I had in the bag of clothing Landon had brought on the trip. I make sure one of my breasts isn’t hanging out and that I am completely covered.
I don’t even want to see myself, so I know Landon definitely doesn’t want to see anything.
Hanging up the phone, I toss the fluffy blanket off. My feet hit the cold floor and I make my way over to the door. My hand reaches out for the handle and I hesitate.
This man has been stuck with me for way longer than he should have and now he is here trying to help me more. Why? Part of me wonders if he wants something from me. But the moment those thoughts cross my mind, a pang in my gut says otherwise.
Leaning my head against the door, I let out a breath and say, “He would have done something already. He wouldn’t offer if he didn’t want to. Logan wouldn’t put you in another dangerous situation. You are fine.”
I take another deep breath and attempt to clear my mind of the thousands of horrible memories threatening to smother me at any given time.
Typing the code into the door, I hear the locks disengage, and I pull down on the handle. Taking a step back so I can open the door, the bright sun hits me and the brisk fall air sends a shiver down my spine.
As my eyes adjust to the light, I see Landon leaning against a gray truck. His beanie is pulled down over his head and he has trimmed his facial hair since last night. He is wearing a black flannel with a black tee underneath and jeans. As I memorize his outfit in case this day goes south, my eyes make my way back up to his face, and I see he is staring at me.
His deep blues meet mine and for just a moment, I see a level of pain that I haven’t seen before. Almost like he accidentally let his mask slip for a brief second, leaving me to see maybe he has an ounce of understanding. I’ve noticed it before when he stepped in to mediate between Logan and I but this is new. This is different and I can’t put my finger on exactly what has changed.
Part of me wants to ask him if he is okay, but I can’t. I’m selfish. I can’t be the kind person I once was because I can barely handle my own shit, let alone anyone else’s.
Landon kicks off the truck and makes his way towards me, stopping a few feet in front of the door. His hands go to his pockets and he looks down at the ground before meeting my eyes.
“Thanks.”
I nod.
“Sorry for cutting you off. I know that was a dickhead move, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
Unsure what to say to that, I shrug and fold my arms around myself.
“We can discuss this as much as you want later. I have it all handled. But I want to get on the road if that’s okay with you? I have a guy meeting me at a car shop right outside of Seattle. It’s his day off, so I promised him I would get him in and out as quickly as I can. And the phone company already knows we are coming, so it shouldn’t take too long if we get there before the crowd comes in from people on their lunch break.”
My mind continues asking a million and one questions but not saying a single one. So I settle on the easiest. “How?”
Landon kicks a rock and levels his gaze with me, shooting me the most sincere look I have ever seen. “Because you are Logan’s best friend, meaning you are family. And you don’t let your family drown.”
I can’t help myself and roll my eyes. Leaning against the door frame, an unexpected burst of anger hits me. “You don’t owe me anything. I am not a charity case. Your family barely knows me and has already tried to give me everything without asking me if I wanted any of it.”
I don’t care if I sound like an ungrateful little brat. His pity is the last thing I want. I don’t want his money. I just need my fucking life back.
I expect Landon to react, but he doesn’t. He just nods and says, “You aren’t a charity case. And you and Lo may not be good now or ever, but she counts you as family, and that means something to me. This is what you do for family.” I go to interrupt him and he stops me. “Please don’t say anything about you being one of our victims. You aren’t. I’ve told you that. But shit happened to you Allie, and you won’t let anyone else help you. Not that I blame you, but you are in a new city, and it may be good to have one person you allow to help you. Even if you say you don’t need it.”
What. The. Hell?
Where the hell did this assertive, yet kind and confident version of Landon come from? Either the Washington air is crack or he just really hates being away from home and it makes him act unusual.
The urge to yell at him and tell him to fuck off is strong, but I don’t. Because part of me knows he is right. I can’t do everything on my own. I don’t even know how to get out of this town, let alone where anything is. I could look it up, but this temporary phone is already going to shit.
Exhaustion and defeat overcomes me. “Just answer this. Where is the money coming from? Because I know I have enough to cover a new phone and enough for a down payment on a car, but I’m not working, so that’s going to go quickly.”
Landon nods and says, “He didn’t drain your bank account. He took some, but it wasn’t more than a couple hundred.” He pauses and I level my gaze with him, not even phased at this point that he knows how to get into my bank account. “But you don’t have to worry about money. For a while. I know you are going to argue, but please don’t. You can ask as many questions as you want; they will all lead to the same place. You are family now whether or not you are ready to accept it and we always help family.”
I nod, partially because he’s right and ultimately because I don’t have the energy to fight the inevitable. I’m stuck in this tree haven with nothing but memories that haunt me every second of the day and this strangely quiet, but not when it matters most man, who confuses the shit out of me.
We stand there for a few minutes while I look out at the trees swaying in the wind, then I go inside and get dressed.
The drive to Seattle is quiet and even in my current state of mind, I have to admit this place is beautiful. The tree-lined roads and mountains in the distance are breathtaking. From everything Logan told me about this place, I expected it to be raining the entire time, but I guess it is a rare sunny day, making everything look like a photo straight out of National Geographic.
The outline of Seattle comes into view as we crest over a hill and I’m immediately transported back in time to when Logan explained why she wanted to move out here. She didn’t say much, but I knew then there was a special memory attached to it. And even though I don’t know if I will ever forgive her or look at her the same, I can tell whatever brought her here was some type of hidden omen.
Just as that thought crosses my mind, it immediately turns sour. Her move was possibly the catalyst that turned his sights on his next prey. Anger rises in my chest and I want to kick myself. Why can’t I just sit and enjoy a drive without my mind racing and making me think about things I have no desire to face at the moment?
My knee bounces and I tuck my hands under my legs to stop them from shaking. Memories play in my mind and I beg them to stop.
Get your shit together Allie.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and try to ground myself when Landon’s voice breaks through the silence. “We’re here.”
I open my eyes to see us pulling into a car lot. As we pull up to the small building at the back of the lot, a man in a polo and jeans comes out. He looks like he is in his mid forties and he wears a Mariners cap. He waves to Landon and Landon lifts his hand off the steering wheel, waving with his fingers.
Unbuckling his seatbelt, Landon turns to me. “You don’t have to get out. It should be pretty quick and then you can follow me to get your phone.” I nod and unbuckle, sinking further into the seat. I know I should have asked him on the ride here how this is all happening, but part of me doesn’t want to know anymore.
He said all the asshole did was take a few hundred, which pisses me off, but it’s better than him draining it. I have a sense of comfort knowing if I ever found the courage, I could make my way back to Florida and attempt to start over.
Landon wasn’t lying because before I can let my mind drift too far, he is walking back to the truck. The salesman is next to him, but when Landon walks up to the door, the man stands at the back of the truck. Odd. But whatever.
Landon meets my gaze through the window and motions for me to open the door. When I do, he steps to the side, giving me a clear exit, while also shielding me from the salesman. His hand lifts and he holds out a set of keys. “Gray Honda Civic parked two cars down.” I take the keys from him and he points toward the car.
“It’s all clear. I checked it twice and found nothing. I loaded the address to the phone store in case we get separated going into downtown Seattle.”
I nod and look down at the keys in my hand. What the hell do I say? Thank you? That doesn’t feel right. He handed me a car and I didn’t have to pay a single penny.
“Allie. You okay?” Landon asks.
“Yeah. I-uh…thanks.” It comes out more of a question and probably nowhere close to the sincerity it needs given the situation, but I am so far out of my norm. I’m lost.
Normal doesn’t exist anymore for you. Your life is fucked from now until forever.
I shake my head, clearing the stupid voices, and hop out of the truck.
Landon and I share a knowing nod and I head over to the car, not bothering to make eye contact with the salesman. Once inside, the new car smell fills my nose and I immediately feel like an ass for not thanking him more.
I hate all of this.
Not giving myself time to think on it all a minute longer, I settle quickly, get familiar with the car, and make my way to the phone store, following Landon the entire time.
Once there, I have no choice but to get out. Luckily, it’s not insanely busy. I am not ready to be around a lot of people at one time right now.
The saleswoman is very kind and gathers the order Landon placed before we got here. She has me login to my cloud and explains it may take a bit for everything to load and gives us the option to wait here or take it home and if we have any issues to come back in. Landon and I share a look and it’s clear we are both ready to get the hell out of here. I don’t know his reasons but mine are clear. I want to be alone and judging by Landon’s changed demeanor since we left the car lot, he wants to as well.
The woman gives us a few more instructions and we make our way outside. Landon walks over to my car and waits for me to open the door before speaking.
“You still have the old phone. I texted you the address to the cabin. I have to stop somewhere before heading back to Cliff Haven.”
I nod. It hits me that this is probably going to be the last time I see him for a while. I have no reason to need him for anything now that I have a vehicle and phone. I can handle getting my license and bank cards on my own.
Landon starts to walk away when I stop him. “Thank you for everything. Logan tasked you with a job that turned into something way more complicated and I–umm. Just thank you.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. “You’re welcome. Make sure you transfer my number over before you toss the old phone. If you need anything, text or call me.”
An unexpected laugh hits me. “Landon. You’re off the hook. I can take it from here. You have helped me in more ways than I expected would ever come from a complete stranger. Go back to the life you were living before I came in and derailed it for a week. I’m fine.”
Landon’s chest rises, and a huff of laughter escapes him as he shakes his head. “You didn’t derail my life Allie. It was already a shitshow seconds from imploding way before I knew you. And not to be a total asshole, but I don’t know if it’s such a great idea you completely forget I exist.”
I narrow my eyebrows at him. What the hell is he getting at?
Landon shakes his head. “Sorry that came out arrogant as hell. I meant that being alone isn’t all its cracked up to be. Your mind wanders to places that are sometimes inescapable and sometimes the only way to get out is a distraction. And the only people you have here are me or Logan.”
Please don’t be suggesting what I think he is.
As if he reads my mind, he continues, “Shit. This is why I’m not the emotional person. What I’m saying is if you need someone to be there to break up the silence or never ending mind numbing thoughts, I can be that person for you, if you want?”
I let out a sigh of relief. He’s not wrong, but do I really need someone to just sit with me? Will the darkness get so bad, I can’t get out of it on my own?
Standing in the parking lot of some random phone store in Seattle, the answer is simple and clear.
I nod and ask, “Why?”
His face morphs into confusion. “Why what?”
Leaning against the open door, I say, “Why are you willing to just sit while I work out whatever shit is racing through my mind? You barely know me. And please, for the love of god, don’t say the “we are family” shit. It makes me think we are in some fucked up version of Fast and the Furious. It’s great and I love that you all take care of each other and forgive me for sounding like a dick, but family has a very different definition to me at the moment, so I am not fully understanding the meaning.”
Landon is quiet for a moment, then squares his shoulders. “You say we don’t know each other, but you can learn a lot about a person even when words are not exchanged. Facial expressions, reactions to situations, and mannerisms tell a lot about a person.”
His words leave me speechless, so I just nod.
Landon taps his phone. “Save my number, please, and text me yours. I have to go. The drive back shouldn’t be bad.”
He starts to walk off, but then turns and says, “Oh yeah. Your new bank card will be here tomorrow. The mail is usually dropped off by noon. There’s a diner, bar, convenience store, and small grocery store in town if you need anything. But if you are still wanting to avoid Logan, I’d steer clear of the bar and the diner. Noah owns the bar and Grayson is obsessed with the diner.”
He looks down at the sidewalk for a moment, then back up to me, gives me a curt nod, then walks over to his truck before I can even ask how and why he was able to get my bank to send me a new card.
Deciding I’d rather not know, I get in the car and check my phone. It’s still loading, so I connect to the old one and make my way back to the cabin. The drive is long and quiet, but with the windows rolled down and the fall air filling the car, my mind doesn’t have the freedom to wander.
The streets of Cliff Haven are full and I allow myself to get a good look at the place I will call home. I pass the diner that looks like it belongs somewhere in the South rather than the Pacific Northwest. I see the bar and assume it’s the one Noah owns, and across the street is a tattoo shop. I know from Logan’s text that Grayson owns it. And just as I’m about to pass it, Grayson walks out of the shop and is about to cross the street when he stops. I stop the car and he gives me a small smile and wave as he crosses the street and heads into the bar.
As I pull up to the stop sign, I sink further into the seat. Yep. I’ve reached my limit of socialization today. I need to be alone and far from reminders of what I refuse to face head on.
Pulling up to the cabin, I’m out and inside, locking the doors and falling onto the couch within minutes.
Leaning my head against the back of the couch, I stare out the top of the wall of windows. Why do I feel like I just ran an ultra marathon after doing such a simple task, when everything was basically done for me? My body and mind are so exhausted all I want to do is sleep for a year. But knowing my body, I will be lucky to get a few hours.
But it’s better than nothing. Grabbing the blanket from the chair I slept in last night, I curl up on the couch. My eyes close as I drift off to sleep when a vibration stops me. Grabbing the lit up phone from the coffee table, I see it’s my new phone.
The phone goes off with notifications, and my eyes narrow in on one.
Mom : Love you, sweetie. Thank you for having dinner with us. Miss you already.
Tears fill my eyes and my phone drops to the ground.
I bury my face in the couch and beg for the tears to go away.
Maybe Landon was right. I do need him. I just don’t think he expected a phone full of memories would make me unable to ask for the one thing I don’t want to admit I need.