Chapter Nineteen
Allie
Staring down at my phone, I debate whether I should answer him. It’s been weeks and maybe it is the fast approaching holidays that have me searching for something close to home, but here I am weighing my options on answering a simple message.
Harrison : Hey! I miss you and Lo! Haven’t heard from either of you in months. Don’t get mad, but I stopped by the hospital and they said you quit. What the hell dude?!! Text me back soon or I’m filing a missing persons report!
I smile and can almost hear him saying the words as if he were here in person.
Harrison Mansville is definitely an odd one. He is all over the place and always saying the most random stuff. It was great during nursing school and even better when we both moved to Florida.
Due to him being in the foster system, he had no family and was always a little down around the holidays. And my parents couldn’t let that slide, so he became a regular at Evans' holiday parties. His favorite being Thanksgiving.
My mom and he would spend hours creating these beautiful pies while I helped Dad. Only for Mom and Harrison to have a pie-eating contest. I have no idea how it started, but as soon as dinner was cleared, they would set up and go at it. Elbows would fly, crust and pie filling would get everywhere, and at the end, they would fall into a fit of laughter and Dad would have to hose them off outside.
A wave of peace and nostalgia settles over me as I sink further into the recliner. The pumpkin spice scented candle filling the air taking me back to times that were easier.
Closing my eyes, I try to fight back the emotions clogging my throat as memories of Mom, Dad, and Harrison filter through my mind. And I allow the happier times to play in my head for just a moment.
We were all so happy and it’s crazy how everything changed so quickly just a few months later.
Not wanting to go down that very narrow path, I decide it is finally time to take a step to regaining my life. I may not be able to face Logan just yet, but I can face Harrison. It’s the holidays after all and he’s probably worried that Mom and Dad haven’t called him.
Allie : Hey. Sorry. Life got away from me. I’m alive, I promise.
Text bubbles appear right away, and I watch flurries of snow outside fall and melt as soon as they hit the ground.
Harrison : Allison Paige Evans! It’s a Thanksgiving miracle! *cries tears of joy*
A laugh escapes me and a rare feeling of happiness crashes over me.
Allie : Harrison Trevor Mansville, the forever drama queen.
Harrison : Hey! You would react the same way if your best friend disappeared without a trace for months! Where have you been, Al?
I smile at the nickname and am hit with an instant longing for my best friend, who is just minutes from me.
“One day. One day. But first I need to get through this hard but necessary call with Harrison.” I say out loud to the empty room.
Allie : Can you talk?
Harrison : Always. Facetime or regular?
Allie : Regular.
I type the message quickly so he doesn’t decide for me. He can’t see me. I can’t even look at myself and I know the second he saw my face, he would immediately see behind the lies I’m about to tell him.
Maybe one day I will be strong enough to tell him the full truth. I just hope he forgives me when the time comes.
Hitting the call button, he picks up immediately. His southern accent filtering through the phone, “Happy Turkey Day Al!”
“Happy Turkey Day.”
Silence blankets us, and it feels weird. When we are together, we never shut up. And it was ten times worse when Logan, Harrison, and I got together. Especially after nights out when Harrison made us be his wing women at the gay bars near the beach. Logan never went out to regular bars near the school, but she would always tag along when we went to the coast.
And now I have a sneaky suspicion why.
“Sooo…” Harrison’s voice interrupts my thoughts, stopping me from connecting dots from Logan and I’s friendship. Now is not the time. I need to focus on Harrison.
One step at a time.
Shifting in my chair and placing the phone on speaker, resting it on my knee, “Are you celebrating today with anyone?” I ask.
“Nope. Just hanging out in my apartment. I never heard from you or Mama and Papa Evans, so I stayed home. Where are they, by the way? They haven’t answered my calls for a while.”
Panic and hurt hits me like a devastating wave and I take a few deep breaths.
I can do this. I need to do this. He deserves to know.
“I–I really hate to do this over the phone, but I think you deserve to know.” I can’t look at my phone. Even though his face isn’t on the screen, I still can’t brave even looking at his name as I say my next words.
“Allie…”
“I-I’m so sorry, Harrison, but they passed away a few months ago. I’m very sorry I didn’t call you, I just kinda…fell inside my grief.”
Tears brim my eyes and I force them away.
Silence fills the phone for a few moments, and then I hear the telltale sign of someone trying to hide their sobs. My chest constricts and the tears I tried to keep at bay break free.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t call. Everything just got way too freaking hard and crazy. I couldn’t even fucking think. I can barely look at my phone or hold a conversation. I am so freaking sorry. I know you loved them and they loved you like a son.”
“Don’t you dare apologize. You lost the two people that love you most in the world. I don’t matter in the slightest. I am so sorry. Does Lolo know?” His voice is full of sorrow and hurt, and I know he is hurting right along with me. But his words smack me in the face.
Logan does know, and for the first time in months, I feel a little piece of my love for my best friend coming back together. Harrison didn’t say anything other than mention her name, and it feels like a monumental moment.
Logan was the catalyst for why my life was forever altered, but she had no idea what was coming. And I still can’t look her in the eyes or speak to her. But at this moment, I want nothing more than to be okay enough to run to her and wrap her in my arms. I want all three of us to come together and, just for a few minutes, miss the two souls that held us together and created a blended and beautiful family.
“She knows,” I say through the lump in my throat.
“Geez Al. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug both of y’all.”
“Me too. They really loved you both, Harrison. They were always so, so proud of you and Lo.”
“Shit. I can’t…I don’t…Um how did it happen? You don’t have to answer at all if it’s too hard.”
I knew this question was coming, but dammit, how do I do this without telling the full truth that I am not even ready to face?
“They uh–there was a break in at the cabin they were renting in New York for vacation. The man was a complete psycho, and he killed them.”
“I–I have no idea what to even say other than I’m so freaking sorry.”
Wiping tears away, I nod as if he can see me, “It’s not okay, but hopefully one day it won’t hurt as bad. I’m sorry I had to tell you this way.”
“No, don't be. Did they catch the guy? I’m surprised I never saw anything on the news. Usually something like that would pop up somewhere.”
“They were vacationing in Upstate New York. Not many major news outlets around. But no, they didn’t catch him. He died before they could catch him.”
Harrison gasps. “He died? How?”
“Not sure, honestly. I just was told he died and didn’t ask questions.”
“Oh. Don’t blame you.” He is silent for a moment, then continues, “So Logan knows?”
“Yep.”
“Good. Is that where you have been? With her?”
Now that is not a story I can easily work my way around without telling most of the truth.
“Yeah. I have been staying with her in Washington. Didn’t want to be alone, and it was too hard being back home. Too many memories.”
Not a total lie, but good enough for now.
A knock on the door scares me, and I tell Harrison to hold for a moment while I check the cameras.
I see Landon standing by the door and my panic subsides. Rising from the chair, I head to the door and open it.
Landon stands in the doorway, his hands shoved in his jean pockets, and for once, he isn’t in his classic flannel. He’s in a dark gray hoodie, with The Needle embroidered on it and a matching black beanie on his head.
His eyes search mine before he says, “You didn’t answer my text.”
I nod and step aside, letting him in. I need to get back to Harrison. I can’t abandon him after dropping a major bomb on him.
Quickly, I go back over to my phone and flash Landon the screen, and hold a finger, signaling I’ll be just a moment.
“Hey sorry, you still there?” I ask, sitting back in my chair, watching as Landon walks up to the windows.
“Yeah. Everything okay?” Harrison asks.
“Yeah. Just had a uh–someone stop by.”
“Oh okay, well, I won’t keep you.”
“No no. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s fine. I remembered I made last-minute dinner plans with an old fling, so I have to run. Need to clear my head a little, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah…I really do.”
“Alrighty. Well, I miss you Al. Tell Lolo I said I miss her too. And hell who knows, maybe I’ll join y’all in the Pacific Northwest. It’s getting a little too lonely here.”
“Of course.”
We say our goodbyes and I hope he doesn’t come soon because as much as I would love to see him, I am not ready yet to face Logan. Even if today I missed her and wished I could hug her.
Landon spins around and our eyes meet. Leaning with his back against the wall, he says, “You talked about them today?”
I nod.
“How was it?”
I shrug. “Painful as hell, but he doesn’t know the whole truth.”
“And who is he?”
A huff of laughter escapes me. “Surprised you don’t know. Since you know almost everything about everyone.” My words come out almost harsh and snarky.
His eyebrows narrow. “I know what I need to know to keep people safe. My job isn’t about invading people’s privacy. It’s about knowing all I can to find them, find the threat, and bring them home safely.”
Shit. Why did I say it like that? I meant it as more of a joke, but I guess my emotions are all over the spectrum today.
I’ve seen a glimpse of what he and his brothers do. And they aren’t doing it for fame and glory. No one would put themselves in that position as much as they do for bragging rights and attention.
“Sorry. It sucked telling him. His name is Harrison. He was a friend of mine and Logan’s in college. He was super close with my parents and I told him that they…yeah.”
Landon’s expression morphs from slightly on edge to understanding. “You okay?”
“Nope. He only got the version of the truth that I am willing to say to that man. He is kind, sweet, a little crazy sometimes, but they loved him so much. And as much as I hate lying to him. I can’t break him with the hard truth.”
Landon sinks down to sit on the floor with his back against the wall. “Tell me to shut up if I go too far.”
I nod. I think I know what he is going to say, and I truly don’t know if I can say it out loud.
Maybe it will help if you do.
“I am only asking because I don’t think being stuck inside your head twenty-four seven is good, nor is it going to get you very far. I have no hidden motive. No one asked me to say this. I promise.”
“Okay…”
“Does the full truth play a big part in why you can’t face Logan?”
And there it is.
Maybe it’s his experience in whatever fucked up world we live in. Or maybe it’s the fact that even though he isn’t the best people person out there because of his semi-abrasive nature, he can read people like the back of his damn hand. But somehow, he just discovered the first piece, and maybe the biggest piece that is stopping me from facing my best friend.
“Yeah. It is…and if you knew, I think you would see why?”
“I saw from day one that there would be thousands of walls between you and her. And you have every right to feel that way.”
Pulling at the blanket in my lap, “Yeah. And talking to Harrison only made it harder. I miss her, but the truth is still there. And having to bend the facts really freaking sucks. Because I know he did it. I know it wasn’t her. But how he said it made it feel like it was.”
“Allie. I never want to push you, but maybe saying it out loud will help? You can say it to me, to the forest, to whoever. But I can tell you from experience, keeping that shit inside your mind will drive you fucking mad.”
Sighing. I glance up at him and nod. “If I tell you, promise me one thing?”
Landon nods.
“That this won’t change anything between you and Logan. You are her family and as much as I can’t handle being around her right now, it doesn't mean I don’t think she deserves an army of people that love her.”
Without hesitation, he says, “I promise.”
Taking a deep breath, I clear my mind and prepare myself to go back to a place that I wish I could forget.