Chapter Sixteen
Landon
The sun shines through the trees, blanketing the dark living room in a yellow glow.
This should be my sign that I need to go to sleep, but I know it will be pointless to try. I’ve been up for hours pacing back and forth with a bottle of whiskey in my hand, but my eyes never leave my phone sitting on the counter.
It’s been over twenty-fours hours since I last heard from Allie. I’ve texted her twice, and she hasn’t even looked at the texts. I feel like a damn stalker, but this isn’t normal. For the past few weeks, it has been days of checking in or her texting me saying she needs someone to sit with her.
We sit and sometimes say nothing at all for hours. One would think that the silence would just welcome all the demons to come out to play, but when we are in the same room, the voices quiet to a low whisper.
Taking a swig of whiskey, I contemplate what to do. Do I go over there and check in?
She’s probably sleeping, asshole. You will scare the shit out of her. Don’t be stupid.
“I know,” I say out loud to the voices in my head.
Fuck. I’ve really gone insane.
Since I’ve been back in town, it’s been a series of one fuck up after another. We have had three missions, and they were all shit shows.
The first one we got there too late and had to break the news to the family that their son wasn’t coming home. The next, the guy somehow got tipped off that we were coming and was seconds from running. Luckily, we got there just in time. But now I have to deal with a pissy Noah because he had to use his Jeep to block the asshole. The most recent one was rough. I knew the moment I walked in; we were about to experience an ache in our bodies, down to our bones, that won't leave our minds for years to come.
Everyone has been on edge since and I can tell it’s affecting the way we all operate as a family. No one has been hanging out at The Hideout or The Handle. We’ve cancelled family dinners numerous times because someone always makes an excuse to not show up. Grayson and Logan have gone almost silent, and Noah hasn’t had a day off from the bar in over a week. Wes is off fighting some fire in California but before he left, he also wasn’t around. He is always a silent asshole sitting in the corner, yet he always shows up. But after that last mission, before he got called off, he stayed away.
And as much as I hate it, I have enjoyed not needing to be social and “on”. I can stay in the safety of my home, hiding behind closed doors while I indulge in the one thing that I know will be my ultimate demise. The only moments of freedom being the time I spent with Allie.
I stop my pacing and stare at the bottle in my hand. It glares back at me, and I can almost hear it taunting me.
You are worthless, and it’s all your fault.
My hand moves like it has a mind of its own and places the bottle against my lips. I try to fight it, but as the bottle tips back, my fight quickly dissipates.
“Fuck you.” My words bounce off the bottle. The warm liquid flows down my throat and I drain the rest of it, so maybe it will shut up and stop taunting me.
My eyes flutter closed for a moment and when I open them, they lock on my phone. Allie.
Unlocking my phone, I check to see if I missed a message during my moment of self destruction. She hasn’t read it.
Shit. Something is wrong and I can feel it in my gut. Pocketing my phone and wallet off the counter, I run outside. I race to my truck and my feet slip on the wet gravel and I fall to the ground. Not wasting a second, I get up, brush the gravel off my pants and grab the door handle on the truck, but it doesn’t open. I pat my pocket for my keys and can’t find them.
My vision blurs.
Look at you go. She needs you and you are so drunk you can’t even get to her. You are going to fuck this up like you do everything else!
I stand frozen in my driveway. What do I do? I can’t call anyone because if she is fine, she will be upset if I send people over.
Time slows, and a haze covers my eyes. I stare out at the trees and beg them to focus while the fire burns in my veins. I watch as the trees sway in the breeze, the fall air sending a chill down my spine.
I feel like I’m drifting, but then shake my head and clear the haze. Glancing at the road and back at my truck, I do the only thing I can. I run.
My feet kick up gravel as I bolt down the driveway and the second I hit the road, I pick up speed. The cabin is only a mile or two away from my place. My lungs burn, but I push harder. A car comes barreling around the corner and they slam on their brakes to avoid me, but I don’t stop. I need to get to her.
I run harder than I ever have and make it to her house and almost pass out as my feet carry me closer and closer to her front door. As I get closer, I see the lights glowing in the windows and her car in the driveway, so I know she is home.
So why isn’t she answering her phone?
Because she doesn’t want to talk to you. You are nothing to her.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I knock on the door and beg whatever gods of fate are in the universe that she answers the door. But the fates are never on my side because she doesn’t. I don’t hear footsteps or see shadows moving inside.
My stomach sinks and I bang on the door harder. I know if she is asleep, I am going to scare her, but I don’t care. I need to see that she is okay. I can’t lose another person.
Nothing.
I test the door handle, and to my surprise, it opens. My heart stops and my hand freezes. My lungs burn from the run and a million and one things race through my head, but one stands out.
Please be okay.
“Get your shit together Landon,” I mutter to myself.
Pushing the door in, I snap into mission mode and quietly step inside. Scanning the living room, I don’t see anything out of the normal. A blanket is laying on the recliner and the fireplace glows, but there is no sign of Allie.
“Allie,” I call out her name and for the first time, hope to hear a scream or something, just so I can know she is still here.
Nothing.
Peaking upstairs, I see the room is dark and decide to check the kitchen. I really don’t want her to be upstairs sleeping and wake up to me standing over her. But I will if she isn’t down here.
If she was upstairs asleep, why would she leave the door unlocked?
Tugging at the back of my neck, I frantically search the entire downstairs and come up empty.
“Allie. It’s Landon. I’m coming upstairs,” I say, louder this time, just in case she is asleep and didn’t hear me the first time.
But why is the door unlocked? Damn, you suck at this.
Ignoring my inner thoughts, I make my way up to the loft. Her bed is empty and the bathroom door is wide open. I call out her name again and hear nothing, so I search the bathroom.
Nothing.
“Dammit Allie, where are you?” I say out loud, completely defeated.
I check the closets and under the bed before making my way back downstairs. An eerie feeling settles over me and my stomach turns.
Slowly, after double checking the downstairs again, I head out to the back porch. Sliding open the glass door, I step onto the porch and scan the area. The sun peeks out from the clouds and shines directly on the far side of the wooden deck and my entire world shatters.
“No!” I yell and run over to the lump of fabric curled in a ball against the railing.
My feet slide on the wet wood and I fall to my knees, skidding right into her.
Allie lays right in front of me, curled up in a blanket, her eyes glazed over, staring out at the forest.
“Allie?” I say, quietly.
She’s still alive. She just took something and is in some sort of dissociative state. What do I do? Do I touch her? Do I not?
I’ve seen the way her skin crawls when someone gets too close to her on her bad days. And on the opposite end, I’ve seen the days where it looks like she just needs someone to hold her.
I’ve seen this before in victims. They are so high on god knows what to the point they don’t even know where they are. Waving my hand in front of her face, I try to get her attention, but she doesn’t move.
No. Please, no. Logan will hate me if she loses her best friend. She will never forgive herself. Then Grayson will hate me because he trusted me with his fiancée’s only living family. And I will have lost another at the hands of my own inner demons.
Leaning back, I ease the blanket back slowly. I don’t want to expose her if she is out here undressed. And when I see a long sleeve covering her upper half, I pull the blanket down further, careful not to touch her.
“Allie. If you can hear me, I just want to make sure you’re breathing. I will cover you back up as soon as I can.”
I stare at her too still body and watch for the rise and fall of her chest, arm, something.
Nothing.
My hands start to shake and I beg my mind to flip back into mission mode. This is not your sister’s best friend. This is not someone you know. This is an innocent stranger that you need to help.
Taking a deep breath, I repeat that same few sentences two more times in my head and all the voices fall silent.
I have no choice but to touch her. Gently, I roll her to her back and her body is limp like a rag doll. My fingers go to her neck and push against the pulse point in her neck.
Nothing.
Leaning forward, I plaster my head against her chest to see if I can hear her heartbeat.
Nothing.
No! My hands go to her chest and I immediately start doing CPR. Her little body moves under me and I notice the dark, almost black circles under her eyes.
You know what this means, Landon. You’ve seen it…
No! She wouldn’t. She is stronger than that.
I need to call for help. I’m not a medical professional. But I don’t want to stop CPR.
And I don’t. I keep going, checking every few minutes for any signs she’s still here.
Nothing.
After what feels like hours, when I know it’s probably only been minutes, I stop to grab my phone. She needs help and I cannot give what she needs. I reach for my back pocket and feel for my phone, but it’s not there.
Where the hell is my phone? I know I grabbed it before I left. Going back to CPR, I scan the porch to see if it fell out of my pocket when I fell. When I don’t see it, a fire spreads across my entire body.
Not now!
Lifting the blankets, I check for Allie’s phone and breathe a sigh of relief when I see it sitting on the wooden planks beneath her.
Tapping the screen, it doesn’t light up immediately and I pick it up to turn it on. My eyes dart between Allie’s face and the phone, waiting for it to turn on. I just need to get this damn thing on so I can call 911 and get her help. They can bring her back and I will just live with the fact that I almost failed her. And that’s better than the alternative.
Allie’s hazy blue eyes stare up at the sky and I beg for some type of movement.
“Come on Allie. You’ve made it so far. Don’t give up now.”
Looking back at the phone, I see that it’s still lifeless.
What the hell! This is not happening.
My head snaps to the door, Allie, and the phone.
Think Landon. Think.
A charger will take too long and I have no idea if there is another phone in this house.
The sounds of an engine of some sports car echos from the road and I instantly know what I have to do.
Gently, I pick Allie up and cradle her against my chest. Her limp body hangs in my arms and I push the voices out of my head, telling me she’s gone.
We make our way around the house when I hear the telltale sign of cars coming down the road. Adjusting her higher in my arms and more securely against my chest, I make a run for it.
We are almost on the road when the wind picks up. Slowing down so I don’t slip on the slick road, I walk right up to the edge of the asphalt and wait for a car to come around the corner, but I’m only met with silence.
“Any second now,” I say out loud.
I wait and wait, but no one comes. Just my luck. I don’t want to walk on the road with her and risk getting hit, but I have no choice. Stepping out onto the road, as close to the edge as possible so as not to fall into the deep grassy valleys, I walk towards town. I know a car will come before I get there, so I just have to make it until I see someone.
The seconds tick by, the wind picks up, and I know that I have failed. I have failed another person all because I was stupid and lost in my own desires.
Looking down at Allie’s lifeless body, I whisper, “I’m sorry I failed you. You were meant to soar, but instead some bastard took your wings.”
Tears fill my eyes and I push them back. I push everything back and settle into a mental state of utter hollowness.
I round a corner and a car’s headlights shine brightly in my eyes. It all happens at once and all I can do is stand there and watch.
The rain picks up, my foot slips on the mud on the edge of the road, and all I hear is tires screeching and someone yelling in the distance.
Wetness covers my face and I wait for it all to disappear.
Well. I guess fate really had something up their sleeve and I’m getting what I deserve. I just wish I could have saved one last person.